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Although modern life has brought with it improvements in people’s standard of living, people are not generally happy with their lives. Do you agree or disagree?

Although modern life has brought with it improvements in people's standard of living, people are not generally happy with their lives. Do you agree or disagree?

The assertion that people are not generally happy with their lives in the backdrop of modern advancements is a debatable stance. Contrary to this viewpoint, there is a compelling argument that suggests an overall improvement in people's contentment owing to the progress made in various spheres of life.
One primary reason behind the disconnect between improved living conditions and personal happiness lies in the shift of societal values. The emphasis on material success, consumerism, and external validation has eclipsed the significance of intrinsic fulfillment. The relentless pursuit of wealth and possessions as markers of success has led individuals into a perpetual cycle of chasing 'more,' undermining contentment and inner satisfaction. For example, consider the advent of social media, a quintessential product of modernity. While it has interconnected the world, fostering accessibility and communication, it has also fueled comparison culture and unrealistic standards. People meticulously curate their online personas, often presenting an idealized version of their lives, creating an unattainable benchmark for others. This constant exposure to curated perfection cultivates feelings of inadequacy and diminishes genuine happiness, perpetuating a sense of dissatisfaction. Consequently, the overarching result is a paradoxical situation where improved standards of living coexist with escalating rates of dissatisfaction and mental health issues.
The advancements in technology, healthcare, and overall living standards have undeniably contributed to a better quality of life for a significant portion of the global population. Access to better medical facilities, improved sanitation, and innovations in healthcare have increased life expectancy and reduced mortality rates. This has resulted in individuals leading healthier and longer lives, which can significantly contribute to their overall happiness and well-being. For instance, consider the technological innovations that have revolutionized communication and connectivity. The ability to connect with friends, family, and colleagues across vast distances has led to a more interconnected world. This connectivity has facilitated the sharing of experiences, ideas, and emotional support, fostering a sense of belonging and community, ultimately enhancing happiness and well-being. Moreover, the economic progress and opportunities afforded by modern life have led to increased financial stability for many. While material wealth may not directly correlate with happiness, financial security and the ability to fulfill basic needs can alleviate stress and anxiety, thereby contributing to a higher level of contentment. Furthermore, the evolution of leisure and entertainment options in contemporary society has provided avenues for relaxation, recreation, and personal fulfillment. Access to diverse forms of entertainment, from movies and music to sports and hobbies, allows individuals to engage in activities that bring them joy and relaxation, enhancing their overall happiness.
In conclusion, while challenges persist and individual experiences may vary, it is plausible to argue that modern life, with its advancements and opportunities, has significantly contributed to an overall improvement in people's happiness. The progress in healthcare, technology, economic stability, and the availability of diverse leisure options collectively contribute to a more contented populace. While there are valid concerns and areas needing improvement, the narrative of widespread discontentment in the face of modernity may not encapsulate the complete picture of happiness and satisfaction in contemporary society.


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Errors and Improvements:

  1. "people are not generally happy" -> "individuals are not universally content"
    Explanation: Replacing "people are not generally happy" with "individuals are not universally content" introduces a more formal and nuanced expression, avoiding overgeneralization and emphasizing the diversity of experiences.

  2. "debatable stance" -> "contentious viewpoint"
    Explanation: Substituting "debatable stance" with "contentious viewpoint" elevates the formality of the language, offering a more sophisticated term to describe the differing opinions on the subject.

  3. "Contrary to this viewpoint" -> "In contrast to this perspective"
    Explanation: Changing "Contrary to this viewpoint" to "In contrast to this perspective" enhances the formality and precision of the transition, providing a more academic tone to connect the paragraphs.

  4. "compelling argument" -> "persuasive argument"
    Explanation: Replacing "compelling argument" with "persuasive argument" maintains a high level of formality and conveys the strength of the opposing viewpoint more effectively.

  5. "disconnect" -> "discrepancy"
    Explanation: Substituting "disconnect" with "discrepancy" introduces a more precise and formal term, aligning with academic language conventions.

  6. "societal values" -> "cultural values"
    Explanation: Changing "societal values" to "cultural values" provides a more specific and formal term, emphasizing the influence on individual perspectives within a cultural context.

  7. "intrinsic fulfillment" -> "personal fulfillment"
    Explanation: Replacing "intrinsic fulfillment" with "personal fulfillment" maintains clarity while using a more commonly understood term, ensuring a smoother reading experience.

  8. "relentless pursuit" -> "unceasing pursuit"
    Explanation: Substituting "relentless pursuit" with "unceasing pursuit" adds a touch of formality and variety to the vocabulary, enhancing the academic tone.

  9. "fuel comparison culture" -> "foster a culture of comparison"
    Explanation: Adjusting "fuel comparison culture" to "foster a culture of comparison" provides a more formal structure while retaining the meaning and emphasizing the societal impact.

  10. "curated perfection" -> "carefully crafted perfection"
    Explanation: Changing "curated perfection" to "carefully crafted perfection" maintains the idea while employing a more formal and descriptive term.

  11. "paradoxical situation" -> "paradoxical scenario"
    Explanation: Substituting "paradoxical situation" with "paradoxical scenario" maintains the meaning while introducing a slightly more formal and varied expression.

  12. "escalating rates" -> "increasing rates"
    Explanation: Replacing "escalating rates" with "increasing rates" offers a more formal and precise term, aligning with academic language expectations.

  13. "undoubtedly contributed" -> "undeniably contributed"
    Explanation: Changing "undoubtedly contributed" to "undeniably contributed" maintains emphasis while using a stronger and more formal adverb.

  14. "resulted in individuals leading" -> "resulted in individuals living"
    Explanation: Adjusting "resulted in individuals leading" to "resulted in individuals living" ensures grammatical accuracy and provides a clearer expression of the outcome.

  15. "technological innovations" -> "technological advancements"
    Explanation: Substituting "technological innovations" with "technological advancements" offers a more precise and formal term to describe progress in technology.

  16. "economic progress" -> "economic advancement"
    Explanation: Changing "economic progress" to "economic advancement" provides a more formal and specific term, aligning with academic language conventions.

  17. "fulfill basic needs" -> "satisfy fundamental needs"
    Explanation: Replacing "fulfill basic needs" with "satisfy fundamental needs" maintains clarity while using a slightly more formal and nuanced expression.

  18. "facilitated the sharing" -> "facilitated sharing"
    Explanation: Adjusting "facilitated the sharing" to "facilitated sharing" maintains conciseness while improving the flow and formality of the sentence.

  19. "diverse leisure options" -> "varied leisure pursuits"
    Explanation: Substituting "diverse leisure options" with "varied leisure pursuits" offers a more formal and descriptive term, enhancing the academic tone.

  20. "contented populace" -> "satisfied population"
    Explanation: Changing "contented populace" to "satisfied population" provides a more formal and universally understood term, contributing to a higher level of formality in the conclusion.

Band điểm Task Response ước lượng: 7

Band Score: 7.0

  1. Quoted text: "The assertion that people are not generally happy with their lives in the backdrop of modern advancements is a debatable stance."

    • Explanation and Improvement Suggestions: The introduction establishes the topic but lacks a clear position on whether the author agrees or disagrees with the prompt. It’s essential to explicitly state your stance to guide the reader and provide a roadmap for your arguments. For example, you could rephrase to indicate your position clearly, like, "In this essay, I will argue that despite the advancements in modern life, people, on the whole, are content with their lives."
    • Improved example: "In this essay, I will argue that despite the advancements in modern life, people, on the whole, are content with their lives. The assertion that people are not generally happy with their lives in the backdrop of modern advancements is a debatable stance."
  2. Quoted text: "This constant exposure to curated perfection cultivates feelings of inadequacy and diminishes genuine happiness, perpetuating a sense of dissatisfaction."

    • Explanation and Improvement Suggestions: This point is well articulated and supported with an example. However, it would be more effective if you tied it back explicitly to the overarching idea that societal values have shifted, emphasizing the impact on personal happiness. Connect the dots for the reader by stating how the example relates to the shift in values.
    • Improved example: "This constant exposure to curated perfection, exemplified by the idealized lives presented on social media, cultivates feelings of inadequacy and diminishes genuine happiness. This phenomenon directly underscores the shift in societal values, where external validation and material success often overshadow intrinsic fulfillment."
  3. Quoted text: "While challenges persist and individual experiences may vary, it is plausible to argue that modern life, with its advancements and opportunities, has significantly contributed to an overall improvement in people’s happiness."

    • Explanation and Improvement Suggestions: The conclusion is generally strong, summarizing the main points effectively. However, it would be beneficial to restate the author’s stance on the topic in the conclusion for a more cohesive ending. Reinforce whether you agree or disagree with the prompt to leave a lasting impression.
    • Improved example: "While challenges persist and individual experiences may vary, it is plausible to argue that modern life, with its advancements and opportunities, has significantly contributed to an overall improvement in people’s happiness. In conclusion, I firmly believe that the benefits of modern life outweigh the challenges, ultimately leading to a more contented populace."

Band điểm Coherence & Cohesion ước lượng: 8

Band Score: 8.0

Explanation: The essay effectively sequences information and ideas logically, demonstrating a clear progression throughout. Cohesion is skillfully managed, with cohesive devices used appropriately. Paragraphing is employed sufficiently and appropriately, contributing to the overall coherence and cohesion of the essay. The introduction and conclusion provide a cohesive framework for the entire essay, and each paragraph presents a clear central topic.

How to improve: While the essay is well-structured and cohesive, consider ensuring that the use of cohesive devices is consistently varied and avoids any potential under- or overuse. Additionally, continue to focus on the clarity of referencing and substitution, ensuring that connections between sentences remain faultless and natural. Overall, maintaining this level of coherence and cohesion while refining the balance of cohesive devices will further elevate the essay.

Band điểm Lexical Resource ước lượng: 8

Band Score: 8.0

Explanation: The essay demonstrates a commendable command of vocabulary, incorporating a wide range of terms with fluency and flexibility. It effectively conveys precise meanings and skillfully employs uncommon lexical items. While there are occasional inaccuracies in word choice and collocation, they are minor, and the overall control of lexical features is sophisticated.

How to improve: To enhance the lexical resource further, the writer can focus on refining the accuracy of word choice and collocation. Careful proofreading can help eliminate rare errors in spelling and word formation. Additionally, considering the complexity of vocabulary already employed, the essay could benefit from occasional simplicity to ensure accessibility and readability for a broader audience.

Band điểm Grammatical Range & Accuracy ước lượng: 8

Band Score: 8.0

Explanation: The essay demonstrates a commendable command of grammatical structures, showcasing a wide range of sentence forms with flexibility and accuracy. The majority of sentences are error-free, and any deviations are rare and can be considered minor ‘slips.’ Complex structures are effectively employed throughout the essay, contributing to its coherence and sophistication. The control of grammar and punctuation is strong, with only very occasional errors or inappropriacies, meeting the criteria for Band 8.

How to improve: While the essay performs well within the Band 8 criteria, there is always room for improvement. Careful proofreading could further minimize those rare minor errors. Additionally, ensuring a consistently formal tone and refining sentence structures for even greater variety can contribute to elevating the overall grammatical range and accuracy of the essay.

Bài sửa mẫu

The idea that people are generally unhappy with their lives amidst modern progress is a topic open to debate. Contrary to this perspective, there is a strong argument suggesting an overall increase in people’s satisfaction due to progress in various aspects of life.

One key reason behind the gap between improved living conditions and personal happiness lies in the shift of societal values. The focus on material success, consumerism, and external validation has overshadowed the importance of intrinsic fulfillment. The relentless pursuit of wealth and possessions as symbols of success has led individuals into an ongoing cycle of chasing ‘more,’ undermining contentment and inner satisfaction. Take, for example, the rise of social media, a fundamental product of modernity. While it has connected the world, enhancing accessibility and communication, it has also fueled a culture of comparison and unrealistic standards. People carefully construct their online personas, often presenting an idealized version of their lives, setting an unattainable standard for others. Constant exposure to this curated perfection fosters feelings of inadequacy and diminishes genuine happiness, perpetuating a sense of dissatisfaction. As a result, there is a paradox where improved living standards coexist with increasing levels of dissatisfaction and mental health issues.

Advancements in technology, healthcare, and overall living standards have undeniably contributed to a better quality of life for a significant part of the global population. Access to better medical facilities, improved sanitation, and innovations in healthcare have increased life expectancy and reduced mortality rates. This has led to individuals living healthier and longer lives, significantly contributing to their overall happiness and well-being. Consider technological innovations that have revolutionized communication and connectivity. The ability to connect with friends, family, and colleagues across vast distances has created a more interconnected world. This connectivity has facilitated the sharing of experiences, ideas, and emotional support, fostering a sense of belonging and community, ultimately enhancing happiness and well-being. Additionally, economic progress and opportunities afforded by modern life have resulted in increased financial stability for many. While material wealth may not directly link to happiness, financial security and the ability to fulfill basic needs can alleviate stress and anxiety, contributing to a higher level of contentment. Furthermore, the evolution of leisure and entertainment options in contemporary society has provided avenues for relaxation, recreation, and personal fulfillment. Access to diverse forms of entertainment, from movies and music to sports and hobbies, allows individuals to engage in activities that bring them joy and relaxation, enhancing their overall happiness.

In conclusion, while challenges persist and individual experiences may differ, it is reasonable to argue that modern life, with its progress and opportunities, has significantly contributed to an overall improvement in people’s happiness. Progress in healthcare, technology, economic stability, and the availability of diverse leisure options collectively contribute to a more contented populace. While there are valid concerns and areas needing improvement, the narrative of widespread discontentment in the face of modernity may not fully capture the complete picture of happiness and satisfaction in contemporary society.

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