All companies should provide sports and social facilities to the local community. To what extent do you agree or disagree?

The policy of employers’ care has been a subject of many enterprises, with the aim of providing sports activities and community infrastructure. Although I may acknowledge its merits, this should not be mandatory for all.

Proponents of spending money on sports and local buildings may argue with the benefits, including promoting the company’s image and workers’ health. One approach is building the reputation of brand through social media and posters, attracting a wider range of seeners. For instance, Google, and Apple brands have been known to invest in community projects as well as promoting their reputation and also fulfill their social responsibility. Furthermore, this can increase the products’ sales and maintain loyal customers. Another approach is the responsibility for employers’ health. Entertaining zones will relieve their illness such as stress, depression, and anxiety, which is why encourage their mentality to be comfortable and better, leading to effective productivity promotion. However, there are several advantages, it is not without any challenges for some companies.

This is why some advocates do not implement this policy. A potential problem is the ability to afford the monthly cost. It is evident that not all enterprises have enough money to spend on these activities, in turn, this can put significant financial pressure, resulting in the loss of finance, even leading to close. Nevertheless, the governments and organizations must be replaced to carry out. Primarily because they not only provide a large amount of money to construct many sports and social facilities for the local community but also because this policy can be implemented and maintained within a long time. Thus, according to the common, all companies do not need to acknowledge the view.

In conclusion, although building sports and social infrastructure has its merits and demerits, I strongly believe the effect of the disadvantages is a serious threat to some small companies because of the limited funds. Instead, the authorities should take appropriate measures between businessman and the local community.

Gợi ý nâng cấp từ vựng

Errors and Improvements:

"employers’ care" -> "employer welfare initiatives"
Explanation: "Employers’ care" is vague and lacks specificity. "Employer welfare initiatives" is a more precise and formal term that encapsulates the concept of companies investing in their employees’ well-being.
"seeners" -> "observers" or "audiences"
Explanation: "Seeners" is not a recognized term. "Observers" or "audiences" are more appropriate alternatives, conveying the idea of individuals who witness or perceive the company’s activities.
"Furthermore, this can increase the products’ sales and maintain loyal customers." -> "Moreover, this initiative can enhance product sales and foster customer loyalty."
Explanation: "Furthermore, this can increase the products’ sales and maintain loyal customers" is awkwardly structured. "Moreover, this initiative can enhance product sales and foster customer loyalty" offers a clearer and more concise expression of the same idea.
"entertaining zones" -> "recreational areas"
Explanation: "Entertaining zones" is colloquial and lacks the formality expected in academic writing. "Recreational areas" is a more appropriate term that maintains clarity while adhering to formal language conventions.
"illness such as stress, depression, and anxiety, which is why encourage their mentality to be comfortable and better" -> "conditions such as stress, depression, and anxiety, thereby fostering a conducive and improved mental state"
Explanation: The original phrase is awkward and lacks clarity. "Conditions such as stress, depression, and anxiety, thereby fostering a conducive and improved mental state" offers a more coherent expression, specifying the effects of recreational areas on mental well-being.
"according to the common" -> "according to common practice"
Explanation: "According to the common" is grammatically incorrect and unclear. "According to common practice" is a more suitable phrase to indicate prevailing norms or standards.
"do not need to acknowledge the view" -> "are not obliged to adhere to this perspective"
Explanation: "Do not need to acknowledge the view" is ambiguous. "Are not obliged to adhere to this perspective" provides a clearer and more formal expression of the idea.
"In conclusion, although building sports and social infrastructure has its merits and demerits, I strongly believe the effect of the disadvantages is a serious threat to some small companies because of the limited funds." -> "In conclusion, while investing in sports and social infrastructure has both advantages and disadvantages, I contend that the drawbacks pose a significant threat to small companies due to financial constraints."
Explanation: The original conclusion lacks precision and clarity. The suggested revision offers a more structured and concise summary of the main argument, emphasizing the impact of financial limitations on small businesses.

Band điểm Task Response ước lượng: 5

Band Score for Task Response: 5

Answer All Parts of the Question:
- Detailed explanation: The essay adequately addresses all parts of the question by discussing both sides of the argument: the benefits of companies providing sports and social facilities to the local community and the potential challenges and reasons why some companies may not implement this policy.
- How to improve: To improve, ensure that each point made directly relates to the prompt and is supported with specific examples or evidence. Additionally, consider exploring the nuances of each perspective in more depth.
Present a Clear Position Throughout:
- Detailed explanation: The essay maintains a clear position throughout by stating that while there are merits to providing sports and social facilities, it should not be mandatory for all companies. This stance is consistently reinforced throughout the essay.
- How to improve: To further strengthen clarity, explicitly state the position in the introduction and reiterate it in the conclusion. Additionally, ensure that all supporting arguments align with this position.
Present, Extend, and Support Ideas:
- Detailed explanation: The essay presents ideas regarding the benefits of providing sports and social facilities, such as enhancing the company’s image and promoting employee health, and counters these with potential challenges, such as financial constraints. However, some ideas lack development and specificity.
- How to improve: To enhance idea presentation, provide more detailed examples and elaborate on the consequences of implementing or not implementing the policy. Additionally, ensure that each idea is logically connected to the overall argument.
Stay on Topic:
- Detailed explanation: The essay generally stays on topic by discussing the relevance of companies providing sports and social facilities to the local community. However, there are instances where the focus slightly deviates, such as discussing the role of governments and organizations in funding such initiatives.
- How to improve: To maintain focus, ensure that all points directly relate to the central argument and avoid introducing tangential topics. If discussing external factors like government involvement, tie them back to the main discussion of companies’ responsibilities.

Overall, the essay effectively addresses the prompt by examining various aspects of companies providing sports and social facilities to the local community. To improve, focus on providing more detailed examples, maintaining a consistent stance, and ensuring that all ideas directly contribute to the central argument.

Band điểm Coherence & Cohesion ước lượng: 6

Band Score for Coherence and Cohesion: 6

Organize Information Logically:
- Detailed explanation: The essay demonstrates a coherent organization of ideas overall. Each paragraph presents a clear main point, with supporting details provided. However, there are some instances where the progression of ideas could be smoother. For example, the transition from discussing the benefits of employer-sponsored facilities to potential challenges could be more seamless. Additionally, the conclusion could better summarize the main arguments presented in the body paragraphs.
- How to improve: To enhance logical organization, consider using transitional phrases or sentences to smoothly guide the reader from one point to the next. In the conclusion, reiterate the main arguments without introducing new ideas to reinforce the essay’s coherence.
Use Paragraphs:
- Detailed explanation: The essay effectively uses paragraphs to organize ideas. Each paragraph focuses on a specific aspect of the argument, such as the benefits of employer-sponsored facilities or the challenges they pose. However, there are areas where paragraph structure could be improved for better coherence. For instance, the paragraph discussing the challenges faced by some companies could be further developed to provide additional examples or explanations.
- How to improve: Ensure that each paragraph has a clear topic sentence that introduces the main idea, followed by supporting details or examples. Consider expanding on key points to provide a more thorough analysis and strengthen the overall argument.
Use a Range of Cohesive Devices:
- Detailed explanation: The essay employs a variety of cohesive devices, such as transitional words and phrases (e.g., "although," "however," "thus," "in conclusion"). These devices help to establish connections between ideas and guide the reader through the essay. However, there is room for improvement in the use of cohesive devices to enhance coherence further. Some sentences could benefit from clearer connections to previous ideas or smoother transitions between paragraphs.
- How to improve: Continue to use cohesive devices effectively to maintain coherence and cohesion. Consider incorporating a wider range of transitional phrases to establish stronger connections between sentences and paragraphs. Additionally, pay attention to the logical flow of ideas to ensure a seamless progression throughout the essay.

Band điểm Lexical Resource ước lượng: 6

Band Score for Lexical Resource: 6

Use a Wide Range of Vocabulary:
- Detailed explanation: The essay demonstrates a moderate variety of vocabulary. There are instances where specific terms like "entertaining zones" and "seeners" (likely intended as "viewers") are used, but overall, there is a tendency towards more general language ("sports and social facilities," "promoting the company’s image"). There is an attempt to include examples such as Google and Apple, but these could be further developed to enrich the lexical range.
- How to improve: To enhance lexical resource, aim for more precise vocabulary related to business and community initiatives. Instead of "entertaining zones," consider "recreational areas" or "wellness facilities." Incorporate specific terms relevant to corporate social responsibility (CSR) and financial constraints to demonstrate a deeper understanding of the topic.
Use Vocabulary Precisely:
- Detailed explanation: The essay occasionally uses vocabulary precisely, such as describing benefits like "promoting the company’s image" and "fulfilling social responsibility." However, there are imprecise usages such as "seeners" and "building the reputation of brand," which could hinder clarity.
- How to improve: Aim for greater precision by avoiding unclear terms and ensuring that vocabulary choices accurately convey intended meanings. For instance, replace "seeners" with "audiences" or "viewers." Use phrases like "enhancing brand reputation" instead of "building the reputation of brand" for clearer expression.
Use Correct Spelling:
- Detailed explanation: There are several instances of spelling errors throughout the essay, such as "seeners" (seeners -> viewers), "maintain loyal customers" (seen as maintain), and "promote their reputation" (promoting their reputation). These errors occasionally detract from the overall coherence.
- How to improve: Improve spelling accuracy by utilizing spell-check tools and carefully reviewing the essay for common errors before submission. Developing a habit of proofreading systematically can also help in identifying and correcting spelling mistakes effectively.

Overall, while the essay demonstrates competence in vocabulary use, particularly in discussing the advantages and disadvantages of corporate investment in community facilities, there is room for improvement in lexical variety, precision, and spelling accuracy to enhance clarity and coherence. Strive to use more specific vocabulary related to corporate social responsibility and financial considerations, ensuring all terms are used accurately to strengthen the argumentation and meet higher band score criteria.

Band điểm Grammatical Range & Accuracy ước lượng: 5

Band Score for Grammatical Range and Accuracy: 5

Use a Wide Range of Structures:
- Detailed explanation: The essay demonstrates a commendable attempt to utilize various sentence structures. It employs a mix of simple, compound, and complex sentences. For example, there are complex sentences such as "Although I may acknowledge its merits, this should not be mandatory for all," which effectively convey nuanced ideas. Additionally, there are instances of compound sentences like "For instance, Google, and Apple brands have been known to invest in community projects as well as promoting their reputation and also fulfill their social responsibility." These varied structures contribute to the overall coherence and readability of the essay.
- How to improve: While the essay does incorporate a range of sentence structures, there is room for improvement in the sophistication and complexity of these structures. Encouraging the use of more intricate sentence patterns, such as inversion or conditional clauses, could elevate the quality of expression and enhance the fluency of the writing.
Use Grammar and Punctuation Accurately:
- Detailed explanation: The essay demonstrates generally sound grammatical accuracy with only minor errors. For instance, there are instances of subject-verb agreement issues ("they not only provide" should be "they not only provide") and some awkward phrasing ("which is why encourage their mentality to be comfortable and better"). However, these errors do not significantly impede understanding and are relatively infrequent throughout the essay. Punctuation is used appropriately to guide the reader and clarify the intended meaning.
- How to improve: To further improve grammatical accuracy, it is advisable for the writer to pay closer attention to subject-verb agreement and sentence structure coherence. Additionally, revising awkward phrasing and ensuring clarity of expression can enhance the overall effectiveness of the essay. Engaging in regular practice exercises targeting specific grammar rules and seeking feedback on writing can also aid in honing grammatical skills.

Bài sửa mẫu

The concept of employer welfare initiatives has garnered attention among various enterprises, aiming to enhance community engagement through sports and social infrastructure. While recognizing its benefits, I argue against making this obligatory for all companies.

Supporters of investing in sports and local amenities highlight their advantages, such as boosting the company’s reputation and improving employee health. One strategy involves bolstering brand recognition through social media and promotional materials, attracting a wider audience. For instance, renowned companies like Google and Apple have actively participated in community projects, not only enhancing their image but also fulfilling their social responsibilities. Moreover, this initiative can enhance product sales and foster customer loyalty. Another benefit is the positive impact on employee well-being. Access to recreational areas can alleviate conditions such as stress, depression, and anxiety, thereby fostering a conducive and improved mental state, ultimately leading to increased productivity. However, despite these advantages, challenges exist for some companies.

Financial constraints deter some businesses from implementing such policies. Not all enterprises possess the financial means to sustain these activities, which can result in significant financial strain, potentially leading to financial losses or closure. However, this burden can be alleviated through government and organizational support. Governments and organizations can provide funding to construct sports and social facilities for the local community, ensuring the sustainability of such initiatives in the long term. Therefore, according to common practice, not all companies are obliged to adhere to this perspective.

In conclusion, while investing in sports and social infrastructure has both advantages and disadvantages, I contend that the drawbacks pose a significant threat to small companies due to financial constraints. Instead, I advocate for appropriate measures to be taken by authorities to facilitate collaboration between businesses and the local community.