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Ambition is a positive quality for people to have in many societies today. How important is it for people who want to succeed in life? Is it a positive or negative characteristic?

Ambition is a positive quality for people to have in many societies today. How important is it for people who want to succeed in life? Is it a positive or negative characteristic?

In the modern era, ambition is an integral virtue in society. Being ambitious is necessary for individuals to achieve targets in their life. Discuss the importance of having an ambition for those who want success in their life. To embark with, Ambitions help individuals to set their targets and goals for success, and provide motivation to achieve them. It works as driving force which leads people's spirits to follow their dreams. Likewise, they are necessary for personal and professional growth. A case in point is Mark Zuckerberg, the CEO of Meta, acquired almost 75% of social media platforms. In and recent interview he mentioned amid criticize and doubt when he first launched his website facebook.com, his passionate ambition enabled him to bring drastic change in the modern society. thus, this is how ambition leads to success. In addition, adopt an ambition plays a significant role in career advancement. It can be observed that ambitious individuals often seek out opportunities for career development, promotions and higher- paying jobs. They cannot be satisfied until they get their desired designations and achievable goals. For example, the CEO of Microsoft Google, Sundar Pichai stated that journey to become a CEO was very challenging as he said he slept with homeless community and worked at coffee shops during his college days. In conclusion, being an ambitious is a positive trait that I believe everyone needs to pursue in life. It creates a pathway to success and motivates people to follow the same to achieve their goals.


Gợi ý nâng cấp từ vựng

  1. "In the modern era" -> "In contemporary society"
    Explanation: "In contemporary society" is a more precise and formal way to refer to the current time period, enhancing the academic tone of the essay.

  2. "ambition is necessary for individuals to achieve targets in their life" -> "ambition is essential for individuals to achieve their objectives"
    Explanation: "Essential" is more formal than "necessary," and "objectives" is a more precise term than "targets," which is typically used in a more general or military context.

  3. "want success in their life" -> "pursue success in their lives"
    Explanation: "Pursue" is a more active and formal verb than "want," and "lives" is the correct plural form to match the subject "those who."

  4. "To embark with" -> "To begin with"
    Explanation: "To embark with" is incorrect; "To begin with" is the correct phrase for introducing a point or topic in formal writing.

  5. "It works as driving force" -> "It serves as a driving force"
    Explanation: "Serves" is the correct verb form to use with "as" in this context, providing a more formal and grammatically correct expression.

  6. "leads people’s spirits to follow their dreams" -> "inspires individuals to pursue their aspirations"
    Explanation: "Inspires" is a more precise and formal verb than "leads," and "aspirations" is a more academic term than "dreams," which can be seen as overly vague and informal.

  7. "amid criticize and doubt" -> "despite criticism and doubt"
    Explanation: "Amid" is not the correct preposition here; "despite" is the appropriate adverb to indicate contrast in formal writing.

  8. "bring drastic change in the modern society" -> "bring about significant changes in modern society"
    Explanation: "Bring about" is a more formal expression than "bring," and "significant changes" is more precise than "drastic change," which is somewhat informal and vague.

  9. "adopt an ambition" -> "adopting ambition"
    Explanation: "Adopting ambition" is grammatically correct and more formal than "adopt an ambition," which is awkward and incorrect.

  10. "CEO of Microsoft Google" -> "CEO of Google"
    Explanation: Microsoft and Google are two separate companies; the correct phrase should be "CEO of Google," as Microsoft is not involved in this context.

  11. "CEO of Microsoft Google" -> "CEO of Google"
    Explanation: Microsoft and Google are two separate companies; the correct phrase should be "CEO of Google," as Microsoft is not involved in this context.

  12. "he slept with homeless community" -> "he slept among the homeless"
    Explanation: "Among the homeless" is grammatically correct and more formal than "with homeless community," which is awkward and unclear.

  13. "worked at coffee shops" -> "worked at coffee shops"
    Explanation: This is a correct and clear statement, but it could be enhanced by specifying "part-time" or "temporary" to clarify the nature of his work.

  14. "being an ambitious is a positive trait" -> "being ambitious is a positive trait"
    Explanation: "Ambitious" should not be pluralized as it is an adjective describing the state of being, not a noun.

  15. "follow the same to achieve their goals" -> "follow the same path to achieve their goals"
    Explanation: "Path" is a more specific and formal term than "same," which is vague and informal in this context.

Band điểm Task Response ước lượng: 7

Band Score for Task Response: 7

  • Answer All Parts of the Question:

    • Detailed explanation: The essay addresses the importance of ambition for success, which aligns with the first part of the prompt. However, it lacks a thorough exploration of whether ambition is a positive or negative characteristic, which is the second part of the question. While the essay concludes that ambition is a positive trait, it does not provide a balanced discussion or acknowledge any potential downsides of ambition, such as stress or ethical dilemmas that might arise from an overly ambitious mindset.
    • How to improve: To enhance the response, the essay should explicitly address both aspects of the prompt. This could involve discussing the potential negative consequences of ambition alongside its benefits. For instance, the writer could mention how ambition might lead to burnout or unhealthy competition, thereby providing a more nuanced view.
  • Present a Clear Position Throughout:

    • Detailed explanation: The essay presents a clear position that ambition is a positive quality, which is maintained throughout the text. The use of examples, such as Mark Zuckerberg and Sundar Pichai, supports this stance effectively. However, the transition between discussing the importance of ambition and the conclusion could be smoother to reinforce the position more cohesively.
    • How to improve: To improve clarity and consistency, the writer could use transitional phrases to link ideas more effectively. For example, after discussing the examples, the writer could summarize how these instances illustrate the positive impact of ambition before concluding. This would help reinforce the position and make the argument more cohesive.
  • Present, Extend, and Support Ideas:

    • Detailed explanation: The essay presents several ideas about ambition, such as its role in setting goals and driving personal and professional growth. However, the support for these ideas is somewhat limited. The examples provided are relevant but could be elaborated upon to strengthen the argument. For instance, the mention of Zuckerberg’s success could include more detail about the challenges he faced and how ambition specifically helped him overcome them.
    • How to improve: To better support ideas, the writer should aim to elaborate on examples with more context and analysis. Instead of simply stating that ambition leads to success, the writer could explain how ambition translates into specific actions or decisions that contribute to achieving success. This would provide a deeper understanding of the concept.
  • Stay on Topic:

    • Detailed explanation: The essay generally stays on topic, focusing on ambition and its importance for success. However, there are moments where the focus could be sharpened. For instance, the phrase "adopt an ambition" is awkwardly phrased and could be clearer. Additionally, the mention of "higher-paying jobs" could be more directly linked back to the main argument about ambition rather than being presented as a standalone point.
    • How to improve: To maintain focus, the writer should ensure that all statements directly relate back to the central thesis regarding ambition. Clarifying phrases and ensuring that each point ties back to the main argument will help keep the essay on topic. Additionally, revising awkward phrases for clarity will enhance the overall coherence of the essay.

In summary, while the essay demonstrates a good understanding of the topic and presents a clear position, it could benefit from a more balanced exploration of the prompt, deeper elaboration of ideas, and improved coherence in transitions and phrasing.

Band điểm Coherence & Cohesion ước lượng: 8

Band Score for Coherence and Cohesion: 8

  • Organize Information Logically:

    • Detailed explanation: The essay presents a clear argument regarding the importance of ambition in achieving success. The introduction effectively sets the stage for the discussion, and the body paragraphs logically follow, each focusing on different aspects of ambition. For instance, the first body paragraph discusses how ambition helps in setting goals, while the second emphasizes its role in career advancement. However, the transition between ideas could be smoother. For example, the shift from discussing personal motivation to career advancement feels abrupt and could benefit from a clearer linking sentence.
    • How to improve: To enhance logical flow, consider using transitional phrases that explicitly connect ideas between paragraphs. For example, after discussing personal motivation, a sentence like, "Moreover, ambition not only fuels personal aspirations but also significantly impacts professional trajectories," would create a more seamless transition.
  • Use Paragraphs:

    • Detailed explanation: The essay utilizes paragraphs effectively, with each paragraph addressing a specific point related to ambition. The introduction is clear, and the conclusion succinctly summarizes the main argument. However, the body paragraphs could be better structured. The first paragraph contains a mix of examples and explanations that could be separated for clarity. Additionally, the paragraph discussing Sundar Pichai could be more focused on how his ambition specifically contributed to his success rather than detailing his background.
    • How to improve: To improve paragraph structure, ensure that each paragraph begins with a clear topic sentence that outlines the main idea. Follow this with supporting sentences that elaborate on the topic, and conclude with a sentence that ties back to the main argument. For instance, in the paragraph about Sundar Pichai, start with a sentence that directly links his ambition to his eventual success before providing details about his journey.
  • Use a Range of Cohesive Devices:

    • Detailed explanation: The essay employs some cohesive devices, such as "likewise" and "in addition," to connect ideas. However, the range of cohesive devices used is somewhat limited. For instance, while examples are provided, the connections between them and the main argument could be strengthened with more varied cohesive devices. The use of "thus" at the end of the first body paragraph is somewhat informal and could be replaced with a more formal transition.
    • How to improve: To diversify the use of cohesive devices, incorporate a wider range of linking words and phrases. For example, use "furthermore," "consequently," or "as a result" to connect ideas more effectively. Additionally, consider using pronouns or synonyms to refer back to previously mentioned concepts, which can help maintain coherence without repetitive phrasing. For example, instead of repeating "ambition," you could use "this quality" or "such drive" in subsequent sentences.

By addressing these areas for improvement, the essay can achieve an even higher level of coherence and cohesion, potentially leading to a higher band score.

Band điểm Lexical Resource ước lượng: 6

Band Score for Lexical Resource: 6

  • Use a Wide Range of Vocabulary:

    • Detailed explanation: The essay demonstrates a fair range of vocabulary, with terms such as "integral virtue," "ambitious," "targets," and "motivation." However, the vocabulary is somewhat repetitive, particularly with the use of "ambition" and "ambitious." For instance, the phrase "adopt an ambition" is awkward and could be expressed more naturally. The use of phrases like "driving force" and "personal and professional growth" indicates some variety, but overall, the essay could benefit from a broader selection of synonyms and expressions to enhance its richness.
    • How to improve: To improve vocabulary range, consider using synonyms and related terms to avoid repetition. For example, instead of repeatedly using "ambition," try incorporating words like "aspiration," "drive," or "determination." Additionally, varying sentence structures and incorporating idiomatic expressions could also enhance the essay’s lexical diversity.
  • Use Vocabulary Precisely:

    • Detailed explanation: There are instances of imprecise vocabulary usage in the essay. For example, the phrase "adopt an ambition" is not a standard expression; it would be clearer to say "having ambition" or "cultivating ambition." The phrase "amid criticize and doubt" should be corrected to "amid criticism and doubt," as "criticize" is a verb and does not fit the context. Furthermore, the phrase "achievable goals" is somewhat redundant when paired with "targets and goals."
    • How to improve: To enhance precision, it is crucial to ensure that the vocabulary used fits the context accurately. Reviewing common collocations and phrases in English can help. Additionally, proofreading for grammatical accuracy and word choice will aid in refining the essay’s clarity.
  • Use Correct Spelling:

    • Detailed explanation: The essay contains several spelling errors, such as "criticize" (should be "criticism"), "in and recent interview" (should be "in a recent interview"), and "thus" (should be capitalized at the beginning of a sentence). These errors detract from the overall professionalism of the writing and can confuse the reader.
    • How to improve: To improve spelling accuracy, regular practice with spelling exercises and using tools like spell check can be beneficial. Additionally, reading more in English can help reinforce correct spelling through exposure. It is also advisable to leave time for proofreading the essay before submission to catch any spelling mistakes.

By addressing these areas of improvement, the essay can achieve a higher band score in the Lexical Resource criteria. Focusing on expanding vocabulary, ensuring precise usage, and correcting spelling errors will significantly enhance the overall quality of the writing.

Band điểm Grammatical Range & Accuracy ước lượng: 7

Band Score for Grammatical Range and Accuracy: 7

  • Use a Wide Range of Structures:

    • Detailed explanation: The essay demonstrates a good variety of sentence structures, including simple, compound, and complex sentences. For instance, the use of phrases like "In the modern era" and "A case in point is" effectively introduces ideas and examples. However, there are instances of repetitive structures, such as starting several sentences with "It" or "Ambition," which can make the writing feel monotonous. The sentence "It works as driving force which leads people’s spirits to follow their dreams" could be improved by varying the structure to enhance engagement.
    • How to improve: To diversify sentence structures, consider using more introductory clauses or phrases. For example, instead of starting with "Ambition," you might begin with a dependent clause: "While ambition is often seen as a driving force, it also serves to…" This approach can help maintain reader interest and improve the overall flow of the essay.
  • Use Grammar and Punctuation Accurately:

    • Detailed explanation: The essay contains several grammatical errors and punctuation issues that detract from its clarity. For instance, the phrase "adopt an ambition" should be "adopting ambition," and "thus, this is how ambition leads to success" should start with a capital letter. Additionally, there are missing articles, such as in "works as driving force," which should be "works as a driving force." The use of commas is inconsistent, particularly in complex sentences, which can lead to confusion.
    • How to improve: To enhance grammatical accuracy, it is essential to proofread the essay for common errors, such as missing articles and incorrect verb forms. Practicing sentence combining can also help with punctuation; for example, ensuring that clauses are properly separated by commas. Furthermore, reviewing rules for subject-verb agreement and article usage will strengthen the overall grammatical foundation of the writing.

In summary, while the essay demonstrates a commendable range of structures and generally effective communication, focusing on diversifying sentence beginnings and improving grammatical accuracy will elevate the writing to a higher level. Regular practice and revision will be key to achieving these improvements.

Bài sửa mẫu

In contemporary society, ambition is an integral virtue. It is essential for individuals to achieve their objectives in life. This essay will discuss the importance of having ambition for those who want to succeed.

To begin with, ambition helps individuals set their targets and goals for success, providing motivation to achieve them. It serves as a driving force that inspires people to pursue their aspirations. Likewise, ambition is necessary for both personal and professional growth. A case in point is Mark Zuckerberg, the CEO of Meta, who acquired almost 75% of social media platforms. In a recent interview, he mentioned that despite criticism and doubt when he first launched his website, facebook.com, his passionate ambition enabled him to bring about significant changes in modern society. Thus, this is how ambition leads to success.

In addition, adopting ambition plays a significant role in career advancement. It can be observed that ambitious individuals often seek out opportunities for career development, promotions, and higher-paying jobs. They are not satisfied until they attain their desired positions and achievable goals. For example, Sundar Pichai, the CEO of Google, stated that his journey to become a CEO was very challenging; he slept among the homeless and worked at coffee shops during his college days.

In conclusion, being ambitious is a positive trait that I believe everyone should embrace in life. It creates a pathway to success and motivates people to follow the same path to achieve their goals.

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