Art is considered an essential part of all cultures throughout the world. However, these days fewer and fewer people appreciate art and turn their focus to science, technology and business. Why do you think that is? What could be done to encourage more people to take interest in art?

Art has played a crucial role in preserving cultural and historical heritage throughout the world for years. However, there has been a dramatic decline in the number of people appreciating art these days. They have turned their focus to science, technology and business instead. This essay will first examine the causes of this issue and then suggest some corresponding solutions.

The first major contributor to rising interest in science, technology and business is the development of cutting-edge technologies. This results in substantial growth in the world’s economy which alternates people’s tendency to focus on science, modern devices and business to catch up with worldwide trends and make a living. Moreover, owing to people’s prejudge that art is solely a means of entertainment, fewer people appreciate artistic works. It is also noticeable that art requires inborn talents and skills besides artistic endeavors. Therefore, people tend to concentrate on science, technology and business which they can learn, practice and enhance their skills based on empirical experience. For example, the number of students studying STEM disciplines in universities has risen dramatically for the last few decades.

To address these challenges, governments should invest more money in art events and places such as art galleries, museums and exhibitions to popularize it among citizens. Furthermore, parents and teachers have better encourage children to improve their artistic skills by drawing, painting, or singing from an early age. For instance, artists can open artistic courses so that people who are fond of art might take part in and have a chance to boost their skills.

In conclusion, the uneven development of art, science, technology and business is a complex issue facing us nowadays. However, by implementing targeted solutions, society will effectively deal with such challenges and create a balanced and better environment for the growing of people’s lives and worldwide economy.

Gợi ý nâng cấp từ vựng

"Art has played a crucial role" -> "Art has assumed a pivotal role"
Explanation: "Assumed a pivotal role" is a more formal and precise expression that enhances the academic tone of the sentence, emphasizing the significant impact of art in a more formal context.
"dramatic decline" -> "marked decline"
Explanation: "Marked decline" is a more precise and academically appropriate term that conveys a significant decrease without the emotional connotation of "dramatic."
"They have turned their focus" -> "They have redirected their attention"
Explanation: "Redirected their attention" is a more formal and precise phrase that better suits academic writing, implying a deliberate shift in focus rather than the more casual "turned their focus."
"cutting-edge technologies" -> "advanced technologies"
Explanation: "Advanced technologies" is a more neutral and formal term that avoids the colloquial tone of "cutting-edge," which can be seen as overly casual for academic writing.
"alternates people’s tendency" -> "alters people’s preferences"
Explanation: "Alters people’s preferences" is more accurate and formal, as "alternates" is not the correct verb form in this context, and "preference" is a more precise term than "tendency."
"owe to people’s prejudge" -> "due to people’s misconception"
Explanation: "Misconception" is a more precise term than "prejudge," which is not commonly used in this context. "Due to" is also more formal than "owe to."
"requires inborn talents" -> "requires innate talents"
Explanation: "Innate talents" is the correct term, as "inborn" is not typically used to describe talents, which are acquired through practice and development.
"people tend to concentrate" -> "individuals tend to focus"
Explanation: "Individuals" is a more formal term than "people," and "focus" is more precise than "concentrate" in this context, suggesting a deliberate direction of attention.
"based on empirical experience" -> "through practical experience"
Explanation: "Through practical experience" is a more direct and formal way to describe the acquisition of skills, aligning better with academic style.
"have better encourage" -> "should encourage"
Explanation: "Should encourage" is grammatically correct and more formal, avoiding the awkward and incorrect "have better."
"fond of art" -> "interested in art"
Explanation: "Interested in art" is a more formal and precise phrase than "fond of art," which is somewhat informal and less specific.
"might take part in" -> "may participate in"
Explanation: "May participate in" is more formal and academically appropriate than "might take part in," which is slightly informal and less precise.
"boost their skills" -> "enhance their skills"
Explanation: "Enhance" is a more formal and precise term than "boost," which is somewhat colloquial for academic writing.
"growing of people’s lives" -> "development of individuals"
Explanation: "Development of individuals" is a more formal and precise term than "growing of people’s lives," which is awkward and informal.

Band điểm Task Response ước lượng: 7

Band Score for Task Response: 7

Answer All Parts of the Question:
- Detailed explanation: The essay addresses both parts of the prompt: it identifies reasons for the decline in appreciation of art and suggests solutions to encourage interest in art. The first paragraph outlines the shift towards science, technology, and business, while the second paragraph proposes actions that can be taken to promote art. However, the explanation of the reasons could be more nuanced, as it primarily focuses on economic factors and societal perceptions without exploring other potential influences, such as cultural shifts or educational systems.
- How to improve: To comprehensively address all elements of the question, the essay could include a broader range of reasons for the decline in art appreciation, such as the impact of digital media on attention spans or the role of art education in schools. Additionally, providing more specific examples or statistics could strengthen the argument.
Present a Clear Position Throughout:
- Detailed explanation: The essay maintains a clear position regarding the importance of art and the need to encourage its appreciation. The stance is consistent throughout, with a logical progression from identifying the problem to suggesting solutions. However, the phrase "uneven development of art, science, technology and business" in the conclusion could be clearer; it might confuse readers about the essay’s main focus.
- How to improve: To enhance clarity, the conclusion could reiterate the main arguments more explicitly and avoid introducing new concepts that may detract from the overall message. Using clear transitions between ideas can also help maintain a consistent position.
Present, Extend, and Support Ideas:
- Detailed explanation: The essay presents several ideas regarding the decline of art appreciation and potential solutions. However, some points lack depth. For example, the claim that "art requires inborn talents and skills" is mentioned but not sufficiently supported with examples or elaboration. The solutions proposed are practical but could benefit from further development to illustrate their potential effectiveness.
- How to improve: To effectively present and support ideas, the essay should include more detailed explanations and examples for each point made. For instance, when discussing government investment in art, specific examples of successful initiatives could be included, or statistics showing the impact of such investments could be cited.
Stay on Topic:
- Detailed explanation: The essay generally stays on topic and addresses the prompt effectively. However, there are moments where the focus could be sharpened. For instance, the discussion of "cutting-edge technologies" could be more directly tied to how this shift impacts art appreciation rather than just stating that it diverts attention.
- How to improve: To maintain focus, the writer should ensure that each point made directly relates back to the prompt. Using topic sentences that clearly link back to the main question can help keep the discussion relevant. Additionally, avoiding tangential ideas that do not directly support the main argument will strengthen the overall coherence of the essay.

In summary, while the essay demonstrates a solid understanding of the task and presents relevant ideas, enhancing the depth of analysis, providing clearer examples, and ensuring tighter focus on the prompt will help elevate the score further.

Band điểm Coherence & Cohesion ước lượng: 7

Band Score for Coherence and Cohesion: 7

Organize Information Logically:
- Detailed explanation: The essay demonstrates a generally logical organization, with a clear introduction that outlines the main points to be discussed. The body paragraphs are structured to first address the causes of declining interest in art, followed by proposed solutions. However, within the body paragraphs, the flow of ideas could be improved. For instance, the transition from discussing the decline in appreciation of art to the solutions feels somewhat abrupt. The connection between the two sections could be more explicitly stated to enhance the overall logical progression.
- How to improve: To enhance logical flow, consider using transitional phrases that explicitly connect the causes to the solutions. For example, after discussing the reasons for the decline in art appreciation, a sentence like "Given these challenges, it is crucial to explore effective strategies to rekindle interest in art" could serve as a bridge to the solutions section.
Use Paragraphs:
- Detailed explanation: The essay effectively uses paragraphs to separate different ideas, with a clear introduction, body paragraphs, and a conclusion. Each paragraph focuses on a specific aspect of the topic, which aids readability. However, the second body paragraph could benefit from clearer topic sentences that summarize the main idea of the paragraph. For instance, the transition from discussing government investment to parental encouragement is somewhat jarring, as it lacks a clear thematic link.
- How to improve: Strengthen paragraph structure by ensuring each paragraph begins with a clear topic sentence that encapsulates the main idea. For example, starting the second body paragraph with a sentence like "In addition to government initiatives, individual efforts from parents and educators play a vital role in fostering an appreciation for art" would clarify the paragraph’s focus and improve cohesion.
Use a Range of Cohesive Devices:
- Detailed explanation: The essay employs some cohesive devices, such as "however," "moreover," and "for instance," which help to connect ideas within and between sentences. However, the range of cohesive devices used is somewhat limited, and there are instances where the connections between ideas could be made clearer. For example, the phrase "this results in substantial growth in the world’s economy" could be better linked to the preceding sentence to clarify how it relates to the decline in art appreciation.
- How to improve: To diversify the use of cohesive devices, incorporate a wider variety of linking words and phrases, such as "consequently," "as a result," or "in contrast." Additionally, ensure that each cohesive device is used effectively to clarify relationships between ideas. For instance, instead of simply stating "Moreover," consider using "In addition to this," which can provide a smoother transition between points.

By addressing these areas of improvement, the essay can enhance its coherence and cohesion, potentially raising its band score in this criterion.

Band điểm Lexical Resource ước lượng: 6

Band Score for Lexical Resource: 6

Use a Wide Range of Vocabulary:
- Detailed explanation: The essay demonstrates a reasonable range of vocabulary, with terms such as "crucial," "dramatic decline," "cutting-edge technologies," and "empirical experience." However, the vocabulary tends to be somewhat repetitive, particularly in the phrases used to describe the focus on science, technology, and business. For instance, the phrase "science, technology and business" is repeated multiple times without variation, which limits the lexical diversity.
- How to improve: To enhance vocabulary range, the writer could use synonyms or related phrases. For example, instead of repeating "science, technology and business," alternatives like "STEM fields," "scientific pursuits," or "commercial sectors" could be employed. Additionally, incorporating more descriptive adjectives and adverbs could enrich the text.
Use Vocabulary Precisely:
- Detailed explanation: While the essay includes some precise vocabulary, there are instances where word choices could be more accurate. For example, the phrase "people’s prejudge that art is solely a means of entertainment" contains a misuse of "prejudge," which should be "prejudice." This imprecision can lead to misunderstandings of the intended meaning.
- How to improve: To improve precision, the writer should carefully select words that accurately convey their intended meaning. A thorough proofreading process or using a thesaurus to find the correct terms can help. In this case, replacing "prejudge" with "prejudice" would clarify the point being made about societal views on art.
Use Correct Spelling:
- Detailed explanation: The essay generally demonstrates good spelling, with only a few minor errors. However, the word "better" in "better encourage children" is awkwardly used and could be misinterpreted as incorrect spelling or phrasing. Additionally, "inborn talents" could be more accurately expressed as "innate talents."
- How to improve: To enhance spelling and overall writing quality, the writer should engage in regular spelling practice and utilize spell-check tools. Reading more extensively can also help familiarize the writer with correct spelling and usage of words in context. Furthermore, revising sentences for clarity can prevent awkward phrasing that may obscure meaning.

Overall, while the essay meets the basic requirements for lexical resource, there are clear areas for improvement in vocabulary range, precision, and spelling accuracy. By diversifying vocabulary, ensuring precise word choices, and maintaining careful attention to spelling, the writer can aim for a higher band score in future essays.

Band điểm Grammatical Range & Accuracy ước lượng: 7

Band Score for Grammatical Range and Accuracy: 7

Use a Wide Range of Structures:
- Detailed explanation: The essay demonstrates a good variety of sentence structures, including simple, compound, and complex sentences. For instance, the use of complex sentences such as "However, there has been a dramatic decline in the number of people appreciating art these days" effectively conveys the main idea while showcasing grammatical complexity. Additionally, the phrase "This results in substantial growth in the world’s economy which alternates people’s tendency to focus on science, modern devices and business" illustrates the ability to connect ideas through relative clauses. However, there are instances of repetitive structures, particularly in the way ideas are introduced and developed, which can detract from the overall fluency and variety.
- How to improve: To enhance the range of structures, the writer could incorporate more varied introductory phrases and transition words to connect ideas. For example, using phrases like "In contrast," "Moreover," or "Consequently" can help diversify sentence openings. Additionally, experimenting with different sentence lengths and types (e.g., rhetorical questions, conditional sentences) could make the writing more engaging and dynamic.
Use Grammar and Punctuation Accurately:
- Detailed explanation: The essay displays a generally good command of grammar and punctuation, with most sentences being clear and coherent. However, there are some grammatical inaccuracies and awkward phrasing that affect clarity. For instance, the phrase "which alternates people’s tendency" should be revised to "which alters people’s tendency" to convey the intended meaning accurately. Additionally, the phrase "parents and teachers have better encourage children" contains a grammatical error; it should be "parents and teachers should better encourage children." Punctuation is mostly correct, but there are instances where commas could enhance readability, such as before "and" in lists or after introductory phrases.
- How to improve: To improve grammatical accuracy, the writer should focus on proofreading for common errors, particularly in verb forms and subject-verb agreement. Reading the essay aloud can help identify awkward phrases and grammatical mistakes. Furthermore, practicing sentence restructuring and reviewing rules for punctuation can enhance clarity and coherence. Engaging with grammar exercises or seeking feedback from peers can also be beneficial in reinforcing correct usage.

Overall, the essay demonstrates a solid understanding of grammatical range and accuracy, but there is room for improvement in diversifying sentence structures and ensuring grammatical precision. By implementing the suggested strategies, the writer can work towards achieving a higher band score in future essays.

Bài sửa mẫu

Art has played a crucial role in preserving cultural and historical heritage throughout the world for years. However, there has been a dramatic decline in the number of people appreciating art these days. They have redirected their attention to science, technology, and business instead. This essay will first examine the causes of this issue and then suggest some corresponding solutions.

The first major contributor to the rising interest in science, technology, and business is the development of advanced technologies. This results in substantial growth in the world’s economy, which alters people’s preferences towards science, modern devices, and business to catch up with worldwide trends and make a living. Moreover, due to people’s misconceptions that art is solely a means of entertainment, fewer people appreciate artistic works. It is also noticeable that art requires innate talents and skills besides artistic endeavors. Therefore, individuals tend to focus on science, technology, and business, which they can learn, practice, and enhance their skills through practical experience. For example, the number of students studying STEM disciplines in universities has risen dramatically over the last few decades.

To address these challenges, governments should invest more money in art events and places such as art galleries, museums, and exhibitions to popularize art among citizens. Furthermore, parents and teachers should encourage children to improve their artistic skills by drawing, painting, or singing from an early age. For instance, artists can open artistic courses so that people who are interested in art may participate and have a chance to enhance their skills.

In conclusion, the uneven development of art, science, technology, and business is a complex issue facing us nowadays. However, by implementing targeted solutions, society can effectively deal with such challenges and create a balanced and better environment for the development of individuals and the global economy.