Advantages and disadvantages of (RELIGIOUS) tourism development

Nowadays, tourism development is so popular. This issue has both positive and negative aspects. This essay will discuss the advantages and disadvantages involved.
On the one hand, developing the nation’s tourism has various benefits. One of the significant good points of this issue is that it assists economic growth in a country. To further explain this, tourism is one of the most crucial sections of the national economy. When it is developed, the government has more funds to invest into other fields such as the medical system, construction and so on. Besides that, another positive aspect of development of tourism is that it opens more employment opportunities for the local residents. It could be understood that there will be numerous hotels, restaurant are built to meet the needs of tourists, so people can look for suitable jobs to support their life.
On the other hand, tourism development has several downsides. One of the drawbacks of this issue is that it has negative impacts on the environment. The tourists usually throw their rubbish everywhere. This leads to air, water and soil pollution. Moreover, another limitation of tourism development is the destruction of wildlife. It could be seen that people will destroy the forests which are the habitat of different kinds of wild animals and plants to build up the hotels, resorts and restaurants. Therefore, more and more rare species become extinct. Finally, the last disadvantage of tourism development is rising criminal activities. The tourists bring along valuable jewelry, smartphones and a large amount of money. This may cause illegal action such as pickpocketing, robberies and so on.
In conclusion, from what has been discussed, it could be concluded that tourism development has both advantages and disadvantages. Therefore, people should take advantage of the good points of tourism to develop the economy. The authorities should have practical policies to protect our environment from exploiting it for tourism development.

Gợi ý nâng cấp từ vựng

"Nowadays" -> "Currently"
Explanation: "Currently" is a more formal and precise temporal indicator suitable for academic writing, replacing the colloquial "Nowadays."
"so popular" -> "increasingly popular"
Explanation: "Increasingly popular" provides a more precise and formal description of the trend, avoiding the colloquial tone of "so popular."
"This issue has both positive and negative aspects" -> "This phenomenon has both positive and negative implications"
Explanation: "Phenomenon" is a more academic term than "issue," and "implications" is more specific and formal than "aspects."
"One of the significant good points" -> "One significant advantage"
Explanation: "Advantage" is more direct and formal than "good points," which is vague and informal.
"it assists economic growth in a country" -> "it contributes to national economic growth"
Explanation: "Contributes to national economic growth" is more precise and formal, specifying the scope of the contribution.
"the government has more funds to invest into other fields" -> "the government has increased funds to invest in other sectors"
Explanation: "Increased funds" is more specific and formal than "more funds," and "sectors" is a more precise term than "fields."
"restaurant are" -> "restaurants"
Explanation: Corrects the grammatical error from "are" to the plural noun "restaurants."
"people can look for suitable jobs to support their life" -> "individuals can secure suitable employment to support their livelihoods"
Explanation: "Individuals" and "livelihoods" are more formal and precise than "people" and "life," respectively.
"it has negative impacts on the environment" -> "it negatively impacts the environment"
Explanation: "Negatively impacts" is a more concise and formal way to express the negative effect.
"The tourists usually throw their rubbish everywhere" -> "Tourists often dispose of their waste indiscriminately"
Explanation: "Dispose of their waste indiscriminately" is a more formal and precise description of the behavior.
"This leads to air, water and soil pollution" -> "This results in air, water, and soil pollution"
Explanation: "Results in" is a more formal and academically appropriate verb than "leads to."
"people will destroy the forests" -> "forests are destroyed"
Explanation: Using the passive voice "forests are destroyed" is more formal and avoids the anthropomorphic implication of "people will destroy."
"to build up the hotels, resorts and restaurants" -> "to construct hotels, resorts, and restaurants"
Explanation: "Construct" is a more formal and precise verb than "build up," which is colloquial.
"Therefore, people should take advantage of the good points of tourism" -> "Therefore, policymakers should capitalize on the benefits of tourism"
Explanation: "Policymakers" and "capitalize on the benefits" are more specific and formal, replacing the vague and informal "people" and "good points."
"The authorities should have practical policies to protect our environment from exploiting it for tourism development" -> "Authorities should implement practical policies to safeguard the environment from exploitation in the name of tourism development"
Explanation: "Implement" and "safeguard" are more formal and precise than "have" and "protect," and "in the name of" is a more formal phrase than "for."

Band điểm Task Response ước lượng: 7

Band Score for Task Response: 7

Answer All Parts of the Question:
- Detailed explanation: The essay addresses both the advantages and disadvantages of tourism development, which is essential for responding to the prompt. The advantages discussed include economic growth and job creation, while the disadvantages focus on environmental impacts, wildlife destruction, and increased crime. However, the essay could benefit from a more specific focus on "religious tourism" as mentioned in the prompt, as the discussion is somewhat general and does not directly relate to the nuances of religious tourism.
- How to improve: To enhance this aspect, the writer should explicitly connect the points made to religious tourism. For example, discussing how religious tourism can lead to economic benefits for specific religious sites or how it may impact local cultures and environments unique to those sites would provide a more comprehensive answer.
Present a Clear Position Throughout:
- Detailed explanation: The essay presents a balanced view of the advantages and disadvantages, which is appropriate for this type of task. However, the conclusion lacks a strong, definitive stance on which side outweighs the other. The phrase "people should take advantage of the good points" suggests a preference for the advantages but does not clearly articulate a position.
- How to improve: To improve clarity and consistency, the writer should take a more definitive stance in the conclusion. For instance, stating whether the benefits of religious tourism outweigh the drawbacks or vice versa would strengthen the position. Additionally, reiterating this stance throughout the essay would help maintain a clear viewpoint.
Present, Extend, and Support Ideas:
- Detailed explanation: The essay presents several ideas regarding the advantages and disadvantages of tourism development. Each point is introduced and explained, but the support for these ideas could be more robust. For instance, while the economic benefits are mentioned, specific examples or statistics could enhance the argument. Similarly, the environmental impacts could be supported with examples of specific locations affected by tourism.
- How to improve: To effectively present and support ideas, the writer should include specific examples or case studies related to religious tourism. For instance, mentioning a particular religious site that has benefited economically from tourism or one that has suffered environmental degradation would provide depth and credibility to the arguments.
Stay on Topic:
- Detailed explanation: The essay generally stays on topic by discussing the advantages and disadvantages of tourism development. However, the lack of focus on religious tourism specifically detracts from the overall relevance to the prompt. The discussion could apply to any form of tourism, which does not fully meet the requirements of the task.
- How to improve: To maintain focus on the topic, the writer should ensure that all points made are directly related to religious tourism. This could involve discussing specific religious festivals, pilgrimage sites, or the cultural significance of religious tourism in various regions, thereby ensuring that the essay remains tightly aligned with the prompt.

Overall, while the essay demonstrates a good understanding of the topic and presents a balanced view, it would benefit from a more specific focus on religious tourism, a clearer position, and stronger support for the ideas presented.

Band điểm Coherence & Cohesion ước lượng: 8

Band Score for Coherence and Cohesion: 8

Organize Information Logically:
- Detailed explanation: The essay presents a clear structure, with distinct sections for advantages and disadvantages. The introduction effectively sets the stage for the discussion, and the conclusion summarizes the key points. However, the transition between the advantages and disadvantages could be smoother. For instance, the phrase "On the other hand" is a good start, but the connection to the previous paragraph could be strengthened to enhance the overall flow.
- How to improve: To enhance logical organization, consider using transitional phrases that not only indicate a shift but also relate the two sections. For example, you might say, "While tourism development can significantly boost the economy, it is also essential to consider its potential drawbacks." This would create a more cohesive link between the two contrasting ideas.
Use Paragraphs:
- Detailed explanation: The essay uses paragraphs effectively, with each paragraph focusing on a specific aspect of the topic. The advantages are well-separated from the disadvantages, making it easy for the reader to follow the argument. However, the second paragraph could benefit from clearer topic sentences that explicitly state the main idea of each point discussed.
- How to improve: Start each paragraph with a strong topic sentence that encapsulates the main idea. For example, instead of jumping directly into the first advantage, you could begin with a sentence like, "One of the primary benefits of tourism development is its significant contribution to economic growth." This would provide a clearer framework for the reader.
Use a Range of Cohesive Devices:
- Detailed explanation: The essay demonstrates a good use of cohesive devices, such as "besides that," "moreover," and "therefore." These devices help to connect ideas and guide the reader through the argument. However, there is some repetition in the use of "another" and "one of the," which can make the writing feel formulaic.
- How to improve: To diversify the use of cohesive devices, consider incorporating a wider range of linking words and phrases. For instance, instead of repeatedly using "another," you might use "in addition," "furthermore," or "additionally." This will not only enhance the variety of your writing but also keep the reader engaged.

Overall, the essay is well-structured and presents a balanced view of the topic. By focusing on improving transitions, strengthening topic sentences, and diversifying cohesive devices, the coherence and cohesion of the essay can be further enhanced, potentially leading to an even higher band score.

Band điểm Lexical Resource ước lượng: 6

Band Score for Lexical Resource: 6

Use a Wide Range of Vocabulary:
- Detailed explanation: The essay demonstrates a reasonable range of vocabulary, particularly in discussing the benefits and drawbacks of tourism development. Phrases like "economic growth," "employment opportunities," and "negative impacts on the environment" illustrate an attempt to use topic-specific language. However, the vocabulary is somewhat repetitive and lacks variation. For instance, the term "development" is used multiple times without synonyms or paraphrasing, which limits the lexical range.
- How to improve: To enhance vocabulary range, the writer should incorporate synonyms and varied expressions. For example, instead of repeatedly using "development," alternatives like "expansion," "advancement," or "growth" could be employed. Additionally, integrating more descriptive adjectives and adverbs could enrich the text, such as "sustainable tourism" or "significant economic benefits."
Use Vocabulary Precisely:
- Detailed explanation: The essay contains instances of imprecise vocabulary usage. For example, the phrase "the last disadvantage of tourism development is rising criminal activities" could be more accurately expressed as "an increase in criminal activities." The use of "good points" is also informal and vague; a more precise term like "benefits" or "advantages" would be more appropriate.
- How to improve: To improve precision, the writer should focus on selecting words that convey the intended meaning more clearly. For example, instead of "good points," using "benefits" or "advantages" would enhance clarity. Furthermore, reviewing phrases for grammatical accuracy, such as ensuring subject-verb agreement (e.g., "restaurants are built" instead of "restaurant are built"), will also improve precision.
Use Correct Spelling:
- Detailed explanation: The essay generally demonstrates good spelling, with only a few minor errors. However, there is a notable mistake in the phrase "restaurant are built," where "restaurant" should be pluralized to "restaurants." This error detracts from the overall professionalism of the writing.
- How to improve: To enhance spelling accuracy, the writer should engage in proofreading practices, such as reading the essay aloud or using spell-check tools. Additionally, maintaining a list of commonly misspelled words and reviewing them regularly can help prevent similar mistakes in the future.

Overall, while the essay meets the basic requirements for lexical resource, there is significant room for improvement in vocabulary range, precision, and spelling accuracy. By incorporating more varied vocabulary, ensuring precise word choice, and carefully proofreading for spelling errors, the writer can enhance the overall quality of their writing and potentially achieve a higher band score.

Band điểm Grammatical Range & Accuracy ước lượng: 7

Band Score for Grammatical Range and Accuracy: 7

Use a Wide Range of Structures:
- Detailed explanation: The essay demonstrates a fair range of sentence structures. Simple sentences are present, such as "This issue has both positive and negative aspects," which effectively convey straightforward ideas. However, there are also some compound and complex sentences, like "When it is developed, the government has more funds to invest into other fields such as the medical system, construction and so on." This variety helps maintain reader engagement. Nevertheless, the essay could benefit from more complex structures to enhance sophistication, such as using relative clauses or conditional sentences.
- How to improve: To diversify sentence structures, the writer could incorporate more complex sentences that include subordinate clauses. For example, instead of "It could be understood that there will be numerous hotels, restaurant are built to meet the needs of tourists," a more complex structure could be, "It can be understood that numerous hotels and restaurants will be built to meet the needs of tourists, which in turn will provide local residents with suitable job opportunities." This approach not only varies the structure but also improves clarity.
Use Grammar and Punctuation Accurately:
- Detailed explanation: The essay contains several grammatical errors and punctuation issues. For instance, the phrase "restaurant are built" should be corrected to "restaurants are built" to ensure subject-verb agreement. Additionally, the use of commas is inconsistent, as seen in the sentence "the government has more funds to invest into other fields such as the medical system, construction and so on," where a comma before "and so on" is not necessary. The overall grammatical accuracy is satisfactory but could be improved with careful proofreading.
- How to improve: To enhance grammatical accuracy, the writer should focus on subject-verb agreement and pluralization. Regular practice with grammar exercises can help reinforce these concepts. Furthermore, reviewing punctuation rules, particularly regarding the use of commas in lists and clauses, will improve clarity. Reading academic texts can also provide examples of correct grammar and punctuation usage, which can be emulated in their writing.

Overall, while the essay demonstrates a solid understanding of the topic and presents a balanced view, focusing on enhancing the variety of sentence structures and improving grammatical accuracy will help achieve a higher band score in the Grammatical Range and Accuracy criteria.

Bài sửa mẫu

**Improved Essay:**

Currently, tourism development is increasingly popular. This phenomenon has both positive and negative implications. This essay will discuss the advantages and disadvantages involved.

On the one hand, developing the nation’s tourism has various benefits. One significant advantage of this issue is that it contributes to national economic growth. To elaborate, tourism is one of the most crucial sectors of the national economy. When it is developed, the government has increased funds to invest in other sectors such as the medical system and construction. Additionally, another positive aspect of tourism development is that it opens more employment opportunities for local residents. It can be understood that numerous hotels and restaurants are built to meet the needs of tourists, allowing individuals to secure suitable employment to support their livelihoods.

On the other hand, tourism development has several downsides. One of the drawbacks of this issue is that it negatively impacts the environment. Tourists often dispose of their waste indiscriminately, which results in air, water, and soil pollution. Moreover, another limitation of tourism development is the destruction of wildlife. It can be observed that forests are destroyed to construct hotels, resorts, and restaurants, leading to the extinction of more and more rare species. Finally, the last disadvantage of tourism development is the rise in criminal activities. Tourists often carry valuable jewelry, smartphones, and large amounts of money, which may lead to illegal actions such as pickpocketing and robberies.

In conclusion, from what has been discussed, it can be concluded that tourism development has both advantages and disadvantages. Therefore, policymakers should capitalize on the benefits of tourism while ensuring that authorities implement practical policies to safeguard the environment from exploitation in the name of tourism development.