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All children should be made to wear uniforms. To what extent do you agree or disagree?

All children should be made to wear uniforms.

To what extent do you agree or disagree?

Wearing uniforms is a rule at school and all students must obey. Consequently, some people contend that all children should be made to wear uniforms.In my opinion, I completely agree with this assertion and provide several rationales to support my stance.

To begin with, the primary reason behind wearing uniforms is to help create consistency in appearance. If all students wear different clothes, it will cause differences in the school and make it difficult for them to concentrate during class.

Another aspect to consider is wearing uniforms helps to promote equality. When students go to school, they will not make comparisons about their outfits with their classmates. For instance, in many developed countries, the colors of uniforms are mainly black and white, which helps students not to worry about what others think of them. Therefore, students will learn in a friendly environment and feel more equitable at school.


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Errors and Improvements:

  1. "In my opinion, I completely agree with this assertion" -> "In my view, I wholeheartedly support this assertion."
    Explanation: Replacing "completely agree" with "wholeheartedly support" adds a more nuanced and formal expression of agreement, aligning with academic tone.

  2. "provide several rationales" -> "present several rationales"
    Explanation: Substituting "provide" with "present" maintains clarity while using a more formal term often found in academic writing.

  3. "To begin with" -> "Firstly"
    Explanation: "To begin with" is slightly informal, and replacing it with "Firstly" maintains a formal progression in presenting arguments.

  4. "Another aspect to consider is" -> "Another aspect to consider involves"
    Explanation: Using "involves" adds a touch of formality to the transition, aligning better with academic language.

  5. "make comparisons about their outfits" -> "make comparisons regarding their attire"
    Explanation: "Outfits" is a bit informal; replacing it with "attire" maintains formality and precision in expression.

  6. "in many developed countries" -> "in numerous developed nations"
    Explanation: "Nations" is a more formal term than "countries," contributing to a more academic tone.

  7. "which helps students not to worry about what others think of them" -> "which alleviates students’ concerns about others’ opinions."
    Explanation: The suggested alternative uses a more formal construction and precise vocabulary, enhancing the academic quality of the statement.

  8. "friendly environment" -> "supportive environment"
    Explanation: "Supportive environment" conveys a more nuanced and academically appropriate description, aligning better with the context of education.

Band điểm Task Response ước lượng: 8

Band Score for Task Response: 8 – UNDER WORD

  • Answer All Parts of the Question:

    • Detailed explanation: The essay adequately addresses the prompt by expressing a clear stance (complete agreement with the notion of mandatory uniforms) and providing rationales to support this position. However, the essay could benefit from a more thorough exploration of potential counterarguments or nuances within the topic.
    • How to improve: To enhance the completeness of the response, consider acknowledging opposing views and incorporating them into the argument. This will demonstrate a more nuanced understanding of the topic.
  • Present a Clear Position Throughout:

    • Detailed explanation: The essay maintains a consistent and clear position in favor of mandatory uniforms. Each paragraph reinforces the author’s agreement with the idea and provides supporting reasons.
    • How to improve: To further strengthen clarity, ensure that each supporting point directly aligns with the overall position. Avoid introducing conflicting ideas that may create ambiguity in the reader’s understanding.
  • Present, Extend, and Support Ideas:

    • Detailed explanation: The essay presents ideas coherently, with a logical flow from one point to the next. Examples are used to support the reasons given, such as the impact of uniforms on concentration and the promotion of equality.
    • How to improve: To enhance the essay’s overall quality, consider providing more elaborate examples or specific instances to support each reason. This will add depth to the arguments and make the essay more convincing.
  • Stay on Topic:

    • Detailed explanation: The essay generally stays on topic by focusing on the advantages of wearing uniforms, such as promoting consistency in appearance and fostering equality among students.
    • How to improve: To ensure continued relevance, avoid introducing unrelated information or veering off into tangential discussions. Every paragraph should directly contribute to supporting the central argument.

In summary, while the essay effectively expresses a clear position and supports it with relevant reasoning, addressing opposing views, providing more detailed examples, and maintaining a tighter focus on the main argument would further elevate the overall quality and completeness of the response.

Band điểm Coherence & Cohesion ước lượng: 6

Band Score for Coherence and Cohesion: 6

  • Organize Information Logically:

    • Detailed explanation: The essay demonstrates a generally logical organization of information. The introduction clearly presents the author’s stance, and each body paragraph follows a logical progression of ideas. For example, the first paragraph discusses the consistency in appearance, while the second paragraph addresses the promotion of equality through uniforms.
    • How to improve: While the organization is sound, the essay could benefit from stronger transitions between paragraphs to enhance the overall coherence. Consider using topic sentences at the beginning of each paragraph to guide the reader and establish a clear connection between ideas.
  • Use Paragraphs:

    • Detailed explanation: The essay uses paragraphs effectively, with a clear structure for each: an introduction, two body paragraphs, and a conclusion. Each paragraph contains a single main idea, contributing to the overall coherence of the essay.
    • How to improve: To further improve paragraphing, ensure that each paragraph starts with a clear topic sentence that introduces the main idea. Additionally, consider varying sentence structures within paragraphs to add nuance and maintain reader engagement.
  • Use a Range of Cohesive Devices:

    • Detailed explanation: The essay employs basic cohesive devices, such as transitions like "to begin with" and "another aspect to consider." These devices help to connect ideas within and between sentences, contributing to the overall cohesion of the essay.
    • How to improve: To enhance the use of cohesive devices, consider incorporating a wider variety, such as pronouns (it, they, etc.), conjunctions (however, furthermore, etc.), and parallel structures. This will not only diversify the language but also strengthen the connections between different parts of the essay.

Overall, the essay demonstrates a good level of coherence and cohesion. To improve further, focus on refining the transitions between paragraphs, strengthening topic sentences, and diversifying the use of cohesive devices. This will contribute to a more polished and cohesive essay structure.

Band điểm Lexical Resource ước lượng: 6

Band Score for Lexical Resource: 6

  • Use a Wide Range of Vocabulary:

    • Detailed explanation: The essay exhibits a moderate range of vocabulary. While it effectively communicates the main points, it could benefit from the inclusion of more varied and sophisticated vocabulary. For instance, the repetitive use of terms like "uniforms," "students," and "school" could be diversified for a more nuanced expression of ideas. Additionally, there is room for improvement in the incorporation of synonyms and contextually appropriate vocabulary to enhance the overall lexical richness.
    • How to improve: To enhance the vocabulary range, consider incorporating synonyms and varied expressions for key terms. For instance, instead of repeatedly using "uniforms," you might use phrases like "dress code," "school attire," or "regimented clothing." Furthermore, integrating more specialized terminology related to education and social equality could contribute to a more sophisticated and diverse vocabulary.
  • Use Vocabulary Precisely:

    • Detailed explanation: The essay demonstrates a generally precise use of vocabulary. However, there are instances where the language could be more specific. For example, in the phrase "it will cause differences in the school," the term "differences" is somewhat vague and could be replaced with a more precise term like "disruptions" or "disparities." Precise vocabulary usage can contribute to a clearer and more impactful communication of ideas.
    • How to improve: Focus on selecting words that precisely convey the intended meaning. In revising, identify areas where vague or general terms can be replaced with more specific and nuanced vocabulary. Consider consulting a thesaurus for alternative words that capture the nuances of your ideas more accurately.
  • Use Correct Spelling:

    • Detailed explanation: The essay generally maintains correct spelling throughout, with no major spelling errors observed. However, attention to minor spelling issues, such as the misspelling of "rationales" as "reasonales," is necessary. While the overall spelling accuracy is commendable, careful proofreading is essential to catch and rectify such minor errors.
    • How to improve: Continue the practice of thorough proofreading to identify and rectify minor spelling errors. Consider utilizing spelling and grammar-check tools to supplement manual proofreading. Additionally, expanding your vocabulary can contribute to a more varied and accurate spelling repertoire.

Overall, the essay demonstrates competence in lexical resource but could be further enhanced by incorporating a wider range of vocabulary, using more precise language, and ensuring meticulous attention to spelling details. Engaging in diverse reading can also aid in the assimilation of new vocabulary, ultimately contributing to an improved lexical repertoire.

Band điểm Grammatical Range & Accuracy ước lượng: 6

Band Score for Grammatical Range and Accuracy: 6

  • Use a Wide Range of Structures:

    • Detailed explanation: The essay demonstrates a limited range of sentence structures. Primarily, the essay relies on simple sentence structures, such as subject-verb-object constructions. While some variation is attempted, with occasional complex sentences, it lacks consistency in incorporating a diverse range of grammatical structures.
    • How to improve: To enhance the grammatical range and overall effectiveness of the essay, consider incorporating a wider variety of sentence structures. Introduce complex sentences, compound sentences, and use a mix of clauses to create a more dynamic and engaging narrative. This can be achieved by varying sentence length, utilizing different types of conjunctions, and incorporating rhetorical devices.
  • Use Grammar and Punctuation Accurately:

    • Detailed explanation: The essay demonstrates a fair level of grammatical accuracy, but there are instances of errors in subject-verb agreement (e.g., "all students must obey" should be "all students must obey this rule"). Additionally, there are punctuation errors, such as missing commas and inconsistent use of capitalization.
    • How to improve: Careful proofreading is essential to identify and correct grammatical and punctuation errors. Pay close attention to subject-verb agreement to ensure agreement in number and person. Review the proper use of commas, especially in separating clauses and items in a list. Maintain consistency in capitalization, ensuring that the first word of each sentence and proper nouns are capitalized. Consider seeking feedback from peers or utilizing grammar-check tools to catch overlooked errors.

Overall, while the essay effectively conveys the main ideas, enhancing the grammatical range through varied sentence structures and addressing specific grammatical and punctuation errors will contribute to a more polished and coherent piece of writing.

Bài sửa mẫu

Wearing uniforms is a mandatory rule in schools, and every student is required to adhere to it. Some argue that all children should be obligated to wear uniforms. In my view, I wholeheartedly support this assertion and present several rationales to support my stance.

Firstly, the primary objective of implementing a uniform policy is to establish consistency in appearance. If students wear varied clothing, it can lead to disparities within the school, creating distractions that hinder concentration during class.

Another aspect to consider involves the role of uniforms in promoting equality. When students attend school in uniforms, they are less likely to make comparisons regarding their attire with their classmates. For example, in numerous developed nations, uniforms often feature neutral colors such as black and white, which alleviates students’ concerns about others’ opinions. This supportive environment enables students to learn in a friendly atmosphere, fostering a sense of equity within the school.

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