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5. Thanks to low-cost airlines, many people can travel abroad. Is it a positive or negative development?

5. Thanks to low-cost airlines, many people can travel abroad. Is it a positive or negative development?

It is true that, the reasonable affordability of tickets from modern airplanes, coupled with their easy access, has allowed people to travel abroad more easily. Although, this trend bears some drawbacks, I believe that the benefits of this trend are far more significant.

It has to be acknowledged that increasing cross-border tourism can exacerbate some environmental issues. This might be presumably based on an assumption that traveling abroad usually requires flights, which consume large amounts of fossil fuels and emit significant amounts of harmful gas emissions such as carbon monoxide, carbon dioxide into the air. As the result, problems include the rapid depletion of natural resources and rising air pollution levels. Moreover, the influx of foreign travelers is often associated with spreading infectious diseases to the local community. This can be seen in viruses such as Covid 19 and H5N1 can become a threat to the locals if an infected traveller visits their country.

Although, these environmental concerns are legitimate, this development is tremendously positive for individuals, societies and the global economy. On an individual level, those who travel to other countries are likely to garner more knowledge or opportunities. This is predicated that traverlers now can experience first-hand other ways of life, customs and traditions, which enabling their minds can be broaden and also found a niche market for their talent and products when they paid a visit to another country. From cultural and societal perspectives, international tourism more often than not leads to greater cultural understanding and sensitivity, both of which can result in fewer conflicts caused by cultural differences. Finally, there are also economic benefits to increased international tourism. This is because tourists often have to use various services such as flights, accommodation, food and transportation over the course of the trip.

In conclusion, despite the disadvantages for the environment, including the depletion of natural resources and greater air pollution levels, the fact that people can travel overseas more easily and conveniently should be considered a welcome development for individual, social and economic reasons


Gợi ý nâng cấp từ vựng

  1. "Although, this trend bears some drawbacks" -> "However, this trend carries certain drawbacks"
    Explanation: The phrase "Although, this trend bears some drawbacks" contains a comma splice and an unnecessary use of ‘although’. Using ‘However’ at the beginning of the sentence maintains the contrast while ensuring a more formal structure.

  2. "might be presumably based on an assumption" -> "is presumably rooted in an assumption"
    Explanation: The phrase "might be presumably based on an assumption" is redundant and lacks precision. "Is presumably rooted in an assumption" offers a more direct and concise expression of the idea.

  3. "problems include the rapid depletion" -> "issues encompass rapid depletion"
    Explanation: Replacing "problems include the rapid depletion" with "issues encompass rapid depletion" offers a more encompassing and formal term, ‘encompass,’ while avoiding repetition of ‘problems.’

  4. "problems include the rapid depletion of natural resources" -> "issues encompass the swift exhaustion of natural resources"
    Explanation: ‘Swift exhaustion’ provides a more descriptive and precise term compared to ‘rapid depletion,’ enhancing the formality of the language used.

  5. "problems include the… rising air pollution levels" -> "issues entail escalating air pollution levels"
    Explanation: ‘Entail’ and ‘escalating’ are more formal alternatives that convey the issues in a clearer and more sophisticated manner compared to ‘problems include’ and ‘rising.’

  6. "can be seen in viruses such as Covid 19 and H5N1 can become a threat" -> "as evidenced by viruses like Covid-19 and H5N1 posing a threat"
    Explanation: The original sentence lacks clarity and conciseness. Using "as evidenced by" and restructuring the sentence creates a more precise and formal expression of the idea.

  7. "Although, these environmental concerns are legitimate" -> "However, these environmental concerns are valid"
    Explanation: Similar to the first point, ‘Although’ creates a comma splice, and ‘legitimate’ sounds less formal. Replacing it with ‘valid’ retains the meaning in a more formal tone.

  8. "on an individual level" -> "at an individual level"
    Explanation: The preposition ‘on’ can be replaced with ‘at’ for a more fitting expression in an academic context.

  9. "which enabling their minds can be broaden" -> "which can broaden their minds"
    Explanation: Restructuring the phrase makes it more grammatically sound and clearer in conveying the idea without convoluted wording.

  10. "also found a niche market for their talent and products when they paid a visit" -> "have also discovered niche markets for their talents and products when visiting"
    Explanation: The revised sentence uses a more active voice and clearer phrasing to express the same idea more academically.

  11. "more often than not" -> "frequently"
    Explanation: Replacing the colloquial phrase with ‘frequently’ maintains the meaning but in a more academically appropriate manner.

  12. "over the course of the trip" -> "during their travels"
    Explanation: This substitution provides a more formal and concise way to express the same idea without losing any clarity.

  13. "should be considered a welcome development" -> "should be regarded as a favorable development"
    Explanation: The phrase ‘should be regarded as a favorable development’ maintains a formal tone and replaces the casual expression ‘should be considered a welcome development.’

Overall, these revisions aim to enhance the essay’s academic tone by replacing informal or imprecise expressions with more appropriate and sophisticated vocabulary, maintaining clarity and precision.

Band điểm Task Response ước lượng: 6

Band Score: 6.0

  1. Quoted text: "It has to be acknowledged that increasing cross-border tourism can exacerbate some environmental issues. This might be presumably based on an assumption that traveling abroad usually requires flights, which consume large amounts of fossil fuels and emit significant amounts of harmful gas emissions such as carbon monoxide, carbon dioxide into the air."

    • Explanation and Improvement Suggestions: The introduction acknowledges a potential drawback related to environmental issues, but the reasoning lacks specificity and clarity. To enhance this, provide more precise details on how international travel contributes to environmental problems, for instance, the impact of air travel on carbon emissions. Additionally, consider incorporating a brief preview of the main points to be discussed in the essay for a clearer structure.
    • Improved example: "While the ease of international travel is undeniable, it is essential to recognize its environmental ramifications. For instance, the reliance on air travel, a significant contributor to carbon emissions, raises concerns about the environmental footprint of cross-border tourism. In the following paragraphs, I will delve into the specific environmental challenges posed by frequent international travel and present a balanced view on its overall impact."
  2. Quoted text: "Moreover, the influx of foreign travelers is often associated with spreading infectious diseases to the local community. This can be seen in viruses such as Covid 19 and H5N1 can become a threat to the locals if an infected traveler visits their country."

    • Explanation and Improvement Suggestions: The argument introduces a valid concern about the spread of infectious diseases due to international travel. However, the expression is somewhat convoluted, and the connection between the examples (Covid 19 and H5N1) and the point being made could be clarified. It would be beneficial to elaborate on the mechanisms through which these diseases can be transmitted, emphasizing the potential risks to local communities.
    • Improved example: "Furthermore, the surge in international visitors raises apprehensions about the transmission of infectious diseases to local populations. For instance, diseases like Covid-19 and H5N1 can pose a significant threat if an infected traveler visits a new country. In the subsequent paragraphs, I will elucidate the potential risks associated with the global movement of people and explore measures to mitigate these health concerns."
  3. Quoted text: "In conclusion, despite the disadvantages for the environment, including the depletion of natural resources and greater air pollution levels, the fact that people can travel overseas more easily and conveniently should be considered a welcome development for individual, social and economic reasons."

    • Explanation and Improvement Suggestions: The conclusion provides a concise summary of the author’s viewpoint but lacks a recapitulation of the main arguments made in the body of the essay. Reinforce your stance by briefly revisiting the key points discussed in the essay, strengthening the overall coherence and impact.
    • Improved example: "In conclusion, while the environmental concerns associated with international travel are noteworthy, the undeniable benefits for individuals, societies, and economies underscore its positive impact. From broadening individual horizons to fostering cultural understanding and stimulating economic growth, the advantages of convenient overseas travel are multifaceted. This essay has explored both sides of the argument, emphasizing the need for a balanced perspective on the evolving landscape of cross-border tourism."

Band điểm Coherence & Cohesion ước lượng: 7

Band Score: 7.0

Explanation:
The essay demonstrates a logical organization of information and ideas with clear progression throughout. The introduction provides a brief overview of the topic, and each paragraph is dedicated to discussing specific aspects of the issue. The writer effectively uses cohesive devices, such as transitional phrases, to connect ideas within and between sentences. The overall flow of the essay is smooth, making it easy for the reader to follow the argument.

The essay presents a central topic within each paragraph, addressing both the positive and negative aspects of increased international travel. The arguments are developed coherently, and there is a clear overall progression from discussing environmental concerns to the benefits of international tourism. The writer skillfully manages paragraphing, contributing to the essay’s overall coherence.

While there is a range of cohesive devices used appropriately, there are instances of underuse or overuse, particularly in the use of transitional phrases. Some sentences lack clear connections, affecting the essay’s cohesion. Additionally, there are a few grammatical errors and awkward phrasing that slightly impact the overall coherence.

How to improve:
To improve coherence and cohesion, the writer should pay closer attention to the consistent use of cohesive devices, ensuring that transitional phrases are used appropriately to strengthen the connections between ideas. Careful proofreading to address grammatical errors and improve sentence structure would enhance the overall clarity and coherence of the essay.

Band điểm Lexical Resource ước lượng: 7

Band Score: 7.0

Explanation:
The essay showcases a sufficient range of vocabulary, allowing some flexibility and precision in expression. There is an attempt to use less common lexical items with an awareness of style and collocation. The essay demonstrates an understanding of the topic and utilizes varied vocabulary, although with occasional errors in word choice, spelling, and word formation.

The essay employs a diverse range of vocabulary related to travel, environmental concerns, cultural understanding, economy, and tourism. The writer tries to convey precise meanings and presents arguments using a mix of common and less common lexical items. However, there are noticeable errors in word choice, such as "traverlers," and some inaccuracies in word formation and collocation throughout the essay. For instance, there are instances of improper word usage ("presumably based on an assumption") and phrasing that could be improved for more precise expression.

How to Improve:
To enhance the lexical resource, focus on refining word choice for accuracy and precision. Proofreading for spelling and word formation errors would benefit the essay, ensuring a more cohesive and polished lexical presentation. Additionally, strive for more nuanced expressions and sentence structures to elevate the vocabulary usage to a higher level of sophistication.

Band điểm Grammatical Range & Accuracy ước lượng: 7

Band Score: 7.0

Explanation:
The essay demonstrates a solid command of grammatical structures, incorporating a mix of simple and complex sentences. There is a reasonable range of vocabulary, and the writer successfully conveys their ideas. While there are some errors, they do not significantly impede communication. The essay contains complex structures, such as subordinate clauses, and the overall grammar and punctuation control is good.

How to improve:
To enhance the grammatical range and accuracy further, attention should be given to minor errors and awkward phrasing. For instance, in the opening sentence, consider revising to "It is true that the reasonable affordability of tickets from modern airplanes, coupled with their easy accessibility, has allowed people to travel abroad more easily." Also, ensure consistent use of articles ("a welcome development for individual, social, and economic reasons").

Overall, maintaining a focus on precision and refining sentence structures can elevate the essay to a higher band score.

Bài sửa mẫu

It is indeed true that the reasonable affordability of tickets from modern airplanes, along with their easy accessibility, has made it easier for people to travel abroad. While this trend has some drawbacks, I firmly believe that the benefits outweigh the negatives.

It must be acknowledged that the increase in cross-border tourism can worsen certain environmental issues. This is presumably because traveling abroad often involves flights that consume large amounts of fossil fuels and emit significant amounts of harmful gases such as carbon monoxide and carbon dioxide into the air. As a result, problems arise, including the rapid depletion of natural resources and rising air pollution levels. Moreover, the influx of foreign travelers is often associated with the spread of infectious diseases to the local community. This can be observed in viruses like Covid-19 and H5N1, which can pose a threat to the locals if an infected traveler visits their country.

However, despite these legitimate environmental concerns, this development is tremendously positive for individuals, societies, and the global economy. On an individual level, those who travel to other countries are likely to gain more knowledge and opportunities. This is based on the premise that travelers can now experience other ways of life, customs, and traditions firsthand, broadening their minds. Additionally, they may find a niche market for their talent and products when visiting another country. From cultural and societal perspectives, international tourism often leads to greater cultural understanding and sensitivity, reducing conflicts caused by cultural differences. Finally, there are economic benefits to increased international tourism, as tourists often utilize various services such as flights, accommodation, food, and transportation throughout their trip.

In conclusion, despite the disadvantages for the environment, including the depletion of natural resources and increased air pollution levels, the fact that people can travel overseas more easily and conveniently should be considered a welcome development for individual, social, and economic reasons.

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