According to a recent study, the more time people use the Internet, the less time they spend with real human beings. Some people say that instead of seeing the Internet as a way of opening up new communication possibilities world- wide, we should be concerned about the effect this is having on social interaction. How far do you agree with this opinion?

According to a recent study, the more time people use the Internet, the less time they spend with real human beings. Some people say that instead of seeing the Internet as a way of opening up new communication possibilities world- wide, we should be concerned about the effect this is having on social interaction.
How far do you agree with this opinion?

It is obvious that, at present, using Internet communication is significantly replacing the real one. I personally agree with this point although It has also had a drawback impact on social conservations.

Initially, social media sites such as Facebook, Instagram have become an essential aspect of people’s daily life.Because it allows them to keep in touch with their relationships, loved ones, or someone who is strange, instead of sending letters and mail compared to the past. For instance, new students accessing the new class can not have a chat with classmates by sending letters via email or phone number. Rather, humans have altered the way to have global communications by using the Internet. Therefore, It is recognized that social networking such as Facebook, Twitter, Instagram take a vital role in keeping in touch among humans.

On the other hand, social media is gradually more harmful than beneficial when users overuse it so that real conservations are fading. Majority of people are so addicted to Internet that they state at media and do not pay attention to others during meals with mates or family. This bad habit enjoyed a widespread of popularity nowadays, especially teenagers.

In conclusion, for above reasons, I agree with the pointview that Internet bring individuals a numerous advantages and few considerable drawback.

Gợi ý nâng cấp từ vựng

1. "It is obvious that, at present, using Internet communication is significantly replacing the real one." -> "It is evident that, currently, Internet communication is increasingly replacing traditional communication methods."
   Explanation: "It is evident" is a more formal alternative to "It is obvious," and "currently" is more precise than "at present." Additionally, "Internet communication" is a more specific term than "the real one," which is vague and informal.

2. "I personally agree with this point although It has also had a drawback impact on social conservations." -> "I concur with this viewpoint, although it also has a detrimental impact on social interactions."
   Explanation: "Concur" is more formal than "agree," and "viewpoint" is more precise than "point." "Detrimental" is a more formal synonym for "drawback," and "social interactions" is a more specific term than "social conservations."

3. "social media sites such as Facebook, Instagram have become an essential aspect of people’s daily life." -> "social media platforms such as Facebook and Instagram have become integral components of daily life."
   Explanation: "Platforms" is a more precise term than "sites," and "integral components" is more formal than "essential aspect." Also, "daily life" is more commonly used than "people’s daily life."

4. "Because it allows them to keep in touch with their relationships, loved ones, or someone who is strange," -> "Because it enables them to maintain relationships with family, friends, and acquaintances."
   Explanation: "Enable" is more formal than "allows," and "maintain relationships with family, friends, and acquaintances" is more specific and formal than "keep in touch with their relationships, loved ones, or someone who is strange."

5. "new students accessing the new class" -> "new students joining a new class"
   Explanation: "Joining" is the correct verb for entering a class, whereas "accessing" is not typically used in this context.

6. "Rather, humans have altered the way to have global communications by using the Internet." -> "Instead, humans have altered the way of global communication through the Internet."
   Explanation: "Instead" is more formal than "Rather," and "the way of global communication" is grammatically correct and more formal than "the way to have global communications."

7. "It is recognized that social networking such as Facebook, Twitter, Instagram take a vital role in keeping in touch among humans." -> "It is acknowledged that social networking platforms such as Facebook, Twitter, and Instagram play a vital role in facilitating human connections."
   Explanation: "Acknowledged" is more formal than "recognized," and "facilitating human connections" is more precise and formal than "keeping in touch among humans."

8. "social media is gradually more harmful than beneficial when users overuse it so that real conservations are fading." -> "social media is increasingly more detrimental than beneficial when users overuse it, leading to a decline in face-to-face interactions."
   Explanation: "Increasingly more detrimental" is a more formal expression than "gradually more harmful," and "leading to a decline in face-to-face interactions" is more specific and formal than "real conservations are fading."

9. "Majority of people are so addicted to Internet that they state at media and do not pay attention to others during meals with mates or family." -> "Many individuals are so addicted to the Internet that they stare at screens and neglect others during meals with friends and family."
   Explanation: "Many individuals" is more formal than "Majority of people," and "stare at screens" is a more precise description than "state at media." Also, "friends and family" is more formal than "mates or family."

10. "This bad habit enjoyed a widespread of popularity nowadays, especially teenagers." -> "This detrimental habit has gained widespread popularity, particularly among teenagers."
    Explanation: "Detrimental" is a more formal adjective than "bad," and "has gained widespread popularity" is grammatically correct and more formal than "enjoyed a widespread of popularity."

Band điểm Task Response ước lượng: 5

Band Score for Task Response: 5 – UNDER WORD

• Answer All Parts of the Question:

  • Detailed explanation: The essay attempts to address the prompt by acknowledging both the positive and negative impacts of the Internet on social interaction. However, it does not fully explore the extent of agreement with the opinion presented in the prompt. The statement "I personally agree with this point" is vague and lacks depth. The essay mentions both sides but does not clearly articulate a balanced view or a nuanced argument regarding how far the author agrees with the opinion.
  • How to improve: To enhance the response, the writer should explicitly state their position on the issue and provide a clear rationale for their level of agreement. This could involve discussing specific aspects of social interaction that are affected by Internet use and providing more detailed examples to illustrate the argument.

• Present a Clear Position Throughout:

  • Detailed explanation: The essay presents a position that agrees with the notion that the Internet negatively impacts social interactions. However, the clarity of this position is undermined by inconsistent phrasing and a lack of thorough explanation. Phrases like "drawback impact on social conservations" are unclear and detract from the overall argument. The use of "although" suggests a contrast that is not effectively developed.
  • How to improve: The writer should ensure that their position is clearly stated in the introduction and consistently reinforced throughout the essay. Using clear transitional phrases and explicitly linking back to the main argument in each paragraph would help maintain focus and clarity.

• Present, Extend, and Support Ideas:

  • Detailed explanation: The essay presents some ideas about the role of social media and its impact on real-life interactions. However, these ideas are not sufficiently extended or supported with specific examples. For instance, the mention of students using social media to connect lacks detail and does not effectively illustrate the point. Additionally, the argument about the negative impact of overuse is introduced but not fully explored.
  • How to improve: To strengthen the essay, the writer should aim to develop each idea more thoroughly. This could involve providing specific examples or statistics that illustrate the impact of Internet use on social interactions. Additionally, discussing potential solutions or counterarguments could enrich the analysis.

• Stay on Topic:

  • Detailed explanation: The essay generally stays on topic, discussing the effects of Internet use on social interaction. However, there are moments where the focus wavers, particularly when discussing the benefits of social media without adequately linking back to the main argument about social interaction. The phrase "real conservations are fading" is also somewhat vague and could be better articulated.
  • How to improve: To maintain focus, the writer should ensure that each paragraph directly relates back to the central thesis. It may be helpful to outline the main points before writing to ensure that all content is relevant and contributes to the overall argument.

In summary, to improve the essay and potentially raise the band score, the writer should aim for greater clarity in their position, provide more detailed support for their ideas, and ensure that all content remains focused on the prompt. Additionally, addressing the under word count issue by expanding on ideas and examples will also contribute to a stronger overall response.

Band điểm Coherence & Cohesion ước lượng: 7

Band Score for Coherence and Cohesion: 7

• Organize Information Logically:

  • Detailed explanation: The essay presents a clear argument regarding the impact of the Internet on social interactions. The introduction states the writer’s position, and the body paragraphs provide supporting points. However, the organization could be improved. For example, the transition from discussing the benefits of social media to its drawbacks is somewhat abrupt. The first body paragraph discusses the positive aspects of Internet communication, while the second shifts to the negative without a clear linking sentence or transitional phrase that would guide the reader smoothly from one idea to the next.
  • How to improve: To enhance logical flow, consider using transitional phrases such as "Conversely," or "In contrast," at the beginning of the second body paragraph. Additionally, a brief summary sentence at the end of the first paragraph could help reinforce the connection between the two points being discussed.

• Use Paragraphs:

  • Detailed explanation: The essay uses paragraphs effectively, with a clear introduction, body paragraphs, and a conclusion. However, the body paragraphs could be more distinctly separated in terms of content and structure. The first paragraph mixes examples with general statements, which can dilute the main point. The second paragraph also lacks a clear topic sentence that encapsulates the main idea of that section.
  • How to improve: Start each body paragraph with a clear topic sentence that summarizes the main idea. For example, the first body paragraph could begin with, "Social media platforms offer significant advantages in maintaining relationships," followed by supporting details. This would clarify the focus of each paragraph and improve overall coherence.

• Use a Range of Cohesive Devices:

  • Detailed explanation: The essay employs some cohesive devices, such as "initially," "on the other hand," and "for instance." However, the range of cohesive devices is limited, and some transitions are not used effectively. For example, the phrase "rather" is used in a way that could confuse the reader, as it does not clearly connect the ideas presented. Additionally, the use of "therefore" in the first paragraph is somewhat misplaced, as it does not logically follow the preceding statement.
  • How to improve: To diversify cohesive devices, incorporate a variety of linking words and phrases such as "furthermore," "in addition," "however," and "consequently." This will help to clarify relationships between ideas and improve the overall flow of the essay. For instance, after discussing the benefits of social media, you could say, "However, despite these advantages, there are significant drawbacks to consider."

Overall, while the essay demonstrates a good understanding of the topic and presents a clear argument, enhancing the logical organization, refining paragraph structure, and diversifying cohesive devices will help to achieve a higher band score in Coherence and Cohesion.

Band điểm Lexical Resource ước lượng: 6

Band Score for Lexical Resource: 6

• Use a Wide Range of Vocabulary:

  • Detailed explanation: The essay demonstrates a reasonable range of vocabulary, with terms such as "social media," "essential aspect," and "global communications." However, the vocabulary tends to be repetitive, particularly with phrases like "social media" and "Internet communication," which could be varied to enhance the richness of the language. Additionally, the phrase "real conservations" is a misnomer, as it should refer to "real conversations."
  • How to improve: To improve lexical variety, the writer could incorporate synonyms or related terms. For example, instead of repeatedly using "social media," alternatives like "digital platforms," "online networks," or "virtual communication" could be employed. This would not only enhance the range but also demonstrate a more sophisticated command of vocabulary.

• Use Vocabulary Precisely:

  • Detailed explanation: While the essay contains some appropriate vocabulary, there are instances of imprecise usage. For example, the phrase "drawback impact" is awkward; "negative impact" or "adverse effect" would be more suitable. Additionally, "someone who is strange" is unclear and could be more accurately expressed as "acquaintances" or "new people." The term "pointview" is incorrect and should be "viewpoint."
  • How to improve: To enhance precision, the writer should focus on selecting words that accurately convey the intended meaning. This can be achieved by reviewing vocabulary choices and ensuring that they fit the context. Utilizing a thesaurus can help find more precise alternatives, but it is crucial to ensure that the chosen words are appropriate for the context.

• Use Correct Spelling:

  • Detailed explanation: The essay contains several spelling errors that detract from its overall quality. For instance, "conservations" should be "conversations," and "pointview" should be "viewpoint." Additionally, "drawback impact" is awkward, and "state at media" should be "stare at media."
  • How to improve: To improve spelling accuracy, the writer should engage in regular practice, such as writing exercises that focus on commonly misspelled words. Additionally, proofreading the essay before submission can help identify and correct spelling mistakes. Utilizing spell-check tools can also assist in catching errors, but it is important to manually review suggestions to ensure they fit the context.

In summary, while the essay meets the basic requirements for lexical resource, there is significant room for improvement in vocabulary range, precision, and spelling accuracy. By focusing on these areas, the writer can enhance their lexical resource and potentially achieve a higher band score.

Band điểm Grammatical Range & Accuracy ước lượng: 6

Band Score for Grammatical Range and Accuracy: 6

• Use a Wide Range of Structures:

  • Detailed explanation: The essay demonstrates some variety in sentence structures, such as simple and compound sentences. For example, the writer uses a compound sentence in "I personally agree with this point although it has also had a drawback impact on social conservations." However, the range of complex sentences is limited, and many sentences are quite basic or repetitive in structure. The phrase "social media sites such as Facebook, Instagram have become an essential aspect of people’s daily life" could be improved by incorporating more complex structures, such as relative clauses or conditional sentences.
  • How to improve: To enhance the variety of sentence structures, the writer should practice using more complex sentences. This could include incorporating relative clauses (e.g., "which allow people to…") or conditional sentences (e.g., "If people continue to rely on social media, they may…"). Additionally, varying the sentence beginnings and lengths can create a more engaging flow. Reading more complex texts and practicing paraphrasing can also help in developing a wider range of structures.

• Use Grammar and Punctuation Accurately:

  • Detailed explanation: The essay contains several grammatical errors and punctuation issues. For instance, "It has also had a drawback impact on social conservations" should be corrected to "It has also had a detrimental impact on social interactions." The use of capitalization in "It is recognized" and "It has also had" is incorrect, as these should not start with a capital letter unless they begin a sentence. Additionally, there are missing commas, such as after introductory phrases (e.g., "Initially, social media sites…"). The phrase "the real one" is vague and could be more clearly defined.
  • How to improve: To improve grammatical accuracy, the writer should focus on subject-verb agreement and the correct use of articles (e.g., "the Internet" instead of "Internet"). Regular practice with grammar exercises, particularly focusing on common errors, can help. For punctuation, the writer should review the rules regarding comma usage, especially in complex sentences and lists. Reading essays and paying attention to punctuation can also provide insight into correct usage. Lastly, proofreading the essay for capitalization and clarity will help in reducing errors.

By addressing these areas, the writer can work towards achieving a higher band score in the Grammatical Range and Accuracy criteria.

Bài sửa mẫu

It is evident that, currently, Internet communication is increasingly replacing traditional communication methods. I personally concur with this viewpoint, although it also has a detrimental impact on social interactions.

Initially, social media platforms such as Facebook and Instagram have become integral components of people’s daily lives. This is because they enable individuals to maintain relationships with family, friends, and acquaintances, rather than relying on letters and mail as in the past. For instance, new students joining a new class can easily communicate with their classmates through email or social media, rather than sending letters. Instead, humans have altered the way of global communication through the Internet. Therefore, it is acknowledged that social networking platforms such as Facebook, Twitter, and Instagram play a vital role in facilitating human connections.

On the other hand, social media is increasingly more detrimental than beneficial when users overuse it, leading to a decline in face-to-face interactions. Many individuals are so addicted to the Internet that they stare at screens and neglect others during meals with friends and family. This detrimental habit has gained widespread popularity, particularly among teenagers.

In conclusion, for the above reasons, I agree with the viewpoint that the Internet brings individuals numerous advantages, but it also has considerable drawbacks.