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1. In many countries, there has been a significant increase in population over the past few decades. Discuss the causes of population explosion and its impact on society and the environment. Provide relevant examples and suggest possible solutions.

1. In many countries, there has been a significant increase in population over the past few decades. Discuss the causes of population explosion and its impact on society and the environment. Provide relevant examples and suggest possible solutions.

There is no doubt that humans have witnessed a dramatic evolvement in the world’s population over the past few decades having powerful influence upon society and the environment. Population explosion turns as a daunting social concern that traces its origin from bettered healthcare and insufficient implementation of family planning which can be rectified by potential strategies.
Initially, advances in medical care and sanitation potentially serve as an underlying cause of reduced mortality rates since it allows more people to survive leading to excessive population. Many global countries see an increase in healthcare accessibility as a top-useful means for the general citizens, resulting in lower infant and child mortality rates and a larger population. Besides, family planning plays a key element in managing population growth because restricted access to contraceptives and family planning education can lead to unintended pregnancies and larger families. For instance, in certain regions, there may be limited availability of birth control methods or inadequate dissemination of knowledge about family planning options, resulting in population surge.
Consequently, a rapidly growing population can put severe pressure on resources like food, water, and energy, leading to scarcity and fierce competition. In densely populated areas, there may not be enough resources to fulfill the demands of everyone, resulting in food shortages or water scarcity. Furthermore, with the population inundation, cities experience the overcrowding status, which causes housing shortages, traffic congestion, and strain on public services. There is evidence suggesting that in many metropolitan areas, such as New York City or Tokyo, overcrowding is a prevalent practice, with limited housing options and crowded transportation systems.
Notably, population overabundance might be addressed by providing comprehensive education about reproductive health, contraception, and family planning with the purpose to empower individuals make well-informed choices about family size. In a similar case, introducing sex education programs in schools and ensuring access to affordable contraceptives can empower individuals to effectively plan their families. Additionally, directly investing in healthcare infrastructure, bettering access to high-quality healthcare, and reducing infant and child mortality rates can help stabilize population growth. For example, in countries like Brazil and Thailand, successful healthcare programs have contributed to lower birth rates as child survival rates improved.
In conclusion, population glut is triggered by improved healthcare and lack of family planning which significantly impacts on society and the environment. This alarmingly social issue can be arrested by well-rounded education in family planning along with effective healthcare and child survival programs.


Gợi ý nâng cấp từ vựng

Errors and Improvements:

  1. "evolvement" -> "evolution"
    Explanation: Replacing "evolvement" with "evolution" is more academically precise and aligns with formal language. "Evolution" better conveys the gradual development and changes in the world’s population.

  2. "turns as" -> "emerges as"
    Explanation: "Turns as" is an awkward construction; replacing it with "emerges as" improves the sentence’s flow and maintains a more formal tone.

  3. "potentially serve as an underlying cause" -> "serve as potential underlying causes"
    Explanation: Restructuring the sentence to "serve as potential underlying causes" clarifies that there may be multiple causes, contributing to a more precise and academic expression.

  4. "excessive population" -> "population growth"
    Explanation: "Excessive population" may sound judgmental; replacing it with "population growth" maintains objectivity and a more formal tone.

  5. "top-useful means" -> "significant factor"
    Explanation: "Top-useful means" is informal; replacing it with "significant factor" maintains the emphasis on healthcare accessibility while adhering to a more academic style.

  6. "general citizens" -> "the general populace"
    Explanation: "General citizens" is less formal; replacing it with "the general populace" adds formality and is more in line with academic writing.

  7. "population surge" -> "population growth"
    Explanation: "Population surge" may imply a sudden increase, while "population growth" is a more neutral and precise term suitable for academic writing.

  8. "severe pressure" -> "significant pressure"
    Explanation: "Severe pressure" can be seen as too emotional; using "significant pressure" maintains formality and objectivity.

  9. "inundation" -> "increase"
    Explanation: "Inundation" is a less common term and might be considered too complex; replacing it with "increase" maintains clarity and simplicity.

  10. "overcrowding status" -> "overcrowded conditions"
    Explanation: "Overcrowding status" is less formal; using "overcrowded conditions" is a more academically appropriate expression.

  11. "prevalent practice" -> "common occurrence"
    Explanation: "Prevalent practice" is an unusual combination; replacing it with "common occurrence" is more standard and maintains academic formality.

  12. "empower individuals make" -> "empower individuals to make"
    Explanation: Adding "to" improves the grammatical structure, making it more academically correct.

  13. "well-informed choices" -> "informed decisions"
    Explanation: "Well-informed choices" can be simplified to "informed decisions" without sacrificing meaning, enhancing the formality of the expression.

  14. "population glut" -> "population surplus"
    Explanation: "Population glut" may sound informal; replacing it with "population surplus" maintains formality and precision.

  15. "arrested" -> "addressed"
    Explanation: "Arrested" may have a negative connotation; using "addressed" maintains a neutral and formal tone.

Band điểm Task Response ước lượng: 8

Band Score for Task Response: 8

  • Answer All Parts of the Question:

    • Detailed explanation: The essay adequately addresses all parts of the question. It discusses the causes of population explosion, its impact on society and the environment, provides relevant examples, and suggests possible solutions. For instance, it explores advances in medical care, family planning, and their consequences on population growth. Relevant examples, such as limited access to contraceptives leading to unintended pregnancies, strengthen the response.
    • How to improve: While the essay covers the essential elements, ensuring a more nuanced exploration of the causes and consequences, possibly incorporating additional examples or perspectives, could enhance the depth of the analysis.
  • Present a Clear Position Throughout:

    • Detailed explanation: The essay maintains a clear position on the causes of population growth, its impact, and potential solutions. The stance is consistently reflected in the thesis statement and throughout the essay. Specific examples, like the discussion on healthcare and family planning, support the essay’s position.
    • How to improve: To further improve clarity, the essay could explicitly state its position in the introduction and reiterate it in the conclusion. This reinforcement can enhance the essay’s coherence and make the stance even more evident.
  • Present, Extend, and Support Ideas:

    • Detailed explanation: The essay effectively presents, extends, and supports ideas. It discusses causes and consequences in detail, offering specific examples and explanations. The essay’s structure helps in the logical development of ideas, creating a coherent and well-supported argument.
    • How to improve: While the essay is strong in presenting ideas, additional depth could be added by exploring alternative perspectives or counterarguments. This would showcase a more comprehensive understanding of the topic.
  • Stay on Topic:

    • Detailed explanation: The essay generally stays on topic, addressing the causes, impact, and solutions related to population growth. It successfully connects all discussed points back to the central theme. However, there are instances where the discussion on healthcare and child survival, while relevant, could be more directly tied to the topic of population explosion.
    • How to improve: To enhance focus, ensuring that each point made directly contributes to the discussion of population growth will strengthen the overall coherence of the essay.

In summary, this essay demonstrates a strong understanding of the prompt and effectively addresses each checklist item. To further improve, it could benefit from more nuanced exploration, explicit reinforcement of the essay’s position, consideration of alternative perspectives, and maintaining a direct link between discussed points and the central theme.

Band điểm Coherence & Cohesion ước lượng: 6

Band Score for Coherence and Cohesion: 6

  • Organize Information Logically:

    • Detailed explanation: The essay generally organizes information logically, with a clear introduction, body paragraphs discussing causes and impacts, and a conclusion. Each paragraph discusses a specific aspect of the topic. However, there is a minor lack of clarity in transitioning between some ideas, affecting overall coherence.
    • How to improve: To enhance logical flow, ensure that transitions between ideas are smoother. Explicitly connect sentences and paragraphs to guide the reader through the essay. For example, use transitional phrases like "Moreover" or "Furthermore" to indicate the progression of ideas.
  • Use Paragraphs:

    • Detailed explanation: The essay employs paragraphs effectively, each focusing on a specific aspect of the population explosion. However, the length of some paragraphs could be more balanced. For instance, the paragraph discussing the impact of population growth is longer than the others, potentially affecting the essay’s overall balance.
    • How to improve: Maintain a more consistent paragraph length to create a sense of equilibrium. Consider breaking down longer paragraphs into smaller ones, ensuring each paragraph has a clear central idea. This not only aids readability but also contributes to a more structured and organized presentation.
  • Use a Range of Cohesive Devices:

    • Detailed explanation: The essay uses a range of cohesive devices, including pronouns, transitional phrases, and repetition of key terms. However, there’s room for improvement in the variety and sophistication of these devices. While some are effectively used, a more diverse set could enhance cohesion further.
    • How to improve: Explore a wider array of cohesive devices such as synonyms, parallel structures, and varied sentence structures. For instance, instead of repetitively using "population," consider using alternatives like "demographic surge" or "overabundance." This not only adds variety but also contributes to a more nuanced and sophisticated language use.

Overall, while the essay demonstrates a good understanding of coherence and cohesion principles, refining the logical organization, paragraph structure, and diversifying cohesive devices will contribute to a more polished and higher-scoring essay.

Band điểm Lexical Resource ước lượng: 6

Band Score for Lexical Resource: 6

  • Use a Wide Range of Vocabulary:

    • Detailed explanation: The essay demonstrates a reasonably wide range of vocabulary, incorporating terms related to healthcare, population, and societal issues. Examples include "evolvement," "daunting social concern," "restricted access," "dissemination of knowledge," "severe pressure," and "overabundance." However, there is room for improvement as some words and phrases are repeated, and more sophisticated vocabulary could be used to enhance precision and variety.
    • How to improve: To enhance the range of vocabulary, consider incorporating synonyms and exploring more nuanced terms. For instance, instead of frequently using "population explosion," experiment with alternative phrases such as "demographic surge" or "population upsurge." Additionally, aim for more diversity in transitional words and phrases to elevate the overall lexical quality.
  • Use Vocabulary Precisely:

    • Detailed explanation: The essay generally uses vocabulary with precision, effectively conveying ideas. Examples include "underlying cause," "infant and child mortality rates," "overcrowding status," and "comprehensive education." However, some areas lack precision, such as the use of "evolvement" instead of "evolution" and the repetition of phrases like "population glut" and "well-rounded education."
    • How to improve: Aim for greater precision by choosing words that precisely capture the intended meaning. Replace vague terms like "evolvement" with more specific words such as "transformation" or "development." Additionally, vary your vocabulary to avoid the repetition of certain phrases. Instead of repeatedly using "population glut," consider alternative expressions like "population excess" or "demographic overflow."
  • Use Correct Spelling:

    • Detailed explanation: The essay generally maintains a good level of spelling accuracy. However, there are some minor spelling errors, such as "evolvement" (corrected to "evolution") and "surge" (corrected to "surgeon"). These errors do not significantly impact comprehension, but enhancing spelling accuracy would further improve the overall presentation.
    • How to improve: Proofread the essay carefully to catch and correct minor spelling errors. Consider using spelling and grammar tools to assist in identifying and rectifying such issues. Developing a habit of reviewing written work systematically will contribute to improved spelling accuracy.

In summary, while the essay demonstrates a satisfactory level of lexical resource, there is room for improvement in the precision and variety of vocabulary. Attention to detail in terms of spelling accuracy would contribute to a more polished and refined presentation.

Band điểm Grammatical Range & Accuracy ước lượng: 7

Band Score for Grammatical Range and Accuracy: 7

  • Use a Wide Range of Structures:

    • Detailed explanation: The essay exhibits a commendable variety of sentence structures, including complex sentences and compound structures. For instance, the use of complex sentences is evident in phrases such as "Population explosion turns as a daunting social concern that traces its origin from bettered healthcare and insufficient implementation of family planning which can be rectified by potential strategies." However, there is room for improvement in incorporating more advanced structures, such as the use of conditional sentences or inversion for rhetorical effect. Utilizing a broader range of sentence structures would enhance the overall sophistication of the essay.
    • How to improve: To further elevate the grammatical range, consider integrating more complex structures like conditional sentences and inverted sentence constructions. For instance, introducing hypothetical scenarios through conditional sentences can add depth to your arguments. Additionally, varying the length and complexity of sentences can contribute to a more engaging and polished writing style.
  • Use Grammar and Punctuation Accurately:

    • Detailed explanation: Overall, the essay demonstrates a strong command of grammar and punctuation. There are, however, a few instances where minor grammatical errors are present. For example, in the sentence, "Population explosion turns as a daunting social concern," the use of "turns" may be clarified for smoother readability. Additionally, attention to subject-verb agreement is needed in phrases like "advances in medical care and sanitation potentially serve as an underlying cause." These instances, while not pervasive, slightly affect the overall accuracy.
    • How to improve: To enhance grammatical accuracy, carefully review sentences for subject-verb agreement and potential ambiguity. Consider rephrasing sentences where the intended meaning might be clearer with slight modifications. Paying attention to these details will contribute to a more polished and error-free essay. Additionally, continue practicing complex sentence structures to ensure flawless execution.

In summary, the essay demonstrates a strong command of grammatical range and accuracy, earning a Band Score of 7. To enhance the score further, focus on incorporating more advanced sentence structures and fine-tune minor grammatical details for increased precision and clarity.

Bài sửa mẫu

There is no doubt that humans have witnessed a dramatic evolution in the world’s population over the past few decades, having a powerful influence upon society and the environment. Population explosion emerges as a daunting social concern that traces its origin from improved healthcare and insufficient implementation of family planning, which can be rectified by potential strategies.

Initially, advances in medical care and sanitation serve as potential underlying causes of reduced mortality rates, allowing more people to survive and leading to excessive population. Many global countries see an increase in healthcare accessibility as a significant factor for the general populace, resulting in lower infant and child mortality rates and a larger population. Besides, family planning plays a key element in managing population growth because restricted access to contraceptives and family planning education can lead to unintended pregnancies and larger families. For instance, in certain regions, there may be limited availability of birth control methods or inadequate dissemination of knowledge about family planning options, resulting in a population surge.

Consequently, a rapidly growing population can put significant pressure on resources like food, water, and energy, leading to scarcity and fierce competition. In densely populated areas, there may not be enough resources to fulfill the demands of everyone, resulting in food shortages or water scarcity. Furthermore, with the population inundation, cities experience overcrowded conditions, which cause housing shortages, traffic congestion, and strain on public services. There is evidence suggesting that in many metropolitan areas, such as New York City or Tokyo, overcrowding is a common occurrence, with limited housing options and crowded transportation systems.

Notably, population surplus might be addressed by providing comprehensive education about reproductive health, contraception, and family planning with the purpose to empower individuals to make well-informed decisions about family size. In a similar case, introducing sex education programs in schools and ensuring access to affordable contraceptives can empower individuals to effectively plan their families. Additionally, directly investing in healthcare infrastructure, bettering access to high-quality healthcare, and reducing infant and child mortality rates can help stabilize population growth. For example, in countries like Brazil and Thailand, successful healthcare programs have contributed to lower birth rates as child survival rates improved.

In conclusion, population glut is triggered by improved healthcare and a lack of family planning, which significantly impacts society and the environment. This alarmingly social issue can be addressed by well-rounded education in family planning, along with effective healthcare and child survival programs.

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