Advertising are becoming more and more common on everyday life. Is it a positive or negative development?

In contemporary society, advertising is gaining popularity on a daily basis. Personally, this trend has both advantages and disadvantages in equal measure.
On the one hand, the ubiquity of advertising positively affects individuals and developed nations, particularly through website maintenance and tourism. In terms of individuals, due to the advent of technological devices and social media, YouTubers and various streamers are offered advertisements to pay for their income. Therefore, people who register on YouTube and social platforms can watch and entertain their channels free of charge because advertisements assist them in maintaining their websites. At the same time, advertising typically served as an effective tool for under-development countries to introduce their culture to visitors worldwide without geographical constraints. For instance, Anime in Japan assists governments in influencing visitors, who want to explore and investigate their unique things such as cuisine and clothing.
On the other hand, the advertising’s drawbacks on people's distraction and the quality of production can not be overlooked. Nowadays, websites have numerous different advertisements, which distract us from reading online books and listening to music. When it comes to unsupervised children, advertisements take a heavy toll on their mental health and thinking stemming from uncensorship advertisements related to sexual harassment on unknown websites. Another current issue is that several game companies are only poured their budget into making unique advertisements rather than focusing solely on their games. As a result, gamers are losing their trust in them, and soon the companies will face bankruptcy.
In conclusion, the omnipresence of advertising is making much income for freelancers and facilitates countries to introduce their culture and cuisine to visitors. However, it is crucial to mitigate their downsides related to people’s distraction, children’s mental health, and the decline in companies' production quality.

Gợi ý nâng cấp từ vựng

"gaining popularity on a daily basis" -> "increasingly prevalent"
Explanation: "Increasingly prevalent" is a more precise and formal way to describe the growing frequency of advertising, avoiding the colloquial tone of "gaining popularity on a daily basis."
"Personally" -> "In my opinion"
Explanation: "In my opinion" is a more formal expression suitable for academic writing, whereas "Personally" can sound too informal and personal.
"in equal measure" -> "equally"
Explanation: "Equally" is a more concise and formal way to indicate that the advantages and disadvantages are balanced.
"website maintenance" -> "website upkeep"
Explanation: "Website upkeep" is a more specific term that accurately describes the ongoing tasks required to maintain a website, enhancing the precision of the statement.
"YouTubers and various streamers" -> "YouTubers and other online content creators"
Explanation: "Other online content creators" is a broader and more formal term that encompasses a wider range of individuals beyond just YouTubers and streamers.
"to pay for their income" -> "to support their livelihood"
Explanation: "To support their livelihood" is a more formal and precise phrase that accurately describes how advertising income supports the creators’ financial well-being.
"watch and entertain their channels free of charge" -> "access their content without charge"
Explanation: "Access their content without charge" is a more formal and precise way to describe the benefit of free content.
"typically served as an effective tool" -> "has typically served as an effective tool"
Explanation: Adding "has" corrects the grammatical structure, making the sentence more formal and grammatically correct.
"under-development countries" -> "developing countries"
Explanation: "Developing countries" is the correct term, as "under-development" is not a standard term in English.
"influencing visitors" -> "attracting visitors"
Explanation: "Attracting visitors" is a more accurate and formal term for describing the effect of advertising on tourism.
"unique things such as cuisine and clothing" -> "distinct aspects such as cuisine and attire"
Explanation: "Distinct aspects" is a more formal and precise term than "unique things," and "attire" is a more formal synonym for "clothing."
"the advertising’s drawbacks" -> "the drawbacks of advertising"
Explanation: "The drawbacks of advertising" is grammatically correct and more formal, avoiding the possessive form "advertising’s."
"can not be overlooked" -> "cannot be overlooked"
Explanation: "Cannot" is the correct form of the contraction for formal writing.
"Nowadays" -> "Currently"
Explanation: "Currently" is a more formal adverb suitable for academic writing compared to the colloquial "Nowadays."
"poured their budget" -> "allocated their budget"
Explanation: "Allocated their budget" is a more formal and precise term than "poured their budget," which is colloquial and imprecise.
"making unique advertisements" -> "creating innovative advertisements"
Explanation: "Creating innovative advertisements" is a more formal and precise way to describe the process of developing new and distinctive advertisements.
"losing their trust" -> "eroding their trust"
Explanation: "Eroding their trust" is a more formal and precise term that better conveys the gradual loss of trust.
"soon the companies will face bankruptcy" -> "ultimately, the companies may face bankruptcy"
Explanation: "Ultimately, the companies may face bankruptcy" is a more formal and speculative expression, suitable for academic writing, which avoids the certainty implied by "soon."

Band điểm Task Response ước lượng: 7

Band Score for Task Response: 7

Answer All Parts of the Question:
- Detailed explanation: The essay addresses both the positive and negative aspects of advertising, which is essential for answering the prompt. The writer discusses the benefits of advertising for individuals and countries, such as income for content creators and cultural promotion. However, the response could be more balanced; while the positive aspects are presented clearly, the negative implications, particularly regarding children’s mental health and the quality of production, could be developed further to ensure a more comprehensive exploration of the topic.
- How to improve: To enhance this aspect, the writer should ensure that each side of the argument is equally developed. This can be achieved by providing more examples or evidence for the negative impacts of advertising, perhaps by discussing specific studies or statistics that illustrate these points.
Present a Clear Position Throughout:
- Detailed explanation: The essay presents a personal stance that advertising has both advantages and disadvantages, which is clear in the introduction. However, the conclusion reiterates the benefits without a strong emphasis on the negative aspects, which could confuse the reader about the writer’s overall position. The phrase "both advantages and disadvantages in equal measure" suggests a balanced view, but the conclusion leans more towards the positives.
- How to improve: To maintain a clear position, the writer should ensure that the conclusion reflects a balanced view. This could involve summarizing both sides and explicitly stating whether they believe the positives outweigh the negatives or vice versa. Additionally, using stronger transitional phrases throughout the essay can help reinforce the position.
Present, Extend, and Support Ideas:
- Detailed explanation: The essay presents several ideas related to the effects of advertising, such as its role in supporting content creators and promoting cultural awareness. However, some points, particularly the negative impacts, lack depth and supporting evidence. For example, the mention of "uncensorship advertisements related to sexual harassment" is significant but is not elaborated upon, leaving the reader wanting more context and detail.
- How to improve: To strengthen the development of ideas, the writer should aim to provide more detailed explanations and examples for each point made. This could include discussing specific types of advertisements that have been problematic or citing research that supports claims about the negative effects on children.
Stay on Topic:
- Detailed explanation: The essay generally stays on topic, focusing on the impact of advertising. However, there are moments where the discussion could be more tightly focused. For instance, the mention of "bankruptcy" in relation to game companies feels somewhat disconnected from the broader discussion of advertising’s impact, as it does not directly tie back to the central theme of advertising’s role in society.
- How to improve: To maintain focus, the writer should ensure that all points made directly relate back to the prompt. This can be achieved by regularly referencing the question throughout the essay and ensuring that each paragraph contributes to answering whether advertising is a positive or negative development.

Overall, while the essay demonstrates a solid understanding of the topic and presents a clear argument, there is room for improvement in balancing the discussion, providing deeper support for ideas, and maintaining a consistent focus on the prompt.

Band điểm Coherence & Cohesion ước lượng: 7

Band Score for Coherence and Cohesion: 7

Organize Information Logically:
- Detailed explanation: The essay presents a clear structure with an introduction, body paragraphs discussing both the positive and negative aspects of advertising, and a conclusion. The ideas are generally well-organized, with the first body paragraph focusing on the advantages and the second on the disadvantages. However, the transition between points could be smoother. For instance, the shift from discussing the benefits of advertising for individuals to its impact on under-developed countries could be more clearly articulated to enhance the logical flow.
- How to improve: To enhance logical organization, consider using clearer topic sentences that outline the main idea of each paragraph. Additionally, transitional phrases such as "Furthermore," "In addition," or "Conversely," can help guide the reader through the argument and clarify the relationship between ideas.
Use Paragraphs:
- Detailed explanation: The essay effectively uses paragraphs to separate different ideas, which is crucial for clarity. Each paragraph focuses on a specific aspect of advertising, making it easier for the reader to follow the argument. However, the second body paragraph could benefit from further subdivision, as it covers multiple drawbacks that could be more effectively communicated in separate paragraphs.
- How to improve: To improve paragraphing, consider breaking down the second body paragraph into two distinct paragraphs: one focusing on the distractions caused by advertising and the other on its impact on children’s mental health and production quality in gaming. This would allow for a more in-depth exploration of each issue and improve overall clarity.
Use a Range of Cohesive Devices:
- Detailed explanation: The essay demonstrates a reasonable use of cohesive devices, such as "On the one hand" and "On the other hand," which help to structure the argument. However, the range of cohesive devices is somewhat limited, and there are instances where the connections between sentences could be strengthened. For example, the phrase "As a result" is used effectively, but the essay could benefit from a wider variety of linking words and phrases to enhance cohesion.
- How to improve: To diversify the use of cohesive devices, incorporate a broader range of linking words and phrases. For instance, use "Moreover," "In contrast," "Consequently," and "For example" to connect ideas more fluidly. Additionally, ensure that each sentence logically follows from the previous one, which can be achieved by summarizing the previous point before introducing a new one.

Overall, while the essay demonstrates a solid understanding of coherence and cohesion, focusing on enhancing transitions, refining paragraph structure, and diversifying cohesive devices will further strengthen the clarity and effectiveness of the argument.

Band điểm Lexical Resource ước lượng: 7

Band Score for Lexical Resource: 7

Use a Wide Range of Vocabulary:
- Detailed explanation: The essay demonstrates a good range of vocabulary, with terms like "ubiquity," "under-development," "cuisine," and "omnipresence" showcasing the writer’s ability to use varied language. However, some phrases are slightly repetitive, such as "advertising" and "advertisements," which could be replaced with synonyms or paraphrased to enhance lexical variety. For instance, instead of repeatedly using "advertising," the writer could use "promotional content" or "commercial messages."
- How to improve: To improve lexical variety, the writer should actively seek synonyms and practice paraphrasing common phrases. Engaging with a thesaurus or vocabulary-building exercises could help diversify the language used in the essay.
Use Vocabulary Precisely:
- Detailed explanation: While the essay generally uses vocabulary correctly, there are instances of imprecise usage. For example, the phrase "the advertising’s drawbacks on people’s distraction" could be more clearly articulated as "the drawbacks of advertising on people’s attention." Additionally, the term "uncensorship advertisements" is awkward and should be replaced with "uncensored advertisements" for clarity.
- How to improve: To enhance precision in vocabulary, the writer should focus on understanding the nuances of word meanings and contexts. Reviewing vocabulary in context, such as through reading or listening exercises, can help in selecting the most appropriate words for specific situations.
Use Correct Spelling:
- Detailed explanation: The essay contains a few spelling errors, such as "under-development" (which should be "underdeveloped") and "can not" (which should be "cannot"). These errors slightly detract from the overall impression of the essay and suggest a need for greater attention to detail.
- How to improve: To improve spelling accuracy, the writer should implement a proofreading strategy, such as reading the essay aloud or using spell-check tools. Additionally, maintaining a personal list of commonly misspelled words and practicing them can help reinforce correct spelling habits.

In summary, while the essay achieves a Band 7 for Lexical Resource, there are clear areas for improvement. By expanding vocabulary range, enhancing precision in word choice, and focusing on spelling accuracy, the writer can work towards achieving a higher band score in future essays.

Band điểm Grammatical Range & Accuracy ước lượng: 7

Band Score for Grammatical Range and Accuracy: 7

Use a Wide Range of Structures:
- Detailed explanation: The essay demonstrates a good variety of sentence structures, including simple, compound, and complex sentences. For example, the use of phrases like "On the one hand" and "On the other hand" effectively introduces contrasting ideas, which is a strong organizational strategy. Additionally, the sentence "the ubiquity of advertising positively affects individuals and developed nations" showcases an effective use of a complex structure. However, there are instances where the sentence construction could be more varied. For example, the phrase "the advertising’s drawbacks on people’s distraction and the quality of production can not be overlooked" could be restructured for better clarity and fluidity.
- How to improve: To enhance the range of structures, consider incorporating more varied introductory phrases and clauses. For example, instead of starting sentences with the subject, try using adverbial clauses or participial phrases to create more dynamic openings. Additionally, practice using conditional sentences or inversion for emphasis, which can add depth to your writing.
Use Grammar and Punctuation Accurately:
- Detailed explanation: The essay generally maintains a good level of grammatical accuracy, but there are notable errors that affect clarity. For instance, the phrase "the advertising’s drawbacks on people’s distraction" should be corrected to "the drawbacks of advertising on people’s distraction." Furthermore, the use of "can not" should be written as "cannot" for standardization. Punctuation is mostly correct, but there are some run-on sentences that could benefit from clearer separation. For example, the sentence "As a result, gamers are losing their trust in them, and soon the companies will face bankruptcy" could be split into two sentences for better readability.
- How to improve: To improve grammatical accuracy, it is essential to review and practice the correct forms of possessives and prepositions. Additionally, pay attention to sentence boundaries to avoid run-ons. Reading more complex texts and analyzing their structure can also help in understanding how to punctuate effectively. Finally, consider proofreading your work or using grammar-checking tools to catch errors before finalizing your essay.

Overall, while the essay demonstrates a solid command of grammatical range and accuracy, focusing on diversifying sentence structures and refining grammatical precision will help elevate the writing to a higher band score.

Bài sửa mẫu

In contemporary society, advertising is becoming increasingly prevalent in our daily lives. In my opinion, this trend has both advantages and disadvantages in equal measure.

On the one hand, the ubiquity of advertising positively affects individuals and developed nations, particularly through website upkeep and tourism. For individuals, the rise of technological devices and social media has enabled YouTubers and other online content creators to utilize advertisements to support their livelihood. Consequently, people who subscribe to YouTube and social platforms can access their content without charge, as advertisements assist them in maintaining their websites. Simultaneously, advertising has typically served as an effective tool for developing countries to introduce their culture to visitors worldwide without geographical constraints. For instance, anime in Japan helps governments attract visitors who wish to explore and investigate distinct aspects such as cuisine and attire.

On the other hand, the drawbacks of advertising cannot be overlooked, particularly regarding people’s distraction and the quality of production. Currently, websites are inundated with various advertisements, which distract us from reading online books and listening to music. When it comes to unsupervised children, advertisements can take a heavy toll on their mental health and critical thinking due to uncensored content related to sexual harassment on unknown websites. Another pressing issue is that several game companies have allocated their budget primarily to creating innovative advertisements rather than focusing on their games. As a result, gamers are losing their trust in these companies, and ultimately, they may face bankruptcy.

In conclusion, the omnipresence of advertising generates significant income for freelancers and facilitates countries in introducing their culture and cuisine to visitors. However, it is crucial to mitigate the downsides related to people’s distraction, children’s mental health, and the decline in companies’ production quality.