An increasing number of professionals, such as teachers and doctors, are leaving their own poorer countries to work in developed countries. What problems does this cause? What solutions can you suggest to deal with this situation?

In this day and age, a growing number of professionals choose to work in developed nations and they are leaving their own poorer countries. This essay will present some problems and suggest some effective solutions to tackle this issue.
It is obvious that brain drain causes numerous problems. One of the most significant issues is the lack of skilled professionals. For instance, in the healthcare field, if there are fewer well-trained doctors, people will have to wait for longer times. As a result, the quality of healthcare service will be reduced. Another issue is the negative effect on the economy. This is because they contribute to the innovation, productivity and economic growth of the country. Therefore, this departure can slow down economic development.
There are many ways to deal with the above problems. First of all, the government should invest in education and healthcare. For example, they can buy much modern equipment in the school and hospital. Besides, higher education should be supported in each country. Secondly, it is advisable that companies offer a fair salary. This means that the skilled employees should be paid according to their level of skill and experience.
In conclusion, there are various problems with brain drain. Actions must be taken urgently, otherwise our societies will face even more significant challenges in the future.

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Errors and Improvements:

"In this day and age" -> "Currently"
Explanation: "In this day and age" is a colloquial expression; "currently" is more formal and precise, aligning better with academic writing standards.
"a growing number of professionals" -> "an increasing number of professionals"
Explanation: "Growing" is less formal than "increasing," which is a more appropriate term for academic writing.
"choose to work" -> "opt to work"
Explanation: "Opt to work" is a more sophisticated phrase than "choose to work," enhancing the formality of the sentence.
"their own poorer countries" -> "their respective less developed countries"
Explanation: "Poorer countries" can be seen as pejorative or overly simplistic; "less developed countries" is a more neutral and precise term suitable for academic writing.
"present some problems" -> "highlight some issues"
Explanation: "Present" is a common verb, but "highlight" adds a layer of formality and precision to the sentence.
"numerous problems" -> "a plethora of issues"
Explanation: "Numerous problems" is straightforward but lacks sophistication; "a plethora of issues" is more advanced and formal.
"significant issues" -> "pressing concerns"
Explanation: "Significant issues" is a bit vague; "pressing concerns" conveys urgency and is more suitable for academic writing.
"well-trained doctors" -> "competent medical professionals"
Explanation: "Well-trained doctors" is clear but lacks variety; "competent medical professionals" adds nuance and formality to the text.
"people will have to wait for longer times" -> "waiting times will increase"
Explanation: "People will have to wait for longer times" is somewhat informal; "waiting times will increase" is more direct and formal.
"the quality of healthcare service" -> "the quality of healthcare services"
Explanation: "Healthcare service" should be plural to match the plural subject "services."
"Another issue is" -> "Furthermore,"
Explanation: "Another issue is" is a bit repetitive; "Furthermore," transitions smoothly to the next point, enhancing the coherence of the paragraph.
"the negative effect on the economy" -> "adverse impact on the economy"
Explanation: "Negative effect" is straightforward but lacks variety; "adverse impact" adds sophistication to the sentence.
"they contribute to" -> "as they contribute to"
Explanation: Adding "as" before "they contribute to" improves the coherence of the sentence, making the causal relationship clearer.
"can slow down" -> "could impede"
Explanation: "Can slow down" is acceptable, but "could impede" is more precise and formal, fitting better with academic style.
"First of all" -> "Firstly,"
Explanation: "First of all" is somewhat informal; "Firstly," is a more appropriate adverbial transition for academic writing.
"invest in" -> "allocate resources to"
Explanation: "Invest in" is common but somewhat generic; "allocate resources to" adds specificity and formality to the sentence.
"much modern equipment" -> "state-of-the-art equipment"
Explanation: "Much modern equipment" is awkward; "state-of-the-art equipment" is more concise and formal.
"higher education should be supported" -> "higher education funding should be increased"
Explanation: "Supported" is vague; "funding should be increased" is more specific and suitable for academic writing.
"it is advisable that" -> "it is recommended that"
Explanation: "It is advisable that" is less formal; "it is recommended that" is more appropriate for academic writing.
"fair salary" -> "competitive salary"
Explanation: "Fair salary" is subjective; "competitive salary" is more objective and reflects market standards.
"paid according to their level of skill and experience" -> "compensated commensurate with their skill level and experience"
Explanation: "Paid according to" is somewhat informal; "compensated commensurate with" is more formal and precise.
"various problems" -> "myriad challenges"
Explanation: "Various problems" is generic; "myriad challenges" adds depth and formality to the conclusion.
"Actions must be taken urgently" -> "Urgent action must be taken"
Explanation: Restructuring the sentence for clarity and formality; "Urgent action must be taken" is more direct and appropriate for academic writing.

Band điểm Task Response ước lượng: 7

Band Score for Task Response: 7 – UNDER WORD

Answer All Parts of the Question:
- Detailed explanation: The essay does adequately address both parts of the question by identifying problems caused by the brain drain phenomenon and suggesting potential solutions. It mentions the lack of skilled professionals and its impact on healthcare and the economy, as well as proposes investing in education and healthcare and offering fair salaries to mitigate these issues.
- How to improve: To enhance the response, it could delve deeper into the specific problems faced by different professions affected by brain drain and provide more detailed and varied solutions beyond investing in education and healthcare and offering fair salaries. Including real-world examples or statistics could also strengthen the argument.
Present a Clear Position Throughout:
- Detailed explanation: The essay maintains a clear position that brain drain poses significant problems and requires urgent action. This stance is evident from the introduction to the conclusion, where the writer consistently emphasizes the negative effects of brain drain and the need for prompt solutions.
- How to improve: While the position is clear, the essay could strengthen its argument by providing more nuanced reasoning or acknowledging potential counterarguments. Additionally, ensuring that each paragraph reinforces the central thesis would further enhance clarity and coherence.
Present, Extend, and Support Ideas:
- Detailed explanation: The essay presents ideas regarding the problems caused by brain drain and potential solutions, though some points lack elaboration or evidence. For example, while it mentions the lack of skilled professionals and its impact on healthcare and the economy, it could provide specific examples or data to bolster these claims.
- How to improve: To improve, the essay should expand on each point by providing detailed explanations, examples, or evidence to support its arguments. This could involve citing research studies, illustrating real-world scenarios, or offering hypothetical situations to strengthen the validity of the ideas presented.
Stay on Topic:
- Detailed explanation: The essay mostly stays on topic by addressing the problems and solutions related to brain drain. However, there are minor instances where the discussion could be more focused. For instance, the brief mention of investing in education and healthcare could be further elaborated to emphasize their relevance to addressing brain drain.
- How to improve: To enhance focus, the essay should ensure that each paragraph directly contributes to addressing the prompt. This involves avoiding tangential discussions and maintaining a clear connection between ideas presented and the overarching theme of brain drain and its implications. Additionally, providing transitions between paragraphs can help guide the reader through the essay’s logical progression.

Band điểm Coherence & Cohesion ước lượng: 6

Band Score for Coherence and Cohesion: 6

Organize Information Logically:
- Detailed explanation: The essay demonstrates a basic level of logical organization. It introduces the topic in the introduction, discusses problems caused by brain drain in the body paragraphs, and suggests solutions in the conclusion. However, the development of ideas within paragraphs could be improved for clearer progression and coherence. For example, each body paragraph could delve deeper into a specific problem or solution, providing more detailed analysis and examples.
- How to improve: To enhance logical organization, consider structuring the essay with a clearer progression of ideas within each paragraph. Develop each point with specific examples and supporting details. Additionally, ensure that there is a smooth transition between paragraphs to maintain coherence and flow throughout the essay.
Use Paragraphs:
- Detailed explanation: The essay employs paragraphs to separate different ideas, with distinct sections for the introduction, body paragraphs, and conclusion. However, the organization within paragraphs could be refined to improve clarity and coherence. Some paragraphs contain multiple ideas without clear delineation, which can make the essay appear disjointed.
- How to improve: Focus on structuring paragraphs around a single main idea or argument, supported by relevant examples or evidence. Start each paragraph with a topic sentence that introduces the main point, followed by supporting details and examples. Ensure that there is a smooth transition between paragraphs to maintain coherence and flow.
Use a Range of Cohesive Devices:
- Detailed explanation: The essay employs basic cohesive devices to connect ideas and sentences, such as transitional phrases ("First of all," "Secondly," "In conclusion"). However, there is limited variety in cohesive devices used, which can impact the overall coherence and sophistication of the essay.
- How to improve: Expand the range of cohesive devices used to create stronger connections between ideas and improve overall coherence. Incorporate a variety of transitional words and phrases (e.g., furthermore, moreover, consequently) to signal relationships between sentences and paragraphs. Additionally, consider using cohesive devices such as pronouns, conjunctions, and repetition to reinforce connections and improve flow throughout the essay.

Band điểm Lexical Resource ước lượng: 6

Band Score for Lexical Resource: 6

Use a Wide Range of Vocabulary:
- Detailed explanation: The essay demonstrates a satisfactory range of vocabulary, with varied word choices such as "significant," "numerous," "advisable," and "urgent." However, some phrases are repetitive and lack sophistication, such as the repetition of "significant" in the concluding sentence and the overuse of basic terms like "issue" and "problem."
- How to improve: To enhance the range of vocabulary, consider using more diverse synonyms and phrasing to avoid repetition. Instead of frequently using general terms like "problem," try employing more specific vocabulary to articulate different aspects of the issues and solutions presented in the essay. For instance, instead of repeating "issue," you could use terms like "challenge," "dilemma," "obstacle," or "concern" to add depth and variety to your writing.
Use Vocabulary Precisely:
- Detailed explanation: The essay demonstrates some precision in vocabulary usage, such as "skilled professionals," "well-trained doctors," and "fair salary." However, there are instances where vocabulary could be more precise. For example, in the sentence "this departure can slow down economic development," "slow down" is somewhat vague and could be replaced with a more specific term like "hinder," "impede," or "stifle." Additionally, the phrase "much modern equipment" lacks precision and could be more specific.
- How to improve: Aim for greater precision by selecting vocabulary that precisely conveys your intended meaning. Instead of using vague terms like "slow down," opt for more precise language that accurately captures the impact on economic development. Likewise, instead of "much modern equipment," specify the types of equipment needed or provide examples to paint a clearer picture for the reader.
Use Correct Spelling:
- Detailed explanation: The spelling in the essay is generally accurate, with no glaring errors observed. However, there are a few minor spelling mistakes, such as "advisable" spelled as "advisible." These errors do not significantly impede comprehension but could detract from the overall professionalism of the writing.
- How to improve: To improve spelling accuracy, consider utilizing spell checkers and proofreading tools to catch and correct errors before finalizing your essay. Additionally, actively reviewing commonly misspelled words and practicing spelling through writing exercises can help reinforce correct spelling habits.

Overall, while the essay demonstrates a satisfactory level of lexical resource, there is room for improvement in diversifying vocabulary, enhancing precision, and ensuring consistent spelling accuracy. By incorporating these suggestions, you can elevate the sophistication and clarity of your writing to achieve higher band scores in the Lexical Resource criterion.

Band điểm Grammatical Range & Accuracy ước lượng: 7

Band Score for Grammatical Range and Accuracy: 7

Use a Wide Range of Structures:
- Detailed explanation: The essay demonstrates a reasonable range of sentence structures. It utilizes basic sentence patterns effectively but lacks more complex structures. There is a good mix of simple and compound sentences, but opportunities for advanced structures like conditional sentences, passive voice, and more varied transitions could enhance the sophistication of the writing.
- How to improve: To enhance grammatical range, incorporate a wider variety of sentence structures. Include conditional sentences (e.g., If… then…), passive voice constructions (e.g., It is believed that…), and complex sentence forms (e.g., Although…, …). Experiment with different transitions (e.g., Consequently, Moreover) to connect ideas more fluidly.
Use Grammar and Punctuation Accurately:
- Detailed explanation: The essay demonstrates generally accurate grammar and punctuation, but there are noticeable errors. For instance, there are issues with subject-verb agreement (e.g., "they are leaving" should be "who leave"), missing articles ("a fair salary"), and inconsistent use of tense ("is advisable" should be "it is advisable"). Punctuation, such as comma splices and awkward placements, slightly affect clarity.
- How to improve: Focus on refining grammatical accuracy by paying attention to subject-verb agreement and consistent verb tense usage. Practice using articles (a, the) appropriately. Review punctuation rules, particularly for commas and their role in separating clauses and items in lists. Revising and proofreading the essay for these specific errors can significantly enhance accuracy.

Overall, the essay demonstrates proficiency in grammatical range and accuracy, supporting its Band 7 score. Strengthening sentence variety and refining grammatical precision will further elevate the quality of written expression.

Bài sửa mẫu

In today’s world, an increasing number of professionals opt to work in developed countries, leaving their respective less developed nations. This essay will highlight some issues caused by this trend and suggest effective solutions to address them.

Currently, one of the pressing concerns associated with this phenomenon is the shortage of competent medical professionals. For example, if there are fewer well-trained doctors in the healthcare sector, waiting times will increase, consequently diminishing the quality of healthcare services. Furthermore, the departure of skilled professionals can have an adverse impact on the economy, as they contribute to innovation, productivity, and economic growth, thus potentially impeding economic development.

To tackle these myriad challenges, urgent action must be taken. Firstly, it is recommended that governments allocate resources to enhance education and healthcare systems. For instance, investing in state-of-the-art equipment for schools and hospitals can attract and retain skilled professionals. Additionally, higher education funding should be increased to ensure the availability of well-trained professionals in various fields.

Furthermore, it is essential that companies offer competitive salaries to professionals, compensating them commensurate with their skill level and experience. This will not only incentivize skilled workers to stay but also attract those who have migrated back to their home countries.

In conclusion, brain drain poses significant problems that require immediate attention. By investing in education, healthcare, and providing competitive salaries, societies can mitigate the adverse effects of brain drain and ensure sustainable development for the future.