Air travel can only benefit the richest people in the world. The ordinary people barely get any advantage with the development of air travel. To what extent do you agree or disagree?
Airplane travel is becoming more and more popular, some people think that traveling by plane only has benefits for the wealthy and normal people do not have benefits when air travel develops. In my opinion, although the rich have a lot of benefits, I believe that ordinary people still have their own benefits when aircrafts are developed significantly.
On the one hand, if people pay a huge amount of money to travel by plane, they will have a good experience and unparalleled privileges. Firstly, flying saves a lot of time for people. Airplanes have a special benefit for people who work for the business sectors because moving by plane will be faster than other transport. For example, directors who are always busy with their work and sometimes they have meetings abroad thus they need to move quickly from their country to their partner’s country. So, an airplane is satisfactory for them. Secondly, customers will be provided a private space and enjoy the best service. For instance, flying by business class or first class, customers will have their own space in the aircraft so they are not affected by people who sit around. Besides, they also have some extra benefits such as: receive personal items, have a big screen for entertainment.
On the other hand, with significant development of air travel, the lives of ordinary people have improved markedly. Firstly, job opportunities are increasingly expanding for the middle classes. For instance, employment opportunities for normal people such as: flight attendants, pilots or small businesses selling goods at destinations attract large numbers of tourists. Those jobs that the middle class often undertakes. Secondly, ordinary people can easily travel by plane if they move by economy class. For example, if people want to visit their relatives far away, they just need to pay a small sum of money then they can go to the place that they want by comfortable air ticket class.
To sum up, although the middle class do not have the best services as the wealthy, they still get some benefits when air travel develops.
Gợi ý nâng cấp từ vựng
"normal people" -> "average individuals"
Explanation: "Normal people" can be seen as somewhat judgmental or vague. "Average individuals" is a more neutral and precise term that fits the formal tone of discussing societal groups.
"On the one hand" and "On the other hand" -> "However" and "Moreover"
Explanation: The suggested transition words, "However" and "Moreover," lend a more academic tone to the essay by signaling shifts in arguments without relying on informal expressions.
"huge amount of money" -> "substantial sum"
Explanation: "Huge amount of money" is imprecise and less formal. "Substantial sum" maintains the idea of significant cost while aligning better with academic language.
"satisfactory for them" -> "suitable for their needs"
Explanation: "Satisfactory for them" lacks a formal tone. "Suitable for their needs" conveys a similar meaning in a more academic manner.
"customers will be provided a private space" -> "passengers are afforded private accommodations"
Explanation: Replacing "customers will be provided a private space" with "passengers are afforded private accommodations" elevates the language, using "passengers" instead of "customers" and "accommodations" for a more formal description of private space.
"receive personal items" -> "access amenities"
Explanation: "Receive personal items" is a bit informal. "Access amenities" is a more formal way to express the perks or facilities available to passengers.
"with significant development of air travel" -> "due to substantial advancements in air travel"
Explanation: The revised phrase "due to substantial advancements in air travel" maintains a formal tone while highlighting the progress made in air travel.
"markedly" -> "significantly"
Explanation: "Markedly" is a bit informal for an academic context. "Significantly" is a more precise and suitable alternative.
"far away" -> "distant"
Explanation: "Far away" is less formal. "Distant" is a more fitting term in academic writing.
"To sum up" -> "In conclusion"
Explanation: "In conclusion" is a more traditional and formal way to signal the final thoughts of an essay.
These adjustments aim to enhance the formality and precision of the language used in the essay, aligning it more closely with academic writing standards without sacrificing clarity or coherence.
Band điểm Task Response ước lượng: 7
Band Score: 7.0
Quoted text: "On the one hand, if people pay a huge amount of money to travel by plane, they will have a good experience and unparalleled privileges."
- Explanation and Suggestions for Improvement: The opening statement establishes the writer’s viewpoint, but it lacks clarity in presenting a precise stance on whether air travel primarily benefits the rich or if ordinary people also derive advantages. To enhance this, explicitly state your position in the introduction, indicating whether you agree or disagree with the prompt. For instance, you can say, "While it is true that air travel offers significant benefits to the wealthy, I contend that ordinary people also enjoy advantages as air travel develops." This modification ensures a more focused introduction and aligns with the task requirements.
Quoted text: "For example, directors who are always busy with their work and sometimes they have meetings abroad thus they need to move quickly from their country to their partner’s country."
- Explanation and Suggestions for Improvement: While the example provides a relevant scenario for the rich, it lacks depth in connecting the argument to ordinary people. To improve, consider incorporating an example that illustrates how air travel benefits both the wealthy and ordinary individuals. For instance, you could mention a middle-class professional who secures job opportunities abroad due to the convenience of air travel. This addition would enhance the overall balance and persuasiveness of your argument.
Quoted text: "Secondly, ordinary people can easily travel by plane if they move by economy class."
- Explanation and Suggestions for Improvement: The argument introduces the idea that ordinary people benefit from air travel through economy class but lacks elaboration. To strengthen this point, provide specific examples or reasons supporting how economy class makes air travel accessible to ordinary individuals. For instance, you could mention affordable airfares that enable families to reunite or individuals to explore new opportunities. This addition would enrich the content and make your argument more convincing.
Overall, while your essay addresses the prompt and presents relevant ideas, refining the introduction for a clearer stance and providing more nuanced examples would elevate the coherence and persuasiveness of your response.
Band điểm Coherence & Cohesion ước lượng: 7
Band Score: 7.0
The essay demonstrates a logical organization of ideas with clear progression throughout. The introduction sets the stage by presenting the topic and the author’s stance. Each paragraph focuses on a specific aspect of the argument, contributing to the overall coherence. The use of cohesive devices is generally effective, although there are instances of minor under-/over-use. The essay effectively presents a central topic within each paragraph. The conclusion provides a concise summary of the main points.
How to improve:
To enhance coherence and cohesion, ensure consistent and varied use of cohesive devices. While the essay is generally well-organized, attention to more precise referencing and substitution would further strengthen coherence. Additionally, consider refining paragraphing for even more logical flow, and avoid minor repetition in language usage. Overall, maintaining this level of organization and refining these details will contribute to a higher band score.
Band điểm Lexical Resource ước lượng: 7
Band Score: 7.0
Explanation: The essay demonstrates a sufficient range of vocabulary, allowing for flexibility and precision. There is use of less common lexical items with some awareness of style and collocation. The essay contains occasional errors in word choice, but they do not significantly impede communication. For instance, phrases such as "business sectors," "satisfactory for them," and "markedly" contribute to a varied vocabulary. However, there are minor inaccuracies and awkward word choices, such as "aircrafts" instead of "aircraft" and "comfortable air ticket class" where "economy class" might be more appropriate.
How to improve: To enhance the lexical resource and achieve a higher band score, focus on refining word choice for more precise and accurate expression. Proofread for minor errors, such as the use of "aircrafts," and aim for greater clarity and fluency in the choice of words. Consider synonyms and alternative expressions to add sophistication to the vocabulary. Additionally, pay attention to collocation to ensure that words are used in natural combinations.
Band điểm Grammatical Range & Accuracy ước lượng: 7
Band Score: 7.0
The essay demonstrates a variety of complex sentence structures, contributing to a relatively high level of grammatical range. The use of subordinate clauses and varied sentence lengths reflects a good command of grammar. The essay also maintains good control of punctuation, with only occasional errors. The errors present are minor and do not significantly impede communication; they can be categorized as slips rather than systematic issues.
How to improve:
To further enhance the grammatical range and accuracy, the writer could consider incorporating more sophisticated vocabulary and expressions. Additionally, paying attention to word choice and ensuring precision in conveying ideas will contribute to a more nuanced and refined language use. While the essay generally avoids major grammatical errors, continued vigilance in proofreading can help eliminate any remaining minor errors and enhance overall clarity.
Bài sửa mẫu
Air travel has seen a surge in popularity, leading some to believe that it exclusively favors the wealthy, leaving little advantage for the general population. In my view, while the affluent do reap numerous benefits, ordinary people also find their own advantages amidst significant advancements in aircraft.
Firstly, those who invest significantly in air travel experience unparalleled privileges. For instance, flying significantly cuts down travel time, especially benefiting those engaged in the business sector. Executives with packed schedules and international meetings find air travel indispensable for swift mobility between countries. Moreover, premium classes like business or first class offer private spaces and top-notch services, shielding passengers from disturbances and providing additional amenities like personal items and entertainment screens.
Conversely, the substantial progress in air travel has notably enhanced the lives of ordinary people. Job prospects have expanded notably for the middle class. Opportunities such as flight attendant roles, pilot positions, and small business ventures catering to tourists have grown substantially, typically absorbed by the middle class. Additionally, economical air travel has made long-distance visits feasible for average individuals seeking to reunite with family, requiring only a modest fare for a comfortable economy class ticket.
In conclusion, while the affluent may enjoy superior services, the middle class still reaps substantial benefits from the evolution of air travel.