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As the demand for oil and gas continues to rise, there is a growing need to explore these energy sources in remote locations. Do you believe the benefits of exploiting these areas outweigh the drawbacks of causing environmental damage?

As the demand for oil and gas continues to rise, there is a growing need to explore these energy sources in remote locations. Do you believe the benefits of exploiting these areas outweigh the drawbacks of causing environmental damage?

Many people argue that due to the depletion of conventional energy sources, the urgent of exploit those in rural areas is of necessity. From my perspective, this phenomenon will do more harm than good.

It is indisputable that exploiting gas and oil can enhance the employment rate and boost the economy. Apparently, the difficulty of the financial situation and unemployment are dire issues in those remote areas. By exploring those sites, the government is not only creating desirable jobs for local people but also enhancing the economic condition. Take Alaska in the USA as a prime example, the oil and gas industry has created thousands of occupations and generated billions of dollars annually. Likewise, the domestic price for oil and gas in the exploited countries can be significantly more affordable.

While the redeeming features are widely acknowledged, the deterioration of the environmental quality will be catastrophic. In particular, oil and gas exploitation development can ruin wildlands in those areas. As the landscapes in remote areas are surrounded by nature, converting those into industrial land may destroy the homes of the wild animals there. Moreover, it can exacerbate air pollution which may harm local people's health. When drilling the oil and gas, the massive exhaust emission releases can deteriorate the air quality. As a result, people living within these sites are exposed to pollutants on a daily basis, leading to ruining their health condition in a long perspective.

In conclusion, while the tremendous benefits of drilling oil and gas on the economy are undeniable, I believe that this action will alarmingly contaminate the environment.


Gợi ý nâng cấp từ vựng

Errors and Improvements:

  1. "urgent of exploit those" -> "urgency of exploiting those"
    Explanation: Replacing "urgent of exploit those" with "urgency of exploiting those" corrects the grammatical error and provides a more formal and precise expression of the need to exploit energy sources in rural areas.

  2. "It is indisputable that exploiting gas and oil can enhance the employment rate and boost the economy." -> "It is indisputable that the exploitation of gas and oil can increase the employment rate and stimulate the economy."
    Explanation: The revised sentence employs more formal language by specifying "the exploitation of gas and oil" and uses more varied vocabulary, such as "increase" and "stimulate," to enhance the academic tone.

  3. "Apparently, the difficulty of the financial situation and unemployment are dire issues in those remote areas." -> "Evidently, the challenges related to financial situations and unemployment are critical issues in those remote areas."
    Explanation: Replacing "Apparently" with "Evidently" adds formality, and rephrasing "the difficulty of the financial situation" to "challenges related to financial situations" provides a more precise and academic expression.

  4. "Take Alaska in the USA as a prime example, the oil and gas industry has created thousands of occupations and generated billions of dollars annually." -> "Consider Alaska in the USA as a prime example; the oil and gas industry has generated thousands of jobs and billions of dollars annually."
    Explanation: The revised sentence introduces the example more formally with "Consider," and the phrase "created occupations" is refined to "generated jobs" for a more professional tone.

  5. "Likewise, the domestic price for oil and gas in the exploited countries can be significantly more affordable." -> "Similarly, the domestic prices for oil and gas in the exploited countries can be considerably more affordable."
    Explanation: The use of "Similarly" enhances the transition, and changing "price" to "prices" improves accuracy. "Significantly" is replaced with "considerably" for a more nuanced and formal expression.

  6. "While the redeeming features are widely acknowledged, the deterioration of the environmental quality will be catastrophic." -> "While the positive aspects are widely acknowledged, the degradation of environmental quality will be catastrophic."
    Explanation: Replacing "redeeming features" with "positive aspects" maintains formality, and changing "deterioration of the environmental quality" to "degradation of environmental quality" provides a more precise and academic expression.

  7. "oil and gas exploitation development" -> "oil and gas exploration and development"
    Explanation: Introducing "exploration and" clarifies the process and adds precision to the phrase, making it more academically sound.

  8. "converting those into industrial land may destroy the homes of the wild animals there." -> "converting them into industrial land may disrupt the habitats of the wild animals there."
    Explanation: Replacing "destroy the homes" with "disrupt the habitats" offers a more specific and accurate description, maintaining an academic tone.

  9. "Moreover, it can exacerbate air pollution which may harm local people’s health." -> "Furthermore, it can worsen air pollution, posing potential harm to the health of local residents."
    Explanation: The revised sentence uses "Furthermore" for improved transition and replaces "exacerbate" with "worsen" for a more precise and formal expression.

  10. "As a result, people living within these sites are exposed to pollutants on a daily basis, leading to ruining their health condition in a long perspective." -> "Consequently, residents in these areas are exposed to pollutants daily, jeopardizing their long-term health."
    Explanation: The changes enhance clarity and formality by using "Consequently" and rephrasing the latter part of the sentence for better flow and precision.

Band điểm Task Response ước lượng: 7

Band Score: 7.0

  1. Quoted text: "From my perspective, this phenomenon will do more harm than good."

    • Explanation and Suggestions for Improvement: The writer clearly presents a position in the introduction, which is good. However, to further enhance the essay’s clarity, it would be beneficial to provide a roadmap or preview of the main ideas that will be discussed in the body paragraphs. This would offer a more structured approach to the essay, aiding in better coherence and comprehension for the reader.
    • Improved example: "From my perspective, exploiting energy sources in remote areas will result in detrimental consequences outweighing the benefits. Throughout this essay, I will discuss how while such exploitation might offer economic advantages, the severe environmental repercussions far surpass these gains."
  2. Quoted text: "It is indisputable that exploiting gas and oil can enhance the employment rate and boost the economy…"

    • Explanation and Suggestions for Improvement: This paragraph effectively highlights the economic benefits of oil and gas exploration in rural areas. However, the link between these benefits and the remote locations’ specific needs could be strengthened. Providing more detailed examples or explanations about the economic conditions in these areas would bolster the argument, demonstrating a stronger connection between the need for employment and the exploitation of oil and gas resources in remote locations.
    • Improved example: "In economically challenged remote areas, the exploitation of gas and oil reserves serves as a beacon of hope for struggling communities. For instance, in regions like Alaska, where job scarcity and financial constraints plague the population, the oil and gas industry has been pivotal. This industry not only provides substantial employment opportunities but also injects billions of dollars annually into the local economy, significantly uplifting the socio-economic landscape."
  3. Quoted text: "While the redeeming features are widely acknowledged, the deterioration of the environmental quality will be catastrophic…"

    • Explanation and Suggestions for Improvement: The writer effectively outlines the environmental concerns linked to oil and gas exploitation in remote areas. To strengthen this argument further, incorporating specific examples or instances where environmental degradation has occurred due to similar resource exploitation would provide a more impactful and persuasive stance. This addition would offer a tangible illustration of the potential harm, supporting the writer’s position more robustly.
    • Improved example: "Moreover, history has illustrated the dire consequences of unchecked oil and gas exploitation in delicate ecosystems. For instance, in the Niger Delta region, rampant oil drilling not only devastated the local biodiversity but also severely compromised the livelihoods of indigenous communities. These incidents serve as poignant reminders of the catastrophic environmental toll such exploitation can exact on remote areas."

Overall, the essay establishes a clear position on the topic and addresses both the benefits and drawbacks of exploiting oil and gas in remote locations. However, enhancing the specific connections between the benefits and the targeted remote areas and providing more vivid, detailed examples to support environmental concerns would fortify the argument’s depth and persuasiveness.

Band điểm Coherence & Cohesion ước lượng: 6

Band Score: 6.0

Explanation:
The essay presents a coherent structure with clear progression of ideas. It establishes an introduction, body paragraphs discussing the benefits and drawbacks, and a conclusion. Each paragraph focuses on a specific aspect of the argument, with a central topic presented. However, some issues with cohesion and paragraphing affect the overall coherence. The transitions between sentences are at times mechanical, affecting the flow. Paragraphs could be more logically organized for a smoother progression of ideas.

How to improve:

  • Work on sentence-level cohesion: Connect sentences more fluidly to enhance the flow of ideas.
  • Focus on logical paragraphing: Ensure each paragraph has a clear topic sentence and maintains a consistent focus throughout.
  • Avoid mechanical transitions: Use a variety of cohesive devices more naturally to improve overall coherence.
  • Refine referencing: Ensure clarity in referencing and substitution to avoid repetition and improve coherence.

Band điểm Lexical Resource ước lượng: 7

Band Score: 7.0

Explanation:
The essay demonstrates a sufficient range of vocabulary, allowing for some flexibility and precision in expression. The writer uses less common lexical items with awareness of style and collocation. There are occasional errors in word choice and spelling, such as "urgent of exploit" (urgent need to exploit) and "redeeming features are widely acknowledged" (acknowledged features), but they do not significantly impede communication. The essay effectively conveys ideas with clarity and coherence, utilizing vocabulary to express the advantages and drawbacks of oil and gas exploration.

How to improve:
To improve the Lexical Resource score, the writer should aim for more consistent accuracy in word choice and spelling. Careful proofreading can help eliminate minor errors, enhancing the overall sophistication of lexical features. Additionally, incorporating a wider variety of less common lexical items and idiomatic expressions would further elevate the essay’s vocabulary. Striving for precision in language use and maintaining an awareness of collocation will contribute to a more nuanced expression of ideas.

Band điểm Grammatical Range & Accuracy ước lượng: 6

Band Score: 6.0

Explanation: The essay demonstrates a mix of simple and complex sentence structures, showcasing a reasonable range of language use. While there are instances of grammatical errors and awkward phrasing, they do not significantly hinder communication. The essay maintains a generally good control of grammar and punctuation, but there are noticeable errors that impact clarity. For example, there are issues with subject-verb agreement ("the urgent of exploit"), word choice ("redeeming features are widely acknowledged"), and awkward sentence constructions ("the urgent of exploit those in rural areas is of necessity"). The use of vocabulary is somewhat repetitive, and there are areas where more precise and varied language could enhance expression. Overall, the essay conveys its message effectively despite these shortcomings.

How to improve: To achieve a higher band score, the writer should focus on refining sentence structures, ensuring consistent and accurate use of grammar, and expanding vocabulary. Addressing specific issues like subject-verb agreement and choosing more appropriate words can contribute to a more polished and sophisticated writing style. Additionally, enhancing the overall coherence of ideas through smoother transitions and a more logical flow would further strengthen the essay. Regular proofreading to catch and correct errors is crucial to achieving a higher level of grammatical accuracy.

Bài sửa mẫu

Many argue that due to the depletion of traditional energy sources, there’s an urgent need to exploit resources in rural areas. In my view, this approach will bring more harm than good.

Certainly, the exploitation of gas and oil can boost employment rates and stimulate the economy. Clearly, financial hardships and unemployment are severe issues in remote areas. By exploring these sites, governments not only create jobs for locals but also improve the economic conditions. Consider Alaska in the USA as a prime example; the oil and gas industry has generated thousands of jobs and billions of dollars annually. Additionally, it can lead to more affordable domestic prices for oil and gas in these exploited countries.

While the positive impacts are recognized, the degradation of environmental quality will be catastrophic. Oil and gas exploration and development can disrupt the natural habitats of wild animals in these areas. The transformation of natural landscapes into industrial land may disturb the homes of these animals. Furthermore, it can worsen air pollution, posing potential harm to the health of local residents. Consequently, people in these areas are regularly exposed to pollutants, jeopardizing their long-term health.

In conclusion, while the considerable economic benefits of drilling for oil and gas are evident, I strongly believe that this action will significantly harm the environment.

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