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A rise in the standard of living in a country often only seems to benefit cities rather than rural areas. What problems can this cause? How might these problems be reduced?

A rise in the standard of living in a country often only seems to benefit cities rather than rural areas.
What problems can this cause? How might these problems be reduced?

recently, several countries have experienced an upward trend in living standards, leading to adverse effects such as pollution as well as the rise in the cost of living for the people. To reduce these adverse effects, government intervention is essential to balance the economy across regions and mitigate the risk of alternative forms of pollution.
The increase in the quality of life has led to many disastrous result. The most noticeable consequence is the significant rise in the prices of essential goods and services, and the cost of living in general. Most products nowadays are influenced by various factors, including manufacturing, distribution, and reservation costs. Consequently, the development of social welfare has indirectly raise the cost for public infrastructure. For instance, the cost for medical healthcare nowadays in Vietnam is exorbitantly expensive, this is mainly due to the price of modern technology and medicines. Another dominant drawback is the rapid development of life quality, which can contribute to pollution in several countries. Particularly, infrastructure (including schools, hospitals, and businesses) are only available in certain areas. As a result, those facilities will receive an influx amount of individuals from around the country. As a result, significant citizen consumption will release carbon dioxide and other pollutants into the atmosphere as well as contaminating nearby rivers and lakes. Many major cities around the world are experiencing this issue, as illustrated by the example of New Delhi, the capital city of India.

Several viable solutions are available to alleviate the issues, and all of them require government intervention. Investing and constructing more facilities in rural areas is an effective solution. Notably, funding on those areas will balance the economy between regions while also prevent citizens from large-scale migration as well as alleviating overcrowding in large cities. Investing more in local areas entails generating more employment for the indigenous as well as providing them with essential infrastructure. For example, Vietnam's government has been investing a lot on provinces like Bac Ninh, Ninh Binh and Phu Quoc in order to balance the economy between each regions while also creating tourist destinations for the traveler.

In conclusion, the improvement in living standards has formed major drawbacks such as the increase in many products as well as potentially harming the environment. Regarding to that, the government should abruptly intervene in order to balance the economy and safeguarding the ecosystem.


Gợi ý nâng cấp từ vựng

Errors and Improvements:

  1. "recently" -> "In recent times"
    Explanation: Replacing "recently" with "In recent times" provides a more formal introduction to the topic, aligning with academic style by avoiding colloquial language.

  2. "leading to adverse effects" -> "resulting in detrimental consequences"
    Explanation: Substituting "leading to adverse effects" with "resulting in detrimental consequences" enhances the precision and formality of the expression, offering a more nuanced description of the situation.

  3. "as well as the rise in the cost of living for the people" -> "alongside an increase in the cost of living for the populace"
    Explanation: Replacing "as well as the rise in the cost of living for the people" with "alongside an increase in the cost of living for the populace" maintains formality while providing a more sophisticated phrasing.

  4. "reduce these adverse effects" -> "mitigate these detrimental impacts"
    Explanation: Substituting "reduce these adverse effects" with "mitigate these detrimental impacts" introduces a more formal and precise term, aligning with academic language standards.

  5. "government intervention is essential" -> "government intervention is imperative"
    Explanation: Replacing "government intervention is essential" with "government intervention is imperative" elevates the formality of the statement, employing a more decisive and authoritative tone.

  6. "The increase in the quality of life has led to many disastrous result." -> "The improvement in the quality of life has resulted in several adverse outcomes."
    Explanation: Changing "The increase in the quality of life has led to many disastrous result." to "The improvement in the quality of life has resulted in several adverse outcomes." enhances the clarity and formality of the sentence.

  7. "Most products nowadays" -> "The majority of products in the contemporary era"
    Explanation: Substituting "Most products nowadays" with "The majority of products in the contemporary era" maintains formality and precision, avoiding the colloquial tone associated with "nowadays."

  8. "indirectly raise the cost" -> "indirectly contribute to the escalation of costs"
    Explanation: Changing "indirectly raise the cost" to "indirectly contribute to the escalation of costs" introduces a more formal and nuanced expression, aligning with academic style.

  9. "exorbitantly expensive" -> "excessively costly"
    Explanation: Replacing "exorbitantly expensive" with "excessively costly" provides a more formal and refined term, contributing to the overall academic tone of the essay.

  10. "this is mainly due to" -> "primarily attributable to"
    Explanation: Substituting "this is mainly due to" with "primarily attributable to" offers a more formal and precise explanation, adhering to the principles of academic writing.

  11. "dominant drawback" -> "prominent drawback"
    Explanation: Changing "dominant drawback" to "prominent drawback" maintains formality and introduces a more sophisticated term, aligning with the academic tone.

  12. "significant citizen consumption" -> "substantial public consumption"
    Explanation: Replacing "significant citizen consumption" with "substantial public consumption" enhances formality and precision, avoiding the colloquial term "citizen" in favor of a more academic expression.

  13. "facilities will receive an influx amount of individuals" -> "facilities will experience a surge in visitors"
    Explanation: Substituting "facilities will receive an influx amount of individuals" with "facilities will experience a surge in visitors" maintains formality and provides a more refined description of the situation.

  14. "Several viable solutions are available" -> "Several viable solutions exist"
    Explanation: Changing "Several viable solutions are available" to "Several viable solutions exist" simplifies the expression while maintaining formality and clarity in academic writing.

  15. "abruptly intervene" -> "promptly intervene"
    Explanation: Replacing "abruptly intervene" with "promptly intervene" offers a more precise and formal term, aligning with the academic tone of the essay.

Band điểm Task Response ước lượng: 8

Band Score for Task Response: 8

  • Answer All Parts of the Question:

    • Detailed explanation: The essay adequately addresses all parts of the question. It discusses the problems arising from the rise in the standard of living in cities, such as increased cost of living and pollution, and suggests government intervention to mitigate these issues.
    • How to improve: While the essay covers all aspects, it could benefit from providing more specific examples or case studies to illustrate the points made.
  • Present a Clear Position Throughout:

    • Detailed explanation: The essay maintains a clear position throughout, advocating for government intervention to balance the economy and address the negative consequences of improved living standards in cities.
    • How to improve: To enhance clarity, the writer could explicitly state their stance in the introduction and conclusion, reinforcing the position taken.
  • Present, Extend, and Support Ideas:

    • Detailed explanation: The essay presents ideas coherently, with examples such as the rising cost of healthcare in Vietnam and the environmental impact of concentrated infrastructure in cities. However, some points could be further extended or supported with additional details.
    • How to improve: Expand on examples to provide a more in-depth analysis. For instance, how exactly does government intervention prevent citizens from large-scale migration? Adding specifics would strengthen the argument.
  • Stay on Topic:

    • Detailed explanation: The essay generally stays on topic, discussing the problems caused by the rise in the standard of living in cities and proposing government intervention as a solution.
    • How to improve: Avoid vague statements, like "Several viable solutions are available," and instead, explicitly connect each point back to the main theme to maintain a more focused and cohesive essay.

Overall, this essay effectively addresses the given prompt, demonstrating a good understanding of the issues and proposing relevant solutions. To improve, the writer should aim for more specific examples and a slightly deeper exploration of the ideas presented.

Band điểm Coherence & Cohesion ước lượng: 6

Band Score for Coherence and Cohesion: 6

  • Organize Information Logically:

    • Detailed explanation: The essay exhibits a generally logical organization. It begins with an introduction that outlines the issues arising from the rise in living standards. The body paragraphs explore the consequences and propose solutions coherently. However, there is room for improvement in the sequencing of ideas. For instance, the essay could enhance coherence by establishing a clearer connection between the adverse effects and the proposed solutions.
    • How to improve: To enhance logical flow, consider a more explicit connection between the problems discussed and the solutions proposed. A clearer roadmap in the introduction can guide the reader through the essay’s structure.
  • Use Paragraphs:

    • Detailed explanation: The essay employs paragraphs to organize information, but some paragraphs are lengthy, making the structure less effective. For example, the second paragraph covers both the rise in the cost of living and pollution, making it challenging for readers to follow distinct ideas.
    • How to improve: Break down lengthy paragraphs into more focused ones. Each paragraph should address a specific aspect, facilitating better comprehension. Consider dedicating separate paragraphs to the cost of living and pollution to improve clarity and organization.
  • Use a Range of Cohesive Devices:

    • Detailed explanation: The essay incorporates cohesive devices, such as linking words ("consequently," "for instance") and reference words ("those areas," "those facilities"). However, there’s room for improvement in diversifying cohesive devices to enhance overall cohesion. Additionally, transitions between sentences could be smoother for a more seamless reading experience.
    • How to improve: Introduce a wider variety of cohesive devices, including synonyms and different sentence structures. Ensure smoother transitions between sentences by utilizing transitional phrases to guide the reader through the logical progression of ideas. This will contribute to a more cohesive and fluid essay.

Overall, while the essay demonstrates a solid understanding of coherence and cohesion, refining the logical organization, paragraph structure, and cohesive device usage will further elevate the essay to a higher band score.

Band điểm Lexical Resource ước lượng: 6

Band Score for Lexical Resource: 6

  • Use a Wide Range of Vocabulary:

    • Detailed explanation: The essay demonstrates a satisfactory range of vocabulary. However, there is room for improvement in diversifying word choices further. For instance, the repetition of phrases like "cost of living" and "balance the economy" could be replaced with alternative expressions to enhance lexical variety.
    • How to improve: To broaden your vocabulary, consider incorporating synonyms and exploring different expressions for key concepts. For example, instead of consistently using "cost of living," you might use terms like "living expenses," "financial outlay," or "expenditure on necessities."
  • Use Vocabulary Precisely:

    • Detailed explanation: The essay shows an attempt at precision in vocabulary usage. However, there are instances where words could be more carefully chosen for greater accuracy. For instance, the term "disastrous result" is somewhat vague. It would be more precise to specify the negative consequences explicitly.
    • How to improve: Aim for precision by selecting words that precisely convey your intended meaning. Instead of "disastrous result," you might use terms like "undesirable outcomes" or "negative repercussions" to better articulate the negative effects discussed in the essay.
  • Use Correct Spelling:

    • Detailed explanation: Spelling accuracy in the essay is generally acceptable, but there are a few instances where errors occur, such as "reservation costs" (should be "transportation costs") and "abrUptly" (should be "abruptly").
    • How to improve: Pay careful attention to spelling, and consider proofreading your essay to catch and correct any overlooked errors. Additionally, expanding your vocabulary can help you become more familiar with the correct spelling of various terms.

Overall, while the essay demonstrates a commendable grasp of vocabulary and spelling, further attention to lexical variety, precision, and spelling accuracy will contribute to an even more effective presentation. Keep refining your language choices to enhance the overall quality of your writing.

Band điểm Grammatical Range & Accuracy ước lượng: 8

Band Score for Grammatical Range and Accuracy: 8

  • Use a Wide Range of Structures:

    • Detailed explanation: The essay demonstrates a commendable range of sentence structures, incorporating both simple and complex constructions. There is evidence of varied sentence beginnings, lengths, and types, enhancing the overall fluency and coherence of the essay. For example, the author effectively employs complex sentences when discussing the consequences of the rise in living standards, contributing to a nuanced presentation of ideas.
    • How to improve: To further enhance the diversity of sentence structures, consider incorporating more compound and compound-complex sentences. This can be achieved by combining related ideas and clauses. Additionally, strive for balance between short and long sentences to maintain a smooth flow of ideas.
  • Use Grammar Accurately:

    • Detailed explanation: Overall, the essay demonstrates a high level of grammatical accuracy. However, a few instances of grammatical errors are present, such as the phrase "have indirectly raise" should be corrected to "have indirectly raised." Additionally, attention to subject-verb agreement in sentences like "Several viable solutions are available" could be improved.
    • How to improve: Carefully proofread the essay to catch minor errors in verb conjugation and agreement. It may also be beneficial to review complex sentence structures to ensure that subordinate clauses are properly connected to the main clauses.
  • Use Correct Punctuation:

    • Detailed explanation: The essay generally utilizes correct punctuation, including commas, periods, and parentheses. However, there are a few instances where punctuation can be refined for better clarity. For instance, in the sentence "The most noticeable consequence is the significant rise in the prices of essential goods and services, and the cost of living in general," consider using a semicolon or breaking the sentence into two for improved readability.
    • How to improve: Practice using a variety of punctuation marks to convey different relationships between ideas. Consider consulting grammar resources or style guides for guidance on the appropriate use of semicolons, colons, and dashes. Additionally, pay attention to the placement of commas to ensure they enhance clarity without causing ambiguity.

Overall, the essay exhibits a strong command of grammatical range and accuracy, contributing to its well-developed argument. By addressing the identified areas for improvement, the author can further refine their writing and approach an even higher level of proficiency.

Bài sửa mẫu

In recent times, several countries have witnessed an upward trend in living standards, resulting in detrimental consequences such as pollution and a rise in the cost of living for the populace. To mitigate these detrimental impacts, government intervention is imperative to balance the economy across regions and address alternative forms of pollution.

The improvement in the quality of life has resulted in several adverse outcomes. The majority of products in the contemporary era are indirectly contributing to the escalation of costs. This is primarily attributable to various factors, including manufacturing, distribution, and reservation costs. Consequently, the development of social welfare has indirectly raised the cost of public infrastructure. For instance, the cost of medical healthcare in Vietnam has become excessively costly, mainly due to the prices of modern technology and medicines. Another prominent drawback is the rapid development of life quality, contributing to pollution in several countries. Infrastructure, including schools, hospitals, and businesses, is mainly concentrated in certain areas. As a result, these facilities will experience a surge in visitors from around the country, leading to significant citizen consumption that releases carbon dioxide and other pollutants into the atmosphere, contaminating nearby rivers and lakes. Many major cities worldwide face this issue, as exemplified by New Delhi, the capital city of India.

Several viable solutions exist to alleviate these issues, all of which require government intervention. Investing in and constructing more facilities in rural areas is an effective solution. Notably, funding in those areas will balance the economy between regions, prevent large-scale migration, and alleviate overcrowding in large cities. Investing more in local areas entails generating more employment for the indigenous population and providing essential infrastructure. For example, Vietnam’s government has been investing heavily in provinces like Bac Ninh, Ninh Binh, and Phu Quoc to balance the economy between regions while creating tourist destinations.

In conclusion, the rise in living standards has brought about major drawbacks, such as increased costs for various products and potential harm to the environment. To address these issues, government intervention is crucial to balance the economy and safeguard the ecosystem.

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