As mass communication continues to grow, the world is becoming more globalized. Some people believe that this will inevitably lead to the total loss of cultural identity. To what extent do you agree or disagree?

As mass communication continues to grow, the world is becoming more globalized. Some people believe that this will inevitably lead to the total loss of cultural identity.
To what extent do you agree or disagree?

In the current technological era, many things have changed from before through the internet, we can specifically see those in social media like Facebook, TikTok, Instagram,… The world is becoming closer to each other and more globalized. However, there’s a fear that this will make each country’s residents completely lose their cultural identity. For this opinion, I almost disagree that mass communication will inevitably lead to the total loss of cultural identity

First of all, mass communication in the 4.0 era is considered the rope that connects all countries and humans in the world through the internet and technological types of equipment such as laptops, smartphones, and computers,… which help people to share their own stories at their accommodations despite the differences in geographical distance, languages, culture, and skin color. From this, they share and sympathize with each other on many things in their life through a screen. One of these things is the country’s culture which shows its identity, which we can know and apply if it’s good and suits our country. For example, the clothes we currently wear on normal days almost belong to the Western because of their comfort, and convenience. Diffirenting from many countries’ traditional clothes which have many layers and accessories is so heavy or so hard to wear them to active. Additionally, the trends of exchanging students can promote more quickly the mix or diversity of world society.

On the other hand, humans can just receive what suits them for each situation or basement because of the country’s blood they have in their own bodies. It is often said that culture is still left, and the country is still alive and independent. The culture was made during the process of history which is evidence of the past time, humans. Everyone around the world often travels to many different nations to develop new cultures which are organized big events or holidays like the Lunar holidays, Ao dai, and Banh Chung,… in Vietnam.

In conclusion, as you come to other nations, you will see the differences between each culture, mixed with a little same points. We have enough awareness to identify what should learn or not for our country’s culture.

Gợi ý nâng cấp từ vựng

"many things have changed from before through the internet" -> "many aspects have evolved since the advent of the internet"
Explanation: The phrase "many things have changed from before through the internet" is vague and informal. "Many aspects have evolved since the advent of the internet" is more precise and academically appropriate, clearly indicating the temporal relationship between the internet and the changes it has brought about.
"we can specifically see those in social media like Facebook, TikTok, Instagram,…" -> "we can observe the impact of social media platforms such as Facebook, TikTok, and Instagram"
Explanation: The original phrase is informal and lacks specificity. The suggested revision clarifies the subject and uses more formal language suitable for academic writing.
"The world is becoming closer to each other" -> "The world is becoming more interconnected"
Explanation: The original phrase is awkward and informal. "The world is becoming more interconnected" is a more precise and formal way to describe the increasing global connections.
"there’s a fear that this will make each country’s residents completely lose their cultural identity" -> "there is a concern that this may lead to the complete loss of cultural identity among residents of each country"
Explanation: The original phrase is informal and imprecise. The revision clarifies the subject and uses more formal language, improving the academic tone.
"mass communication in the 4.0 era" -> "mass communication in the digital age"
Explanation: "4.0 era" is a colloquial term and may not be universally understood. "Digital age" is a more widely recognized and formal term.
"the rope that connects all countries and humans in the world" -> "the bridge that connects all nations and individuals globally"
Explanation: "Rope" is an informal metaphor and "humans" is less formal than "individuals." "Bridge" is a more appropriate metaphor for connection, and "nations" and "globally" enhance the formality and precision.
"which help people to share their own stories at their accommodations" -> "which enables individuals to share their personal stories from their homes"
Explanation: "Accommodations" is too broad and informal for this context. "Homes" is more specific and appropriate for the context of sharing personal stories.
"Diffirenting from many countries’ traditional clothes" -> "Differing from traditional clothing in many countries"
Explanation: "Diffirenting" is a typographical error. The correction improves readability and accuracy.
"so heavy or so hard to wear them to active" -> "so heavy or cumbersome to wear them for active activities"
Explanation: The original phrase is unclear and grammatically incorrect. The revision clarifies the meaning and corrects the grammar.
"the trends of exchanging students" -> "the trend of student exchange"
Explanation: "Trends of exchanging students" is awkward and unclear. "The trend of student exchange" is more direct and grammatically correct.
"the country’s blood they have in their own bodies" -> "the cultural heritage they carry within their own bodies"
Explanation: "The country’s blood" is metaphorically incorrect and informal. "Cultural heritage" is a more precise and appropriate term for describing cultural identity.
"It is often said that culture is still left, and the country is still alive and independent" -> "It is often argued that culture remains intact, and the nation remains alive and independent"
Explanation: The original phrase is informal and lacks precision. The revision uses more formal language and clarifies the meaning.
"big events or holidays like the Lunar holidays, Ao dai, and Banh Chung,…" -> "major events or holidays such as the Lunar New Year, Ao dai, and Banh Chung,…"
Explanation: "Big events or holidays like" is informal and vague. "Major events or holidays such as" is more formal and specific, and the examples provided are more accurately described.
"We have enough awareness to identify what should learn or not for our country’s culture" -> "We possess sufficient awareness to discern what to adopt or reject in our national culture"
Explanation: "We have enough awareness to identify what should learn or not" is awkward and informal. "We possess sufficient awareness to discern what to adopt or reject" is more formal and academically appropriate.

Band điểm Task Response ước lượng: 7

Band Score for Task Response: 7

Answer All Parts of the Question:
- Detailed explanation: The essay addresses the prompt by discussing both sides of the argument regarding the impact of mass communication on cultural identity. The author expresses a disagreement with the notion that mass communication will inevitably lead to a total loss of cultural identity, which is a direct response to the question. However, the essay could benefit from a more balanced exploration of both perspectives. For instance, while the author mentions the fear of losing cultural identity, they could elaborate further on how mass communication might contribute to this loss, even if they ultimately disagree with the idea.
- How to improve: To enhance the response, the writer should explicitly outline both sides of the argument in more detail. Including specific examples of how mass communication has led to cultural homogenization, alongside the examples of cultural preservation, would provide a more comprehensive answer to the prompt.
Present a Clear Position Throughout:
- Detailed explanation: The author states their position clearly at the beginning, indicating that they "almost disagree" with the idea of total loss of cultural identity. However, the phrase "almost disagree" introduces ambiguity, which could confuse readers regarding the author’s true stance. The position is somewhat muddled in the second paragraph, where the focus shifts to the benefits of mass communication without clearly linking back to the original argument.
- How to improve: To maintain a clear position, the writer should avoid ambiguous phrases and ensure that their stance is unequivocal. They should consistently refer back to their main argument throughout the essay, reinforcing their position in each paragraph and summarizing it effectively in the conclusion.
Present, Extend, and Support Ideas:
- Detailed explanation: The essay presents several ideas regarding mass communication and cultural identity, such as the role of social media and the exchange of cultural practices. However, some ideas are not fully developed or supported with sufficient evidence. For example, the mention of Western clothing trends lacks a deeper analysis of how this reflects broader cultural shifts or the implications for cultural identity.
- How to improve: The writer should aim to elaborate on their ideas more thoroughly. This could involve providing more detailed examples, statistics, or studies that support their claims. Additionally, connecting the ideas back to the central argument will help to strengthen the overall coherence of the essay.
Stay on Topic:
- Detailed explanation: The essay generally stays on topic, discussing mass communication and its effects on cultural identity. However, there are moments where the focus drifts, particularly in the second paragraph, where the discussion of cultural exchange could be better tied back to the central question of cultural loss versus preservation.
- How to improve: To maintain focus, the writer should ensure that each paragraph directly relates back to the prompt. They can achieve this by starting each paragraph with a clear topic sentence that reflects the main argument and then supporting that point with relevant examples and analysis.

Overall, while the essay demonstrates a good understanding of the topic and presents relevant ideas, it would benefit from clearer articulation of the position, more balanced exploration of the arguments, and deeper development of supporting ideas.

Band điểm Coherence & Cohesion ước lượng: 7

Band Score for Coherence and Cohesion: 7

Organize Information Logically:
- Detailed explanation: The essay presents a clear argument regarding the impact of mass communication on cultural identity. The introduction effectively sets up the discussion, stating the writer’s position. The body paragraphs attempt to develop this argument, with the first paragraph focusing on the benefits of mass communication and the second addressing the resilience of cultural identity. However, the logical flow is occasionally disrupted by unclear transitions and a lack of clear topic sentences that guide the reader through the argument. For example, the transition from discussing mass communication to the example of clothing lacks a clear connection, which can confuse the reader about how these ideas relate.
- How to improve: To enhance logical organization, the writer should ensure that each paragraph begins with a clear topic sentence that outlines the main idea. Additionally, using transitional phrases (e.g., "Furthermore," "In contrast," "For instance") can help clarify the relationships between ideas and improve the overall flow of the essay.
Use Paragraphs:
- Detailed explanation: The essay uses paragraphs to separate different ideas, which is a strength. However, the structure within the paragraphs could be improved. For instance, the first paragraph contains multiple ideas that could be more effectively organized into separate sentences or even sub-paragraphs. The second paragraph also introduces several concepts without clear delineation, making it harder for the reader to follow the argument.
- How to improve: The writer should focus on developing each paragraph around a single main idea. This can be achieved by starting each paragraph with a strong topic sentence and then providing supporting details that directly relate to that idea. Additionally, ensuring that each paragraph has a logical progression of ideas will enhance clarity.
Use a Range of Cohesive Devices:
- Detailed explanation: The essay employs some cohesive devices, such as "first of all" and "on the other hand," which help to signal the structure of the argument. However, the range of cohesive devices is limited, and some phrases are used repetitively, which detracts from the overall coherence. For example, the phrase "through the internet and technological types of equipment" could be streamlined for clarity and conciseness.
- How to improve: To improve the use of cohesive devices, the writer should incorporate a wider variety of linking words and phrases. This includes using synonyms or alternative expressions to avoid repetition and enhance the sophistication of the writing. Additionally, employing more complex cohesive devices, such as "not only… but also," "despite this," or "consequently," can help create a more nuanced and interconnected argument.

Overall, while the essay demonstrates a good understanding of the topic and presents a coherent argument, focusing on clearer organization, more effective paragraphing, and a broader range of cohesive devices will help elevate the score in Coherence and Cohesion.

Band điểm Lexical Resource ước lượng: 6

Band Score for Lexical Resource: 6

Use a Wide Range of Vocabulary:
- Detailed explanation: The essay demonstrates an attempt to use a variety of vocabulary related to the topic of globalization and cultural identity. Phrases like "mass communication," "technological era," and "cultural identity" indicate a reasonable range. However, the vocabulary is often repetitive, with terms like "culture" and "country" appearing frequently without sufficient variation. For instance, the phrase "mass communication in the 4.0 era" is somewhat vague and could be expressed more dynamically.
- How to improve: To enhance vocabulary range, the writer should incorporate synonyms and related terms. For example, instead of repeating "culture," they could use "heritage," "tradition," or "cultural practices." Additionally, using more descriptive adjectives and adverbs could enrich the text. For instance, instead of "the trends of exchanging students," consider "the growing trends of cultural exchange programs."
Use Vocabulary Precisely:
- Detailed explanation: While the essay contains some precise vocabulary, there are instances of imprecise usage that can lead to confusion. For example, the phrase "the rope that connects all countries" is a metaphor that may not clearly convey the intended meaning. Additionally, the phrase "the country’s blood they have in their own bodies" is awkward and unclear, which detracts from the overall clarity of the argument.
- How to improve: To improve precision, the writer should focus on clarity and appropriateness of word choice. Instead of using metaphors that may confuse readers, they could opt for straightforward language. For example, replacing "the rope that connects" with "a vital link that fosters communication" would enhance clarity. Furthermore, ensuring that phrases like "the country’s blood" are replaced with more conventional expressions, such as "the cultural heritage inherent in each nation," would improve precision.
Use Correct Spelling:
- Detailed explanation: The essay contains several spelling errors, such as "Diffirenting" instead of "Differentiating," which detracts from the overall professionalism of the writing. Additionally, the use of ellipses ("…") in lists is inconsistent and can be seen as informal in an academic context.
- How to improve: To enhance spelling accuracy, the writer should proofread their work carefully or use spell-check tools before submission. Practicing spelling common vocabulary related to the topic can also be beneficial. Moreover, avoiding informal punctuation like ellipses in formal writing will help maintain a more academic tone. Instead of "Facebook, TikTok, Instagram,…", the writer could simply list them without ellipses: "Facebook, TikTok, and Instagram."

In summary, while the essay demonstrates a reasonable attempt at using vocabulary relevant to the topic, improvements in range, precision, and spelling are necessary to achieve a higher band score in the Lexical Resource criteria. Focusing on these areas will enhance the clarity and professionalism of the writing.

Band điểm Grammatical Range & Accuracy ước lượng: 6

Band Score for Grammatical Range and Accuracy: 6

Use a Wide Range of Structures:
- Detailed explanation: The essay demonstrates some variety in sentence structures, including simple, compound, and complex sentences. For instance, the use of phrases like "mass communication in the 4.0 era is considered the rope that connects all countries" shows an attempt at complexity. However, the overall range is limited, with many sentences being either overly simplistic or awkwardly constructed. For example, the sentence "the trends of exchanging students can promote more quickly the mix or diversity of world society" is convoluted and could be clearer.
- How to improve: To enhance the range of structures, the writer should practice incorporating more complex sentences that effectively combine ideas. This can be achieved by using subordinating conjunctions (e.g., although, because, while) to create dependent clauses. Additionally, varying the placement of clauses within sentences can add interest. For example, instead of saying "humans can just receive what suits them," the writer could say, "While humans can receive what suits them, their cultural roots remain strong."
Use Grammar and Punctuation Accurately:
- Detailed explanation: The essay contains several grammatical errors and punctuation issues that affect clarity. For instance, the phrase "through the internet, we can specifically see those in social media like Facebook, TikTok, Instagram,…" is a run-on sentence that lacks proper punctuation. Additionally, words like "Diffirenting" are misspelled, and phrases such as "the clothes we currently wear on normal days almost belong to the Western" are awkwardly phrased and unclear. There are also issues with subject-verb agreement and article usage, such as "the trends of exchanging students can promote more quickly the mix or diversity" where "the mix" could be better expressed as "the mixing."
- How to improve: To improve grammatical accuracy, the writer should focus on proofreading for common errors, particularly in spelling and sentence structure. Reading the essay aloud can help identify awkward phrasing and run-on sentences. Additionally, practicing with grammar exercises that focus on subject-verb agreement, article usage, and punctuation rules will be beneficial. Using tools like grammar checkers can also help catch errors before submission.

In summary, while the essay shows an attempt to engage with the topic and present arguments, significant improvements in grammatical range and accuracy are needed to achieve a higher band score. Focusing on diversifying sentence structures and enhancing grammatical precision will greatly benefit the overall quality of the writing.

Bài sửa mẫu

In the current technological era, many things have changed due to the internet; we can specifically see this in social media platforms like Facebook, TikTok, and Instagram. The world is becoming closer to each other and more globalized. However, there is a concern that this will lead to the complete loss of cultural identity among residents of each country. For this reason, I almost disagree with the idea that mass communication will inevitably result in the total loss of cultural identity.

First of all, mass communication in the digital age is considered the bridge that connects all countries and individuals globally through the internet and technological devices such as laptops, smartphones, and computers. These tools help people share their personal stories from their homes, despite differences in geographical distance, languages, cultures, and skin colors. From this, they share and empathize with each other on many aspects of their lives through a screen. One of these aspects is the country’s culture, which shows its identity and can be appreciated and adopted if it is good and suits our own country. For example, the clothes we currently wear on normal days mostly belong to the West because of their comfort and convenience. Differing from many countries’ traditional clothing, which often has many layers and accessories, these Western styles can be heavy or cumbersome to wear for active activities. Additionally, the trend of student exchange can promote the mix and diversity of world society more quickly.

On the other hand, humans can choose to adopt what suits them for each situation or context because of the cultural heritage they carry within their own bodies. It is often argued that culture remains intact, and the nation remains alive and independent. Culture is shaped during the process of history, which serves as evidence of the past. People around the world often travel to many different nations to experience new cultures, which are showcased in major events or holidays like the Lunar New Year, Ao dai, and Banh Chung in Vietnam.

In conclusion, when you visit other nations, you will see the differences between each culture, mixed with some similarities. We possess sufficient awareness to discern what to adopt or reject in our national culture.