As housing is a basic need for people, the government should provide free housing for everyone who can’t afford it. To what extent do you agree or disagree
The debate over whether the government should provide free housing for individuals who cannot afford it has been receiving a lot of attention. While some argue that this may bring certain benefits to both citizens and the government itself, I believe this idea can do more harm than good.
Advocates of the proposal that housing should be provided free highlight some benefits that those in need and the government can gain. For the first group, they are believed to enjoy a better standard of living thanks to the assistance from the government. Particularly, it helps them put aside a certain amount of money, which might have been spent on house rent, to prepare for rainy days, or afford some modern conveniences to enhance their living standards. Moreover, supporters of this proposal hold the position that if the idea was realized, it could potentially reduce crime rates, enhance public health, and as a result improve political stability.
On the other hand, those who support the idea of free housing supply can fail to consider the following problems. First, this program should put the government’s fund under significant pressure. Indeed, to put this idea into operation, it requires huge financial resources, and this can be a burden to the government spending budget, which is also allocated for many important sectors, such as education, healthcare, or military. Because of this, a course of actions, such as levying heavier individual taxes, or increasing prices of public services, might be taken to wane the effect of this program, and this, consequently, can leave certain impacts on citizens. Also, if this initiative was implemented inappropriately, it might curb economic growth. To elaborate on it, if this free housing program is available to all population regardless of their background or employment status, there is a likelihood that some people might take this for granted, and not have motivation to work or study. As a result, the unemployment rate could increase significantly, leading to harmful effects on the economy.
To sum up, although the proposal of providing free housing to those who cannot afford it seems beneficial to individuals and the government to some extent, I am convinced that it would come at the cost of many serious repercussions.
Gợi ý nâng cấp từ vựng
Errors and Improvements:
"a lot of attention" -> "considerable attention"
Explanation: Replacing "a lot of attention" with "considerable attention" adds a more formal and precise expression, aligning with academic language standards.
"this idea can do more harm than good" -> "this idea may have more drawbacks than benefits"
Explanation: The revised phrase "may have more drawbacks than benefits" is a more nuanced and formal way to express potential negative consequences, enhancing the academic tone.
"Advocates of the proposal" -> "Proponents of the idea"
Explanation: The term "proponents" is a more formal and academic alternative to "advocates," contributing to a more sophisticated tone in the context of discussing a proposal.
"they are believed to enjoy" -> "they are expected to experience"
Explanation: Replacing "believed to enjoy" with "expected to experience" maintains formality and introduces a more precise term, emphasizing anticipation over belief.
"modern conveniences" -> "contemporary amenities"
Explanation: Substituting "modern conveniences" with "contemporary amenities" elevates the vocabulary, offering a more refined and formal expression.
"supporters of this proposal hold the position that" -> "supporters contend that"
Explanation: Using "supporters contend that" conveys the same meaning in a more concise and academically appropriate manner.
"fail to consider the following problems" -> "overlook the ensuing challenges"
Explanation: Replacing "fail to consider the following problems" with "overlook the ensuing challenges" maintains formality and introduces a more sophisticated term for potential issues.
"put the government’s fund under significant pressure" -> "strain the government’s finances"
Explanation: The phrase "strain the government’s finances" is a more precise and formal way to express the idea of putting financial pressure on the government.
"levying heavier individual taxes" -> "imposing higher individual taxes"
Explanation: Substituting "levying heavier individual taxes" with "imposing higher individual taxes" maintains the formality of the language and offers a more precise term for tax increases.
"not have motivation to work or study" -> "lack the incentive to work or study"
Explanation: Replacing "not have motivation to work or study" with "lack the incentive to work or study" introduces a more formal and precise expression.
"a likelihood that some people might take this for granted" -> "the possibility that some individuals may take it for granted"
Explanation: The revised phrase maintains formality and provides a more elaborate expression for the idea of taking something for granted.
"come at the cost of many serious repercussions" -> "entail numerous severe consequences"
Explanation: Substituting "come at the cost of many serious repercussions" with "entail numerous severe consequences" introduces a more formal and precise phrase to conclude the essay.
Band điểm Task Response ước lượng: 6
Band Score: 6.0
Quoted text: "While some argue that this may bring certain benefits to both citizens and the government itself, I believe this idea can do more harm than good."
- Explanation and Improvement Suggestions: Your introduction is clear in presenting your position on the topic, which is good. However, consider providing a concise overview of the main points you will discuss in the essay to guide your reader. This will enhance the overall structure and coherence of your essay.
- Improved example: "While proponents argue that free housing offers benefits to citizens and the government, I firmly believe it can lead to more drawbacks than advantages. In this essay, I will discuss the potential benefits and, more importantly, the negative consequences of providing free housing."
Quoted text: "Particularly, it helps them put aside a certain amount of money, which might have been spent on house rent, to prepare for rainy days, or afford some modern conveniences to enhance their living standards."
- Explanation and Improvement Suggestions: Your point about individuals saving money for emergencies is valid, but it lacks specificity. Provide concrete examples or scenarios to make your argument more convincing and relatable. For instance, you could mention how free housing could enable someone to save for their child’s education or healthcare needs.
- Improved example: "In particular, free housing enables individuals to redirect funds that would have been spent on rent towards critical needs, such as saving for their children’s education or securing necessary healthcare."
Quoted text: "Because of this, a course of actions, such as levying heavier individual taxes, or increasing prices of public services, might be taken to wane the effect of this program, and this, consequently, can leave certain impacts on citizens."
- Explanation and Improvement Suggestions: Your point about the potential financial burden on the government is valid. However, to strengthen your argument, provide a more detailed explanation of how increased taxes or higher service prices might directly impact citizens. This will add depth to your analysis.
- Improved example: "This financial strain could force the government to consider options like imposing higher taxes on individuals or raising the prices of public services. Consequently, citizens may experience a reduced disposable income and limited access to essential services, negatively affecting their overall well-being."
Overall, while your essay addresses the task, some points could benefit from greater clarity and specificity to strengthen your argument and fully develop your ideas.
Band điểm Coherence & Cohesion ước lượng: 7
Band Score: 7.0
Explanation: The essay logically organizes information and ideas, demonstrating a clear progression throughout. A range of cohesive devices is used appropriately, contributing to the overall coherence. The central topic within each paragraph is evident. However, there is some underuse of cohesive devices, and paragraphing is not consistently logical.
How to improve: Strengthen the use of cohesive devices for a more seamless flow. Ensure that paragraphing is consistently logical and serves to enhance the overall coherence of the essay.
Band điểm Lexical Resource ước lượng: 7
Band Score: 7.0
Explanation: The essay demonstrates a sufficient range of vocabulary, allowing for flexibility and precision in expression. The writer employs less common lexical items with some awareness of style and collocation. There are occasional errors in word choice, spelling, and word formation, but they do not significantly impede communication.
The essay effectively introduces the topic, presenting arguments both in favor and against free housing. The writer employs a variety of vocabulary to express ideas, such as "advocates," "highlight," "potential," and "repercussions." Additionally, there is an attempt to use less common vocabulary, as seen in the phrase "to wane the effect of this program." The use of phrases like "rainy days" and "modern conveniences" demonstrates awareness of style and collocation.
However, there are occasional errors in word choice and word formation, such as the phrase "it might curb economic growth," where "curb" might not be the most precise word choice. Spelling and grammatical errors are present but infrequent.
How to Improve: To improve the lexical resource, the writer should aim for more consistent and accurate word choice and collocation. Proofreading for spelling and grammatical errors is crucial to enhance precision. Additionally, incorporating a wider range of complex vocabulary and idiomatic expressions can elevate the lexical quality of the essay.
Band điểm Grammatical Range & Accuracy ước lượng: 7
Band Score: 7.0
The essay demonstrates a variety of complex sentence structures, contributing to a Band 7 score. There is evidence of good control over grammar and punctuation, with frequent error-free sentences. The essay effectively presents both sides of the argument, using a mix of simple and complex sentence forms to convey ideas. The writer employs a range of vocabulary, enhancing the overall quality of the essay. While there are some grammatical errors and punctuation issues, they do not significantly impede communication.
How to improve:
To enhance the grammatical range and accuracy further, the writer should focus on eliminating minor errors and inconsistencies in punctuation. Additionally, refining the clarity of certain complex sentences will contribute to a more polished essay. Paying attention to details like subject-verb agreement and verb tense consistency will help in achieving a higher band score.
Bài sửa mẫu
The discussion surrounding whether the government should offer free housing to those unable to afford it has garnered considerable attention. While some argue for the potential benefits for citizens and the government, I believe this idea could create more problems than solutions.
Proponents of free housing emphasize the advantages for both individuals in need and the government. Supporters suggest that it could significantly improve the living standards of those in need by freeing up money that would otherwise be spent on rent, enabling them to save for emergencies or improve their quality of life. Additionally, they argue that such a program could potentially reduce crime rates, improve public health, and subsequently foster political stability.
However, those advocating for free housing fail to consider several critical issues. Firstly, implementing such a program would strain the government’s finances. It demands substantial financial resources, potentially diverting funds from crucial sectors like education, healthcare, and defense. To offset this, the government might resort to heavier taxation or increased prices for public services, directly impacting citizens. Moreover, an indiscriminate application of this initiative irrespective of individuals’ backgrounds or employment status might discourage work or study efforts. This could lead to a spike in unemployment, negatively affecting the economy.
In conclusion, while offering free housing to those in need might appear advantageous for individuals and the government to some extent, I am convinced that it would bring about significant repercussions.