advantages and disadvantages of social networks

The invented internet has marked a huge developement of humankind. Nowadays, people can easily accsess to social networks. There's a lot of thing that we can accsess to internet: smartphone, laptop, television. Internet has brought us a lot of benefit: connect to people around the world, entertainment, study, look up for information easily. But beside of that, social networks also bring a lot of disadvantages to human: its waste our time and we can addicted to it all day. Second, we spend so much time on it, we don't care about our health that's why we can get ill. Third, blue light from smartphone can make our eyes weak, makes our brain tired for taking a lot of information that time. Last one, using internet can increase the distance among parents, relative or our relationship i reality. So, using the internet on a good way can help us alot, but just don't dependent on it too much.

Gợi ý nâng cấp từ vựng

Errors and Improvements:

"invented internet" -> "invention of the internet"
Explanation: "Invented internet" is an awkward phrase. "Invention of the internet" is a more appropriate and formal expression.
"marked a huge developement of humankind" -> "signified a significant advancement for humanity"
Explanation: "Marked a huge development of humankind" lacks precision and formality. "Signified a significant advancement for humanity" maintains clarity while using more formal language.
"accsess" -> "access"
Explanation: "Accsess" contains a spelling error. "Access" is the correct spelling of the word.
"There’s a lot of thing that we can accsess to internet" -> "There are numerous resources accessible via the internet"
Explanation: The original sentence is informal and lacks precision. Replacing it with a more structured and formal expression enhances clarity and academic tone.
"a lot of thing" -> "numerous resources"
Explanation: "A lot of thing" is too vague and informal. "Numerous resources" is a more specific and formal term suitable for academic writing.
"Beside of that" -> "In addition"
Explanation: "Beside of that" is informal. "In addition" is a more formal transition phrase suitable for academic writing.
"its waste our time" -> "it wastes our time"
Explanation: "Its waste our time" contains a subject-verb agreement error. "It wastes our time" is the correct form.
"we can addicted to it all day" -> "we can become addicted to it all day"
Explanation: "We can addicted to it all day" is grammatically incorrect. "We can become addicted to it all day" is the correct form.
"we don’t care about our health that’s why we can get ill" -> "we neglect our health, which can lead to illness"
Explanation: The original sentence lacks clarity and uses colloquial language. The suggested alternative is clearer and more formal.
"blue light from smartphone can make our eyes weak" -> "Exposure to blue light from smartphones can weaken our eyesight"
Explanation: The original sentence lacks precision and formal tone. The suggested alternative is clearer and more formal.
"makes our brain tired for taking a lot of information that time" -> "fatigues our brain by processing excessive information"
Explanation: The original sentence is awkward and lacks precision. The suggested alternative provides a clearer and more formal expression.
"using internet can increase the distance among parents, relative or our relationship i reality" -> "Internet usage can create distance between individuals, including parents, relatives, and real-life relationships"
Explanation: The original sentence lacks clarity and formal structure. The suggested alternative is more precise and formal.
"using the internet on a good way" -> "utilizing the internet responsibly"
Explanation: "Using the internet on a good way" is awkward and informal. "Utilizing the internet responsibly" is a more formal and precise expression.

Band điểm Task Response ước lượng: 5

Band Score for Task Response: 5 – UNDER WORD

Answer All Parts of the Question:
- Detailed explanation: The essay attempts to address both the advantages and disadvantages of social networks. It mentions benefits such as global connectivity, entertainment, and easy access to information. However, it primarily focuses on the disadvantages, discussing time wastage, health concerns, and social isolation.
- How to improve: To improve, the essay should provide a more balanced discussion by elaborating further on the advantages of social networks. It should explicitly address each aspect of the prompt (advantages and disadvantages) with equal depth.
Present a Clear Position Throughout:
- Detailed explanation: The essay maintains a somewhat clear position against excessive internet use, cautioning against dependence on social networks. However, the position is not consistently maintained throughout the essay, as some benefits of social networks are briefly mentioned.
- How to improve: To enhance clarity, the essay should clearly state and consistently reinforce its stance on whether the benefits outweigh the drawbacks or vice versa. It should avoid ambiguous statements and ensure every paragraph supports the chosen position.
Present, Extend, and Support Ideas:
- Detailed explanation: The ideas in the essay are presented but lack development and adequate support. For instance, while mentioning disadvantages like health issues and social isolation, these points are not expanded upon with specific examples or evidence.
- How to improve: To improve, the essay should provide concrete examples, statistics, or personal experiences to substantiate each point made. It should develop each idea into coherent paragraphs with clear topic sentences and supporting details.
Stay on Topic:
- Detailed explanation: The essay mostly stays on topic by discussing the advantages and disadvantages of social networks. However, there are instances where the focus shifts slightly towards general internet usage rather than specifically social networks.
- How to improve: To maintain focus, the essay should consistently refer back to the specific context of social networks. It should avoid broadening the discussion beyond the scope of the prompt and ensure every point directly relates to social networking platforms.

Overall, while the essay addresses the prompt, it could benefit from a more balanced approach in discussing both advantages and disadvantages. It should strengthen its position by providing clearer examples and ensuring every paragraph contributes cohesively to the central argument. With these improvements, the essay could achieve a higher band score by demonstrating a more nuanced understanding and deeper analysis of the topic.

Band điểm Coherence & Cohesion ước lượng: 7

Band Score for Coherence and Cohesion: 7

Organize Information Logically:
- Detailed explanation: The essay presents both advantages and disadvantages of social networks. However, the organization lacks a clear structure. Ideas are somewhat scattered throughout the essay, making it challenging for the reader to follow a logical progression of thought. For instance, the essay begins by mentioning the benefits of the internet and then shifts abruptly to discussing the disadvantages of social networks. This lack of coherence affects the overall clarity of the essay.
- How to improve: To enhance logical organization, consider structuring the essay with a clear introduction, body paragraphs focusing on specific advantages and disadvantages, and a concluding paragraph summarizing key points. Each paragraph should present a single main idea supported by relevant examples or evidence.
Use Paragraphs:
- Detailed explanation: The essay lacks effective paragraphing, as it is presented as a single block of text without clear breaks for separate ideas. This absence of distinct paragraphs makes it difficult for the reader to identify different points or arguments. Consequently, the essay feels disjointed and lacks cohesion.
- How to improve: Divide the essay into paragraphs, each focusing on a specific aspect of the topic. Start with an introduction paragraph that provides an overview of the advantages and disadvantages of social networks. Then, create separate paragraphs for each advantage and disadvantage discussed in the essay. Ensure each paragraph has a clear topic sentence, supporting details, and a concluding sentence to maintain coherence and cohesion.
Use a Range of Cohesive Devices:
- Detailed explanation: The essay lacks diversity in cohesive devices, resulting in a limited range of connectives to link ideas together. While some cohesive devices are used (e.g., "but," "besides," "so"), they are employed inconsistently and do not effectively facilitate smooth transitions between sentences and paragraphs.
- How to improve: Increase the use of cohesive devices to create stronger connections between ideas and improve the overall coherence of the essay. Incorporate a variety of cohesive devices such as conjunctions (e.g., "however," "moreover," "therefore"), transitional phrases (e.g., "on the other hand," "in addition to"), and pronouns (e.g., "this," "these") to establish clearer relationships between sentences and paragraphs. Additionally, ensure that cohesive devices are used consistently throughout the essay to maintain coherence.

Band điểm Lexical Resource ước lượng: 5

Band Score for Lexical Resource: 5

Use a Wide Range of Vocabulary:
- Detailed explanation: The essay demonstrates a fair range of vocabulary relevant to the topic. Examples include "developement," "accsess," "humankind," "benefit," "entertainment," "addicted," "blue light," "distance," and "dependent." However, there is room for improvement in the variety and sophistication of vocabulary usage. For instance, synonyms or more nuanced terms could be employed to avoid repetition and enhance lexical diversity.
- How to improve: To enhance the range of vocabulary, consider incorporating synonyms, idiomatic expressions, and specialized terminology where appropriate. Additionally, aim to use vocabulary in context to convey precise meanings and avoid redundancy. For instance, instead of repeatedly using "accsess," consider alternatives like "access," "utilize," or "navigate."
Use Vocabulary Precisely:
- Detailed explanation: While the essay attempts to convey ideas, there are instances of imprecise vocabulary usage. For example, "developement" should be spelled as "development," and "accsess" should be "access." Additionally, phrases like "its waste our time" could be revised for clarity and precision.
- How to improve: Focus on using vocabulary accurately and appropriately. Proofread carefully to identify and correct spelling errors. Consider using a spell checker or seeking feedback from peers to improve accuracy. Furthermore, aim for clarity and specificity in language choice to effectively convey ideas without ambiguity.
Use Correct Spelling:
- Detailed explanation: The essay contains several spelling errors, such as "developement" instead of "development" and "accsess" instead of "access." While these errors do not significantly hinder comprehension, they detract from the overall professionalism and coherence of the essay.
- How to improve: To improve spelling accuracy, utilize tools such as spell checkers, dictionaries, and grammar-checking software. Additionally, practice proofreading essays systematically to catch and correct spelling errors before final submission. Developing a habit of double-checking spelling and grammar can significantly enhance the quality of written work.

Band điểm Grammatical Range & Accuracy ước lượng: 5

Band Score for Grammatical Range and Accuracy: 5

Use a Wide Range of Structures:
- Detailed explanation: The essay demonstrates a basic variety of sentence structures, including simple, compound, and complex sentences. However, there is a noticeable lack of complex structures, and some sentences are awkwardly phrased or lack clarity. For instance, "The invented internet has marked a huge developement of humankind" could be improved for clarity and grammatical correctness.
- How to improve: To enhance the variety and effectiveness of sentence structures, strive to incorporate more complex sentences with varied clauses and phrases. This can be achieved by practicing sentence combining exercises and studying model essays to emulate sophisticated structures. Additionally, pay close attention to grammar and sentence clarity to ensure that ideas are expressed accurately and coherently.
Use Grammar and Punctuation Accurately:
- Detailed explanation: The essay exhibits several grammatical errors and punctuation mistakes throughout. For example, "a huge developement" should be "a huge development," and "its waste our time" should be "it wastes our time." Additionally, there are issues with subject-verb agreement and sentence structure.
- How to improve: To enhance grammatical accuracy, it’s essential to review basic grammar rules and practice writing in English regularly. Utilize grammar resources such as grammar textbooks or online exercises to reinforce your understanding of grammar concepts. Additionally, proofread your essays carefully to identify and correct errors in punctuation, subject-verb agreement, and sentence structure. Consider seeking feedback from teachers or native English speakers to target specific areas for improvement.

Bài sửa mẫu

The invention of the internet has marked a significant milestone in human development. Nowadays, people can easily access social networks through various devices such as smartphones, laptops, and televisions. There are numerous resources accessible via the internet, offering benefits such as connecting with people worldwide, entertainment, studying, and easily accessing information. However, along with these advantages come several disadvantages.

Firstly, excessive use of social networks can lead to a waste of time, and individuals may become addicted to them, spending entire days engrossed in online activities. Secondly, excessive screen time can lead to neglecting our health, potentially resulting in illness. Exposure to blue light from smartphones, in particular, can weaken eyesight and fatigue the brain by processing excessive information. Lastly, frequent internet usage can create distance between individuals in real-life relationships, including parents, relatives, and friends.

In conclusion, while utilizing the internet responsibly can offer numerous benefits, it’s essential not to become overly dependent on it. Balancing online activities with real-life interactions is crucial for maintaining overall well-being.