After completing school, students should work or travel for a year before going to University. How much do you agree or disagree with this opinion and why? Give reasons and examples to support your answer.

In today’s society, the debate over whether students should get employment or explore the world after finishing school, then attend tertiary education has sparked controversy. From my standpoint, while there exist several benefits from the statement, academicians should follow the scheduled curriculum from universities.

The postponement in enrolling for Universities runs a high risk of co-studying with juniors, leading to the fact that students may suffer from a sense of self–deprecation . This not only has a detrimental effect on their mental health, but also significantly curtails their productivity, henceforth resulting in bad academic performance. The problem is exacerbated due to lack of peer pressure alongside. Therefore, a year for working or traveling before entering universities should be considered to be eliminated.

Seeking employment or exploring the world may significantly enlarge a student's social network, knowledge and diminish financial restraints. Aforementioned supportive tools, often obtained outside school’s boundaries, deliver a more fulfilling and felicitous university life. For example, societal network and financial budgets from working could efficaciously diminish the heavy pressure from universities’ tuition fee. Thereby, it is important to consider the potential for academic and personal development before deciding on the best approach for career growth

In conclusion, whether students should work or travel for a year before attending tertiary education has sparked lively debates with multifaceted opinions. Nevertheless, a balanced approach may be a key to addressing this hotly debated issue.

Gợi ý nâng cấp từ vựng

"In today’s society" -> "In contemporary society"
Explanation: "Contemporary" is a more precise and formal term than "today’s," which is somewhat colloquial and vague in this context.
"the debate over whether students should get employment or explore the world" -> "the debate regarding whether students should seek employment or explore the world"
Explanation: "Seek employment" is more formal and precise than "get employment," which is somewhat informal and vague.
"academicians" -> "academics"
Explanation: "Academicians" is less commonly used and can be confusing; "academics" is the standard term for those involved in academic pursuits.
"follow the scheduled curriculum from universities" -> "adhere to the university curriculum"
Explanation: "Adhere to" is more formal and precise than "follow," and specifying "university" clarifies the context.
"The postponement in enrolling for Universities" -> "Postponing university enrollment"
Explanation: "Postponing university enrollment" is more concise and formal, avoiding the awkward construction of "The postponement in enrolling for Universities."
"co-studying with juniors" -> "studying alongside younger students"
Explanation: "Studying alongside younger students" is clearer and more formal than "co-studying with juniors," which is less commonly used and slightly informal.
"suffer from a sense of self–deprecation" -> "experience feelings of inadequacy"
Explanation: "Experience feelings of inadequacy" is a more precise and academically appropriate term than "suffer from a sense of self–deprecation," which is somewhat vague and informal.
"henceforth resulting in bad academic performance" -> "ultimately leading to poor academic performance"
Explanation: "Ultimately leading to poor academic performance" is more direct and formal than "henceforth resulting in bad," which is less precise and slightly informal.
"lack of peer pressure alongside" -> "absence of peer pressure"
Explanation: "Absence of peer pressure" is more formal and succinct than "lack of peer pressure alongside," which is awkwardly phrased.
"a year for working or traveling" -> "a year of working or traveling"
Explanation: "A year of working or traveling" is grammatically correct and more formal than "a year for working or traveling."
"enlarge a student’s social network" -> "expand a student’s social network"
Explanation: "Expand" is more commonly used in academic contexts than "enlarge" when referring to growth in networks.
"diminish financial restraints" -> "reduce financial constraints"
Explanation: "Reduce financial constraints" is a more precise and formal expression than "diminish financial restraints."
"deliver a more fulfilling and felicitous university life" -> "enhance a more fulfilling and enjoyable university experience"
Explanation: "Enhance a more fulfilling and enjoyable university experience" is more specific and academically appropriate than "deliver a more fulfilling and felicitous university life," which uses less common and less precise terms.
"societal network" -> "social network"
Explanation: "Social network" is the correct term, whereas "societal network" is incorrect and awkward.
"heavy pressure from universities’ tuition fee" -> "significant financial burden of university tuition fees"
Explanation: "Significant financial burden of university tuition fees" is more precise and formal than "heavy pressure from universities’ tuition fee," which is awkwardly phrased.

These changes aim to refine the vocabulary and style to better suit an academic context, ensuring clarity, precision, and formality.

Band điểm Task Response ước lượng: 5

Band Score for Task Response: 5 – UNDER WORD

Answer All Parts of the Question:
- Detailed explanation: The essay attempts to address the prompt by discussing both sides of the argument regarding whether students should work or travel before attending university. However, it primarily focuses on the drawbacks of taking a gap year, which does not fully engage with the prompt’s request for a balanced view. The essay mentions benefits but does not sufficiently elaborate on them or provide a clear stance on the extent of agreement or disagreement with the statement. For instance, the phrase "while there exist several benefits from the statement" is vague and lacks specific examples or details.
- How to improve: To improve, the writer should explicitly state their position (whether they agree or disagree) and ensure that both sides of the argument are explored in a balanced manner. Including specific examples of the benefits of working or traveling, such as personal growth or practical experience, would strengthen the response. Additionally, a clearer thesis statement outlining the writer’s position would help guide the reader.
Present a Clear Position Throughout:
- Detailed explanation: The essay presents a somewhat unclear position. While it acknowledges benefits, it ultimately leans towards the idea that students should not take a gap year. Phrases like "should be considered to be eliminated" indicate a strong stance against the idea, but this is not consistently maintained throughout the essay. The conclusion also introduces ambiguity by suggesting a "balanced approach," which does not align with the earlier arguments.
- How to improve: To maintain a clear position, the writer should consistently support their main argument throughout the essay. They could clarify their stance in the introduction and conclusion and ensure that all body paragraphs reinforce this viewpoint. Avoiding contradictory statements and maintaining a consistent tone will help solidify the position.
Present, Extend, and Support Ideas:
- Detailed explanation: The essay presents some ideas, such as the negative impact of working or traveling on academic performance and the potential benefits of social networking and financial independence. However, these ideas are not fully developed or supported with concrete examples. For instance, the mention of "self-deprecation" and "mental health" is a strong point but lacks further explanation or examples to illustrate these effects.
- How to improve: To enhance the presentation and support of ideas, the writer should elaborate on each point with specific examples or anecdotes. For instance, discussing how a gap year can lead to increased maturity or better preparedness for university would provide depth. Using statistics or studies to back up claims about academic performance or mental health could also strengthen the argument.
Stay on Topic:
- Detailed explanation: The essay generally stays on topic, discussing the implications of working or traveling before university. However, there are moments where the focus shifts, particularly in the second body paragraph, where the benefits are mentioned but not sufficiently tied back to the main argument. The conclusion introduces a "balanced approach," which could confuse the reader regarding the writer’s actual stance.
- How to improve: To maintain focus, the writer should ensure that each paragraph clearly relates back to the main argument. They could use topic sentences that reflect the main idea of each paragraph and consistently link back to the thesis. Avoiding vague language and ensuring that all points directly support the central argument will help keep the essay on track.

In summary, to improve the essay’s score, the writer should aim for a clearer position, provide more detailed support for their ideas, and ensure that all parts of the prompt are thoroughly addressed. Expanding on the content while adhering to the word limit will also be crucial for achieving a higher band score.

Band điểm Coherence & Cohesion ước lượng: 7

Band Score for Coherence and Cohesion: 7

Organize Information Logically:
- Detailed explanation: The essay presents a clear stance on the topic, arguing against the idea of students taking a year off before university. The introduction effectively sets the stage for the discussion, and the body paragraphs follow a logical progression. However, the transition between the first and second body paragraphs could be smoother. For instance, the first paragraph discusses the negative implications of delaying university, while the second shifts to the potential benefits of working or traveling without a clear link between the two ideas.
- How to improve: To enhance logical flow, consider using transitional phrases that explicitly connect the ideas. For example, after discussing the drawbacks of delaying university, a phrase like "On the other hand" could introduce the next paragraph, signaling a shift to the benefits of working or traveling. Additionally, ensuring that each paragraph begins with a clear topic sentence that relates back to the thesis can help maintain coherence.
Use Paragraphs:
- Detailed explanation: The essay uses paragraphs effectively, with each paragraph focusing on a specific aspect of the argument. The first paragraph addresses the risks of delaying university, while the second discusses the benefits of working or traveling. However, the conclusion feels somewhat disconnected from the main body, as it does not summarize the key points discussed in the essay.
- How to improve: Strengthen the conclusion by briefly restating the main arguments presented in the body paragraphs. This will reinforce the overall message and provide a more cohesive ending to the essay. Additionally, consider ensuring that each body paragraph contains a clear topic sentence and supporting details that are directly related to that topic.
Use a Range of Cohesive Devices:
- Detailed explanation: The essay employs some cohesive devices, such as "therefore," "for example," and "nevertheless," which help to connect ideas. However, the range of cohesive devices used is somewhat limited, and some sentences feel abrupt or disjointed. For instance, the phrase "the problem is exacerbated due to lack of peer pressure alongside" lacks a clear connection to the previous sentence.
- How to improve: To diversify the use of cohesive devices, incorporate a wider variety of linking words and phrases, such as "furthermore," "in addition," "conversely," and "thus." This will enhance the flow of ideas and make the essay more engaging. Additionally, ensure that each cohesive device is used appropriately and contributes to the clarity of the argument. For example, rephrasing sentences to clarify relationships between ideas can improve overall coherence.

By addressing these areas for improvement, the essay can achieve a higher level of coherence and cohesion, potentially raising the band score in this criterion.

Band điểm Lexical Resource ước lượng: 7

Band Score for Lexical Resource: 7

Use a Wide Range of Vocabulary:
- Detailed explanation: The essay demonstrates a good range of vocabulary, with terms such as "self-deprecation," "detrimental," "curtails," and "felicitous." These choices reflect an understanding of more sophisticated language. However, there are instances where vocabulary could be more varied or nuanced. For example, the phrase "enlarging a student’s social network" could be enhanced by using synonyms like "expanding" or "broaden," which would show a greater lexical variety.
- How to improve: To enhance vocabulary range, the writer should actively incorporate synonyms and related terms throughout the essay. Engaging with vocabulary exercises or reading diverse materials can help in acquiring new words and phrases that can be applied in different contexts.
Use Vocabulary Precisely:
- Detailed explanation: While the essay includes some precise vocabulary, there are areas where word choice could be more accurate. For instance, the term "co-studying with juniors" is somewhat unclear; it might be more effective to say "attending classes with younger peers" to clarify the meaning. Additionally, the phrase "supportive tools" is vague and could be replaced with more specific terms like "skills" or "experiences."
- How to improve: To improve precision, the writer should focus on ensuring that vocabulary choices accurately convey their intended meaning. This can be achieved by reviewing the context in which words are used and considering whether they truly reflect the idea being expressed. Practicing paraphrasing and using vocabulary in different contexts can also aid in achieving greater precision.
Use Correct Spelling:
- Detailed explanation: The essay generally displays good spelling accuracy, with only minor errors. However, the term "universities" is misspelled as "Universities" in the second paragraph, which disrupts the flow of the text. Additionally, "felicitous" is a less common word that may not be familiar to all readers, but it is spelled correctly.
- How to improve: To enhance spelling accuracy, the writer should proofread their work carefully, paying attention to capitalization and commonly confused words. Utilizing spell-check tools and maintaining a personal list of frequently misspelled words can also be beneficial. Regular practice in writing and reviewing can help solidify correct spelling habits.

In summary, the essay demonstrates a solid command of lexical resource, achieving a band score of 7. To reach a higher score, the writer should focus on expanding vocabulary range, improving precision in word choice, and ensuring consistent spelling accuracy.

Band điểm Grammatical Range & Accuracy ước lượng: 7

Band Score for Grammatical Range and Accuracy: 7

Use a Wide Range of Structures:
- Detailed explanation: The essay demonstrates a good variety of sentence structures, including complex sentences, such as "The postponement in enrolling for Universities runs a high risk of co-studying with juniors, leading to the fact that students may suffer from a sense of self–deprecation." However, there are instances of awkward phrasing and redundancy, such as "the fact that" which could be streamlined for clarity. Additionally, the use of some phrases like "thereby" and "aforementioned supportive tools" may come across as overly formal or unnecessarily complex, which can detract from the overall readability.
- How to improve: To enhance the diversity of sentence structures, consider incorporating more varied conjunctions and transitional phrases that can improve flow. For instance, instead of relying on "thereby," you might use "as a result" or "consequently." Additionally, aim to balance complex sentences with simpler ones to maintain clarity and engagement. Practicing sentence combining exercises can also help in developing a more varied sentence structure.
Use Grammar and Punctuation Accurately:
- Detailed explanation: The essay generally maintains a good level of grammatical accuracy, but there are notable errors that affect clarity. For example, "co-studying with juniors" is somewhat unclear and could be better expressed as "attending classes with younger students." The phrase "due to lack of peer pressure alongside" is awkward and should be rephrased for clarity, perhaps to "due to the lack of peer pressure." Punctuation is mostly correct, but there are instances where commas could enhance readability, such as before "but also" in the second paragraph.
- How to improve: To improve grammatical accuracy, it is essential to proofread the essay for clarity and coherence. Pay particular attention to phrases that may sound convoluted and rephrase them for simplicity. Additionally, reviewing punctuation rules, especially regarding the use of commas in complex sentences, can help improve overall readability. Engaging in grammar exercises focused on common mistakes can also be beneficial.

Overall, while the essay demonstrates a solid command of grammatical range and accuracy, focusing on clarity, precision, and varied sentence structures will help elevate the writing to a higher band score.

Bài sửa mẫu

In contemporary society, the debate regarding whether students should seek employment or explore the world after finishing school before attending tertiary education has sparked considerable controversy. From my standpoint, while there are several benefits to this idea, students should adhere to the university curriculum without delay.

Postponing university enrollment carries the risk of studying alongside younger students, which may lead to feelings of inadequacy. This not only has a detrimental effect on their mental health but also significantly curtails their productivity, ultimately leading to poor academic performance. The problem is exacerbated by the absence of peer pressure that typically motivates students to excel. Therefore, taking a year off for work or travel should be reconsidered.

On the other hand, seeking employment or exploring the world may significantly expand a student’s social network, enhance their knowledge, and reduce financial constraints. These supportive tools, often obtained outside school boundaries, can lead to a more fulfilling and enjoyable university experience. For example, the social network and financial resources gained from working could effectively alleviate the significant financial burden of university tuition fees. Thus, it is important to weigh the potential for academic and personal development against the benefits of taking a gap year.

In conclusion, the question of whether students should work or travel for a year before attending tertiary education has sparked lively debates with multifaceted opinions. Nevertheless, a balanced approach may be key to addressing this contentious issue.