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Although more and more people read the news on the Internet, newspaper will remain the most important source of news for the majority of people. Do you agree or disagree with that statement?

Although more and more people read the news on the Internet, newspaper will remain the most important source of news for the majority of people. Do you agree or disagree with that statement?

It is thought that newspaper will abide the most crucial source of news for the most of the society, even though the number of people read the news online is rising day by day. I totally disagree with this statement because the technology is getting more and more advanced which allows individuals to read more easily than ever.
On the one hand, there is no doubt that reading the news on the Internet is far more superior than to read it on paper. With just a mobile phone or a computer that is connected to the Internet, everyone can easily and freely search up for the latest news at anytime or anywhere, not only is it very convenient for everyone but also it is free. For instance, those who are having reading hobby in Viet Nam can read news about sports championships around the world such as Champion Leagues and World Cup. Another factor is that reading news also benefits their finance. It is free for them to use newspapers while there is a fee for them to read traditional newspapers.
On the other hand, the electronic journalism industry is rocketing and plays a vital role in providing information to the public. With the expansion of the internet, there are many electronic news outlets in the world, such as BBC, Google News, and Bing data. These outlets have been attracting a substantial viewership and are increasing each year. For instance, Vietnam, a developing country, boasts over 10 electronic magazines. Moreover, electronic news provides valuable information on various topics, including finance, education, entertainment, breaking news, and lifestyle, allowing people to stay up-to-date with the news and what is happening around us.
In conclusion, I agree with the view that online news will continue to be the main source of news as it is developing significantly and provides many benefits for people.


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Errors and Improvements:

  1. "It is thought that newspaper will abide the most crucial source of news for the most of the society" -> "It is commonly believed that newspapers remain the most crucial source of news for the majority of society"
    Explanation: The original sentence lacks precision and uses informal language. Replacing "It is thought that newspaper will abide" with "It is commonly believed that newspapers remain" improves formality and clarity.

  2. "I totally disagree with this statement because the technology is getting more and more advanced which allows individuals to read more easily than ever." -> "I strongly disagree with this assertion, as technological advancements now enable individuals to access information more easily than ever before."
    Explanation: The term "totally" is too informal for academic writing. "Assertion" is a more formal alternative to "statement," and the revised sentence provides a more detailed and refined expression of the idea.

  3. "there is no doubt that reading the news on the Internet is far more superior than to read it on paper." -> "there is no doubt that accessing news on the Internet is significantly superior to reading it in print."
    Explanation: The phrase "far more superior" is redundant; "significantly superior" is more precise. Also, "than to read it on paper" can be streamlined to "to reading it in print" for better flow.

  4. "With just a mobile phone or a computer that is connected to the Internet, everyone can easily and freely search up for the latest news at anytime or anywhere, not only is it very convenient for everyone but also it is free." -> "With a mobile phone or computer connected to the Internet, individuals can easily and freely access the latest news anytime and anywhere. Not only is this highly convenient, but it is also cost-free."
    Explanation: The original sentence is wordy and informal. Simplifying and restructuring the sentence enhances clarity and formality.

  5. "those who are having reading hobby in Viet Nam" -> "individuals who have a reading hobby in Vietnam"
    Explanation: "Those who are having reading hobby" is awkward and informal. The revised phrase maintains clarity while using more appropriate and formal language.

  6. "such as Champion Leagues and World Cup." -> "such as the Champions League and the World Cup."
    Explanation: "Champion Leagues" should be corrected to "Champions League" for grammatical accuracy.

  7. "the electronic journalism industry is rocketing" -> "the electronic journalism industry is thriving"
    Explanation: "Rocketing" is too informal; "thriving" is a more sophisticated term that aligns better with academic style.

  8. "and plays a vital role in providing information to the public." -> "and plays a pivotal role in disseminating information to the public."
    Explanation: "Vital" is replaced with "pivotal" for a more formal and precise term, fitting the academic tone.

  9. "With the expansion of the internet, there are many electronic news outlets in the world, such as BBC, Google News, and Bing data." -> "Due to the expansion of the Internet, numerous electronic news outlets exist globally, including BBC, Google News, and Bing."
    Explanation: The revised sentence improves clarity and uses a more formal structure by replacing "there are many" with "numerous" and rephrasing the latter part for better flow.

  10. "Vietnam, a developing country, boasts over 10 electronic magazines." -> "Vietnam, a developing nation, hosts more than 10 electronic magazines."
    Explanation: "Boasts" is replaced with "hosts" for a more neutral and formal expression. Additionally, the use of "nation" instead of "country" adds formality.

Band điểm Task Response ước lượng: 8

Band Score for Task Response: 8

  • Answer All Parts of the Question:

    • Detailed explanation: The essay effectively addresses all parts of the prompt by presenting a clear position on the importance of newspapers despite the increasing prevalence of online news consumption. The writer discusses the convenience and financial aspects of online news, presenting a comprehensive response.
    • How to improve: While the essay is thorough, a minor improvement could involve explicitly stating the writer’s stance in the introduction and conclusion to enhance clarity.
  • Present a Clear Position Throughout:

    • Detailed explanation: The essay maintains a clear and consistent position throughout, asserting the viewpoint that online news will prevail over newspapers. This clarity is evident in the introduction, body paragraphs, and conclusion.
    • How to improve: To enhance the essay further, consider reinforcing the main position with a concise summary of key arguments in the conclusion.
  • Present, Extend, and Support Ideas:

    • Detailed explanation: The essay presents, extends, and supports ideas effectively. It provides specific examples such as the accessibility and cost advantages of online news, as well as the growth of electronic journalism. The points are well-elaborated and supported with relevant information.
    • How to improve: The essay could benefit from a more seamless transition between ideas, enhancing overall coherence. Consider using transitional phrases to guide the reader through the essay more smoothly.
  • Stay on Topic:

    • Detailed explanation: The essay largely stays on topic, discussing the relevance and advantages of online news compared to newspapers. However, there are instances where the essay slightly deviates, such as when discussing sports championships in Vietnam. While this example supports the overall argument, it could be more directly tied to the prompt.
    • How to improve: To improve, ensure that all examples and details provided are closely related to the prompt. In this case, connecting the example of sports championships more explicitly to the impact on news consumption habits would strengthen the argument.

Overall, the essay demonstrates a strong grasp of the prompt and effectively supports its position. Minor improvements in stating the stance explicitly, enhancing transition between ideas, and ensuring examples directly relate to the prompt could further elevate the essay.

Band điểm Coherence & Cohesion ước lượng: 7

Band Score for Coherence and Cohesion: 7

  • Organize Information Logically:

    • Detailed explanation: The essay generally organizes information logically. It begins with a clear introduction presenting the writer’s stance and provides supporting points in two well-structured paragraphs. The transition to the opposing viewpoint and subsequent counterarguments is also smoothly executed. However, there’s room for improvement in the clarity of the concluding paragraph, as it could better summarize the main points.
    • How to improve: To enhance logical organization, consider providing a more concise and explicit summary of the key points in the conclusion. This will reinforce the essay’s overall coherence and leave a lasting impression on the reader.
  • Use Paragraphs:

    • Detailed explanation: The essay effectively uses paragraphs to present distinct ideas. Each paragraph is dedicated to a specific aspect of the argument, contributing to a clear structure. However, there’s a minor issue with the introductory paragraph, where the topic sentence could be more explicitly stated to guide the reader.
    • How to improve: Improve the introductory paragraph by clearly stating the writer’s stance and outlining the main points to follow. This will provide readers with a roadmap, enhancing the overall effectiveness of the essay’s structure.
  • Use a Range of Cohesive Devices:

    • Detailed explanation: The essay employs a reasonable range of cohesive devices. Transition words and phrases are used to guide the reader through the flow of ideas. However, there is a slight overreliance on certain terms (e.g., "on the one hand," "on the other hand") that could be diversified for a more sophisticated effect.
    • How to improve: To improve, incorporate a wider variety of cohesive devices, such as synonyms for frequently used terms. This will not only add variety but also contribute to a more polished and cohesive essay. Additionally, ensure that the use of cohesive devices is consistent throughout the essay to maintain a smooth flow of ideas.

Overall, the essay demonstrates a solid understanding of coherence and cohesion principles. Addressing the specific areas mentioned above will further elevate the essay’s effectiveness in conveying ideas and engaging the reader.

Band điểm Lexical Resource ước lượng: 6

Band Score for Lexical Resource: 6

  • Use a Wide Range of Vocabulary:

    • Detailed explanation: The essay demonstrates a reasonably wide range of vocabulary, including words like "superior," "convenient," "substantial viewership," and "significant." However, there is room for improvement as some ideas are repeated using similar words. For example, the phrase "more and more" is repeated, and there is a reliance on certain terms like "developing" and "benefits."
    • How to improve: To enhance vocabulary diversity, consider using synonyms and exploring alternative expressions. Additionally, introduce more nuanced vocabulary to express ideas in a more sophisticated manner. For instance, instead of frequently using "developing," consider using terms like "evolving" or "progressing."
  • Use Vocabulary Precisely:

    • Detailed explanation: The essay exhibits some imprecise vocabulary usage, such as "abide the most crucial source" and "technology is getting more and more advanced." Precision can be enhanced by replacing vague terms with more specific ones and by avoiding redundant phrases.
    • How to improve: Focus on using precise and concise language. For instance, replace "abide the most crucial source" with "remain a pivotal source," and refine the expression "technology is getting more and more advanced" to specify the technological advancements that make online news accessible.
  • Use Correct Spelling:

    • Detailed explanation: The essay generally maintains a satisfactory level of spelling accuracy, with only a few minor errors, such as "Champion Leagues" instead of "Champions League." These errors do not significantly impede understanding.
    • How to improve: Continue proofreading essays to catch and correct minor spelling errors. Consider paying attention to specific terms related to the essay topic, such as the correct names of sports leagues, to ensure accuracy. Additionally, use spell-check tools for a final review.

Overall, while the essay demonstrates proficiency in lexical resource, further development in vocabulary diversity, precision, and careful proofreading can contribute to achieving an even higher band score.

Band điểm Grammatical Range & Accuracy ước lượng: 7

Band Score for Grammatical Range and Accuracy: 7

  • Use a Wide Range of Structures:

    • Detailed explanation: The essay exhibits a moderate range of sentence structures. Simple and compound sentences dominate the essay, contributing to a somewhat repetitive structure. There is an attempt to use more complex sentences, such as "On the one hand" and "On the other hand," but these are not consistently applied.
    • How to improve: To enhance the grammatical range and effectiveness, consider incorporating a broader variety of sentence structures. Introduce complex and compound-complex sentences consistently throughout the essay. For example, vary the placement of dependent and independent clauses to create more dynamic and engaging sentences.
  • Use Grammar and Punctuation Accurately:

    • Detailed explanation: The essay generally demonstrates grammatical accuracy, with minor errors present. For instance, in the sentence "It is thought that newspaper will abide the most crucial source of news," there is a misuse of the word "abide." Additionally, there are instances of awkward phrasing, such as "With just a mobile phone or a computer that is connected to the Internet, everyone can easily and freely search up for the latest news at anytime or anywhere."
    • How to improve: To enhance grammatical accuracy, it is crucial to choose appropriate verbs and expressions. Instead of "abide," consider using "remain" or "continue to be." Additionally, rephrase sentences for clarity and precision, such as "search up for" to "access" or "retrieve." Pay attention to subject-verb agreement, verb tense consistency, and proper word usage to elevate overall grammatical accuracy.

Overall, the essay demonstrates a solid grasp of grammar and sentence structure. To elevate the score further, focus on incorporating a more diverse range of sentence structures and refining grammar for precision and clarity.

Bài sửa mẫu

It is commonly believed that newspapers remain the most crucial source of news for the majority of society; however, I strongly disagree with this assertion. Technological advancements now enable individuals to access information more easily than ever before. There is no doubt that accessing news on the Internet is significantly superior to reading it in print. With a mobile phone or computer connected to the Internet, individuals can easily and freely access the latest news anytime and anywhere. Not only is this highly convenient, but it is also cost-free.

For instance, individuals who have a reading hobby in Vietnam can stay updated on sports championships worldwide, such as the Champions League and the World Cup. The electronic journalism industry is thriving and plays a pivotal role in disseminating information to the public. Due to the expansion of the Internet, numerous electronic news outlets exist globally, including BBC, Google News, and Bing. Vietnam, a developing nation, hosts more than 10 electronic magazines.

Moreover, the electronic journalism industry is flourishing, providing valuable information on various topics, including finance, education, entertainment, breaking news, and lifestyle. This not only allows people to stay up-to-date with the news but also benefits their finances, as accessing news online is free compared to the cost associated with traditional newspapers.

In conclusion, while some argue that newspapers will remain the most important source of news, I believe that online news will continue to be the main source. The development of the electronic journalism industry and its numerous benefits make it a superior choice for individuals seeking timely and cost-free access to news.

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