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A rise in the standard of living in a country often only seems to benefit cities rather than rural areas. What problems might this difference cause? How might these problems be reduced?

A rise in the standard of living in a country often only seems to benefit cities rather than rural areas. What problems might this difference cause? How might these problems be reduced?

Cities dwellers seem gain much benefit than those living in the countryside when it comes to rising standard of living in a country. This essay will point out the problems posed by this trend and suggest several solutions to prevent benefit disparities among different regions in a country.

When having benefit disparities in a country, undoubtedly, people living in difficulties will migrate to where more develop to seek opportunities, directly impacting not only the cities, but also the countryside. Firstly, mass migration to the more benefit areas putting pressure on these places. Tobe more specific, environment in cities will be dwindled, air pollution is a case in point due to significant private vehicles participating in the traffic, or housing infrastructure, job opportunities will not enough for the migrants, resulting in homeless people, jobless people and other dangerous criminal problems. The countryside aspects,

Governments should put regional-based taxation and focus economic development policies more on rural areas to ensure all citizens having equal opportunites to develop. Regional-based taxation breaks somehow the gap between cities’ life and rural ones, reducing the number of migrants to develop areas. As a result, all citizens in country are ensure equal environment to develop, hence focusing on working effectively, producing assesst for themselves, their family and their community as a whole. Moreover, local authorities create job opportunites for their citizens by building convenience infrastruture, road, and electricty, for instance to attract companies and factories working in their region.

In conclusion, benefit disparities are unavoidable when raise standard of living within a country. Government should have practical and efficient policies to ensure everyone in the country have equal opportunites to develop.


 

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Errors and Improvements:

  1. “Cities dwellers seem gain much benefit than those living in the countryside” -> “Urban residents seem to gain greater benefits than rural inhabitants”
    Explanation: The phrase “cities dwellers” is informal; using “urban residents” is more appropriate in an academic context. “Seem gain much benefit” lacks precision and formality; “to gain greater benefits than” conveys the comparison more clearly and formally.
  2. “rising standard of living in a country” -> “improving the overall standard of living in a nation”
    Explanation: “Rising standard of living” can be refined to “improving the overall standard of living,” which maintains formality and clarity.
  3. “When having benefit disparities in a country” -> “When there are disparities in benefits within a country”
    Explanation: The original phrase lacks grammatical accuracy; the suggested alternative presents a clearer structure.
  4. “more develop” -> “more developed”
    Explanation: “More develop” lacks grammatical correctness; using “more developed” provides the correct adjective form for this context.
  5. “Firstly, mass migration to the more benefit areas putting pressure on these places” -> “Firstly, mass migration to the areas with more benefits puts pressure on these regions”
    Explanation: The original sentence lacks grammatical structure; the revised version provides a clearer and more grammatically accurate description.
  6. “Tobe more specific” -> “To be more specific”
    Explanation: The corrected version fixes the typographical error.
  7. “environment in cities will be dwindled” -> “the urban environment will deteriorate”
    Explanation: “Environment in cities will be dwindled” lacks precision; “the urban environment will deteriorate” provides a more accurate and formal description.
  8. “housing infrastructure, job opportunities will not enough for the migrants” -> “housing infrastructure, and job opportunities will not be sufficient for the migrants”
    Explanation: The original phrase lacks proper syntax and uses informal language; the revised version employs proper structure and formality.
  9. “resulting in homeless people, jobless people and other dangerous criminal problems” -> “resulting in homelessness, unemployment, and other serious criminal issues”
    Explanation: Using nouns such as “homelessness” and “unemployment” instead of phrases like “homeless people” and “jobless people” is more concise and appropriate in academic writing.
  10. “Governments should put regional-based taxation” -> “Governments should implement region-specific taxation”
    Explanation: “Put regional-based taxation” lacks precision; “implement region-specific taxation” offers a clearer and more formal expression.
  11. “to ensure all citizens having equal opportunites to develop” -> “to ensure all citizens have equal opportunities for development”
    Explanation: The revised version simplifies the structure and improves clarity.
  12. “hence focusing on working effectively, producing assesst for themselves” -> “thus, focusing on effective work and generating assets for themselves”
    Explanation: The revised version provides a clearer and more formal expression, avoiding informal phrasing like “focusing on working effectively” and using “assesst” instead of “assets.”
  13. “local authorities create job opportunites” -> “local authorities create job opportunities”
    Explanation: Correcting the spelling error in “opportunites” to “opportunities.”
  14. “producing assesst for themselves” -> “generating assets for themselves”
    Explanation: “Producing assesst” is incorrect; “generating assets” is the appropriate phrase here.
  15. “when raise standard of living within a country” -> “when raising the standard of living within a country”
    Explanation: “Raise standard of living” lacks proper structure; “raising the standard of living” is grammatically correct and more appropriate for academic writing.

 

Band điểm Task Response ước lượng: 6

Band Score: 6.0

  1. Quoted text: “Cities dwellers seem gain much benefit than those living in the countryside when it comes to rising standard of living in a country.”
    • Explanation and Improvement Suggestions: The introduction lacks clarity in presenting the writer’s position on the topic. It’s crucial to clearly state whether the writer agrees or disagrees with the idea that a rise in the standard of living benefits cities more than rural areas. A clearer thesis statement can help set the tone for the rest of the essay.
    • Improved example: “The disparity in benefits between urban and rural residents becomes apparent when considering the impact of an improved standard of living. This essay will explore the challenges arising from this trend and propose solutions to address the unequal distribution of advantages among different regions.”
  2. Quoted text: “Firstly, mass migration to the more benefit areas putting pressure on these places.”
    • Explanation and Improvement Suggestions: While the essay begins to address the problem of mass migration, it lacks depth in the development of ideas. Expand on the consequences of this migration on both cities and rural areas. For instance, elaborate on how increased population density in cities can strain resources and infrastructure, leading to issues like inadequate housing and rising crime rates.
    • Improved example: “Firstly, the influx of people towards areas with more benefits exerts immense pressure on these regions. This surge in population strains the urban environment, leading to issues such as overburdened infrastructure, insufficient housing, and a surge in criminal activities.”
  3. Quoted text: “Governments should put regional-based taxation and focus economic development policies more on rural areas to ensure all citizens having equal opportunites to develop.”
    • Explanation and Improvement Suggestions: The idea of regional-based taxation is introduced, but it lacks detailed explanation and examples. Provide a more nuanced explanation of how regional-based taxation can bridge the gap between cities and rural areas. Additionally, elaborate on how economic development policies can be tailored to specifically address the needs of rural communities.
    • Improved example: “Governments should implement region-based taxation policies to redistribute resources more equitably. For instance, by taxing urban centers at a slightly higher rate, funds can be directed towards rural development. Furthermore, targeted economic policies, such as incentivizing businesses to establish in rural areas, can create job opportunities and enhance overall development.”

Overall, the essay adequately addresses the task but lacks in-depth development of ideas and clarity in presenting the writer’s position. Further elaboration and examples would significantly strengthen the argument.

 

Band điểm Coherence & Cohesion ước lượng: 5

Band Score: 5.0

Explanation:
The essay demonstrates some organization of ideas but lacks overall progression. The introduction sets up the discussion adequately, addressing the disparity in benefits between city dwellers and those in rural areas. However, the body paragraphs lack a clear progression of ideas. The first body paragraph discusses the problems posed by benefit disparities, including migration, but the transition to discussing government solutions is not seamless. Additionally, there are issues with cohesion within and between sentences. The use of cohesive devices is inconsistent, leading to a lack of clarity in the relationships between ideas.

Paragraphing is present, but it is not always logical. For example, the transition between discussing problems and proposing solutions could be better structured. The essay would benefit from clearer topic sentences and a more cohesive flow of ideas.

How to improve:

  1. Ensure a clear overall progression in the essay. Develop a more structured outline to guide the flow of ideas logically from introduction to body paragraphs and conclusion.
  2. Use cohesive devices consistently and appropriately. Pay attention to the relationships between sentences and paragraphs to create a smoother and more connected narrative.
  3. Improve paragraphing by making it more logically organized. Each paragraph should have a clear central topic, and transitions between paragraphs should be smoother.
  4. Work on referencing and substitution to avoid repetition and enhance the overall coherence of the essay.

 

Band điểm Lexical Resource ước lượng: 6

Band Score: 6.0

Explanation: The essay demonstrates an adequate range of vocabulary, attempting to use less common words, though with some inaccuracies. The essay’s overall coherence and cohesion contribute to a clear message. There are, however, noticeable errors in word choice, spelling, and word formation, affecting the overall quality of lexical resource. For instance, “Tobe” should be “To be,” and there are spelling errors, such as “opportunites” instead of “opportunities.”

The essay effectively addresses the problems associated with the disparity in benefits between cities and rural areas, discussing issues like migration, environmental degradation, and lack of job opportunities. While the points are generally well-developed, the lexical choices could be more varied and accurate. The essay lacks sophistication in the use of vocabulary and occasionally relies on repetitive expressions.

How to improve: To enhance the Lexical Resource score, focus on using a wider range of vocabulary with greater accuracy. Pay attention to spelling and word formation to minimize errors. Avoid repetitive language and strive for more varied and precise expressions. Additionally, proofread the essay to catch and correct spelling and grammatical errors before submission.

 

Band điểm Grammatical Range & Accuracy ước lượng: 6

Band Score: 6.0

Explanation: The essay demonstrates a mix of simple and complex sentence structures, contributing to a Band 6 score. There are instances of grammatical errors and punctuation issues throughout the essay. For example, “Cities dwellers seem gain much benefit” contains a subject-verb agreement error. Additionally, there are issues with word choice, such as “to be more specific” being incorrectly written as “Tobe more specific.” While the essay conveys the main ideas, errors occur frequently and can hinder comprehension.

How to improve: Focus on refining sentence structures and ensuring grammatical accuracy. Review subject-verb agreement and be cautious with word choice. Consider using a variety of sentence types to enhance the overall fluency of the essay. Proofreading for punctuation errors is crucial to improving clarity and coherence.

 

Bài sửa mẫu

Residents of urban areas often seem to reap more benefits than those in rural regions when there is an improvement in a country’s standard of living. This essay will highlight the issues arising from this disparity and propose potential solutions to mitigate these problems across different parts of the country.

When there is a disparity in benefits across a country, it inevitably leads to a migration of people from less prosperous areas to more developed ones in search of opportunities. This not only affects the cities but also puts strain on rural areas. Firstly, mass migration exerts pressure on these developed regions. To be more specific, cities witness environmental challenges, such as increased air pollution, stemming from a significant influx of private vehicles in traffic. Additionally, issues arise in housing infrastructure and job opportunities, leading to homelessness, unemployment, and potential increases in criminal activities. On the other hand, rural areas face their own set of challenges.

To address these issues, governments should implement region-based taxation and focus economic development policies more on rural areas, ensuring equal opportunities for all citizens. Regional-based taxation helps bridge the gap between urban and rural lifestyles, thereby reducing the number of people migrating to developed areas. Consequently, citizens across the country are provided with an equal environment for development, enabling them to work effectively and contribute to the well-being of themselves, their families, and their communities. Furthermore, local authorities can create job opportunities by investing in essential infrastructure like roads and electricity to attract companies and factories to their regions.

In conclusion, disparities in benefits are inevitable when the standard of living rises within a country. Governments should adopt practical and efficient policies to guarantee equal opportunities for development for everyone in the country.

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