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Advertising has become an indispensable part of our lives. Why? Is it a positive or negative development?

Advertising has become an indispensable part of our lives. Why? Is it a positive or negative development?

We live in a modern world where advertising has become an important and indispensable part of our lives. There are several reasons why we cannot live or work without advertising and in my opinion, this has some positive impacts on people’s lives.

Advertisement provides citizens with detailed information about products and services that they need or want to know. In the past, people often were defrauded by disguised companies because of the lack of knowledge about services, products or market prices of famous places, so in the new era, advertising is an indispensable part of our lives. For example, when a company launches a new product, they advertise it to attract attention and increase the trust of individuals, so customers can understand what the product does, how it works, and how it can benefit them. As a result, thanks to advertising, people can approach and gather bits of knowledge about many issues, and phenomena around them.

In addition, advertising brings two main benefits to people’s lives. Firstly, it helps brands, companies earn much higher income than they used to do in the past. When they advertise their products, their services through the Internet, and websites, customers will pay attention to their goods and buy them due to their curiosity and desire to experience. Secondly, advertising also helps promote local cultures and costumes to international friends. Through advertising about a country’s cultural values, tourists can learn more about the customs and traditions of the place they want to visit and it makes the visitors’ experience more enriching.

In conclusion, it cannot denied that advertising has become an indispensable part of people's lives because of its positive effects on development and people’s lives.


Gợi ý nâng cấp từ vựng

Errors and Improvements:

  1. "We live in a modern world" -> "In the contemporary era"
    Explanation: Replacing "We live in a modern world" with "In the contemporary era" introduces a more sophisticated and formal expression, aligning with academic style.

  2. "cannot live or work without advertising" -> "cannot function adequately without advertising"
    Explanation: Substituting "live or work" with "function adequately" enhances the formality of the statement, providing a more precise description of the relationship between individuals and advertising.

  3. "positive impacts on people’s lives" -> "positive influences on individuals’ lives"
    Explanation: Changing "positive impacts on people’s lives" to "positive influences on individuals’ lives" maintains a formal tone while offering a more nuanced term for the effects of advertising.

  4. "Advertisement provides citizens with detailed information" -> "Advertising furnishes citizens with comprehensive information"
    Explanation: Replacing "Advertisement provides" with "Advertising furnishes" elevates the language to a more formal level, using a synonym that enhances the academic tone.

  5. "defrauded by disguised companies" -> "deceived by covert enterprises"
    Explanation: Substituting "defrauded by disguised companies" with "deceived by covert enterprises" introduces more formal and precise language, avoiding colloquial terms.

  6. "because of the lack of knowledge" -> "due to a lack of awareness"
    Explanation: Changing "because of the lack of knowledge" to "due to a lack of awareness" maintains formality and replaces a common phrase with a more academic alternative.

  7. "so in the new era" -> "thus, in the contemporary age"
    Explanation: Replacing "so in the new era" with "thus, in the contemporary age" enhances the formality and clarity of the transition between ideas.

  8. "they advertise it to attract attention" -> "they promote it to garner attention"
    Explanation: Substituting "they advertise it to attract attention" with "they promote it to garner attention" offers a more formal and precise expression while maintaining clarity.

  9. "increase the trust of individuals" -> "instill confidence in individuals"
    Explanation: Changing "increase the trust of individuals" to "instill confidence in individuals" provides a more sophisticated term while preserving the intended meaning.

  10. "and gather bits of knowledge" -> "and acquire insights"
    Explanation: Replacing "gather bits of knowledge" with "acquire insights" introduces a more refined term, contributing to the academic style of the essay.

  11. "advertising brings two main benefits" -> "advertising yields two primary advantages"
    Explanation: Substituting "advertising brings two main benefits" with "advertising yields two primary advantages" enhances the formality of the statement without sacrificing clarity.

  12. "earn much higher income than they used to do" -> "generate significantly higher revenue than before"
    Explanation: Changing "earn much higher income than they used to do" to "generate significantly higher revenue than before" offers a more precise and formal expression.

  13. "through the Internet, and websites" -> "through online platforms and websites"
    Explanation: Replacing "through the Internet, and websites" with "through online platforms and websites" maintains clarity while using more formal terminology.

  14. "buy them due to their curiosity and desire to experience" -> "purchase them due to their curiosity and desire for experiential consumption"
    Explanation: Substituting "buy them due to their curiosity and desire to experience" with "purchase them due to their curiosity and desire for experiential consumption" introduces more advanced vocabulary without sacrificing clarity.

  15. "It cannot denied" -> "It cannot be denied"
    Explanation: Correcting "It cannot denied" to "It cannot be denied" ensures grammatical accuracy and aligns with formal language conventions.

Band điểm Task Response ước lượng: 8

Band Score for Task Response: 8

  • Answer All Parts of the Question:

    • Detailed explanation: The essay effectively addresses all parts of the question. It discusses why advertising has become essential and leans towards the positive impacts on people’s lives.
    • How to improve: While the essay is comprehensive, a more structured approach could enhance the organization. Consider dedicating specific paragraphs to different aspects of the question, such as reasons for the indispensability of advertising and its positive impacts.
  • Present a Clear Position Throughout:

    • Detailed explanation: The essay maintains a clear and consistent stance in favor of the positive impacts of advertising. It consistently supports this position throughout the essay.
    • How to improve: To strengthen the clarity of the position, consider refining the thesis statement to clearly outline the essay’s main argument. This could help guide the reader more effectively through the essay.
  • Present, Extend, and Support Ideas:

    • Detailed explanation: The essay presents ideas coherently and supports them with examples, such as how advertising provides information, increases trust, and contributes to higher income and cultural promotion.
    • How to improve: While the essay includes supporting examples, expanding on the depth of analysis for each point could enhance the overall quality. For instance, delve further into how advertising contributes to higher income and elaborate on the mechanisms involved.
  • Stay on Topic:

    • Detailed explanation: The essay largely stays on topic, discussing the reasons for the indispensability of advertising and its positive impacts.
    • How to improve: To maintain focus, ensure that each paragraph directly relates to the central theme. While the essay is generally cohesive, some paragraphs could benefit from stronger topic sentences that explicitly connect to the prompt.

Overall Comments:
The essay effectively addresses the prompt, providing a well-structured argument in favor of the positive impacts of advertising. To enhance coherence, consider refining the organization and ensuring that each paragraph contributes directly to the overall argument. Additionally, expanding on the depth of analysis for each supporting point would further strengthen the essay. The language used is generally clear and appropriate for an academic context. Overall, a strong performance deserving of the given Band Score of 8.

Band điểm Coherence & Cohesion ước lượng: 6

Band Score for Coherence and Cohesion: 6

  • Organize Information Logically:

    • Detailed explanation: The essay demonstrates a moderate level of logical organization. It starts with a clear introduction discussing the importance of advertising in the modern world. The body paragraphs present reasons supporting the significance of advertising, outlining benefits such as providing information and enhancing income for companies, followed by the cultural promotion aspect. However, the progression lacks smooth transitions between ideas and could benefit from stronger linking of arguments.
    • How to improve: To enhance logical flow, consider employing stronger transitional phrases or connectors between sentences and paragraphs. Use topic sentences to clearly introduce each supporting point and ensure that each paragraph logically progresses from one idea to the next.
  • Use Paragraphs:

    • Detailed explanation: The essay utilizes paragraphs but could improve their effectiveness. Each paragraph addresses a distinct aspect related to the importance of advertising: information dissemination, increased income for companies, and cultural promotion. However, the organization within paragraphs could be refined for better coherence. For instance, the paragraph discussing how advertising benefits companies might benefit from a clearer structure with topic sentences for each supporting point.
    • How to improve: Aim for a more structured approach within paragraphs. Start each paragraph with a clear topic sentence that introduces the main idea, followed by supporting details or examples. Ensure a smooth transition between sentences to maintain coherence within paragraphs.
  • Use a Range of Cohesive Devices:

    • Detailed explanation: The essay uses some cohesive devices, such as "for example" and "in addition," to link ideas within and between sentences. However, the usage is limited, and more diverse cohesive devices could be employed to create stronger connections between thoughts and arguments. The essay lacks varied connectors that could better tie together ideas and paragraphs.
    • How to improve: Expand the use of cohesive devices to create a more cohesive and coherent essay. Utilize a wider range of connectors like "furthermore," "moreover," "consequently," etc., to create stronger links between sentences and paragraphs. This will improve the overall flow and coherence of the essay.

Overall, to elevate the Coherence and Cohesion score, focus on enhancing the structural organization of ideas within and between paragraphs, utilizing a wider variety of cohesive devices, and ensuring smoother transitions between sentences and arguments. This will significantly strengthen the logical flow and coherence of the essay, leading to a more cohesive and effectively structured response.

Band điểm Lexical Resource ước lượng: 6

Band Score for Lexical Resource: 6

  • Use a Wide Range of Vocabulary:

    • Detailed explanation: The essay demonstrates a moderate range of vocabulary. There is effective use of words like "indispensable," "defrauded," "phenomena," and "enriching." However, there is room for improvement in showcasing a more diverse and nuanced vocabulary.
    • How to improve: To enhance the lexical range, consider employing more varied synonyms and idiomatic expressions where appropriate. Expanding the vocabulary could involve using synonyms for frequently used words like "important," "information," and "benefit" to add depth and sophistication to the writing.
  • Use Vocabulary Precisely:

    • Detailed explanation: The vocabulary usage generally conveys meaning, but at times, it lacks precision. For instance, phrases like "many issues" and "two main benefits" could be more specific or detailed. Also, the phrase "earn much higher income" could be refined for precision.
    • How to improve: Aim for precision by using more specific terms or elaborating on general statements. Instead of "many issues," specify the particular subjects or topics. For instance, instead of "two main benefits," identify and elaborate on those specific advantages in more detail. Additionally, consider using precise terms like "generate substantial revenue" to replace "earn much higher income."
  • Use Correct Spelling:

    • Detailed explanation: The spelling accuracy is generally satisfactory, with minor issues like "cannot denied" (should be "cannot be denied").
    • How to improve: Continue proofreading to catch minor errors like the one identified. Consider using spell-check tools or reading the essay aloud to identify and correct any misspellings or typographical errors.

The essay presents a coherent argument with relevant examples and logical progression. Strengthening the lexical diversity and precision can elevate the overall quality of expression, enhancing the depth and sophistication of the essay. Additionally, maintaining consistent proofreading practices will further refine the accuracy of spelling and language usage.

Band điểm Grammatical Range & Accuracy ước lượng: 7

Band Score for Grammatical Range and Accuracy: 7

  • Use a Wide Range of Structures:

    • Detailed explanation: The essay predominantly employs simple and compound sentence structures. While there is an attempt at complexity, such as the use of dependent clauses, more sophisticated sentence structures like complex sentences or inversion could enhance the overall variety. For instance, the sentence, "In the past, people often were defrauded by disguised companies because of the lack of knowledge about services, products, or market prices of famous places," is complex but could be further diversified.
    • How to improve: To enhance the range of structures, consider incorporating complex sentences, varying sentence lengths, and experimenting with rhetorical devices. For instance, using an inverted structure or employing parallelism could add depth to the expression.
  • Use Grammar Accurately:

    • Detailed explanation: The essay generally demonstrates a commendable grasp of grammar. However, there are instances where subject-verb agreement needs attention. For example, in the sentence, "There are several reasons why we cannot live or work without advertising, and in my opinion, this has some positive impacts on people’s lives," the subject "reasons" is plural, but the verb "has" is singular.
    • How to improve: Pay close attention to subject-verb agreement, especially in complex sentences. Reviewing and revising sentences for grammatical consistency, particularly in cases involving compound subjects, will contribute to accuracy.
  • Use Correct Punctuation:

    • Detailed explanation: Punctuation is generally accurate, but there are instances where commas could be better placed for clarity. For example, in the sentence, "In the past, people often were defrauded by disguised companies because of the lack of knowledge about services, products or market prices of famous places," a comma after "products" would enhance readability.
    • How to improve: Focus on the appropriate use of commas, especially in complex sentences. Ensure that commas are used to clarify meaning, separate items in a list, and indicate pauses. Practice identifying situations where commas are needed for precision and coherence.

Overall, the essay exhibits a solid command of grammar and structure. To elevate the score further, continue refining sentence structures for diversity, paying meticulous attention to subject-verb agreement, and fine-tuning punctuation usage for enhanced clarity.

Bài sửa mẫu

In the contemporary era, advertising has evolved into an indispensable aspect of our lives. There are compelling reasons why it is integral to our daily existence, and, in my view, it exerts predominantly positive influences on individuals’ lives.

Advertising furnishes citizens with comprehensive information about products and services that they require or desire to understand. In the past, individuals were often deceived by covert enterprises due to a lack of awareness regarding services, products, or market prices. Thus, in the contemporary age, advertising plays a crucial role in preventing such deception. For instance, when a company introduces a new product, they promote it to garner attention and instill confidence in individuals. Consequently, customers gain insights into what the product entails, its functionality, and the benefits it offers. In this way, advertising serves as a valuable tool for individuals to acquire insights into various issues and phenomena around them.

Furthermore, advertising yields two primary advantages in people’s lives. Firstly, it enables brands and companies to generate significantly higher revenue than before. Through online platforms and websites, when products and services are advertised, customers are inclined to purchase them due to their curiosity and desire for experiential consumption. Secondly, advertising plays a crucial role in promoting local cultures and costumes to international friends. By showcasing a country’s cultural values, tourists can learn more about the customs and traditions of the place they intend to visit, enhancing their overall experience.

In conclusion, it cannot be denied that advertising has become an indispensable part of people’s lives. Its positive effects on development and individuals’ lives, such as providing information, instilling confidence, and promoting cultural exchange, underscore its significance in the contemporary era.

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