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As computers are being used more and more in education, there will be soon no role for teachers in the class room.

As computers are being used more and more in education, there will be soon no role for teachers in the class room.

Some people might argue that students use computers more and more because of their advantages in education, so there will soon be no teacher’s appearing in classrooms. In my view, I strongly disagree with that opinion and I will discuss my ideas in this essay.
Firstly, there is no denying that computers are very useful nowadays because of multiple positive aspects given to users, especially for students. Without writing a chalk on a blackboard, a computer can show lessons on its screen with eye-catching colors, active motions and exciting sounds. In the past, “simple learning” made students bored and hard to get knowledge. It was not easy to imagine any lessons such as Biology that has lively pictures of biosystems or Geography, a subject showing the beauty of our country or other areas in the world. In addition, computers are like a tool helping students search anything on the Internet and join online classes without going to school.
Besides lots of advantages of using computers, teachers appearing is not less important and of course, there is no choice which can replace that position. Unlike computers, teachers not only show and communicate their major knowledge but also give students a sense, comment, encourage and help students find ways to solve their unknown problem. It means teachers get the big blame for children and their families because in a lesson that must be learned with the right attitude like Ethics subject, learning just does not pack in several lines or pictures on computer screens. Furthermore, if learners hit a book without trainers, they only can gain knowledge with a passive attitude since teachers have more ways to support them.


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Errors and Improvements:

  1. "Some people might argue that students use computers more and more because of their advantages in education, so there will soon be no teacher’s appearing in classrooms." -> "Some argue that students increasingly rely on computers due to their educational benefits, suggesting a potential decline in the presence of teachers in classrooms."
    Explanation: The revised sentence maintains formality by rephrasing the statement to eliminate contractions and using more precise language to express the idea of a potential decrease in teacher presence.

  2. "In my view, I strongly disagree with that opinion and I will discuss my ideas in this essay." -> "I strongly disagree with this perspective, and I will elaborate on my stance in the following paragraphs."
    Explanation: The suggested alternative removes redundancy and simplifies the expression, aligning it with a more formal tone often found in academic writing.

  3. "Firstly, there is no denying that computers are very useful nowadays because of multiple positive aspects given to users, especially for students." -> "Firstly, it is undeniable that computers have become highly beneficial in the present era, offering numerous advantages to users, particularly students."
    Explanation: The revised sentence enhances formality by replacing colloquial expressions like "no denying" with more formal alternatives and using a more sophisticated structure.

  4. "Without writing a chalk on a blackboard, a computer can show lessons on its screen with eye-catching colors, active motions and exciting sounds." -> "Unlike traditional chalk-and-blackboard teaching methods, computers can present lessons on screens with vibrant colors, dynamic animations, and engaging sounds."
    Explanation: The suggested alternative employs more formal language, avoids the use of contractions, and provides a clearer comparison between traditional and computer-based teaching methods.

  5. "It was not easy to imagine any lessons such as Biology that has lively pictures of biosystems or Geography, a subject showing the beauty of our country or other areas in the world." -> "It was challenging to envision lessons like Biology, featuring lively images of biosystems, or Geography, a subject showcasing the beauty of our country and other global regions."
    Explanation: The revision improves the sentence by using more sophisticated language, correcting subject-verb agreement, and enhancing clarity.

  6. "In addition, computers are like a tool helping students search anything on the Internet and join online classes without going to school." -> "Moreover, computers serve as tools enabling students to conduct comprehensive internet searches and participate in online classes, eliminating the need to attend physical school."
    Explanation: The suggested alternative enhances formality, replaces colloquial expressions, and provides a more detailed description of the role computers play in education.

  7. "Besides lots of advantages of using computers, teachers appearing is not less important and of course, there is no choice which can replace that position." -> "In addition to the myriad advantages of using computers, the presence of teachers remains crucial; indeed, there is no alternative that can fully replace their role."
    Explanation: The revised sentence improves formality, replaces informal expressions, and provides a more nuanced expression of the importance of teachers in education.

  8. "It means teachers get the big blame for children and their families because in a lesson that must be learned with the right attitude like Ethics subject, learning just does not pack in several lines or pictures on computer screens." -> "This implies that teachers bear significant responsibility for children and their families, particularly in subjects like Ethics that demand a nuanced understanding not achievable through mere lines or images on computer screens."
    Explanation: The suggested alternative enhances formality, clarifies the statement, and uses more precise language to convey the idea.

Band điểm Task Response ước lượng: 6

Band Score for Task Response: 6

  • Answer All Parts of the Question:

    • Detailed explanation: The essay addresses all parts of the question by acknowledging the role of computers in education and presenting a clear stance against the notion that teachers will have no role in the classroom. Relevant sections from the essay include the acknowledgment of the advantages of computers and the assertion that teachers are irreplaceable.
    • How to improve: While the essay covers all parts of the question, it could benefit from providing a more explicit roadmap in the introduction, outlining the key points that will be discussed in the body paragraphs.
  • Present a Clear Position Throughout:

    • Detailed explanation: The essay maintains a clear position throughout, stating early on that the writer strongly disagrees with the idea that teachers will be obsolete. The position is consistently supported with arguments throughout the essay.
    • How to improve: To enhance clarity, consider refining the thesis statement in the introduction to explicitly state the main reasons for disagreeing with the idea, providing readers with a clear roadmap for the essay.
  • Present, Extend, and Support Ideas:

    • Detailed explanation: The essay presents, extends, and supports ideas effectively. Examples include vivid descriptions of the benefits of computers and the unique role of teachers. However, some instances could be further developed, such as providing more specific examples of how teachers give a sense, comment, and encourage students.
    • How to improve: To strengthen the essay, consider incorporating more specific examples and anecdotes to illustrate the unique contributions of teachers in comparison to computers.
  • Stay on Topic:

    • Detailed explanation: The essay largely stays on topic, discussing the advantages of computers and the irreplaceable role of teachers. However, there are moments where the focus could be sharper, especially in the latter part of the essay.
    • How to improve: Ensure that each paragraph directly relates to the main argument and topic. In the latter part of the essay, connect the discussion back to the impact of teachers in specific subjects, reinforcing the central thesis.

Overall, the essay demonstrates a solid understanding of the prompt and effectively communicates a clear stance. To enhance coherence, consider refining the organization and incorporating more specific examples to strengthen the arguments. Additionally, providing a clearer roadmap in the introduction would contribute to a more structured essay.

Band điểm Coherence & Cohesion ước lượng: 7

Band Score for Coherence and Cohesion: 7

  • Organize Information Logically:

    • Detailed explanation: The essay demonstrates a reasonable level of logical organization. The introduction sets the stage for the author’s viewpoint, followed by clear arguments in separate paragraphs. However, there’s a slight lack of clarity in the transition between the introduction and the first body paragraph. The points within each paragraph are generally well-organized, but the overall essay structure could benefit from stronger connections between paragraphs.
    • How to improve: To enhance logical flow, consider using more explicit transitional phrases between paragraphs. Ensure that the link between the introduction and the first body paragraph is clearer to guide the reader smoothly through the essay.
  • Use Paragraphs:

    • Detailed explanation: The essay uses paragraphs effectively to present distinct ideas. Each paragraph focuses on a specific aspect of the argument, contributing to the overall coherence. However, there is a tendency towards longer paragraphs, which can be overwhelming for the reader. Breaking down some paragraphs into smaller, more focused ones would improve readability.
    • How to improve: Aim for a more balanced paragraph length. When introducing a new idea or argument, start a new paragraph to create a visual break for the reader, enhancing comprehension and engagement.
  • Use a Range of Cohesive Devices:

    • Detailed explanation: The essay utilizes a range of cohesive devices, such as linking words and phrases, to connect ideas within and between sentences. However, there’s room for improvement in the variety and sophistication of these devices. A more extensive use of cohesive devices would further strengthen the overall cohesion of the essay.
    • How to improve: Experiment with a wider array of cohesive devices, including synonyms for commonly used connectors. Additionally, explore the use of cohesive devices within sentences to create a smoother and more interconnected narrative. This will elevate the overall cohesiveness of your essay.

Overall, while the essay demonstrates a solid organizational structure, focusing on smoother transitions, balanced paragraphing, and diversifying cohesive devices will contribute to a more cohesive and coherent essay.

Band điểm Lexical Resource ước lượng: 6

Band Score for Lexical Resource: 6

  • Use a Wide Range of Vocabulary:

    • Detailed explanation: The essay demonstrates a moderate range of vocabulary. While some words and phrases are effectively used to convey ideas, there is room for improvement in terms of diversifying the vocabulary. For instance, the repetition of words like "students," "computers," and "teachers" could be reduced by employing synonyms or alternative expressions.
    • How to improve: To enhance the vocabulary range, consider incorporating synonyms for frequently used terms. For instance, instead of repeatedly using "students," you might vary it with phrases like "learners," "pupils," or "young minds." Additionally, explore more nuanced vocabulary to express ideas and use specific terms related to the context.
  • Use Vocabulary Precisely:

    • Detailed explanation: The essay generally uses vocabulary with a reasonable level of precision. However, there are instances where the use of words could be more accurate. For example, the phrase "simple learning" could be refined to better convey the intended meaning. Additionally, in the sentence "computers are very useful nowadays," a more precise adjective than "very" could be employed for a stronger impact.
    • How to improve: To enhance precision, strive for more exact words that precisely convey your intended meaning. Instead of "simple learning," consider using terms like "rudimentary education" or "basic learning." Replace generic adjectives like "very" with more specific ones, such as "remarkably," "incredibly," or contextually relevant alternatives.
  • Use Correct Spelling:

    • Detailed explanation: Overall, the essay demonstrates a satisfactory level of spelling accuracy. However, there are a few instances of minor spelling errors, such as "no teacher’s appearing" (teachers appearing) and "without writing a chalk on a blackboard" (writing with chalk on a blackboard). These do not significantly impede understanding but can be improved for a more polished presentation.
    • How to improve: Pay closer attention to spelling details, especially when using complex constructions. Utilize proofreading techniques and consider employing spelling and grammar checking tools to catch and correct minor errors. Developing a habit of reviewing written work meticulously before submission can contribute to improved spelling accuracy.

Band điểm Grammatical Range & Accuracy ước lượng: 7

Band Score for Grammatical Range and Accuracy: 7

  • Use a Wide Range of Structures:

    • Detailed explanation: The essay demonstrates a reasonable variety of sentence structures. There is a mix of simple, compound, and complex sentences. However, the complexity of structures could be improved. The essay tends to rely on straightforward sentence constructions, and there is room for more sophisticated sentence forms to enhance the overall writing style.
    • How to improve: To enhance the variety of sentence structures, consider incorporating more complex sentence forms, such as using subordinate clauses, varying sentence lengths, and experimenting with different sentence beginnings. This can add depth and sophistication to the writing, making it more engaging for the reader.
  • Use Grammar and Punctuation Accurately:

    • Detailed explanation: The essay generally maintains grammatical accuracy, with few noticeable errors. However, there are instances where subject-verb agreement issues and awkward phrasing arise. Punctuation is mostly correct, but there are occasional lapses, such as missing or misplaced commas.
    • How to improve: Pay close attention to subject-verb agreement, ensuring that the verb agrees with the subject in number. Additionally, review sentence structures to avoid awkward phrasing and ensure clarity. Regarding punctuation, carefully proofread for missing or misplaced commas, as these can affect the overall coherence of the essay. Consider seeking feedback or utilizing grammar-check tools to catch and correct these issues.

Overall, the essay demonstrates a good command of grammatical structures and accuracy, but there is room for improvement in diversifying sentence structures and refining grammatical precision.

Bài sửa mẫu

Some argue that students are increasingly relying on computers due to their educational benefits, suggesting a potential decline in the presence of teachers in classrooms. I strongly disagree with this perspective, and I will elaborate on my stance in the following paragraphs.

Firstly, it is undeniable that computers have become highly beneficial in the present era, offering numerous advantages to users, particularly students. Unlike traditional chalk-and-blackboard teaching methods, computers can present lessons on screens with vibrant colors, dynamic animations, and engaging sounds. It was challenging to envision lessons like Biology, featuring lively images of biosystems, or Geography, a subject showcasing the beauty of our country and other global regions.

Moreover, computers serve as tools enabling students to conduct comprehensive internet searches and participate in online classes, eliminating the need to attend physical school. In addition to the myriad advantages of using computers, the presence of teachers remains crucial; indeed, there is no alternative that can fully replace their role. This implies that teachers bear significant responsibility for children and their families, particularly in subjects like Ethics that demand a nuanced understanding not achievable through mere lines or images on computer screens.

In conclusion, while computers offer valuable educational benefits, the role of teachers in classrooms is irreplaceable. Teachers provide not only knowledge but also emotional support, encouragement, and guidance that computers cannot replicate. Therefore, the idea of teachers disappearing from classrooms due to the increasing use of computers is unfounded and overlooks the essential contributions that teachers make to students’ holistic development.

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