All university students should do some voluntary work to help the local community. To what extent do you agree or disagree?

All university students should do some voluntary work to help the local community.
To what extent do you agree or disagree?

Many believe that university students should be obligated to take part in voluntary activities to support their local communities. However, I completely disagree with this view as such an obligation may have adverse effects on student's academic performance and financial stability.
Firstly, forcing students to do community service could create extra stress and harm their studies. University students have already dealt with demanding academic schedules, and requiring them to spend time on voluntary work could affect their ability to concentrate on assignments and exams. For instance, students in challenging programs like medicine and engineering often find it hard to manage their time, and adding compulsory volunteer hours would increase their stress. As a result, this could lead to a decline in their academic performance, as they would have less time to focus on their studies.
Secondly, many students have to work part-time to support themselves financially, making them to difficult to balance additional unpaid work. For some, working during university is a necessity rather than a choice, and imposing voluntary work would leave them with even less time to earn an income. For example, a student from a low-income background might rely on part-time work to cover tuition fees and living expenses. If this student is forced to participate in unpaid community service, it could exacerbate financial struggles and reduce their ability to succeed both academically and financially.
In conclusion, I strongly disagree with this idea of making voluntary work a requirement for university students. Mandatory community service would create additional stress, limit time for studies, and place financial burdens on students, making it an unreasonable expectation.

Gợi ý nâng cấp từ vựng

1. "Many believe" -> "It is widely believed"
   Explanation: "It is widely believed" is a more formal and precise way to introduce a general opinion, enhancing the academic tone of the essay.

2. "obligated to take part" -> "required to participate"
   Explanation: "Required to participate" is more formal and precise, fitting better in an academic context than "obligated to take part," which is slightly informal and less commonly used in formal writing.

3. "completely disagree" -> "strongly disagree"
   Explanation: "Strongly disagree" is a more academically appropriate phrase than "completely disagree," which can sound overly emphatic and informal.

4. "adverse effects on student’s" -> "adverse effects on students’"
   Explanation: The possessive form "students’" is grammatically correct and maintains consistency in plural form, aligning with the subject "students."

5. "forcing students to do" -> "requiring students to engage in"
   Explanation: "Requiring students to engage in" is more formal and precise than "forcing students to do," which can imply coercion in a negative light.

6. "could create extra stress" -> "may generate additional stress"
   Explanation: "May generate additional stress" is a more formal and academically appropriate way to express potential consequences, avoiding the colloquial tone of "could create extra stress."

7. "already dealt with" -> "already face"
   Explanation: "Already face" is more direct and formal, suitable for academic writing, compared to the more conversational "already dealt with."

8. "requiring them to spend time on" -> "mandating their involvement in"
   Explanation: "Mandating their involvement in" is a more formal and precise way to describe the requirement, enhancing the academic tone of the sentence.

9. "adding compulsory volunteer hours" -> "imposing additional volunteer hours"
   Explanation: "Imposing additional volunteer hours" is more formal and specific, clearly conveying the compulsory nature of the requirement.

10. "making them to difficult to balance" -> "making it difficult for them to balance"
    Explanation: Corrects the grammatical error and clarifies the meaning, improving readability and formality.

11. "making them with even less time" -> "leaving them with even less time"
    Explanation: "Leaving them with even less time" is grammatically correct and more formal, enhancing the clarity and formality of the sentence.

12. "a necessity rather than a choice" -> "a necessity rather than an option"
    Explanation: "An option" is a more formal term than "a choice," aligning better with academic language standards.

13. "making it an unreasonable expectation" -> "rendering it an unreasonable expectation"
    Explanation: "Rendering it an unreasonable expectation" uses a more formal verb, enhancing the academic tone and precision of the conclusion.

Band điểm Task Response ước lượng: 8

Band Score for Task Response: 8

• Answer All Parts of the Question:

  • Detailed explanation: The essay effectively addresses the prompt by clearly stating a position of disagreement with the idea that university students should be obligated to participate in voluntary work. The author presents two main arguments: the potential negative impact on academic performance and the financial challenges faced by students. Both points are relevant to the question, demonstrating a comprehensive understanding of the topic.
  • How to improve: To enhance the response, the author could consider acknowledging the opposing viewpoint briefly before refuting it. This would provide a more balanced argument and demonstrate a deeper engagement with the topic. For example, mentioning the benefits of voluntary work could strengthen the overall argument by contrasting them with the drawbacks discussed.

• Present a Clear Position Throughout:

  • Detailed explanation: The essay maintains a clear and consistent position against mandatory voluntary work. The use of phrases like "I completely disagree" and "I strongly disagree" reinforces the author’s stance throughout the essay. The arguments are logically structured, with each paragraph focusing on a specific reason supporting the main position.
  • How to improve: While the position is clear, the author could enhance the essay by using transitional phrases to reinforce the argument’s continuity. For instance, phrases like "Moreover" or "Additionally" could be used to connect the two main arguments more fluidly, emphasizing that both points collectively support the overall disagreement.

• Present, Extend, and Support Ideas:

  • Detailed explanation: The essay presents and supports its ideas well, with specific examples illustrating the potential negative consequences of mandatory voluntary work. The references to students in demanding programs and those from low-income backgrounds provide concrete evidence for the claims made. This strengthens the argument and shows a thoughtful consideration of the audience’s perspective.
  • How to improve: To further develop the ideas, the author could include more detailed examples or statistics that highlight the stress levels of students or the financial burdens they face. This would not only extend the arguments but also provide a more persuasive basis for the claims. Additionally, integrating a counter-argument with a rebuttal could enrich the discussion and demonstrate critical thinking.

• Stay on Topic:

  • Detailed explanation: The essay stays focused on the topic, consistently addressing the implications of making voluntary work mandatory for university students. Each point made is relevant to the central argument, and there are no significant deviations from the topic.
  • How to improve: To ensure continued focus, the author should avoid introducing any unrelated ideas or examples that do not directly support the main argument. A brief outline of the main points at the beginning of the essay could help reinforce the topic’s relevance and guide the reader through the argumentation.

Overall, the essay is well-structured and presents a strong argument against mandatory voluntary work for university students. By incorporating the suggested improvements, the author could elevate the essay to an even higher level of sophistication and persuasiveness.

Band điểm Coherence & Cohesion ước lượng: 8

Band Score for Coherence and Cohesion: 8

• Organize Information Logically:

  • Detailed explanation: The essay presents a clear and logical structure, with a well-defined introduction, body paragraphs, and a conclusion. The introduction effectively outlines the writer’s stance, while each body paragraph focuses on a specific argument against mandatory voluntary work. For instance, the first body paragraph discusses the potential stress on academic performance, followed by the second paragraph addressing financial implications. This logical progression aids the reader in following the writer’s reasoning.
  • How to improve: To enhance the logical flow, consider using more explicit linking phrases at the beginning of each paragraph to signal transitions. For example, phrases like "In addition to academic stress," could be used at the start of the second body paragraph to indicate that another point is being added to the discussion.

• Use Paragraphs:

  • Detailed explanation: The essay effectively uses paragraphs to separate distinct ideas, which contributes to clarity. Each paragraph is focused and contains a clear topic sentence, supporting details, and examples. The conclusion succinctly summarizes the main arguments without introducing new information, which is a strong practice in essay writing.
  • How to improve: While the paragraphing is effective, consider varying the length and complexity of sentences within paragraphs to enhance readability. For example, the first body paragraph could benefit from a more varied sentence structure to maintain reader engagement. Additionally, ensuring that each paragraph has a clear concluding sentence could reinforce the main idea before transitioning to the next point.

• Use a Range of Cohesive Devices:

  • Detailed explanation: The essay employs cohesive devices effectively, such as "Firstly," "Secondly," and "As a result," which help in guiding the reader through the arguments. However, the range of cohesive devices could be expanded. The use of synonyms and more varied transitional phrases would enhance the essay’s cohesiveness. For instance, instead of repeating "students" frequently, using synonyms like "learners" or "individuals" could improve lexical variety.
  • How to improve: To diversify cohesive devices, incorporate a wider range of linking words and phrases. For example, using "Furthermore" or "Moreover" to introduce additional points could enhance the flow. Additionally, consider using phrases that indicate contrast, such as "On the other hand," when discussing potential counterarguments, even if they are briefly mentioned, to create a more nuanced discussion.

By addressing these areas, the essay could achieve an even higher level of coherence and cohesion, potentially reaching a band score of 9.

Band điểm Lexical Resource ước lượng: 8

Band Score for Lexical Resource: 8

• Use a Wide Range of Vocabulary:

  • Detailed explanation: The essay demonstrates a strong command of vocabulary, employing terms such as "obligated," "adverse effects," "demanding academic schedules," and "financial stability." These choices reflect a good range of vocabulary appropriate for the topic. The use of phrases like "exacerbate financial struggles" and "compulsory volunteer hours" showcases the ability to convey complex ideas effectively.
  • How to improve: To reach a higher band score, consider incorporating even more varied vocabulary. For instance, instead of repeating "students" multiple times, synonyms like "learners," "scholars," or "undergraduates" could enhance lexical variety. Additionally, using more sophisticated phrases or idiomatic expressions would further enrich the language.

• Use Vocabulary Precisely:

  • Detailed explanation: The essay generally uses vocabulary accurately, with phrases like "create extra stress" and "affect their ability to concentrate" clearly conveying the intended meaning. However, the phrase "making them to difficult" contains a grammatical error that affects clarity. The correct form should be "making it difficult for them."
  • How to improve: Focus on ensuring grammatical accuracy alongside vocabulary precision. Review sentences for common errors and consider using tools like grammar checkers. Additionally, practice using vocabulary in context to ensure that word choices align perfectly with the intended meaning.

• Use Correct Spelling:

  • Detailed explanation: The spelling throughout the essay is largely accurate, with no significant errors that detract from understanding. Words like "academic," "voluntary," and "financial" are spelled correctly, contributing to the overall clarity of the writing.
  • How to improve: To maintain and enhance spelling accuracy, consider implementing a habit of proofreading your work. Reading the essay aloud can help catch any overlooked mistakes. Additionally, familiarize yourself with commonly misspelled words and practice them regularly to reinforce correct spelling.

In summary, the essay demonstrates a strong lexical resource with effective vocabulary use and spelling accuracy. To improve further, focus on expanding vocabulary range, ensuring grammatical precision, and maintaining consistent spelling practices.

Band điểm Grammatical Range & Accuracy ước lượng: 7

Band Score for Grammatical Range and Accuracy: 7

• Use a Wide Range of Structures:

  • Detailed explanation: The essay demonstrates a good variety of sentence structures, including complex sentences and conditional clauses. For example, the use of "if this student is forced to participate in unpaid community service" showcases an effective conditional structure. However, the essay relies heavily on straightforward sentence forms, particularly in the second paragraph, where many sentences follow a similar subject-verb-object pattern. This limits the overall range of grammatical structures.
  • How to improve: To enhance the variety of sentence structures, consider incorporating more compound-complex sentences. For instance, you could combine ideas by using conjunctions or relative clauses. An example could be: "While many students are already overwhelmed by their academic commitments, those who are also required to engage in community service may find it increasingly difficult to manage their time effectively." This not only adds complexity but also enriches the essay’s coherence.

• Use Grammar and Punctuation Accurately:

  • Detailed explanation: The essay displays a generally strong command of grammar and punctuation, with only minor errors. For instance, the phrase "making them to difficult to balance additional unpaid work" contains a grammatical error; it should be "making it difficult for them to balance additional unpaid work." Additionally, punctuation is mostly accurate, but the use of commas could be improved for clarity, particularly in longer sentences.
  • How to improve: To improve grammatical accuracy, focus on common areas of error, such as subject-verb agreement and the correct use of infinitives. Regular practice with grammar exercises can help solidify these concepts. For punctuation, consider revising sentences to ensure that clauses are clearly separated, which can enhance readability. For example, breaking long sentences into shorter, clearer ones can help prevent confusion and ensure that each idea is effectively communicated.

In summary, while the essay demonstrates a solid grasp of grammatical range and accuracy, there is room for improvement in diversifying sentence structures and refining grammatical precision. Regular practice and attention to detail will help elevate the overall quality of writing.

Bài sửa mẫu

Many believe that university students should be required to participate in voluntary activities to support their local communities. However, I strongly disagree with this view, as such an obligation may generate adverse effects on students’ academic performance and financial stability.

Firstly, imposing additional volunteer hours could create extra stress and hinder their studies. University students already face demanding academic schedules, and requiring them to engage in voluntary work could affect their ability to concentrate on assignments and exams. For instance, students in challenging programs like medicine and engineering often find it hard to manage their time, and making it difficult for them to balance compulsory volunteer hours would increase their stress. As a result, this could lead to a decline in their academic performance, as they would have less time to focus on their studies.

Secondly, many students must work part-time to support themselves financially, making it difficult for them to balance additional unpaid work. For some, working during university is a necessity rather than an option, and imposing voluntary work would leave them with even less time to earn an income. For example, a student from a low-income background might rely on part-time work to cover tuition fees and living expenses. If this student is forced to participate in unpaid community service, it could exacerbate financial struggles and reduce their ability to succeed both academically and financially.

In conclusion, I strongly disagree with the idea of making voluntary work a requirement for university students. Mandatory community service would create additional stress, limit time for studies, and impose financial burdens on students, rendering it an unreasonable expectation.