Art classes, such as painting and drawing, are as important for children’s development as other subjects, so they should be compulsory in high school. Do you agree or disagree?

Art classes, such as painting and drawing, are as important for children’s development as other subjects, so they should be compulsory in high school.

Do you agree or disagree?

Many people believe that art classes are as important for childs to develop as other subjects and it should become a formal subject in high schools. I completely agree with this opinion because of the following reasons.

The main reason why I believe that art classes are needed for children is because it can help them to find their passion. When they have opportunities to contact those kinds of subjects, students will understand that they suit them or not. If children love art subjects they can find related occupations in the future and easily make their way up the career ladders. Therefore, allowing youth to learn art subjects can help them to direct their job in the future.

Another reason why I support the notion that art subjects should be included in high schools is due to the fact that it can enable childs to have better academic performance. Studying on a long day at school can result in making children become tired and stressed. In addition, they might suffer from school problems such as peer pressure or passing the exams. Therefore, when they are allowed to do some activities like painting or drawing, it can not only help them recharge their batteries but it also allows them to concentrate better on their lessons. In summary, youth that learn art courses might have positive results in studying.

In conclusion, I strongly believe that art classes should be taught in high schools because they can enable children to find their appropriate job and achieve better academic results.

Gợi ý nâng cấp từ vựng

"childs" -> "children"
Explanation: "Childs" is a possessive form and is incorrect in this context. The correct form is "children," which is the plural form of "child" and is appropriate for referring to a group of children in general terms.
"it should become a formal subject" -> "it should be recognized as a formal subject"
Explanation: The phrase "become a formal subject" is somewhat vague and informal. "Be recognized as a formal subject" is more precise and formal, indicating a formal acknowledgment or acceptance of art classes as a legitimate academic subject.
"I completely agree with this opinion" -> "I strongly support this perspective"
Explanation: "Completely agree" is somewhat informal and can be replaced with "strongly support," which is more formal and suitable for academic writing.
"it can help them to find their passion" -> "it can assist them in discovering their passion"
Explanation: "Help them to find" is a bit informal and vague. "Assist them in discovering" is more precise and formal, enhancing the academic tone of the sentence.
"contact those kinds of subjects" -> "engage with these subjects"
Explanation: "Contact those kinds of subjects" is awkward and unclear. "Engage with these subjects" is more natural and precise, better conveying the intended meaning of actively participating in art classes.
"they can find related occupations" -> "they can pursue related careers"
Explanation: "Occupations" is somewhat informal and less specific than "careers," which is more commonly used in academic and professional contexts to refer to long-term employment paths.
"easily make their way up the career ladders" -> "easily ascend the career ladder"
Explanation: "Make their way up the career ladders" is informal and slightly awkward. "Ascend the career ladder" is more formal and succinct, fitting better in an academic essay.
"allowing youth to learn art subjects" -> "enabling young people to study art subjects"
Explanation: "Allowing youth to learn" is somewhat informal and vague. "Enabling young people to study" is more formal and precise, suitable for academic writing.
"childs" -> "children"
Explanation: This is a repeat of the earlier correction, ensuring consistency in the essay.
"Studying on a long day at school" -> "studying for extended periods at school"
Explanation: "Studying on a long day at school" is informal and imprecise. "Studying for extended periods at school" is more formal and accurately describes the prolonged nature of schoolwork.
"making children become tired and stressed" -> "leading to children becoming tired and stressed"
Explanation: "Making children become" is awkward and informal. "Leading to children becoming" is more formal and flows better in academic writing.
"it can not only help them recharge their batteries" -> "it can not only help them recharge their energy"
Explanation: "Recharge their batteries" is an idiom that is too informal for academic writing. "Recharge their energy" is a more formal alternative that maintains the intended meaning without the colloquial tone.
"youth that learn art courses" -> "students who study art courses"
Explanation: "Youth" is somewhat informal and vague in this context. "Students" is the appropriate term for referring to individuals in an educational setting, and "who study" is more precise than "that learn."
"might have positive results in studying" -> "may achieve improved academic outcomes"
Explanation: "Might have positive results in studying" is vague and informal. "May achieve improved academic outcomes" is more specific and formal, enhancing the academic tone of the conclusion.

Band điểm Task Response ước lượng: 8

Band Score for Task Response: 8

Answer All Parts of the Question:
- Detailed explanation: The essay effectively addresses the prompt by clearly stating a position in favor of making art classes compulsory in high schools. The writer presents two main reasons supporting this stance: the potential for children to discover their passions and the positive impact on academic performance. Each reason is relevant to the prompt and contributes to a cohesive argument. However, the essay could benefit from a more explicit acknowledgment of the opposing viewpoint, which would demonstrate a more comprehensive engagement with the topic.
- How to improve: To enhance the response, the writer could briefly mention and refute a counterargument, such as the idea that core subjects like math and science should take precedence. This would show a deeper understanding of the topic and strengthen the overall argument.
Present a Clear Position Throughout:
- Detailed explanation: The position taken in the essay is clear and consistent throughout. The writer states their agreement with the prompt in the introduction and reiterates this stance in the conclusion. The use of phrases like "I completely agree" and "I strongly believe" reinforces this clarity. However, the transition between ideas could be smoother, as some sentences feel slightly disjointed.
- How to improve: To maintain a clearer position, the writer should ensure that each paragraph flows logically from one to the next. Using transitional phrases and summarizing points at the end of each paragraph can help create a more cohesive narrative.
Present, Extend, and Support Ideas:
- Detailed explanation: The essay presents and extends ideas effectively, particularly in discussing how art classes can help children discover their passions and improve academic performance. The examples provided are relevant, but they could be further developed with more specific details or statistics to strengthen the argument. For instance, citing studies that show a correlation between art education and improved academic outcomes would add depth.
- How to improve: To improve the support for ideas, the writer should aim to include more specific examples or evidence that illustrate their points. This could involve discussing real-life examples of successful individuals who benefited from art education or referencing research that supports the claims made.
Stay on Topic:
- Detailed explanation: The essay remains largely focused on the topic of art classes in high school and their importance for children’s development. The points made are relevant and contribute to the overall argument. However, there are minor deviations, such as the mention of peer pressure, which, while related to the broader context of school stress, could be more tightly linked to the argument for art classes.
- How to improve: To maintain focus, the writer should ensure that every point made directly supports the thesis. It may be helpful to outline the main points before writing to ensure that all content is relevant and contributes to the argument.

Overall, the essay demonstrates a strong understanding of the task and presents a well-structured argument. By addressing the suggestions for improvement, the writer could further enhance the clarity and persuasiveness of their response.

Band điểm Coherence & Cohesion ước lượng: 7

Band Score for Coherence and Cohesion: 7

Organize Information Logically:
- Detailed explanation: The essay presents a clear argument in favor of making art classes compulsory in high schools. The introduction effectively outlines the writer’s stance, and each paragraph presents a distinct reason supporting this viewpoint. For instance, the first body paragraph discusses how art classes help students find their passion, while the second focuses on the benefits for academic performance. However, the transition between ideas could be smoother, as some points feel slightly disjointed. For example, the connection between finding a passion and future career paths could be more explicitly stated.
- How to improve: To enhance logical flow, consider using transitional phrases that link ideas more clearly. For instance, after discussing how art helps students find their passion, you might add a sentence like, "This passion not only enriches their personal lives but also opens doors to various career opportunities." Additionally, ensure that each paragraph begins with a clear topic sentence that encapsulates the main idea.
Use Paragraphs:
- Detailed explanation: The essay is structured into clear paragraphs, each focusing on a specific aspect of the argument. The introduction sets up the thesis, while the body paragraphs delve into supporting points. However, the second body paragraph could benefit from further development and a clearer connection to the main argument. The phrase "it can enable childs to have better academic performance" is somewhat vague and could be elaborated upon with specific examples or evidence.
- How to improve: Strengthen paragraph structure by ensuring each one contains a clear topic sentence, supporting details, and a concluding sentence that ties back to the main argument. For example, in the second body paragraph, you could elaborate on how art classes reduce stress and improve focus by providing specific studies or examples of students who have benefited from such classes.
Use a Range of Cohesive Devices:
- Detailed explanation: The essay employs some cohesive devices, such as "therefore," "another reason," and "in conclusion," which help guide the reader through the argument. However, the range of cohesive devices used is somewhat limited, and there are instances where the connections between sentences could be clearer. For example, the phrase "it can not only help them recharge their batteries but it also allows them to concentrate better on their lessons" could be more effectively linked to the previous sentence to enhance cohesion.
- How to improve: To diversify the use of cohesive devices, incorporate a variety of linking words and phrases such as "furthermore," "in addition," "consequently," and "on the other hand." Additionally, ensure that each sentence flows logically into the next by using pronouns or synonyms to refer back to previously mentioned ideas. For instance, instead of repeating "art subjects," you could use "these classes" in subsequent sentences to maintain cohesion.

By addressing these areas for improvement, the essay can achieve a higher level of coherence and cohesion, potentially elevating the overall band score.

Band điểm Lexical Resource ước lượng: 6

Band Score for Lexical Resource: 6

Use a Wide Range of Vocabulary:
- Detailed explanation: The essay demonstrates a reasonable range of vocabulary, with terms such as "passion," "occupations," "career ladders," and "academic performance." However, the vocabulary used is somewhat basic and repetitive, particularly with phrases like "art subjects" and "children." The use of synonyms or more varied expressions could enhance the richness of the essay. For example, instead of repeatedly using "art subjects," alternatives like "creative disciplines" or "artistic courses" could be employed.
- How to improve: To improve vocabulary range, the writer should practice using synonyms and related terms. Engaging with diverse reading materials, such as articles on education or art, can expose the writer to a broader vocabulary. Additionally, maintaining a vocabulary journal to note down new words and phrases can be beneficial.
Use Vocabulary Precisely:
- Detailed explanation: There are instances of imprecise vocabulary usage, such as "childs," which is a grammatical error rather than a lexical one. The term "contact those kinds of subjects" is also vague and could be more clearly articulated. The phrase "direct their job" is awkward; a more precise expression would be "pursue their career." These inaccuracies can lead to confusion and detract from the overall clarity of the essay.
- How to improve: To enhance precision, the writer should focus on understanding the context in which certain words are used. Reviewing grammar rules, particularly regarding plural forms (e.g., "children" instead of "childs"), and practicing sentence construction can help. Additionally, using a thesaurus to find more accurate terms can aid in achieving clarity.
Use Correct Spelling:
- Detailed explanation: The essay contains several spelling errors, such as "childs" (should be "children") and "formal subject" (should be "a formal subject"). These mistakes indicate a lack of attention to detail and can undermine the credibility of the writing. While the overall spelling is generally acceptable, these errors are significant enough to impact the overall impression.
- How to improve: To improve spelling accuracy, the writer should implement proofreading strategies, such as reading the essay aloud or using spell-check tools. Additionally, practicing spelling through writing exercises and quizzes can reinforce correct spelling of commonly used words. Keeping a list of frequently misspelled words and reviewing them regularly can also be beneficial.

In summary, while the essay demonstrates a basic understanding of vocabulary and its application, there are clear areas for improvement in range, precision, and spelling. By expanding vocabulary, focusing on precise word choice, and enhancing spelling accuracy, the writer can work towards achieving a higher band score in the Lexical Resource criterion.

Band điểm Grammatical Range & Accuracy ước lượng: 6

Band Score for Grammatical Range and Accuracy: 6

Use a Wide Range of Structures:
- Detailed explanation: The essay demonstrates a moderate range of sentence structures. For instance, the use of simple sentences is prevalent, such as "I completely agree with this opinion because of the following reasons." However, there is a lack of complex and compound sentences that could enhance the sophistication of the writing. For example, the sentence "When they have opportunities to contact those kinds of subjects, students will understand that they suit them or not" could be restructured to include more varied clauses, such as "When students are given opportunities to explore various subjects, they can better understand which ones resonate with them."
- How to improve: To diversify sentence structures, the writer should practice incorporating more complex sentences that combine independent and dependent clauses. For instance, instead of relying heavily on simple sentences, the writer could use relative clauses or conditional sentences to add depth. Additionally, varying the sentence beginnings and using transitional phrases can help create a more engaging flow.
Use Grammar and Punctuation Accurately:
- Detailed explanation: The essay contains several grammatical errors and punctuation issues that detract from its clarity. For example, "childs" should be corrected to "children," and "it should become a formal subject" should be revised to "they should become formal subjects" to maintain subject-verb agreement. Additionally, there are instances of awkward phrasing, such as "can help them to find their passion," where "to" is unnecessary. Punctuation is generally acceptable, but there are a few missing commas that could improve readability, particularly in longer sentences.
- How to improve: To enhance grammatical accuracy, the writer should focus on subject-verb agreement and pluralization rules. Regular practice with grammar exercises, especially those targeting common errors, can be beneficial. Furthermore, proofreading the essay for awkward phrasing and punctuation errors before submission can help catch mistakes. Reading more academic texts can also provide exposure to correct grammatical structures and punctuation usage.

In summary, while the essay demonstrates a clear understanding of the topic and presents coherent arguments, improving the variety of sentence structures and enhancing grammatical accuracy will help the writer achieve a higher band score in the IELTS Task 2 writing assessment.

Bài sửa mẫu

Many people believe that art classes are as important for children’s development as other subjects, and they should become a formal subject in high schools. I completely agree with this opinion for the following reasons.

The main reason why I believe that art classes are needed for children is that they can help them find their passion. When they have opportunities to engage with these subjects, students will understand whether they suit them or not. If children love art subjects, they can find related occupations in the future and easily ascend the career ladder. Therefore, allowing youth to study art subjects can help them direct their future careers.

Another reason why I support the notion that art subjects should be included in high schools is that it can enable children to have better academic performance. Studying for extended periods at school can lead to children becoming tired and stressed. In addition, they might suffer from school problems such as peer pressure or passing exams. Therefore, when they are allowed to do activities like painting or drawing, it can not only help them recharge their energy but also allow them to concentrate better on their lessons. In summary, students who study art courses may achieve improved academic outcomes.

In conclusion, I strongly believe that art classes should be taught in high schools because they can enable children to find their appropriate jobs and achieve better academic results.