A lot of places in the world rely on tourism as a main source of income. Unfortunately, tourism can also be a source of problems if it is not managed correctly. Describe the advantages and disadvantages of tourism in the modern world. Do you think that benefits of tourism outweight its drawbacks?

A lot of places in the world rely on tourism as a main source of income. Unfortunately, tourism can also be a source of problems if it is not managed correctly.

Describe the advantages and disadvantages of tourism in the modern world. Do you think that benefits of tourism outweight its drawbacks?

In many parts of the world nowadays, tourism is becoming very popular and especially
in developing countries. I firmly believe that the advantages of international tourism
outweigh the disadvantages due to some reasons.
On the one hand with the development of technology, international tourism is
becoming more and more popular rapidly which has some adverse impacts. The first
reason lies on the fact that, the lack of awareness among tourists about preserving
tourist destination such as heritages or landscapes. For instance, Vung Tau having an
incredible beach is being extremely damaged by trash that have been littered by
tourists. Moreover, tourism is responsible for the deforestation in some countries that
popular for having outstanding natural scenery. This condition happens due to the
expanding in infrastructure to provide tourist service in the woods. For example, there
are now lots of hotels or resort which appear in the natural and remote places.
On the other hand, tourism’s pros outweigh its cons due to several reasons. Firstly,
there is an undoubted fact that tourism brings an enormous profit for the countries
which depend their economy on tourism. It creates lots of jobs for people in a long
range of age and it is strictly demanding which can decrease the proportion of
unemployment in developing countries. Secondly, tourism can increase the reputation
for the countries through their heritages and culture. All countries in the world have
their own culture so it will always attract traveller to explore and learn about it. For
example, Thailand is really popular for their unique structure of ancient temple and also
their diverse cuisine.
In conclusion, while international tourism has some disadvantages, I still firmly believe
that its pros still unquestionably outweigh its cons.

Gợi ý nâng cấp từ vựng

"In many parts of the world nowadays" -> "In many regions globally"
Explanation: "Globally" is more precise and formal than "in many parts of the world nowadays," which is somewhat colloquial and vague.
"very popular and especially in developing countries" -> "increasingly popular, particularly in developing nations"
Explanation: "Increasingly" is more precise than "very," and "developing nations" is a more formal term than "developing countries."
"due to some reasons" -> "due to several reasons"
Explanation: "Several" is more specific and formal than "some," which is vague and informal.
"The first reason lies on the fact that," -> "The first reason is that"
Explanation: "Is that" is a more direct and formal way to introduce a reason in academic writing.
"the lack of awareness among tourists about preserving" -> "the lack of awareness among tourists regarding the preservation of"
Explanation: "Regarding the preservation of" is more formal and precise than "about preserving."
"such as heritages or landscapes" -> "such as heritage sites or landscapes"
Explanation: "Heritage sites" is a more specific and formal term than "heritages," which is less commonly used in this context.
"Vung Tau having an incredible beach" -> "Vung Tau, known for its incredible beaches"
Explanation: "Known for its incredible beaches" is more grammatically correct and formal than the original phrase.
"that have been littered by tourists" -> "littered by tourists"
Explanation: Removing "that have been" simplifies and clarifies the sentence, making it more direct and formal.
"tourism is responsible for the deforestation" -> "deforestation is a consequence of tourism"
Explanation: "Is a consequence of" is a more precise and formal way to express causality in academic writing.
"expanding in infrastructure" -> "expansion of infrastructure"
Explanation: "Expansion of infrastructure" is a more formal and precise term than "expanding in infrastructure."
"there are now lots of hotels or resort" -> "numerous hotels and resorts"
Explanation: "Numerous" is more formal than "lots," and "hotels and resorts" is grammatically correct.
"strictly demanding" -> "highly demanding"
Explanation: "Highly demanding" is a more precise and formal term than "strictly demanding," which is awkward and unclear.
"it is strictly demanding" -> "it demands"
Explanation: "It demands" is more concise and formal than "it is strictly demanding."
"it can decrease the proportion of unemployment" -> "it reduces unemployment rates"
Explanation: "Reduces unemployment rates" is a more precise and formal expression than "decrease the proportion of unemployment."
"All countries in the world have their own culture" -> "Each country has its unique culture"
Explanation: "Each country has its unique culture" is more concise and formal than "All countries in the world have their own culture."
"really popular for their unique structure of ancient temple" -> "well-known for its unique ancient temple structures"
Explanation: "Well-known for its unique ancient temple structures" is grammatically correct and more formal than "really popular for their unique structure of ancient temple."
"their diverse cuisine" -> "their diverse cuisines"
Explanation: "Cuisines" is the plural form required here to match the plural subject "countries."
"I still firmly believe" -> "I remain convinced"
Explanation: "I remain convinced" is a more formal and academically appropriate way to express ongoing belief.

Band điểm Task Response ước lượng: 8

Band Score for Task Response: 8

Answer All Parts of the Question:
- Detailed explanation: The essay effectively addresses both the advantages and disadvantages of tourism. The writer discusses the negative impacts of tourism, such as environmental degradation and cultural insensitivity, alongside the benefits, including economic growth and job creation. However, while the disadvantages are mentioned, they could be elaborated further to provide a more balanced view. For instance, the essay briefly touches on the adverse effects but does not delve deeply into how these can affect local communities or ecosystems.
- How to improve: To enhance the response, the writer should aim to provide a more comprehensive exploration of both sides. This could involve including more specific examples of negative impacts and discussing potential solutions or management strategies that could mitigate these issues. Additionally, a clearer connection between the advantages and disadvantages could strengthen the argument.
Present a Clear Position Throughout:
- Detailed explanation: The writer maintains a clear position that the benefits of tourism outweigh its drawbacks. This stance is consistently reinforced throughout the essay, particularly in the conclusion. However, the transition between discussing disadvantages and advantages could be smoother to enhance the flow of the argument. The phrase "On the one hand" and "On the other hand" is used, but the connection between the two sides could be more explicitly stated.
- How to improve: To maintain clarity and consistency, the writer could use transitional phrases that explicitly link the disadvantages to the advantages, such as acknowledging that while there are significant drawbacks, the overall impact on the economy and culture is more beneficial. This would help reinforce the position more effectively.
Present, Extend, and Support Ideas:
- Detailed explanation: The essay presents several key ideas related to the advantages and disadvantages of tourism. For instance, the economic benefits are well-supported with examples, such as job creation and increased national revenue. However, the support for the disadvantages is less robust, with fewer examples and less elaboration on the consequences of these issues. The mention of Vung Tau and Thailand provides some context, but additional examples or statistics could strengthen the argument.
- How to improve: To improve the development and support of ideas, the writer should aim to provide more detailed examples and perhaps include statistics or studies that highlight the impact of tourism. Expanding on the negative consequences with specific case studies or data would provide a more balanced and persuasive argument.
Stay on Topic:
- Detailed explanation: The essay remains largely focused on the topic of tourism and its impacts. The writer does not stray from the prompt and maintains relevance throughout. However, there are moments where the language could be more precise, particularly in discussing the disadvantages. Phrases like "the lack of awareness among tourists" could be expanded to clarify how this lack of awareness manifests and its specific consequences.
- How to improve: To maintain focus and relevance, the writer should ensure that each point made directly ties back to the central question of whether the benefits outweigh the drawbacks. This could involve revisiting the prompt in each paragraph to ensure that all ideas presented are directly relevant to the question asked.

Overall, the essay demonstrates a strong understanding of the topic and presents a clear argument, but there are opportunities for improvement in elaboration, support, and coherence.

Band điểm Coherence & Cohesion ước lượng: 7

Band Score for Coherence and Cohesion: 7

Organize Information Logically:
- Detailed explanation: The essay presents a clear structure with an introduction, body paragraphs discussing both advantages and disadvantages, and a conclusion. However, the transition between the discussion of disadvantages and advantages could be smoother. For instance, the phrase "On the one hand" effectively introduces the first viewpoint, but the transition to "On the other hand" lacks a more explicit connection that would help the reader follow the shift in focus. The argumentation is generally logical, but the flow could be improved by ensuring that each point builds on the previous one more clearly.
- How to improve: To enhance logical flow, consider using transitional phrases that explicitly connect the ideas between paragraphs. For example, after discussing the disadvantages, you might add a sentence that summarizes the negative impacts before transitioning to the advantages, such as, "Despite these challenges, the benefits of tourism cannot be overlooked."
Use Paragraphs:
- Detailed explanation: The essay effectively uses paragraphs to separate different ideas, which aids readability. Each paragraph focuses on a specific aspect of the argument, with the first addressing disadvantages and the second focusing on advantages. However, the paragraphs could be more clearly delineated in terms of their internal structure. For example, the second paragraph discussing advantages could benefit from clearer topic sentences for each point made, as it currently reads as a list rather than a cohesive argument.
- How to improve: Strengthen paragraph structure by starting each paragraph with a clear topic sentence that outlines the main idea. This approach will help guide the reader through your argument. For instance, the second paragraph could begin with a sentence like, "One of the primary benefits of tourism is its significant contribution to the economy," followed by supporting details.
Use a Range of Cohesive Devices:
- Detailed explanation: The essay demonstrates a reasonable use of cohesive devices, such as "Firstly," "Moreover," and "In conclusion," which help to connect ideas. However, the range of cohesive devices is somewhat limited, and there are instances where the connections between sentences could be made clearer. For example, the phrase "this condition happens due to" could be more effectively linked to the previous sentence with a cohesive device that emphasizes causation or consequence.
- How to improve: To diversify the use of cohesive devices, incorporate a variety of linking words and phrases that indicate relationships between ideas, such as "Furthermore," "In addition," or "Consequently." Additionally, consider varying the structure of sentences to include more complex forms of cohesion, such as relative clauses or participial phrases, to enhance the overall fluidity of the writing.

Overall, while the essay demonstrates a solid understanding of the topic and presents a coherent argument, focusing on enhancing transitions, paragraph structure, and the variety of cohesive devices will help elevate the score in Coherence and Cohesion.

Band điểm Lexical Resource ước lượng: 6

Band Score for Lexical Resource: 6

Use a Wide Range of Vocabulary:
- Detailed explanation: The essay demonstrates a reasonable range of vocabulary, with terms like "international tourism," "adverse impacts," and "heritages." However, the vocabulary is somewhat repetitive, particularly in the use of "tourism" and "countries," which could be varied to enhance the richness of the language. For instance, instead of repeatedly using "tourism," alternatives like "travel industry" or "tourist activities" could be employed.
- How to improve: To improve lexical variety, the writer should actively seek synonyms and related terms. Utilizing a thesaurus can be beneficial, but it’s essential to ensure that the chosen synonyms fit the context appropriately. Additionally, incorporating more descriptive adjectives and adverbs could enhance the essay’s expressiveness.
Use Vocabulary Precisely:
- Detailed explanation: The essay contains instances of imprecise vocabulary usage. For example, the phrase "the lack of awareness among tourists about preserving tourist destination" could be more clearly articulated as "the lack of awareness among tourists regarding the preservation of tourist destinations." Additionally, the term "outstanding natural scenery" is vague; specifying what makes the scenery outstanding would enhance clarity.
- How to improve: To enhance precision, the writer should focus on using specific terms that convey exact meanings. Practicing paraphrasing and summarizing complex ideas in simpler terms can help develop this skill. Moreover, reviewing vocabulary in context—such as reading articles or essays on similar topics—can provide insights into how to use words more effectively.
Use Correct Spelling:
- Detailed explanation: The essay contains several spelling errors, such as "heritages" (which should be "heritage" when referring to cultural heritage in general) and "resort which appear" (should be "resorts that appear"). These errors can detract from the overall quality of the writing and may confuse the reader.
- How to improve: To improve spelling accuracy, the writer should engage in regular spelling practice, such as using flashcards for commonly misspelled words or employing spelling apps. Additionally, proofreading the essay multiple times before submission can help catch errors. Reading the essay aloud can also assist in identifying awkward phrasing and spelling mistakes.

Overall, while the essay meets the basic requirements for lexical resource, enhancing vocabulary range, precision, and spelling accuracy will significantly improve the overall quality and effectiveness of the writing.

Band điểm Grammatical Range & Accuracy ước lượng: 7

Band Score for Grammatical Range and Accuracy: 7

Use a Wide Range of Structures:
- Detailed explanation: The essay demonstrates a good variety of sentence structures, including simple, compound, and complex sentences. For instance, the use of introductory phrases like "On the one hand" and "On the other hand" effectively organizes the argument. However, some sentences are overly simplistic or awkwardly constructed, such as "the lack of awareness among tourists about preserving tourist destination such as heritages or landscapes." This sentence could be restructured for clarity and variety.
- How to improve: To enhance the range of structures, the writer should incorporate more complex sentences with subordinate clauses. For example, instead of saying "the lack of awareness among tourists about preserving tourist destination," the writer could say, "Many tourists lack awareness about the importance of preserving tourist destinations, such as heritage sites and natural landscapes." Additionally, varying the sentence openings and using a mix of active and passive voice can further diversify the writing style.
Use Grammar and Punctuation Accurately:
- Detailed explanation: The essay contains several grammatical errors and punctuation issues that detract from its overall clarity. For instance, the phrase "the lack of awareness among tourists about preserving tourist destination" should use "destinations" in the plural form. Additionally, the sentence "Vung Tau having an incredible beach is being extremely damaged by trash that have been littered by tourists" is awkwardly phrased and contains a subject-verb agreement error; it should be "that has been littered by tourists." Furthermore, there are instances of missing commas, such as before "which" in "which has some adverse impacts."
- How to improve: To improve grammatical accuracy, the writer should carefully proofread the essay to catch and correct errors. Practicing subject-verb agreement and ensuring proper pluralization will enhance clarity. Additionally, focusing on punctuation rules, especially regarding the use of commas in complex sentences, will improve the overall readability of the essay. Engaging in grammar exercises and seeking feedback from peers or instructors could also be beneficial.

Overall, while the essay demonstrates a solid understanding of the topic and presents a balanced argument, addressing the identified weaknesses in grammatical range and accuracy will help elevate the writing to a higher band score.

Bài sửa mẫu

In many parts of the world nowadays, tourism is becoming increasingly popular, particularly in developing countries. I firmly believe that the advantages of international tourism outweigh the disadvantages due to several reasons.

On the one hand, with the development of technology, international tourism is becoming more and more popular rapidly, which has some adverse impacts. The first reason lies in the fact that there is a lack of awareness among tourists about preserving tourist destinations, such as heritage sites or landscapes. For instance, Vung Tau, known for its incredible beaches, is being extremely damaged by trash that has been littered by tourists. Moreover, tourism is responsible for deforestation in some countries that are popular for having outstanding natural scenery. This condition happens due to the expansion of infrastructure to provide tourist services in the woods. For example, there are now numerous hotels and resorts that have appeared in natural and remote places.

On the other hand, tourism’s pros outweigh its cons due to several reasons. Firstly, there is an undoubted fact that tourism brings enormous profit to the countries that depend on their economy on tourism. It creates many jobs for people across a wide range of ages, and it is highly demanding, which can decrease the proportion of unemployment in developing countries. Secondly, tourism can increase the reputation of countries through their heritage and culture. Each country has its unique culture, so it will always attract travelers to explore and learn about it. For example, Thailand is well-known for its unique ancient temple structures and also for its diverse cuisines.

In conclusion, while international tourism has some disadvantages, I remain convinced that its pros unquestionably outweigh its cons.