3. The use of social media, such as Facebook and Twitter, is replacing face-to-face contact in everyday life. Do the advantages outweigh the disadvantages of this development

3. The use of social media, such as Facebook and Twitter, is replacing face-to-face contact in everyday life.
Do the advantages outweigh the disadvantages of this development

It is true that Face-to-face connections are being replaced because of social media platforms, such as Facebook and Twitter, in everyday life. Although this has several advantages, the drawbacks may be far more significant.
On the one hand, there can be some minor benefits to many people using social media to contact others. One possible merit is that by using social media networks, people can easily communicate with other users regardless of their location. This provides a helpful way to stay in touch with loved ones, such as long-distance friends and family members, which can strengthen the bonds between people. Another beneficial effect could be that on the internet, users of social networking services do not have to leave and respond to messages at the same time as their contacts. This means that there is no need to set up a specific time and venue in order to meet someone, which allows people, especially busy workers, to save time and avoid scheduling problems.
Nevertheless, the fact that some social media platforms replace face-to-face contact can have major downsides which overshadow these positive impacts. The most obvious issue could be that it is more challenging for social media users to interpret other’s emotions and genuine thoughts. Because people often opt for text-based communication, it lacks important factors in maintaining a conversation such as eye contact and facial expression. As a result, it can lead to misunderstanding and hinder meaningful connections with others. Another demerit worth mentioning is that using social media for communicating can lead to users being scammed. To specify, these platforms connect with varied people, some individuals with bad intentions may trick users into sharing sensitive personal information, potentially resulting in cybercrime. Therefore, communicating online without caution can put users at risk, even prolonged financial difficulties in severe cases.
In conclusion, despite the potential benefits of social media, like Facebook and Twitter, which take the place of direct communication in daily life, the detrimental effects involved are of greater significance.

Gợi ý nâng cấp từ vựng

1. "It is true that Face-to-face connections are being replaced" -> "It is evident that face-to-face connections are being supplanted"
   Explanation: "Supplanted" is a more precise and formal term than "replaced," which better captures the ongoing process of social media replacing traditional connections in everyday life.

2. "because of social media platforms" -> "due to the proliferation of social media platforms"
   Explanation: "Due to the proliferation of" is a more formal and precise phrase that better conveys the widespread impact of social media on traditional connections.

3. "the drawbacks may be far more significant" -> "the disadvantages may be substantially more pronounced"
   Explanation: "Substantially more pronounced" is a more formal and precise term that enhances the academic tone of the statement, emphasizing the severity of the negative effects.

4. "One possible merit is that" -> "One potential advantage is that"
   Explanation: "Potential advantage" is a more formal and academically appropriate term than "possible merit," which sounds less formal and slightly vague.

5. "people can easily communicate with other users" -> "users can readily communicate with one another"
   Explanation: "Readily" is a more formal synonym for "easily," and "one another" is a more formal way to refer to multiple people in an academic context.

6. "This provides a helpful way to stay in touch" -> "This facilitates maintaining contact"
   Explanation: "Facilitates maintaining contact" is a more formal and precise expression, suitable for academic writing, compared to the more colloquial "provides a helpful way to stay in touch."

7. "do not have to leave and respond to messages at the same time as their contacts" -> "are not required to respond to messages simultaneously with their contacts"
   Explanation: "Are not required to respond to messages simultaneously with their contacts" is more formal and precise, avoiding the informal construction "leave and respond to messages at the same time as their contacts."

8. "This means that there is no need to set up a specific time and venue in order to meet someone" -> "This eliminates the need to schedule specific times and venues for meetings"
   Explanation: "Eliminates the need to schedule specific times and venues for meetings" is a more concise and formal way to express the idea, avoiding the redundancy of "set up a specific time and venue in order to meet someone."

9. "can have major downsides which overshadow these positive impacts" -> "may have significant drawbacks that outweigh these benefits"
   Explanation: "May have significant drawbacks that outweigh these benefits" is a more formal and precise way to express the potential negative consequences, aligning better with academic style.

10. "it is more challenging for social media users to interpret other’s emotions and genuine thoughts" -> "it is more difficult for social media users to discern others’ emotions and genuine thoughts"
    Explanation: "Discern" is a more precise and formal verb than "interpret," and "others’" is the correct possessive form for plural nouns, enhancing the grammatical accuracy and formality of the sentence.

11. "it can lead to misunderstanding and hinder meaningful connections with others" -> "it may lead to misunderstandings and hinder meaningful connections with others"
    Explanation: "May lead to misunderstandings" is more precise and formal than "can lead to misunderstanding," and the plural form "understandings" is grammatically correct.

12. "using social media for communicating can lead to users being scammed" -> "the use of social media for communication may result in users being scammed"
    Explanation: "The use of social media for communication may result in users being scammed" is a more formal and precise way to express the potential risk, avoiding the informal construction "using social media for communicating."

13. "communicating online without caution can put users at risk, even prolonged financial difficulties in severe cases" -> "unprotected online communication may expose users to risks, including prolonged financial difficulties in severe cases"
    Explanation: "Unprotected online communication may expose users to risks" is a more formal and precise way to describe the potential dangers, and "including" is more appropriate than "even" for listing examples of risks.

Band điểm Task Response ước lượng: 8

Band Score for Task Response: 8

• Answer All Parts of the Question:

  • Detailed explanation: The essay effectively addresses the prompt by discussing both the advantages and disadvantages of social media replacing face-to-face contact. The introduction clearly states the topic and outlines the two sides of the argument. The body paragraphs present specific benefits, such as ease of communication and time-saving, followed by significant drawbacks, including difficulties in interpreting emotions and the risk of scams. However, while the essay mentions both sides, it could benefit from a more explicit comparison of the advantages and disadvantages to directly answer whether the advantages outweigh the disadvantages.
  • How to improve: To enhance the response, the writer could include a more direct comparison in the conclusion, explicitly stating whether they believe the advantages outweigh the disadvantages based on the arguments presented. This could involve summarizing the key points from both sides and making a definitive statement.

• Present a Clear Position Throughout:

  • Detailed explanation: The essay maintains a clear position that the drawbacks of social media outweigh its benefits. This stance is consistently reflected throughout the essay, particularly in the concluding statement. The writer’s position is supported by logical reasoning and examples, such as the challenges of interpreting emotions and the risks of scams. However, the initial mention of "minor benefits" could be misinterpreted as downplaying the advantages, which might confuse the reader about the overall stance.
  • How to improve: To strengthen the clarity of the position, the writer could rephrase the initial mention of benefits to indicate that while there are advantages, they are not substantial enough to outweigh the disadvantages. This would reinforce the essay’s argument and eliminate any potential ambiguity.

• Present, Extend, and Support Ideas:

  • Detailed explanation: The essay presents several ideas regarding the advantages and disadvantages of social media. Each point is developed with relevant examples, such as the ease of communication and the risks of scams. However, while some ideas are well-supported, others could benefit from further elaboration. For instance, the mention of emotional interpretation could be expanded with examples of how misunderstandings occur in online communication.
  • How to improve: To improve the depth of the argument, the writer should aim to provide more detailed examples and explanations for each point made. For instance, discussing specific scenarios where miscommunication has led to conflict could enhance the argument about emotional interpretation. Additionally, incorporating statistics or studies related to social media usage and its effects could further substantiate the claims.

• Stay on Topic:

  • Detailed explanation: The essay remains focused on the topic of social media replacing face-to-face contact, addressing the advantages and disadvantages relevant to this development. There are no significant deviations from the topic, and the discussion remains pertinent throughout. The structure of the essay, with clear paragraphs dedicated to each side of the argument, helps maintain focus.
  • How to improve: While the essay is generally on topic, the writer should ensure that each point directly ties back to the central question of whether the advantages outweigh the disadvantages. This could be achieved by explicitly linking each advantage and disadvantage back to the overall argument in the conclusion, reinforcing the relevance of each point to the prompt.

Overall, the essay demonstrates a strong understanding of the topic and presents a well-structured argument. With some minor adjustments to enhance clarity and depth, it could achieve an even higher score.

Band điểm Coherence & Cohesion ước lượng: 7

Band Score for Coherence and Cohesion: 7

• Organize Information Logically:

  • Detailed explanation: The essay presents a clear structure, with a logical progression from the introduction to the body paragraphs and conclusion. The first body paragraph discusses the advantages of social media, while the second addresses the disadvantages, which aligns well with the prompt’s requirement to weigh both sides. However, the transition between the two paragraphs could be smoother; for instance, the phrase "Nevertheless" effectively signals a shift, but more explicit connections could enhance the overall flow.
  • How to improve: To enhance logical flow, consider using transitional phrases that explicitly relate the advantages to the disadvantages. For example, after discussing the benefits, you could add a sentence that acknowledges that while these benefits exist, they come with significant risks, thereby creating a more cohesive link between the two paragraphs.

• Use Paragraphs:

  • Detailed explanation: The essay uses paragraphs effectively, with each paragraph focusing on a distinct aspect of the argument. The introduction sets the stage, the body paragraphs explore the pros and cons, and the conclusion summarizes the main points. However, the paragraphs could be more balanced in length; the advantages paragraph is longer than the disadvantages paragraph, which may give an impression of bias.
  • How to improve: Aim for more balanced paragraph lengths by expanding on the disadvantages. For example, you could elaborate on the emotional impacts of reduced face-to-face interaction or provide more examples of potential scams. This would not only balance the paragraphs but also strengthen the argument against the use of social media.

• Use a Range of Cohesive Devices:

  • Detailed explanation: The essay employs cohesive devices such as "On the one hand," "Another beneficial effect," and "Nevertheless," which help to guide the reader through the argument. However, the range of cohesive devices is somewhat limited, and the essay relies heavily on basic connectors. While the devices used are effective, they do not demonstrate a wide variety of linking phrases or structures.
  • How to improve: To diversify the use of cohesive devices, consider incorporating more complex connectors and phrases. For instance, instead of repeatedly using "Another," you could use "In addition to this," or "Furthermore," to introduce new points. Additionally, using phrases like "Conversely" or "On the contrary" could enhance the contrast between the advantages and disadvantages, making the argument more nuanced.

By addressing these areas, the essay can achieve a higher level of coherence and cohesion, potentially improving the overall band score.

Band điểm Lexical Resource ước lượng: 6

Band Score for Lexical Resource: 6

• Use a Wide Range of Vocabulary:

  • Detailed explanation: The essay demonstrates a reasonable range of vocabulary, with terms like "connections," "merit," "beneficial effect," and "detrimental effects." However, the vocabulary tends to be somewhat repetitive, particularly with phrases like "social media" and "communication." The use of synonyms or varied expressions could enhance the lexical variety.
  • How to improve: To improve, consider incorporating synonyms and more varied expressions. For instance, instead of repeatedly using "social media," you could use "digital platforms," "online networks," or "virtual communication." This would not only diversify your vocabulary but also make the writing more engaging.

• Use Vocabulary Precisely:

  • Detailed explanation: While the essay generally uses vocabulary appropriately, there are instances of imprecise usage. For example, the phrase "the fact that some social media platforms replace face-to-face contact" could be more accurately expressed as "the increasing prevalence of social media platforms at the expense of face-to-face contact." Additionally, the term "demerit" is less common in academic writing; "disadvantage" would be more precise and widely understood.
  • How to improve: Focus on selecting words that convey your ideas more clearly. For instance, instead of "to specify," you might say "specifically," which is more direct. Reading academic texts can help familiarize you with precise vocabulary usage.

• Use Correct Spelling:

  • Detailed explanation: The essay contains a few spelling errors, such as "Face-to-face" (should be "face-to-face") and "users being scammed" (should be "users can be scammed"). These errors can detract from the overall professionalism of the writing.
  • How to improve: To enhance spelling accuracy, consider implementing a proofreading routine. After completing your essay, take a moment to read through it carefully, focusing specifically on spelling. Additionally, using spell-check tools can help identify errors before submission. Regular practice with vocabulary lists can also reinforce correct spelling.

Overall, while the essay demonstrates a solid understanding of the topic and presents a clear argument, enhancing vocabulary range, precision, and spelling accuracy will contribute to a higher band score in the Lexical Resource criteria.

Band điểm Grammatical Range & Accuracy ước lượng: 7

Band Score for Grammatical Range and Accuracy: 7

• Use a Wide Range of Structures:

  • Detailed explanation: The essay demonstrates a good variety of sentence structures, including complex sentences and conditional clauses. For instance, phrases like "Although this has several advantages, the drawbacks may be far more significant" and "the fact that some social media platforms replace face-to-face contact can have major downsides" showcase the use of subordinate clauses effectively. However, there are instances of repetitive sentence beginnings and structures, such as starting multiple sentences with "Another" or "One possible merit is," which can make the writing feel somewhat monotonous.
  • How to improve: To enhance the variety of sentence structures, consider using different introductory phrases or varying the order of clauses. For example, instead of starting sentences with "Another," try using phrases like "Additionally," or "Furthermore," or rephrase sentences to start with a dependent clause, e.g., "While social media offers convenience, it also presents challenges." This will create a more dynamic flow in the essay.

• Use Grammar and Punctuation Accurately:

  • Detailed explanation: The essay generally maintains good grammatical accuracy, with only a few minor errors. For example, the phrase "the fact that some social media platforms replace face-to-face contact can have major downsides" is grammatically correct, but the sentence "Because people often opt for text-based communication, it lacks important factors in maintaining a conversation such as eye contact and facial expression" could be clearer if restructured to specify that "it" refers to "text-based communication." Additionally, there are some punctuation issues, such as the missing comma before "such as" in "important factors in maintaining a conversation such as eye contact and facial expression."
  • How to improve: To improve grammatical accuracy, pay attention to pronoun references to ensure clarity. For punctuation, review the rules regarding commas, especially in lists or before conjunctions. Practicing sentence combining and restructuring can also help in achieving clearer and more precise expressions. Regularly reviewing grammar rules and engaging in exercises focused on punctuation can further enhance your skills.

Overall, the essay is well-structured and presents a clear argument, but focusing on diversifying sentence structures and refining grammatical accuracy will help in achieving a higher band score.

Bài sửa mẫu

It is true that face-to-face connections are being supplanted due to the proliferation of social media platforms, such as Facebook and Twitter, in everyday life. Although this development has several advantages, the disadvantages may be substantially more pronounced.

On the one hand, there can be some minor benefits to many people using social media to contact others. One potential advantage is that by using social media networks, individuals can readily communicate with one another regardless of their location. This facilitates maintaining contact with loved ones, such as long-distance friends and family members, which can strengthen the bonds between people. Another beneficial effect is that users of social networking services are not required to respond to messages simultaneously with their contacts. This means that there is no need to set up a specific time and venue to meet someone, allowing people, especially busy workers, to save time and avoid scheduling conflicts.

Nevertheless, the fact that some social media platforms replace face-to-face contact can have major downsides that overshadow these positive impacts. The most obvious issue is that it is more difficult for social media users to discern others’ emotions and genuine thoughts. Because people often opt for text-based communication, it lacks important elements in maintaining a conversation, such as eye contact and facial expressions. As a result, this may lead to misunderstandings and hinder meaningful connections with others. Another demerit worth mentioning is that the use of social media for communication may result in users being scammed. Specifically, these platforms connect individuals with a variety of people, and some individuals with bad intentions may trick users into sharing sensitive personal information, potentially resulting in cybercrime. Therefore, unprotected online communication may expose users to risks, including prolonged financial difficulties in severe cases.

In conclusion, despite the potential benefits of social media, such as Facebook and Twitter, which take the place of direct communication in daily life, the detrimental effects involved are of greater significance.