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All education and healthcare should be funded by the government and free for everyone. To what extent do you agree or disagree with this opinion?

All education and healthcare should be funded by the government and free for everyone. To what extent do you agree or disagree with this opinion?

Human rights have historically proven to be one of the most extreme complexions in the world. However, it is agreed that as contributing members of society, each individual deserves equal access to free education and healthcare, for it guarantees a bright future and fewer futile expenses.

Firstly, is crucial to contemplate the structure of society and civilization. In other words, it is essential to credit humankind for the creation of a system, albeit faulty, we all as a society, benefit from. To put it simply, the state is responsible for the well-being of the members who are not only dedicating their time and lives to improving their communities on a daily basis but also whose future achievements will only further the development of a nation. The most important factor that we should take into consideration is the fact that everyone pays taxes one way or another and as people are contributing to the finances of the countries, it is therefore the government's responsibility to provide equal opportunities for all.

The next reason that is worth pointing out is that by funding schools and hospitals the authorities make an investment in the future of the country. More precisely, if a community includes educated and healthy persons, it will have a chance to develop faster. For instance, if studying at schools is priceless and all children have an equal chance to experience high-quality education, the country will have many experts trained to take o life-long unsolved issues. Furthermore, it could be said that the higher number of uneducated individuals or people with different types of chronic diseases leads to more expenses for the nations.

In conclusion, while at first glance it might seem that citizens will use these privileges to their personal advantage, the benefits of free education and healthcare are far from individualism as they serve as a collateral for a brighter tomorrow for all.


Gợi ý nâng cấp từ vựng

Errors and Improvements:

  1. "one of the most extreme complexions" -> "one of the most complex challenges"
    Explanation: The phrase "extreme complexions" is not idiomatic in this context. Replacing it with "complex challenges" maintains the idea of difficulty while using more appropriate vocabulary.

  2. "is crucial to contemplate" -> "is crucial to consider"
    Explanation: "Contemplate" is more contemplative and less direct than "consider," which fits better in an academic context.

  3. "the structure of society and civilization" -> "the structure of society and civilization itself"
    Explanation: Adding "itself" clarifies that the consideration is about the inherent structure of society and civilization.

  4. "albeit faulty, we all as a society, benefit from" -> "though flawed, society as a whole benefits from"
    Explanation: The original phrase is awkward and lacks precision. The suggested alternative provides a smoother expression of the idea.

  5. "To put it simply" -> "In simpler terms"
    Explanation: "To put it simply" is slightly informal; "In simpler terms" is a more formal and precise alternative.

  6. "state is responsible for the well-being" -> "state bears the responsibility for the well-being"
    Explanation: "Bears the responsibility" is a more formal construction than "is responsible for."

  7. "members who are not only dedicating" -> "members who not only dedicate"
    Explanation: "Dedicating" should be changed to "dedicate" for proper tense agreement.

  8. "daily basis" -> "daily"
    Explanation: "Daily basis" can be simplified to "daily" without loss of meaning.

  9. "future achievements will only further the development" -> "future accomplishments will contribute to the further development"
    Explanation: "Achievements" is replaced with "accomplishments," and the phrasing is adjusted for clarity and formality.

  10. "we should take into consideration" -> "we should consider"
    Explanation: "Take into consideration" can be streamlined to "consider" without sacrificing meaning.

  11. "the fact that everyone pays taxes one way or another" -> "the reality that everyone contributes to taxes in some form"
    Explanation: The replacement adds clarity and formality to the expression.

  12. "as people are contributing to the finances" -> "since people contribute to the financial resources"
    Explanation: "Contributing to the finances" is refined to "contribute to the financial resources" for a more formal tone.

  13. "it is therefore the government’s responsibility" -> "it is, therefore, the government’s duty"
    Explanation: "Responsibility" is substituted with "duty" for a more formal and weighty expression.

  14. "is worth pointing out" -> "is worth noting"
    Explanation: "Pointing out" is replaced with "noting" for a more refined expression.

  15. "the authorities make an investment" -> "the authorities make an investment"
    Explanation: The phrase is redundant, and "make an investment" can be removed for conciseness without altering the meaning.

  16. "if studying at schools is priceless" -> "if education in schools is invaluable"
    Explanation: "Studying at schools is priceless" is refined to "education in schools is invaluable" for more precise language.

  17. "take o life-long unsolved issues" -> "tackle long-standing unresolved issues"
    Explanation: Correcting the typo and replacing "take o" with "tackle" enhances the sentence’s clarity and formality.

  18. "could be said that the higher number" -> "could be argued that a higher number"
    Explanation: "The higher number" is changed to "a higher number" for better grammatical structure and formality.

  19. "uneducated individuals or people with different types of chronic diseases" -> "individuals lacking education or those with various chronic diseases"
    Explanation: The phrasing is adjusted for clarity and formality, avoiding the use of "uneducated individuals."

  20. "privileges to their personal advantage" -> "privileges for personal gain"
    Explanation: "To their personal advantage" is replaced with "for personal gain" for a more formal expression.

  21. "the benefits of free education and healthcare are far from individualism" -> "the benefits of free education and healthcare extend beyond individual interests"
    Explanation: "Far from individualism" is replaced with "extend beyond individual interests" for a clearer and more formal statement.

Band điểm Task Response ước lượng: 8

Band Score for Task Response: 8

  • Answer All Parts of the Question:

    • Detailed explanation: The essay adequately addresses all parts of the question. It recognizes the importance of free education and healthcare, arguing that it is the government’s responsibility to provide equal opportunities.
    • How to improve: To enhance the comprehensiveness, consider providing more specific examples or elaborations on how free education and healthcare contribute to equal opportunities and societal well-being.
  • Present a Clear Position Throughout:

    • Detailed explanation: The essay maintains a clear position throughout, consistently advocating for the provision of free education and healthcare by the government.
    • How to improve: Ensure that the thesis statement is explicitly stated in the introduction and reiterated in the conclusion to reinforce the essay’s stance.
  • Present, Extend, and Support Ideas:

    • Detailed explanation: The essay presents ideas about the societal benefits of free education and healthcare, highlighting the role of these services in national development. However, some points could be further developed or supported with specific examples.
    • How to improve: Elaborate on the idea that educated and healthy individuals contribute to a faster-developing country by providing concrete examples or statistical evidence. This would strengthen the argument and make it more persuasive.
  • Stay on Topic:

    • Detailed explanation: The essay generally stays on topic, discussing the importance of government funding for education and healthcare. However, there are moments where the language could be more precise to avoid potential misinterpretation.
    • How to improve: Be mindful of clarity in expression. For instance, in the introduction, rephrase "extreme complexions" to a more precise term, such as "complex issues," to avoid confusion.

Overall Comments:
The essay effectively addresses the prompt, advocating for free education and healthcare funded by the government. It demonstrates a clear position, but improvements can be made by providing more specific examples, reinforcing the thesis throughout, and enhancing the development of certain ideas. Additionally, attention to precise language would further improve the overall coherence and clarity of the essay.

Band điểm Coherence & Cohesion ước lượng: 6

Band Score for Coherence and Cohesion: 6

  • Organize Information Logically:

    • Detailed explanation: The essay demonstrates a reasonable level of logical organization. The introduction presents the main idea clearly, and there is a discernible progression of ideas in the body paragraphs. However, there are instances where the connections between ideas are somewhat abrupt, impacting the overall coherence. For example, the transition between discussing the responsibility of the state and the investment in the future could be smoother.
    • How to improve: To enhance logical organization, consider using transitional phrases or sentences to establish smoother connections between ideas. Ensure that each paragraph logically flows from the previous one, maintaining a cohesive structure throughout the essay.
  • Use Paragraphs:

    • Detailed explanation: The essay exhibits a generally effective use of paragraphs. Each paragraph addresses a specific aspect of the argument, and there is an attempt to organize ideas coherently within each paragraph. However, some paragraphs could be more focused, particularly the third paragraph, which combines discussions on education and healthcare without a clear transition.
    • How to improve: Refine paragraph structure by focusing on one main idea per paragraph. In the third paragraph, consider separating the discussion of education and healthcare into distinct paragraphs. This will contribute to a clearer presentation of ideas and facilitate a more organized flow.
  • Use a Range of Cohesive Devices:

    • Detailed explanation: The essay employs a variety of cohesive devices, such as linking words and phrases (e.g., "Firstly," "The next reason," "Furthermore"). While these contribute to coherence, there’s room for improvement in the seamless integration of cohesive devices. Some transitions feel mechanical, affecting the overall flow.
    • How to improve: Work on integrating cohesive devices more naturally. Instead of relying solely on transitional phrases at the beginning of paragraphs, consider using them within sentences to create smoother connections between ideas. Additionally, explore a broader range of cohesive devices to diversify the essay’s structure and enhance overall coherence.

In summary, the essay demonstrates a reasonable level of coherence and cohesion. To improve, focus on refining the logical organization by enhancing transitions between ideas, ensuring each paragraph has a clear focus, and integrating cohesive devices more seamlessly for a smoother and more connected flow of arguments.

Band điểm Lexical Resource ước lượng: 6

Band Score for Lexical Resource: 6

  • Use a Wide Range of Vocabulary:

    • Detailed explanation: The essay demonstrates a satisfactory range of vocabulary, with a mix of general and more specific terms. Examples include "human rights," "complexions," "futile expenses," "well-being," "dedicating," "achievements," "finances," and "equal opportunities." However, there’s room for improvement in incorporating more sophisticated and nuanced vocabulary to enhance the depth of expression.
    • How to improve: Consider incorporating more advanced vocabulary to convey ideas with greater precision. For instance, instead of using "well-being," explore terms like "welfare" or "socioeconomic welfare." Vary sentence structures and use idiomatic expressions to add flair and sophistication to your language.
  • Use Vocabulary Precisely:

    • Detailed explanation: While the essay generally uses vocabulary appropriately, there are instances where the language could be more precise. For example, the phrase "most extreme complexions" is not clear and could be replaced with a more precise term, such as "challenges" or "dilemmas." Additionally, the phrase "take into consideration" could be replaced with a more concise term like "consider."
    • How to improve: Pay careful attention to the specific meanings of words and phrases. Use terms that accurately convey your intended message. Consider revising sentences for conciseness and clarity. For instance, replace vague or wordy phrases with more direct and specific language.
  • Use Correct Spelling:

    • Detailed explanation: The essay generally exhibits a satisfactory level of spelling accuracy, with minor errors like "extreme complexions" (should be "complex issues"). It’s important to proofread and correct such errors to enhance the overall professionalism of the essay.
    • How to improve: Develop a habit of proofreading your essays carefully before submission. Pay attention to common spelling mistakes and ensure the correct usage of words. Consider using spelling and grammar checking tools to catch errors that might be overlooked during manual proofreading. Additionally, expand your vocabulary to reduce the chances of using incorrect or less common words.

Band điểm Grammatical Range & Accuracy ước lượng: 7

Band Score for Grammatical Range and Accuracy: 7

  • Use a Wide Range of Structures:

    • Detailed explanation: The essay demonstrates a reasonable range of sentence structures. There is a mix of simple and complex sentences, contributing to overall coherence. For instance, the use of complex sentences in the introduction adds sophistication to the writing. However, the essay could benefit from more variety in sentence structures, particularly in the body paragraphs. Overreliance on straightforward sentence structures may slightly limit the essay’s expressiveness.
    • How to improve: To enhance the grammatical range, consider incorporating a variety of sentence types, such as compound or compound-complex sentences. Additionally, explore the use of advanced grammatical structures like relative clauses and inversion to add depth and complexity to the writing.
  • Use Grammar and Punctuation Accurately:

    • Detailed explanation: The essay generally maintains a good level of grammatical accuracy, with only a few instances of minor errors. For example, the phrase "one of the most extreme complexions" seems unclear and may be a result of an unintended error. Punctuation is generally accurate, but there are a few instances where the use of commas could be refined for better clarity. For instance, in the sentence, "The next reason that is worth pointing out is that by funding schools and hospitals, the authorities make an investment in the future of the country," a comma after "hospitals" would improve readability.
    • How to improve: To enhance grammatical accuracy, carefully proofread for clarity and coherence. Address vague or unclear phrases to eliminate potential misunderstandings. Additionally, pay attention to comma usage, ensuring they are appropriately placed to separate ideas and improve overall readability. Consider seeking feedback from peers or utilizing grammar-check tools for additional support.

Overall, the essay demonstrates a solid command of grammar and sentence structures. To achieve a higher score, focus on incorporating a more varied sentence structure and refining minor grammatical details to enhance overall clarity and coherence.

Bài sửa mẫu

Human rights have historically proven to be one of the most complex challenges in the world. However, it is widely agreed that, as contributing members of society, each individual deserves equal access to free education and healthcare, as it ensures a bright future and reduces unnecessary expenses.

Firstly, it is crucial to consider the structure of society and civilization itself. In simpler terms, it is essential to acknowledge humanity’s creation of a system that, though flawed, society as a whole benefits from. To put it simply, the state bears the responsibility for the well-being of its members, who not only dedicate their time and lives to improving their communities on a daily basis but also contribute to the further development of the nation through their future accomplishments. We should consider the reality that everyone contributes to taxes in some form, and since people contribute to the financial resources of the country, it is, therefore, the government’s duty to provide equal opportunities for all.

Another point worth noting is that by funding schools and hospitals, the authorities make an investment in the future of the country. If education in schools is invaluable and all children have an equal chance to experience high-quality education, the country will have many experts trained to tackle long-standing unresolved issues. Furthermore, it could be argued that a higher number of individuals lacking education or those with various chronic diseases leads to more expenses for the nation.

In conclusion, while it might seem that citizens could use these privileges for personal gain, the benefits of free education and healthcare extend beyond individual interests. They serve as a collective investment for a brighter tomorrow for all.

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