According to a recent study, the more time people use the Internet, the less time they spend with real human beings. Some people say that instead of seeing the Internet as a way of opening up new communication possibilities world- wide, we should be concerned about the effect this is having on social interaction. How far do you agree with this opinion?

According to a recent study, the more time people use the Internet, the less time they spend with real human beings. Some people say that instead of seeing the Internet as a way of opening up new communication possibilities world- wide, we should be concerned about the effect this is having on social interaction.
How far do you agree with this opinion?

In today's rapidly evolving technology landscape, the technology sector is increasingly prevailing by establishing various devices such as phones, laptops, and computers. All of them were created to engage in human life. Nonetheless, in a current study, it is apparent that a large number of people are spending a substantial amount of time on the internet, thereby people are not communicating in real life, leading to spending less time with real human beings. Thus, I maintain the belief that even though the world has gained a high level of communication available, it still has disadvantages in the type of social interaction.
Obviously, due to the thriving global communication, the internet has become more accessible and easier to use than ever before. This means people expressed their tendency to assemble and socialize on the internet. In the old days, people lost their time on writing letters to post offices or sending them by pigeon which not only makes it difficult to send information, it also limits the number of recipients. Until technology developed further in contemporary times, manual methods of communication were being replaced by websites, humans were enabled to facilitate communication between people and countries. Hence, we no longer have the distances like before. As a result, technology is indeed significant in human daily life with both locally and internationally, humans can delve deeper into social ability.
If enhancing technologies brought various benefits on purpose, it also posed concerns with harmful effects on social interaction, particularly it affected the young generation. Although smart devices were created to serve human bases daily, some young people spent substantial time on the internet. They focused mostly on digital conversations and forums, which hindered their interpersonal skills in local communication. In the event, young individuals can get feelings of isolation due to limited skills. Furthermore, an enormous number of people depending on online services can maliciously impact community cohesion and social support networks. Therefore, to avoid faffing around in converse, it is essential to digest all the social skills by delivering friends, meeting outside, or collaborating with clubs.

In conclusion, developing technology can tenaciously revolutionize the world with a diverse array of advanced aids. I still believe that excessive reliance on online interaction can bring detrimental effects.

Gợi ý nâng cấp từ vựng

1. "In today’s rapidly evolving technology landscape" -> "In the rapidly evolving technological landscape of today"
   Explanation: Rearranging the phrase to "In the rapidly evolving technological landscape of today" improves the sentence structure and aligns better with formal academic style by placing the adjective "rapidly evolving" more closely with the noun it modifies, enhancing clarity and flow.

2. "is increasingly prevailing by establishing" -> "is increasingly prevalent through the establishment of"
   Explanation: Changing "is increasingly prevailing by establishing" to "is increasingly prevalent through the establishment of" corrects the grammatical error and uses a more precise verb form, enhancing the formal tone.

3. "All of them were created to engage in human life" -> "These devices were designed to integrate into human life"
   Explanation: Replacing "All of them were created to engage in human life" with "These devices were designed to integrate into human life" uses more precise language and avoids the awkward phrasing of "engage in human life."

4. "a large number of people are spending a substantial amount of time on the internet" -> "a significant number of individuals spend considerable time on the internet"
   Explanation: Replacing "a large number of people are spending a substantial amount of time" with "a significant number of individuals spend considerable time" refines the language by using more formal terms and correcting the verb tense to the present simple, which is more appropriate for general statements.

5. "thereby people are not communicating in real life" -> "therefore, individuals are not engaging in face-to-face interactions"
   Explanation: Changing "thereby people are not communicating in real life" to "therefore, individuals are not engaging in face-to-face interactions" uses more precise language and avoids the colloquial term "real life."

6. "spending less time with real human beings" -> "spending less time interacting with fellow humans"
   Explanation: Replacing "spending less time with real human beings" with "spending less time interacting with fellow humans" uses more formal and precise language, avoiding the redundancy of "real human beings."

7. "the internet has become more accessible and easier to use than ever before" -> "the internet has become more accessible and user-friendly than ever before"
   Explanation: Replacing "easier to use" with "user-friendly" provides a more specific and formal adjective, enhancing the academic tone.

8. "people expressed their tendency to assemble and socialize on the internet" -> "people tend to assemble and socialize on the internet"
   Explanation: Changing "people expressed their tendency" to "people tend" simplifies and clarifies the sentence, removing unnecessary complexity and enhancing readability.

9. "we no longer have the distances like before" -> "we no longer face the same geographical distances as before"
   Explanation: Replacing "we no longer have the distances like before" with "we no longer face the same geographical distances as before" provides a clearer and more precise description of the impact of technology on distance.

10. "humans can delve deeper into social ability" -> "humans can enhance their social abilities"
    Explanation: Changing "delve deeper into social ability" to "enhance their social abilities" uses more precise and formal language, correcting the awkward phrasing and grammatical structure.

11. "it also posed concerns with harmful effects" -> "it also poses concerns with adverse effects"
    Explanation: Replacing "posed" with "poses" corrects the verb tense to match the present context, and "adverse effects" is a more formal term than "harmful effects."

12. "faffing around in converse" -> "engaging in idle conversation"
    Explanation: Replacing "faffing around in converse" with "engaging in idle conversation" uses more formal and precise language, avoiding the colloquialism "faffing around."

13. "digest all the social skills by delivering friends, meeting outside, or collaborating with clubs" -> "develop all social skills through interacting with friends, meeting outside, or collaborating with clubs"
    Explanation: Changing "digest all the social skills by delivering friends, meeting outside, or collaborating with clubs" to "develop all social skills through interacting with friends, meeting outside, or collaborating with clubs" corrects the verb choice and adds clarity to the sentence, aligning with formal academic style.

Band điểm Task Response ước lượng: 7

Band Score for Task Response: 7

• Answer All Parts of the Question:

  • Detailed explanation: The essay addresses the prompt by acknowledging both the positive and negative aspects of internet usage on social interaction. The introduction clearly states the author’s belief that while technology has improved communication, it has also led to a decline in real-life interactions. However, the essay could have been more explicit in discussing the extent of agreement with the opinion presented in the prompt. For instance, the author mentions "I maintain the belief that even though the world has gained a high level of communication available, it still has disadvantages in the type of social interaction," which could be interpreted as partial agreement rather than a clear stance.
  • How to improve: To enhance the response to all parts of the question, the author should more explicitly state their level of agreement or disagreement with the opinion. A clearer thesis statement that outlines the degree of agreement would strengthen the essay. Additionally, providing specific examples or evidence to illustrate the impact of internet usage on social interactions would help to solidify the argument.

• Present a Clear Position Throughout:

  • Detailed explanation: The essay presents a position that acknowledges both sides of the argument but lacks consistency in expressing a clear stance. While the author states their belief in the negative effects of excessive internet use on social interaction, the discussion sometimes veers into a more neutral tone, particularly when discussing the benefits of technology. For example, phrases like "technology is indeed significant in human daily life" could suggest a more balanced view rather than a clear position against the negative effects.
  • How to improve: To maintain a clear position throughout, the author should consistently emphasize their viewpoint. This can be achieved by using stronger language to assert their stance and ensuring that each paragraph reinforces their main argument. Additionally, the author could use transitional phrases to guide the reader through their reasoning more effectively.

• Present, Extend, and Support Ideas:

  • Detailed explanation: The essay presents several ideas regarding the impact of the internet on social interaction, such as the isolation of young people and the decline of interpersonal skills. However, some ideas are not fully developed or supported with concrete examples. For instance, the statement about young individuals feeling isolated due to limited skills could benefit from specific examples or statistics to illustrate the point more vividly.
  • How to improve: To enhance the presentation and support of ideas, the author should aim to elaborate on each point made. This could involve providing real-life examples, citing studies, or including statistics that demonstrate the effects of internet usage on social skills. Additionally, ensuring that each idea is clearly linked back to the main argument will help to create a more cohesive essay.

• Stay on Topic:

  • Detailed explanation: The essay generally stays on topic, discussing the effects of internet usage on social interaction. However, there are moments where the focus shifts slightly, such as when discussing the historical context of communication methods. While this context is relevant, it could be more concise to maintain a tighter focus on the prompt.
  • How to improve: To improve focus, the author should ensure that all information presented directly supports their argument regarding the impact of the internet on social interaction. This can be achieved by avoiding tangential discussions and ensuring that each paragraph has a clear connection to the main thesis. Additionally, a more structured approach to paragraph organization could help maintain clarity and relevance throughout the essay.

Overall, while the essay demonstrates a good understanding of the topic and presents a relevant argument, addressing the areas for improvement outlined above could elevate the score further in the Task Response criteria.

Band điểm Coherence & Cohesion ước lượng: 7

Band Score for Coherence and Cohesion: 7

• Organize Information Logically:

  • Detailed explanation: The essay presents a clear argument regarding the impact of the internet on social interaction. The introduction effectively sets the stage for the discussion, stating the dual nature of technology’s influence. The body paragraphs are organized to first highlight the benefits of technology and then discuss its drawbacks, which provides a logical progression of ideas. However, some transitions between ideas could be smoother. For instance, the shift from discussing the advantages of the internet to its negative effects could be more clearly delineated to enhance the overall flow.
  • How to improve: To enhance logical organization, consider using clearer topic sentences at the beginning of each paragraph that summarize the main idea. Additionally, employing transitional phrases such as "On the other hand" or "Conversely" can help signal shifts in argument more effectively.

• Use Paragraphs:

  • Detailed explanation: The essay utilizes paragraphs to separate different ideas, which is a strength. Each paragraph focuses on a specific aspect of the argument, contributing to the overall coherence. However, the paragraphs could be more evenly balanced in terms of length and depth. For example, the second paragraph is quite lengthy and covers multiple points, which can overwhelm the reader.
  • How to improve: Aim for more balanced paragraphs by ensuring that each one contains a single main idea supported by relevant examples. Breaking down longer paragraphs into smaller ones can help maintain clarity and keep the reader engaged. For instance, consider splitting the second paragraph into two: one focusing on the benefits of technology and the other on its drawbacks.

• Use a Range of Cohesive Devices:

  • Detailed explanation: The essay employs some cohesive devices, such as "thus," "hence," and "therefore," which help connect ideas. However, the range of cohesive devices is somewhat limited, and some sentences feel abrupt or disconnected. For instance, the phrase "In the event" is used awkwardly and could confuse readers about its intended meaning.
  • How to improve: To diversify the use of cohesive devices, incorporate a wider variety of linking words and phrases, such as "furthermore," "in addition," "for instance," and "however." This will not only improve the flow of the essay but also clarify the relationships between ideas. Additionally, ensure that all cohesive devices are used appropriately and enhance the clarity of the argument.

By addressing these areas for improvement, the essay can achieve a higher level of coherence and cohesion, potentially leading to a higher band score in future assessments.

Band điểm Lexical Resource ước lượng: 7

Band Score for Lexical Resource: 7

• Use a Wide Range of Vocabulary:

  • Detailed explanation: The essay demonstrates a good range of vocabulary, with terms like "rapidly evolving," "substantial," "facilitate," and "interpersonal skills." These choices reflect an understanding of the topic and contribute to the overall clarity of the argument. However, there are instances where the vocabulary could be more varied or sophisticated. For example, the phrase "spending less time with real human beings" could be enhanced by using synonyms for "spending" or "real human beings" to avoid repetition and elevate the language.
  • How to improve: To enhance vocabulary range, consider incorporating more synonyms and varied expressions. For instance, instead of repeating "spending time," you might use "engaging in face-to-face interactions" or "participating in direct social activities." Additionally, exploring more advanced vocabulary related to technology and social interaction could further enrich the essay.

• Use Vocabulary Precisely:

  • Detailed explanation: The essay contains some precise vocabulary, such as "maliciously impact" and "community cohesion." However, there are also instances of imprecise usage. For example, the phrase "faffing around in converse" is somewhat informal and unclear in the context of the essay. The term "digest all the social skills" also lacks clarity and precision, as "digest" is typically associated with food rather than skills.
  • How to improve: To improve precision, it is essential to choose words that accurately convey the intended meaning. Instead of "digest," consider using "develop" or "cultivate" when referring to social skills. Additionally, replacing "faffing around in converse" with a more formal expression like "engaging in meaningful conversations" would enhance clarity and appropriateness for an academic essay.

• Use Correct Spelling:

  • Detailed explanation: The essay generally demonstrates good spelling accuracy, with most words spelled correctly. However, there are a few errors that detract from the overall impression, such as "maliciously impact" (which should be "maliciously impacts") and "faffing around" (which is informal and may not be appropriate in an academic context).
  • How to improve: To enhance spelling accuracy, it is advisable to proofread the essay carefully before submission. Utilizing spell-check tools and reading the essay aloud can help catch errors. Additionally, familiarizing oneself with commonly misspelled words and practicing writing them in context can improve overall spelling skills.

In summary, while the essay demonstrates a solid command of vocabulary, there are opportunities to enhance the range, precision, and spelling accuracy. By incorporating more varied vocabulary, choosing words with precision, and carefully proofreading for spelling errors, the writer can aim for an even higher band score in the Lexical Resource criteria.

Band điểm Grammatical Range & Accuracy ước lượng: 6

Band Score for Grammatical Range and Accuracy: 6

• Use a Wide Range of Structures:

  • Detailed explanation: The essay demonstrates some variety in sentence structures, including simple, compound, and complex sentences. For instance, the use of complex sentences such as "Although smart devices were created to serve human bases daily, some young people spent substantial time on the internet" shows an attempt to convey nuanced ideas. However, there are instances of repetitive structures, particularly in the use of phrases like "it is essential to" and "as a result," which can make the writing feel formulaic. Additionally, some sentences are overly lengthy, which can hinder clarity and impact.
  • How to improve: To diversify sentence structures, the writer should incorporate more varied sentence beginnings and lengths. For example, starting some sentences with adverbial clauses or phrases can create a more engaging flow. Additionally, breaking up longer sentences into shorter, more concise ones can improve readability and clarity. Practicing different ways to express similar ideas can also help in achieving greater variety.

• Use Grammar and Punctuation Accurately:

  • Detailed explanation: The essay contains several grammatical errors and punctuation issues that detract from its overall effectiveness. For example, "the technology sector is increasingly prevailing by establishing various devices" is awkwardly phrased and could be clearer. The phrase "thereby people are not communicating in real life" lacks proper punctuation; a semicolon or a conjunction would improve the flow. Furthermore, the use of tenses is inconsistent, as seen in "were created to engage in human life" versus "it is apparent that a large number of people are spending." These inconsistencies can confuse the reader and weaken the argument.
  • How to improve: To enhance grammatical accuracy, the writer should review subject-verb agreement and tense consistency throughout the essay. Regular practice with grammar exercises focusing on common errors can be beneficial. Additionally, proofreading for punctuation errors, such as comma splices and run-on sentences, can help improve clarity. Utilizing tools like grammar checkers or seeking feedback from peers can also aid in identifying and correcting mistakes before finalizing the essay.

Overall, while the essay demonstrates a foundational understanding of grammatical structures, there is room for improvement in both the variety of sentence constructions and the accuracy of grammar and punctuation. Focusing on these areas will help elevate the essay to a higher band score.

Bài sửa mẫu

In today’s rapidly evolving technological landscape, the technology sector is increasingly prevalent through the establishment of various devices such as phones, laptops, and computers. These devices were designed to integrate into human life. Nonetheless, a recent study indicates that a significant number of individuals spend considerable time on the internet, therefore, individuals are not engaging in face-to-face interactions, leading to spending less time with real human beings. Thus, I maintain the belief that even though the world has gained a high level of communication opportunities, it still has disadvantages regarding the quality of social interaction.

Obviously, due to the thriving global communication, the internet has become more accessible and user-friendly than ever before. This means that people tend to assemble and socialize on the internet. In the past, individuals spent their time writing letters to post offices or sending them by pigeon, which not only made it difficult to convey information but also limited the number of recipients. With the advancement of technology in contemporary times, traditional methods of communication have been replaced by websites, allowing humans to facilitate communication between people and countries. Hence, we no longer face the same geographical distances as before. As a result, technology is indeed significant in human daily life, both locally and internationally, enabling humans to enhance their social abilities.

While enhancing technologies bring various benefits, they also pose concerns with adverse effects on social interaction, particularly affecting the younger generation. Although smart devices were created to serve human needs daily, some young people spend substantial time on the internet. They focus mostly on digital conversations and forums, which hinders their interpersonal skills in local communication. Consequently, young individuals can experience feelings of isolation due to limited social skills. Furthermore, a significant number of people depending on online services can negatively impact community cohesion and social support networks. Therefore, to avoid engaging in idle conversation, it is essential to develop all social skills through interacting with friends, meeting outside, or collaborating with clubs.

In conclusion, developing technology can tenaciously revolutionize the world with a diverse array of advanced aids. However, I still believe that excessive reliance on online interaction can bring detrimental effects.