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Animal species are becoming extinct due to human activities on land and in sea.What are the reasons and solutions?

Animal species are becoming extinct due to human activities on land and in sea.What are the reasons and solutions?

It is argued that creatures are disappearing because of human – related action. This is primarily due to hunting and destroying their natural habitat. There are a number of solutions which should be conducted to deal with the death of wildlife.
There are two main reasons behind animal extinction, the main reason from human deeds. One of the leading causes of animal extinction is excessive hunting. Humans often take advantage of their body parts to decorate, jewelries, and traditional medicines. As demand for these items increases, overhunting becomes common, significantly reducing the population of these species. For example, elephants are poached for their ivory tusks, and tigers are hunted for their skins and bones. Additionally, the destruction of natural habitats cause a serve threat wildlife. People frequently cut down forests to build houses, for urban development, and agricultural purposes. This deforestation leads to animals losing shelters and food resources, further endangering their survival.
To address these issues, several solutions can be implemented. Firstly, zoos can play a crucial role in protecting animals from hunters and predators, providing a safe environment for them. Zoo also runs breeding programs that help increase the population of endangered species. For instance, many zoos have successfully bred animals such as pandas, rhinos, which are reintroduced in the wild. Secondly, creating and protecting natural environments is essential. Governments and organizations should invest in preserving forests and marine ecosystems to ensure animals safe and access to food resources. Besides this, reforestation projects and habitat restoration efforts can help restore degraded environments and provide the resources creatures need to thrive.
In conclusion, poaching and habitat destruction are responsible for the disappearance of animals. This issue can be combated by zoo’s breeding programs and reserving reforestation and ecosystems.


Gợi ý nâng cấp từ vựng

  1. "creatures" -> "animals"
    Explanation: "Creatures" is somewhat vague and less specific than "animals," which is more precise and commonly used in academic contexts to refer to non-human species.

  2. "human – related action" -> "human activities"
    Explanation: "Human – related action" is awkward and informal. "Human activities" is a more natural and formal way to refer to actions performed by humans.

  3. "should be conducted" -> "should be implemented"
    Explanation: "Conducted" is less specific in this context, whereas "implemented" is more precise and commonly used in formal discussions about policy and action.

  4. "the main reason from human deeds" -> "the primary cause of human actions"
    Explanation: "The main reason from human deeds" is grammatically incorrect and awkward. "The primary cause of human actions" is grammatically correct and more formal.

  5. "excessive hunting" -> "overhunting"
    Explanation: "Overhunting" is a more specific term that is commonly used in conservation and environmental contexts, enhancing the academic tone.

  6. "take advantage of their body parts to decorate, jewelries, and traditional medicines" -> "utilize their body parts for decoration, jewelry, and traditional medicine"
    Explanation: "Utilize" is more formal than "take advantage of," and "jewelry" and "medicine" should be singular to match the plural "parts."

  7. "cause a serve threat wildlife" -> "pose a severe threat to wildlife"
    Explanation: "Cause a serve threat" is grammatically incorrect. "Pose a severe threat" is grammatically correct and more formal.

  8. "People frequently cut down forests to build houses, for urban development, and agricultural purposes" -> "Forests are frequently cleared for housing, urban development, and agricultural purposes"
    Explanation: "Forests are frequently cleared" is more precise and formal than "People frequently cut down forests," which is less direct and less formal.

  9. "Zoo also runs breeding programs" -> "Zoos also run breeding programs"
    Explanation: "Zoo" should be plural to match the generalization, and "run" should be "run" for subject-verb agreement.

  10. "help increase the population of endangered species" -> "aid in increasing the populations of endangered species"
    Explanation: "Aid in increasing" is more formal and precise than "help increase," and "populations" should be plural to encompass multiple species.

  11. "reintroduced in the wild" -> "reintroduced into the wild"
    Explanation: "Into" is the correct preposition for introducing something into a place, enhancing the formal tone.

  12. "ensuring animals safe and access to food resources" -> "ensuring the safety and access to food resources for animals"
    Explanation: "Ensuring animals safe and access to food resources" is grammatically incorrect. The revised version corrects the grammatical structure and clarifies the intended meaning.

  13. "Besides this, reforestation projects and habitat restoration efforts can help restore degraded environments and provide the resources creatures need to thrive" -> "Additionally, reforestation projects and habitat restoration efforts can help restore degraded environments and provide the necessary resources for the survival of these species"
    Explanation: "Besides this" is less formal than "Additionally," which is more suitable for academic writing. Also, "the necessary resources for the survival of these species" is more precise and formal than "the resources creatures need to thrive."

These changes enhance the formal tone, precision, and clarity of the essay, aligning it more closely with academic standards.

Band điểm Task Response ước lượng: 7

Band Score for Task Response: 7

  • Answer All Parts of the Question:

    • Detailed explanation: The essay effectively addresses both parts of the prompt by identifying the reasons for animal extinction (hunting and habitat destruction) and proposing solutions (zoos and environmental protection). However, the discussion of solutions could be more comprehensive, as it primarily focuses on zoos and lacks a wider range of strategies.
    • How to improve: To enhance the response, consider expanding on the solutions by including more diverse approaches such as legislative measures, community awareness programs, and international cooperation. This would provide a more rounded answer to the prompt.
  • Present a Clear Position Throughout:

    • Detailed explanation: The essay maintains a clear position regarding the causes of animal extinction and the proposed solutions. The introduction sets the stage well, and the conclusion succinctly summarizes the main points. However, the phrase "it is argued" in the introduction could be perceived as less assertive, which might weaken the overall clarity of the position.
    • How to improve: Strengthen the introduction by stating a definitive position rather than suggesting that it is a matter of debate. For example, use a statement like "Human activities are the primary cause of animal extinction, and urgent solutions are needed."
  • Present, Extend, and Support Ideas:

    • Detailed explanation: The essay presents ideas clearly, particularly in the identification of causes and solutions. Specific examples, such as the poaching of elephants and tigers, effectively support the arguments. However, the development of ideas could be deeper; for instance, the explanation of how zoos operate and their impact on conservation is somewhat superficial.
    • How to improve: To improve, provide more detailed explanations and examples for each solution. For instance, discuss specific breeding programs in zoos, their success rates, and how they contribute to conservation efforts. This would enhance the depth of the argument and provide a stronger basis for the claims made.
  • Stay on Topic:

    • Detailed explanation: The essay generally stays on topic, focusing on the causes of extinction and potential solutions. However, there are minor deviations, such as the phrase "creatures are disappearing because of human – related action," which could be more precise. Additionally, the term "creatures" is vague and could be replaced with "animal species" for clarity.
    • How to improve: Ensure that terminology is consistent and precise throughout the essay. Avoid vague language and make sure that all terms used align directly with the topic. Regularly refer back to the specific focus of the essay to maintain relevance and coherence.

Overall, the essay demonstrates a solid understanding of the topic and presents a clear argument. With some enhancements in the depth of analysis, clarity of position, and precision of language, it could achieve a higher band score.

Band điểm Coherence & Cohesion ước lượng: 7

Band Score for Coherence and Cohesion: 7

  • Organize Information Logically:

    • Detailed explanation: The essay presents a clear structure with an introduction, body paragraphs discussing reasons for extinction, and solutions. However, the logical flow could be improved. For instance, the transition between the reasons and solutions could be more explicit. The statement "To address these issues, several solutions can be implemented" serves as a transition but could be enhanced with a clearer link to the preceding content.
    • How to improve: To enhance logical organization, consider using transitional phrases that explicitly connect the ideas. For example, after discussing the reasons for extinction, you might say, "Given these pressing issues, it is imperative to explore viable solutions." This would create a smoother transition and reinforce the relationship between the problems and proposed solutions.
  • Use Paragraphs:

    • Detailed explanation: The essay effectively uses paragraphs to separate different ideas, with distinct sections for reasons and solutions. However, the paragraph discussing reasons could be split into two separate paragraphs: one focusing on hunting and the other on habitat destruction. This would allow for a more in-depth exploration of each cause and improve readability.
    • How to improve: Implement clearer paragraphing by ensuring each paragraph focuses on a single main idea. For instance, the first paragraph could detail the impact of hunting, while the second could elaborate on habitat destruction. Additionally, ensure that each paragraph begins with a clear topic sentence that outlines its main idea.
  • Use a Range of Cohesive Devices:

    • Detailed explanation: The essay employs some cohesive devices, such as "Firstly," "Secondly," and "Additionally," which help in structuring the argument. However, there is a limited range of cohesive devices used, and some sentences could benefit from more varied linking words and phrases. For example, the phrase "this deforestation leads to animals losing shelters" could be better connected with "as a result" to show the cause-effect relationship more clearly.
    • How to improve: To diversify the use of cohesive devices, incorporate a wider variety of linking words and phrases. For example, use "Furthermore" to add information, "In contrast" to present opposing ideas, or "Consequently" to indicate results. This will enhance the flow of the essay and make the connections between ideas more explicit.

Overall, the essay demonstrates a solid understanding of the topic and presents coherent arguments. By refining the logical organization, improving paragraph structure, and diversifying cohesive devices, the essay could achieve an even higher band score in Coherence and Cohesion.

Band điểm Lexical Resource ước lượng: 6

Band Score for Lexical Resource: 6

  • Use a Wide Range of Vocabulary:

    • Detailed explanation: The essay demonstrates a reasonable range of vocabulary, but it lacks variety in some areas. For example, terms like "creatures," "animals," and "wildlife" are used interchangeably, which can make the writing feel repetitive. Additionally, phrases like "human-related action" and "death of wildlife" could be expressed with more varied vocabulary to enhance the richness of the text.
    • How to improve: To improve lexical variety, the writer should incorporate synonyms and more specific terms. For instance, instead of repeatedly using "animals," they could use "species," "fauna," or "wildlife." Additionally, exploring phrases such as "anthropogenic activities" instead of "human-related action" would enhance the sophistication of the vocabulary.
  • Use Vocabulary Precisely:

    • Detailed explanation: While some vocabulary choices are appropriate, there are instances of imprecise usage. For example, the phrase "the main reason from human deeds" is awkward and unclear. A more precise expression would be "the primary cause of animal extinction due to human activities." Similarly, "serve threat wildlife" should be corrected to "severe threat to wildlife."
    • How to improve: To enhance precision, the writer should focus on clarity and correctness in word choice. They should revise awkward phrases and ensure that each term accurately conveys the intended meaning. Utilizing a thesaurus can help find more precise alternatives, but it is essential to ensure that the chosen words fit the context.
  • Use Correct Spelling:

    • Detailed explanation: The essay contains several spelling errors, such as "jewelries" (should be "jewelry"), "serve" (should be "severe"), and "zoo’s" (should be "zoos"). These errors detract from the overall professionalism of the writing and can confuse the reader.
    • How to improve: To improve spelling accuracy, the writer should proofread their work carefully before submission. Utilizing spell-check tools and reading the essay aloud can help catch errors. Additionally, maintaining a personal list of commonly misspelled words can aid in memorization and reduce future mistakes.

In summary, while the essay demonstrates a solid understanding of the topic and presents relevant ideas, improvements in vocabulary range, precision, and spelling are necessary to achieve a higher band score in Lexical Resource. Focusing on these areas will enhance the clarity and professionalism of the writing.

Band điểm Grammatical Range & Accuracy ước lượng: 7

Band Score for Grammatical Range and Accuracy: 7

  • Use a Wide Range of Structures:

    • Detailed explanation: The essay demonstrates a good variety of sentence structures, including simple, compound, and complex sentences. For instance, the use of phrases like "One of the leading causes of animal extinction is excessive hunting" showcases a clear and effective structure. However, there are instances where sentence variety could be improved. For example, the phrase "This is primarily due to hunting and destroying their natural habitat" could be restructured for greater complexity, perhaps by using a subordinate clause: "Primarily, this is due to hunting and the destruction of their natural habitat."
    • How to improve: To enhance the range of structures, consider incorporating more complex sentences that use relative clauses, conditional statements, or varied conjunctions. For example, instead of saying "People frequently cut down forests to build houses," you could say, "As people frequently cut down forests to build houses, they inadvertently contribute to the loss of biodiversity." This not only adds complexity but also improves the flow of ideas.
  • Use Grammar and Punctuation Accurately:

    • Detailed explanation: The essay generally maintains a good level of grammatical accuracy, but there are notable errors that detract from the overall effectiveness. For instance, "cause a serve threat wildlife" should be corrected to "causes a severe threat to wildlife." Additionally, the phrase "Zoo also runs breeding programs" lacks the article "The" at the beginning and should be "The zoo also runs breeding programs." Punctuation is mostly accurate, but there are instances of missing commas, such as before "which" in "breeding programs that help increase the population of endangered species."
    • How to improve: To improve grammatical accuracy, it is essential to proofread the essay for common errors, particularly with subject-verb agreement and article usage. Practicing sentence construction and reviewing rules for punctuation can also help. For example, ensure that every clause is properly punctuated and that commas are used to separate clauses effectively. Additionally, using grammar-checking tools or seeking feedback from peers can help identify and rectify these issues before submission.

Overall, while the essay demonstrates a solid grasp of grammatical range and accuracy, focusing on diversifying sentence structures and refining grammatical precision will enhance the overall quality and coherence of the writing.

Bài sửa mẫu

It is argued that animals are disappearing because of human-related activities. This is primarily due to hunting and the destruction of their natural habitats. There are a number of solutions that should be implemented to address the decline of wildlife.

There are two main reasons behind animal extinction, primarily caused by human actions. One of the leading causes of animal extinction is excessive hunting. Humans often utilize their body parts for decoration, jewelry, and traditional medicine. As the demand for these items increases, overhunting becomes common, significantly reducing the populations of these species. For example, elephants are poached for their ivory tusks, and tigers are hunted for their skins and bones. Additionally, the destruction of natural habitats poses a severe threat to wildlife. People frequently cut down forests to build houses, for urban development, and for agricultural purposes. This deforestation leads to animals losing their shelters and food resources, further endangering their survival.

To address these issues, several solutions can be implemented. Firstly, zoos can play a crucial role in protecting animals from hunters and predators, providing a safe environment for them. Zoos also run breeding programs that help increase the populations of endangered species. For instance, many zoos have successfully bred animals such as pandas and rhinos, which are then reintroduced into the wild. Secondly, creating and protecting natural environments is essential. Governments and organizations should invest in preserving forests and marine ecosystems to ensure the safety of animals and access to food resources. Additionally, reforestation projects and habitat restoration efforts can help restore degraded environments and provide the necessary resources for the survival of these species.

In conclusion, poaching and habitat destruction are responsible for the disappearance of animals. This issue can be combated by zoos’ breeding programs and by reserving reforestation and ecosystems.

Bài viết liên quan

Around the world, many adults are working from home, and more children are beginning to study from home because technology has become cheaper and more accessible. Do you think this is a positive or negative development? Give reasons for your answer and include any relevant examples from your own knowledge or experience. You should spend about 40 minutes on this task.

Around the world, many adults are working from home, and more children are beginning to study from home because technology has become cheaper and more…

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