Advertisements are becoming more and more common in our everyday life. Is it a positive or negative development?
In this constantly-evolving world, due to advanced technology, advertising has become one of the pivotal methods for businesses to garner publicity and increase brand awareness. This results in the omnipresence of advertisement in today's daily life, which exerts both beneficial and detrimental impacts on various aspects. In this essay, I will clarify the positive outcomes of this trend on three levels, including individuals, corporations and the community.
To begin with, the ubiquity of promotion campaigns positively influences individual customers. To be specific, the increasing frequency of advertising appearance facilitates the more seamless and convenient shopping experience thanks to the accessibility to a multitude of types in a homogeneous product among target customers. A recent survey conducted in Hanoi showed that 40% of customers believed the availability of product information published in the commercial adverts helped save their time and effort, enabling them to opt for the most suitable products in the hectic work life.
On the corporate level, the escalating prevalence of advertisement can significantly benefit the company’s development. This primarily is because the commercial method brings the product closer to the customers; as a result, the more customers are aware of the item, the higher sales it will gain. The knock-on perk of this sales growth is the profit hike, which provides the company a favorable condition for the corporate progress and product enhancement. Moreover, society can reap huge benefits from the proliferation of the advertising industry which paves the way for newly introduced positions in the job market. Undoubtedly, as this field plays an indispensable role in marketing strategies, businesses have a growing demand of high-quality specialized advertising professionals to shoulder the responsibilities in product promotion campaigns; therefore, this propensity will offer job choices and opportunities for laborers, leading to the low unemployment rate.
In conclusion, the inexorable popularity of advertisements leads to a myriad of advantageous impacts on different aspects of life. These encompass the effective shopping solution for customers, the increasing likelihood of profitability for enterprises, and the contribution to the economic betterment.
Gợi ý nâng cấp từ vựng
Errors and Improvements:
"constantly-evolving" -> "constantly evolving"
Explanation: Removing the hyphen and using "constantly evolving" instead of "constantly-evolving" adheres to a more formal style. The hyphenated form is often considered less formal in academic writing.
"garner publicity" -> "generate publicity"
Explanation: "Generate" is a more formal and precise term compared to "garner" in academic writing. It conveys the idea that advertising creates or produces publicity.
"omnipresence" -> "ubiquity"
Explanation: "Ubiquity" is a more sophisticated term for the widespread presence mentioned in the context. It aligns better with academic language standards.
"This results in" -> "Consequently, this leads to"
Explanation: Replacing "This results in" with "Consequently, this leads to" adds formality and clarity to the transition between the introductory statement and the main idea of the essay.
"impacts" -> "effects"
Explanation: While "impacts" is not incorrect, "effects" is a more commonly used and neutral term in academic writing, avoiding any potential informality associated with "impacts."
"clarify" -> "explore"
Explanation: Using "explore" instead of "clarify" adds a more academic tone, as it implies a detailed examination of the positive outcomes rather than simply explaining them.
"To begin with" -> "Firstly"
Explanation: "Firstly" is a more formal transition phrase commonly used in academic writing to introduce the first point of discussion.
"ubiquity of promotion campaigns" -> "widespread use of promotional campaigns"
Explanation: Replacing "ubiquity of promotion campaigns" with "widespread use of promotional campaigns" provides a more precise and formal expression.
"To be specific" -> "Specifically"
Explanation: "Specifically" is a more concise and academically appropriate transition phrase to introduce specific details or examples.
"more seamless and convenient" -> "streamlined and convenient"
Explanation: "Streamlined" is a more sophisticated term, and using it instead of "more seamless" maintains the formal tone while conveying a similar meaning.
"thanks to the accessibility to" -> "due to the accessibility of"
Explanation: "Due to the accessibility of" is a more formal and precise phrase than "thanks to the accessibility to" in academic writing.
"A recent survey conducted in Hanoi showed" -> "A recent survey conducted in Hanoi revealed"
Explanation: Using "revealed" instead of "showed" adds a more formal tone to the presentation of survey results.
"escalating prevalence" -> "growing prevalence"
Explanation: "Growing prevalence" is a more commonly used and less informal term compared to "escalating prevalence."
"knock-on perk" -> "consequential benefit"
Explanation: "Consequential benefit" is a more formal and precise alternative to "knock-on perk" in academic writing.
"Undoubtedly" -> "Certainly"
Explanation: "Certainly" is a slightly more formal and neutral term compared to "Undoubtedly" in academic writing.
"this propensity" -> "this trend"
Explanation: "This trend" is a more appropriate term to describe the inclination or direction mentioned in the context. It aligns better with academic language.
Band điểm Task Response ước lượng: 8
Band Score for Task Response: 8
Answer All Parts of the Question:
- Detailed explanation: The essay effectively addresses all parts of the question by examining both positive and negative impacts of the increasing prevalence of advertisements. It discusses the effects on individuals, corporations, and society, fulfilling the task requirements. Relevant sections, such as the impact on individual customers and corporate benefits, are well-supported with examples and data.
- How to improve: To further enhance task response, consider providing a brief acknowledgment of the opposing viewpoint (negative impact of advertisements) before presenting the positive aspects. This would demonstrate a more balanced and nuanced approach.
Present a Clear Position Throughout:
- Detailed explanation: The essay maintains a clear and consistent position throughout, arguing in favor of the positive impacts of advertisements. Each paragraph contributes to reinforcing this stance, creating a cohesive and well-structured argument.
- How to improve: To strengthen the clarity of the position, consider explicitly stating the thesis in the introduction and summarizing it in the conclusion. This will reinforce the reader’s understanding of the essay’s main point.
Present, Extend, and Support Ideas:
- Detailed explanation: The essay effectively presents ideas, extends them with detailed examples (such as the survey in Hanoi), and supports arguments with logical reasoning. The development of ideas is thorough and contributes to a comprehensive understanding of the topic.
- How to improve: To further enhance idea presentation, consider providing a counter-argument or addressing potential counterpoints to demonstrate a deeper understanding of the complexity of the issue.
Stay on Topic:
- Detailed explanation: The essay stays on topic throughout, discussing the positive and negative impacts of advertisements as required by the prompt. There are no significant deviations from the main theme.
- How to improve: To ensure complete relevance, avoid general statements that may not directly relate to the prompt. Ensure that every point made contributes directly to the discussion of the positive or negative development of advertisements.
Overall, this essay demonstrates a strong grasp of the task and effectively communicates a well-structured argument with relevant examples and data. To further improve, consider incorporating counterarguments and providing a concise restatement of the thesis in the introduction and conclusion.
Band điểm Coherence & Cohesion ước lượng: 7
Band Score for Coherence and Cohesion: 7
Organize Information Logically:
- Detailed explanation: The essay demonstrates a commendable level of logical organization. The introduction clearly outlines the essay’s stance and the areas it will cover, and subsequent paragraphs follow a logical progression, moving from individuals to corporations and society. Each paragraph presents a coherent idea, and the flow between them is smooth. For instance, the transition from the impact on individuals to the corporate level is seamless.
- How to improve: To further enhance logical organization, consider refining the transitions between paragraphs. Use linking sentences or phrases to guide the reader smoothly from one idea to the next. This will help maintain a clear and cohesive structure.
- Detailed explanation: The essay effectively uses paragraphs to structure its content. Each paragraph focuses on a specific aspect of the topic, aiding readability and comprehension. The introduction sets the stage, and subsequent paragraphs delve into the positive impacts on individuals, corporations, and society. Each paragraph contains a topic sentence that encapsulates the main idea.
- How to improve: To further enhance paragraphing, ensure that each paragraph maintains a unified theme and fully explores the respective topic. Consider using more varied sentence structures to add complexity and nuance to the ideas presented.
Use a Range of Cohesive Devices:
- Detailed explanation: The essay incorporates a variety of cohesive devices effectively. Transition words and phrases like "To begin with," and "In conclusion," aid in guiding the reader through the essay’s structure. Additionally, the use of pronouns and cohesive phrases like "this trend" and "as a result" helps connect ideas within sentences and paragraphs.
- How to improve: While cohesive devices are well-utilized, consider diversifying the range of linking words and phrases to add richness to the essay’s coherence. This can include using synonyms for commonly used connectors and experimenting with more sophisticated transitional phrases.
Overall, the essay exhibits strong coherence and cohesion, successfully organizing information, employing effective paragraphs, and utilizing a range of cohesive devices. Refining transitions and adding variety to linking words can contribute to an even more polished essay.
Band điểm Lexical Resource ước lượng: 6
Band Score for Lexical Resource: 6
Use a Wide Range of Vocabulary:
- Detailed explanation: The essay exhibits a moderate range of vocabulary. While there is an attempt to incorporate diverse words, there is room for improvement. For instance, the repeated use of terms like "advertisement" and "advertising" could be diversified to maintain lexical richness.
- How to improve: To enhance your score, consider incorporating more synonyms and varied expressions for key terms. Instead of repeatedly using "advertisement," experiment with alternatives like "promotion," "marketing campaigns," or "commercial methods" to demonstrate a broader vocabulary.
Use Vocabulary Precisely:
- Detailed explanation: The essay demonstrates a generally precise use of vocabulary. However, there are instances where more precise word choices could enhance clarity. For example, in the phrase "the more seamless and convenient shopping experience," replacing "seamless" with a more specific term like "effortless" would provide a sharper expression.
- How to improve: Pay close attention to word choice and seek more precise terms where possible. Utilize adjectives and adverbs that precisely convey the intended meaning, contributing to a more nuanced and refined language.
Use Correct Spelling:
- Detailed explanation: Spelling accuracy is generally sound. However, there are a few minor errors, such as "product enhancement" where "product enhancement" would be more appropriate. These instances do not significantly impede comprehension but can be refined for a more polished presentation.
- How to improve: Continue to prioritize spelling accuracy. Proofread your essays carefully, and consider using spelling and grammar check tools to catch any overlooked errors. Additionally, reviewing common spelling patterns can further enhance your overall spelling proficiency.
Overall, while the essay demonstrates competency in lexical resource, addressing the mentioned areas for improvement can elevate the vocabulary to a more sophisticated and nuanced level, potentially contributing to an enhanced band score.
Band điểm Grammatical Range & Accuracy ước lượng: 7
Band Score for Grammatical Range and Accuracy: 7
Use a Wide Range of Structures:
- Detailed explanation: The essay demonstrates a commendable use of a variety of sentence structures. It includes complex sentences, compound sentences, and well-structured paragraphs. There is an evident effort to incorporate diverse sentence structures, contributing to the overall fluency and coherence of the essay. For instance, the use of both dependent and independent clauses in the introductory paragraph adds sophistication to the writing.
- How to improve: While the essay already incorporates a wide range of structures, there is room for even more sophistication. Consider experimenting with more complex sentence structures, such as incorporating subordinate clauses within sentences or employing rhetorical devices. This can further elevate the essay’s overall language complexity and stylistic richness.
Use Grammar and Punctuation Accurately:
- Detailed explanation: The essay generally exhibits a strong command of grammar and punctuation. However, there are a few instances where minor grammatical errors, such as subject-verb agreement issues, are present. For instance, in the sentence, "This results in the omnipresence of advertisement in today’s daily life," the correct term should be "advertisements" instead of "advertisement."
- How to improve: To enhance grammatical accuracy, pay careful attention to subject-verb agreement and ensure consistency in verb tenses throughout the essay. Proofreading for minor errors can significantly improve the overall grammatical precision. Additionally, consider using more advanced punctuation, such as semicolons or dashes, to add variety to sentence structures.
Overall, the essay showcases a strong command of grammatical range and accuracy, with only minor areas for improvement. Further diversifying sentence structures and refining grammatical details will contribute to achieving an even higher band score.
Bài sửa mẫu
In this ever-changing world, propelled by advanced technology, advertising has emerged as a crucial method for businesses to gain attention and enhance brand recognition. This results in the widespread presence of advertisements in our daily lives, bringing both positive and negative impacts to various aspects. In this essay, I will elucidate the positive outcomes of this trend on three levels: individuals, corporations, and the community.
To commence, the prevalence of promotional campaigns positively influences individual customers. Specifically, the increasing frequency of advertisements contributes to a more streamlined and convenient shopping experience, thanks to easy access to a variety of products within a specific category. A recent survey conducted in Hanoi revealed that 40% of customers believed that the product information provided in commercial adverts saved them time and effort, enabling them to choose the most suitable products amidst their busy work lives.
On the corporate level, the growing prevalence of advertising can significantly benefit a company’s development. Primarily, this is because advertising brings the product closer to the customers, leading to increased product awareness and higher sales. The subsequent benefit of this sales growth is an increase in profits, creating a favorable condition for corporate progress and product enhancement. Moreover, society can derive significant benefits from the proliferation of the advertising industry, which creates new job opportunities. Certainly, as this field plays an indispensable role in marketing strategies, businesses have a growing demand for high-quality specialized advertising professionals to handle responsibilities in promotional campaigns. Consequently, this trend offers job choices and opportunities for workers, leading to a lower unemployment rate.
In conclusion, the unstoppable popularity of advertisements results in numerous advantageous impacts on different aspects of life. These include effective shopping solutions for customers, increased profitability for enterprises, and contributions to economic betterment.