As a result of tourism, many historical buildings and sites are being damaged beyond repair. What could be done to prevent this?

As a result of tourism, many historical buildings and sites are being damaged beyond repair.
What could be done to prevent this?

Currently, with a mordernization in tourism, the issue of damaging historical destinations beyond conserving and protecting is one which needs to be carefully examined. In this essay, the solutions relating to this negative phenomenon will be discussed in detail.
If the increasing in this phenomenon keeps rocketing in the near future, many important sites relating to history will be collapsed and disappeared. Therefore, first and foremost, authorities from all over the world need to be aware and put a serious ban on this problematic issue. For example, government should increase the price which depends on their monthly income for every negative behaviour toward destroying the original of the sites or buildings.
Furthermore, to govern the people to not contravene and break the rules, governments should operate more organizations which aim to raise the awareness of the citizens regarding negative result of tourism. For instance, organizations can convey and educate the rules from the authorities to all the students and pupils to create their early awareness to prevent the problem in the near future. As a result, the decrease relating to this phenomenon will happen and many historical sites or buildings will be safe.
In conclusion, there is still an ambiguous solution to solve the problem from damaging beyond repairing many sites and buildings from the history. There are two ways which can be considered to administrate including increasing the price for every illegal behaviour and operating more and more groups or organizations to raise the awareness of the visitors from each tourist.

Gợi ý nâng cấp từ vựng

1. "mordernization" -> "modernization"
   Explanation: Correcting the spelling error from "mordernization" to "modernization" ensures the use of the correct term, which is essential for maintaining the professionalism and accuracy of the text.

2. "beyond conserving and protecting" -> "beyond conservation and protection"
   Explanation: Changing "conserving and protecting" to "conservation and protection" uses the more formal and precise noun forms, which are appropriate for academic writing.

3. "the solutions relating to this negative phenomenon" -> "solutions addressing this negative phenomenon"
   Explanation: Replacing "relating to" with "addressing" enhances the formality and specificity of the language, aligning better with academic style.

4. "the increasing in this phenomenon" -> "the increasing incidence of this phenomenon"
   Explanation: "Incidence" is a more precise term than "increasing" in this context, providing a clearer and more academic expression.

5. "rocketing" -> "rapidly increasing"
   Explanation: "Rocketing" is an informal and colloquial term; replacing it with "rapidly increasing" maintains a formal tone suitable for academic writing.

6. "collapsed and disappeared" -> "destroyed and lost"
   Explanation: "Destroyed and lost" are more precise and academically appropriate terms than "collapsed and disappeared," which can be vague and overly dramatic.

7. "put a serious ban on this problematic issue" -> "implement stringent measures to address this issue"
   Explanation: "Implement stringent measures" is a more formal and precise way to express the need for action, replacing the colloquial "put a serious ban."

8. "government should increase the price which depends on their monthly income" -> "governments should impose fines proportionate to the violator’s income"
   Explanation: "Impose fines proportionate to the violator’s income" is more specific and formal, replacing the vague and informal "increase the price which depends on their monthly income."

9. "to not contravene and break the rules" -> "to avoid contravening and breaking the rules"
   Explanation: "To avoid contravening and breaking the rules" uses the correct grammatical structure and is more formal, suitable for academic writing.

10. "operate more organizations" -> "establish additional organizations"
    Explanation: "Establish additional organizations" is more precise and formal than "operate more organizations," which is vague and less specific.

11. "negative result of tourism" -> "negative impacts of tourism"
    Explanation: "Negative impacts" is a more precise and commonly used term in academic discourse than "negative result," which is less specific.

12. "to create their early awareness" -> "to raise their awareness"
    Explanation: "Raise their awareness" is a more standard and formal expression than "create their early awareness," which is awkward and unclear.

13. "decrease relating to this phenomenon" -> "decrease in this phenomenon"
    Explanation: "Decrease in this phenomenon" corrects the grammatical structure and clarifies the meaning, making it more appropriate for formal writing.

14. "ambiguous solution" -> "incomplete solution"
    Explanation: "Incomplete solution" is a more precise term than "ambiguous," which can imply confusion rather than lack of effectiveness.

15. "to administrate" -> "to implement"
    Explanation: "Implement" is the correct verb for putting plans into action, whereas "administrate" is not commonly used in this context and sounds awkward.

These changes enhance the precision, formality, and clarity of the text, aligning it more closely with academic writing standards.

Band điểm Task Response ước lượng: 7

Band Score for Task Response: 7

• Answer All Parts of the Question:

  • Detailed explanation: The essay addresses the prompt by discussing potential solutions to prevent the damage to historical buildings and sites caused by tourism. The author mentions the need for a ban on damaging behaviors and the establishment of organizations to raise awareness. However, the response could be more comprehensive, as it does not fully explore the range of solutions that could be implemented, such as stricter regulations, preservation efforts, or community involvement. The mention of increasing prices lacks clarity on how this would directly prevent damage.
  • How to improve: To enhance the response, the writer should consider including a broader range of solutions. For example, discussing the role of sustainable tourism practices, the implementation of visitor limits, or the use of technology for preservation could provide a more well-rounded answer. Each solution should be elaborated upon to demonstrate its potential effectiveness.

• Present a Clear Position Throughout:

  • Detailed explanation: The essay presents a clear stance on the need for action to prevent damage to historical sites. However, the position could be more consistently articulated throughout the essay. Phrases like "the issue of damaging historical destinations" and "the solutions relating to this negative phenomenon" indicate a focus on the problem, but the solutions presented are somewhat vague and lack a strong connection to the initial position.
  • How to improve: To maintain a clearer position, the writer should explicitly state their viewpoint in the introduction and ensure that each paragraph reinforces this stance. Using topic sentences that directly relate back to the main argument can help maintain focus. Additionally, summarizing the position in the conclusion can reinforce the clarity of the argument.

• Present, Extend, and Support Ideas:

  • Detailed explanation: The essay presents some ideas, such as increasing prices and raising awareness through organizations. However, these ideas are not fully developed or supported with sufficient detail or examples. For instance, the suggestion to increase prices lacks a clear rationale or explanation of how it would deter damaging behaviors. The discussion of awareness-raising organizations is also underdeveloped, as it does not specify how these organizations would operate or what specific actions they would take.
  • How to improve: To strengthen the presentation and support of ideas, the writer should elaborate on each proposed solution. Providing specific examples of successful initiatives or studies that support the effectiveness of these solutions would enhance the argument. Additionally, using data or expert opinions could lend credibility to the claims made.

• Stay on Topic:

  • Detailed explanation: The essay generally stays on topic, focusing on the issue of tourism-related damage to historical sites. However, there are moments where the language becomes convoluted, such as "the issue of damaging historical destinations beyond conserving and protecting," which may confuse the reader. The conclusion also introduces ambiguity with phrases like "there is still an ambiguous solution," which detracts from the overall focus.
  • How to improve: To improve topic adherence, the writer should strive for clarity and precision in language. Avoiding overly complex phrases and ensuring that each sentence contributes directly to the main argument will help maintain focus. The conclusion should succinctly summarize the main points without introducing new or unclear ideas.

Overall, while the essay demonstrates a solid understanding of the task and presents relevant ideas, it would benefit from greater depth, clarity, and specificity in addressing the prompt.

Band điểm Coherence & Cohesion ước lượng: 7

Band Score for Coherence and Cohesion: 7

• Organize Information Logically:

  • Detailed explanation: The essay presents a clear structure with an introduction, body paragraphs, and a conclusion. The introduction outlines the topic and states that solutions will be discussed, which sets a clear expectation for the reader. The body paragraphs each address a specific solution, which helps to maintain focus. However, the logical progression of ideas could be improved. For instance, the transition from discussing the need for a ban to the suggestion of increasing prices is somewhat abrupt and lacks a clear connection. Additionally, the conclusion reiterates the solutions but does not effectively summarize the main points discussed, which can leave the reader feeling unsatisfied.
  • How to improve: To enhance logical flow, consider using clearer topic sentences at the beginning of each paragraph that directly relate to the thesis statement. Additionally, ensure that each solution is linked to the previous one with transitional phrases, such as "In addition to this," or "Another important measure is." This will create a smoother flow of ideas and reinforce the connections between them.

• Use Paragraphs:

  • Detailed explanation: The essay uses paragraphs effectively to separate different ideas, which is a strength. Each paragraph focuses on a specific solution, making it easier for the reader to follow the argument. However, the paragraphs could benefit from more development. For instance, the second paragraph introduces the idea of raising awareness but does not provide enough detail or examples to fully explain how this could be implemented or its potential effectiveness.
  • How to improve: To improve paragraph structure, aim to expand on each point with more detailed explanations and examples. For instance, when discussing the need for awareness campaigns, consider including specific strategies that could be employed, such as community workshops or school programs. This not only strengthens the argument but also provides a clearer picture of how the proposed solutions could be enacted.

• Use a Range of Cohesive Devices:

  • Detailed explanation: The essay demonstrates some use of cohesive devices, such as "furthermore" and "for example," which help to connect ideas. However, the range of cohesive devices is somewhat limited, and there are instances where the connections between sentences and ideas could be clearer. For example, the phrase "the increase in this phenomenon keeps rocketing" lacks a cohesive link to the subsequent sentence discussing the need for a ban, making the transition feel disjointed.
  • How to improve: To diversify the use of cohesive devices, incorporate a wider variety of linking words and phrases, such as "consequently," "therefore," and "in contrast." Additionally, ensure that each cohesive device is used appropriately to enhance clarity. For instance, instead of simply stating "therefore," it could be beneficial to explain the reasoning behind the conclusion drawn, which would provide a stronger connection to the argument being made.

In summary, while the essay demonstrates a solid understanding of coherence and cohesion, there are areas for improvement in logical organization, paragraph development, and the use of cohesive devices. By addressing these aspects, the overall clarity and effectiveness of the essay can be significantly enhanced.

Band điểm Lexical Resource ước lượng: 6

Band Score for Lexical Resource: 6

• Use a Wide Range of Vocabulary:

  • Detailed explanation: The essay demonstrates an attempt to use a variety of vocabulary, such as "modernization," "phenomenon," "authorities," and "awareness." However, the range is somewhat limited and repetitive, particularly in the use of terms like "historical sites" and "buildings." Additionally, phrases like "negative behaviour" and "problematic issue" are somewhat vague and could be expressed more vividly.
  • How to improve: To enhance vocabulary range, the writer should incorporate synonyms and more specific terms. For instance, instead of repeatedly using "historical sites," alternatives like "cultural heritage sites" or "architectural landmarks" could be employed. The writer could also explore more descriptive adjectives and adverbs to enrich the text, such as "irreparable damage" instead of "damaging beyond repair."

• Use Vocabulary Precisely:

  • Detailed explanation: There are instances of imprecise vocabulary usage, such as "the original of the sites or buildings," which is unclear and awkward. The phrase "the increase in this phenomenon keeps rocketing" is also somewhat informal and lacks clarity. Furthermore, "to govern the people to not contravene" is a convoluted expression that could be simplified.
  • How to improve: The writer should focus on clarity and precision in word choice. For example, instead of "the original of the sites," a more precise phrase would be "the integrity of the sites." Simplifying phrases like "to govern the people to not contravene" to "to ensure compliance with regulations" would enhance clarity and professionalism in the writing.

• Use Correct Spelling:

  • Detailed explanation: The essay contains several spelling errors, such as "mordernization" (should be "modernization"), "collapsed" (should be "collapse"), and "behaviour" (should be "behavior" in American English, but is acceptable in British English). These errors detract from the overall professionalism of the essay.
  • How to improve: To improve spelling accuracy, the writer should engage in regular proofreading and utilize spell-check tools. Additionally, practicing spelling through writing exercises and flashcards can help reinforce correct spelling of commonly used words. Reading more extensively can also help familiarize the writer with correct spellings in context.

Overall, while the essay shows a basic understanding of the topic and attempts to use a range of vocabulary, improvements in precision, variety, and spelling accuracy are necessary to achieve a higher band score in the Lexical Resource criteria.

Band điểm Grammatical Range & Accuracy ước lượng: 5

Band Score for Grammatical Range and Accuracy: 5

• Use a Wide Range of Structures:

  • Detailed explanation: The essay demonstrates some attempt at using varied sentence structures, but the range is limited. For instance, the writer primarily relies on simple and compound sentences, such as "Therefore, first and foremost, authorities from all over the world need to be aware and put a serious ban on this problematic issue." There are few complex sentences, which are essential for achieving a higher band score. The use of phrases like "the issue of damaging historical destinations beyond conserving and protecting" indicates an attempt to use more sophisticated structures but lacks clarity and precision.
  • How to improve: To enhance the variety of sentence structures, the writer should incorporate more complex sentences that include subordinate clauses. For example, instead of saying "governments should operate more organizations," the writer could say, "governments should operate more organizations that aim to raise awareness among citizens about the negative impacts of tourism." Additionally, varying the sentence openings and using different grammatical forms (e.g., gerunds, conditionals) can help diversify the writing.

• Use Grammar and Punctuation Accurately:

  • Detailed explanation: The essay contains several grammatical errors and punctuation issues that hinder clarity. For example, "the increasing in this phenomenon keeps rocketing" should be corrected to "the increase in this phenomenon continues to rise." There are also instances of incorrect article usage, such as "the original of the sites or buildings," which should be "the originality of the sites or buildings." Punctuation errors, such as missing commas in complex sentences, further detract from the overall readability of the essay.
  • How to improve: To improve grammatical accuracy, the writer should focus on subject-verb agreement, article usage, and the correct formation of phrases. Practicing sentence correction exercises and reviewing grammar rules can be beneficial. Additionally, proofreading for punctuation errors, particularly in longer sentences, will help enhance clarity. For instance, the sentence "As a result, the decrease relating to this phenomenon will happen and many historical sites or buildings will be safe" could be improved by adding a comma before "and" to separate the two independent clauses: "As a result, the decrease relating to this phenomenon will happen, and many historical sites or buildings will be safe."

In summary, while the essay shows a basic understanding of the topic and attempts to address the prompt, improvements in grammatical range and accuracy are necessary to achieve a higher band score. Focusing on diversifying sentence structures and enhancing grammatical precision will significantly benefit the overall quality of the writing.

Bài sửa mẫu

Currently, with modernization in tourism, the issue of damaging historical destinations beyond conservation and protection is one that needs to be carefully examined. In this essay, the solutions addressing this negative phenomenon will be discussed in detail.

If the increasing incidence of this phenomenon keeps rapidly increasing in the near future, many important sites relating to history will collapse and disappear. Therefore, first and foremost, authorities from all over the world need to be aware and put a serious ban on this problematic issue. For example, governments should increase the fines, which depend on the violator’s income, for every negative behavior toward destroying the integrity of the sites or buildings.

Furthermore, to govern the people to avoid contravening and breaking the rules, governments should establish additional organizations aimed at raising the awareness of citizens regarding the negative impacts of tourism. For instance, these organizations can convey and educate the rules from the authorities to all students and pupils to create early awareness and prevent the problem in the near future. As a result, a decrease in this phenomenon will occur, and many historical sites or buildings will be safe.

In conclusion, there is still an incomplete solution to the problem of damaging historical sites and buildings beyond repair. There are two ways that can be considered to address this issue, including increasing fines for every illegal behavior and establishing more organizations to raise awareness among visitors.