As transport and accommodation problems are increasing in many cities, some governments encourage businesses to move to rural areas. Do the advantages of moving businesses to rural areas outweigh the disadvantages?

While some proponents think that entrepreneurs should not be pushed to improve in the countryside since issues about transportation systems and housing conditions are increasing in many municipalities, I strongly believe that the disadvantages are outweighed by advantages regarding tackling transport and accommodation problems and creating more jobs for rural people.

On the one hand, the relocation of enterprises to the suburbs needs more effort. Before erecting a working building, business owners have to do market investigations to find the suitable place and potential customers for their items, even the businesses have to rigorously consider before moving to new locations to avoid capital loss. For example, it is hard for high-end clothes stores to open in the countryside, because the suburb residents’ needs are not luxury items, and they just need durable and affordable clothing which they can wear many times. Besides, applying high qualified staff can pose problems for businesses. Because rural areas are considered having low development in both educational and financial conditions, children commonly do not have opportunities to pursue higher academic levels. Furthermore, locating in the suburbs, enterprises have almost less attraction for applicants to join in. Therefore, the entrepreneurs are forced to recruit candidates who do not have enough quality, which can cause productivity of the companies to become worse.

On the other hand, relocation of the enterprises can be groundbreaking to reduce the burden of the government in dealing with the transport and housing problems. Indeed, people usually tend to move to the city center to get more career opportunities, so the rapidly the population increases, the less space for urban people to live, which also leads to congestion, or accidents. These problems can be solved when the companies decide to improve in the suburbs. Simultaneously, these entrepreneurs have more chances to expand and open their branches based on empty places that have never been exploited before. Moreover, the change can supply career opportunities for indigenous habitants. Thanks to the presence of the companies in the rural areas, indigenous habitants can be supported to get jobs which are suitable for their ability, which can improve their lives, and income. As a result, this can contribute to decreasing the unemployment rate of the countryside.

In conclusion, even though there are many reasons for the disadvantages of relocation of the businesses to the suburb, I fiercely believe that the merits outweigh the drawbacks due to this can cope with issues in terms of the transportation and accommodation, even the unemployment.

Gợi ý nâng cấp từ vựng

"While some proponents think" -> "While some proponents argue"
Explanation: "Argue" is more precise and academically appropriate than "think" in the context of presenting an opinion or viewpoint in an academic essay.
"pushed to improve" -> "encouraged to develop"
Explanation: "Encouraged to develop" is more formal and precise than "pushed to improve," which sounds somewhat forceful and informal for an academic context.
"issues about" -> "issues with"
Explanation: "Issues with" is a more common and natural phrasing in English, improving the readability and formality of the sentence.
"the disadvantages are outweighed by advantages" -> "the disadvantages are outweighed by the advantages"
Explanation: Adding "the" before "advantages" corrects the grammatical structure and enhances the formal tone.
"needs more effort" -> "requires more effort"
Explanation: "Requires" is a more formal synonym for "needs," which is more suitable for academic writing.
"do market investigations" -> "conduct market research"
Explanation: "Conduct market research" is a more precise and formal term commonly used in business and academic contexts.
"suitable place and potential customers" -> "suitable location and potential clientele"
Explanation: "Clientele" is a more formal term than "customers," and "location" is more precise than "place" in this context.
"rigorously consider" -> "carefully consider"
Explanation: "Carefully consider" is a more natural and less formal expression than "rigorously consider," which may sound overly academic or unnatural.
"avoid capital loss" -> "avoid financial losses"
Explanation: "Financial losses" is a more specific and formal term than "capital loss," which is somewhat vague and less commonly used in this context.
"high-end clothes stores" -> "high-end clothing stores"
Explanation: "Clothing stores" is the correct plural form, as "clothes" is not typically used as a plural noun in this context.
"suburb residents’ needs" -> "suburban residents’ needs"
Explanation: "Suburban" is the correct adjective form to describe the residents of suburbs, not "suburb."
"high qualified staff" -> "highly qualified staff"
Explanation: "Highly qualified" is the correct adverbial form, correcting the typo and enhancing the formality.
"have almost less attraction" -> "have less appeal"
Explanation: "Less appeal" is grammatically correct and more formal than "almost less attraction," which is awkward and incorrect.
"join in" -> "join"
Explanation: "Join" is sufficient and more direct without the informal "in."
"can cause productivity of the companies to become worse" -> "can negatively impact the productivity of the companies"
Explanation: "Negatively impact" is a more precise and formal way to describe the effect on productivity.
"the rapidly the population increases" -> "as the population rapidly increases"
Explanation: Corrects the awkward and grammatically incorrect original phrase to improve clarity and formality.
"empty places that have never been exploited before" -> "unutilized areas"
Explanation: "Unutilized areas" is a more concise and formal term than "empty places that have never been exploited before."
"indigenous habitants" -> "indigenous inhabitants"
Explanation: "Inhabitants" is the correct noun form, not "habitants."
"get jobs which are suitable for their ability" -> "secure employment opportunities that match their skills"
Explanation: "Secure employment opportunities that match their skills" is more formal and precise than "get jobs which are suitable for their ability."
"I fiercely believe" -> "I strongly believe"
Explanation: "Strongly believe" is a more appropriate and formal expression than "fiercely believe," which is overly emotional for academic writing.

Band điểm Task Response ước lượng: 7

Band Score for Task Response: 7

Answer All Parts of the Question:
- Detailed explanation: The essay addresses the prompt by discussing both the advantages and disadvantages of moving businesses to rural areas. The author identifies key points, such as the challenges of market research and staffing in rural locations, as well as the benefits of alleviating urban congestion and creating job opportunities. However, the discussion of disadvantages is somewhat limited and lacks depth compared to the advantages presented. For instance, while the essay mentions the potential issues with attracting qualified staff, it does not explore other possible disadvantages, such as the impact on local economies or the challenges businesses may face in rural settings.
- How to improve: To enhance the response, the author should ensure that both sides of the argument are explored more equally. This could involve providing additional examples or elaborating on the disadvantages of relocating businesses, such as potential economic decline in urban areas or the challenges of infrastructure in rural settings.
Present a Clear Position Throughout:
- Detailed explanation: The essay maintains a clear position that the advantages of moving businesses to rural areas outweigh the disadvantages. This stance is consistently supported throughout the essay, particularly in the conclusion. However, the phrasing in some sections, such as "some proponents think that entrepreneurs should not be pushed to improve in the countryside," could create confusion about the author’s stance. The use of "should not be pushed" may imply a neutral or opposing view rather than a strong advocacy for relocation.
- How to improve: To improve clarity, the author should use more assertive language that reinforces their position. For example, instead of presenting opposing views in a way that could be interpreted as ambivalence, the author could frame them as counterarguments that they subsequently refute, thereby strengthening their own position.
Present, Extend, and Support Ideas:
- Detailed explanation: The essay presents several ideas related to both the advantages and disadvantages of relocating businesses. However, the support for these ideas is uneven. For example, the advantages are well-supported with examples of job creation and alleviating urban congestion, while the disadvantages are less thoroughly developed. The mention of high-end clothing stores struggling in rural areas is a good example, but it could be expanded to include more specific scenarios or statistics to strengthen the argument.
- How to improve: The author should aim to provide more detailed examples and evidence for each point made. This could involve including statistics about job creation in rural areas, or case studies of businesses that have successfully relocated, as well as more comprehensive examples of the disadvantages faced by businesses in rural settings.
Stay on Topic:
- Detailed explanation: The essay generally stays on topic, addressing the prompt directly. However, there are moments where the focus could be sharpened. For instance, the discussion about the challenges of recruiting qualified staff could be more directly tied to the overall argument about whether the advantages outweigh the disadvantages. Additionally, some sentences are slightly convoluted, which can detract from the overall clarity and focus of the argument.
- How to improve: To maintain focus, the author should ensure that each paragraph clearly relates back to the central question of whether the advantages outweigh the disadvantages. Simplifying complex sentences and ensuring that each point made directly supports the thesis will help keep the essay on track. Additionally, using topic sentences that clearly outline the main idea of each paragraph can enhance coherence.

Band điểm Coherence & Cohesion ước lượng: 7

Band Score for Coherence and Cohesion: 7

Organize Information Logically:
- Detailed explanation: The essay presents a clear structure with an introduction, body paragraphs, and a conclusion. The introduction effectively outlines the writer’s stance, while the body paragraphs are divided into arguments for both sides of the debate. However, the logical flow between ideas could be improved. For instance, the transition from discussing the disadvantages of relocating businesses to the advantages could be smoother. The sentence "On the one hand, the relocation of enterprises to the suburbs needs more effort" introduces the first argument but could be better linked to the subsequent points about market research and staffing challenges.
- How to improve: To enhance logical organization, consider using clearer topic sentences that directly relate to the thesis statement. Additionally, employing transitional phrases such as "Conversely," or "In contrast," at the beginning of the second body paragraph can help clarify the shift from disadvantages to advantages.
Use Paragraphs:
- Detailed explanation: The essay uses paragraphs effectively, with each paragraph focusing on a distinct aspect of the argument. The first body paragraph discusses the disadvantages of relocating businesses, while the second outlines the advantages. However, the paragraphs could be more balanced in terms of length and depth. The first paragraph is quite dense, which may overwhelm the reader, while the second paragraph, although informative, could benefit from more detailed examples or elaboration.
- How to improve: Aim for a more balanced approach by ensuring that each paragraph contains a similar amount of detail. For example, in the second body paragraph, you could elaborate on how businesses in rural areas can lead to community development or provide specific examples of successful rural enterprises. This will not only enhance the depth of the argument but also maintain reader engagement.
Use a Range of Cohesive Devices:
- Detailed explanation: The essay demonstrates a reasonable use of cohesive devices, such as "on the one hand," "on the other hand," and "for example." However, the range of cohesive devices is somewhat limited, and some sentences could be better connected. For instance, the phrase "Because rural areas are considered having low development" could be improved for clarity and cohesion by rephrasing it to "Due to the perceived lower development levels in rural areas."
- How to improve: To diversify the use of cohesive devices, consider incorporating a wider variety of linking words and phrases, such as "furthermore," "however," "in addition," and "consequently." These can help create smoother transitions between ideas and enhance the overall flow of the essay. Additionally, using pronouns and synonyms to refer back to previously mentioned ideas can improve cohesion and prevent repetition.

Overall, the essay demonstrates a good understanding of the topic and presents a coherent argument. By focusing on improving logical organization, balancing paragraph content, and diversifying cohesive devices, the writer can enhance the clarity and effectiveness of their writing, potentially achieving a higher band score in Coherence and Cohesion.

Band điểm Lexical Resource ước lượng: 6

Band Score for Lexical Resource: 6

Use a Wide Range of Vocabulary:
- Detailed explanation: The essay demonstrates a reasonable range of vocabulary, with terms such as "entrepreneurs," "relocation," "congestion," and "indigenous habitants." However, there are instances where word choice is repetitive or lacks variation. For example, the term "businesses" is used multiple times without synonyms or alternative phrases, which could enhance the lexical variety.
- How to improve: To improve, consider using synonyms or related phrases to avoid repetition. For instance, instead of repeatedly using "businesses," you could use "companies," "enterprises," or "firms." Additionally, incorporating more advanced vocabulary related to the topic, such as "entrepreneurial ventures" or "economic development," could elevate the essay’s lexical range.
Use Vocabulary Precisely:
- Detailed explanation: The essay contains some imprecise vocabulary choices that can lead to confusion. For example, the phrase "high qualified staff" should be "highly qualified staff," which affects clarity. Additionally, the expression "the suburbs" is used interchangeably with "rural areas," which may not accurately reflect the distinctions between these terms.
- How to improve: Focus on ensuring that vocabulary is used correctly and precisely. Review grammar rules related to adverb placement (e.g., "highly qualified") and ensure that terms accurately represent the intended meaning. Consider using a thesaurus to find more precise words that fit the context better, and ensure that the distinctions between terms like "suburbs" and "rural areas" are clear.
Use Correct Spelling:
- Detailed explanation: The essay demonstrates a generally good level of spelling accuracy, with few errors. However, there are some minor mistakes, such as "high qualified" instead of "highly qualified," and "the suburb residents’ needs" which could be better phrased as "the needs of suburban residents." These errors can detract from the overall professionalism of the writing.
- How to improve: To enhance spelling accuracy, it is advisable to proofread the essay carefully before submission. Utilizing spell-check tools and reading the essay aloud can help identify errors. Additionally, practicing spelling through writing exercises or vocabulary quizzes can reinforce correct spelling habits.

In summary, while the essay demonstrates a solid foundation in lexical resource, there are areas for improvement in vocabulary range, precision, and spelling accuracy. By incorporating more varied vocabulary, ensuring precise usage, and carefully proofreading for spelling errors, the essay can achieve a higher band score in this criterion.

Band điểm Grammatical Range & Accuracy ước lượng: 7

Band Score for Grammatical Range and Accuracy: 7

Use a Wide Range of Structures:
- Detailed explanation: The essay demonstrates a good variety of sentence structures, including complex sentences and conditional clauses. For instance, phrases like "Before erecting a working building, business owners have to do market investigations" and "the entrepreneurs are forced to recruit candidates who do not have enough quality" showcase the use of subordinate clauses and varied sentence beginnings. However, there are instances of repetitive structures, such as starting multiple sentences with "the relocation of enterprises" or "the entrepreneurs," which can make the writing feel monotonous.
- How to improve: To enhance the range of structures, the writer could incorporate more varied sentence openings and use different grammatical forms, such as participial phrases or relative clauses. For example, instead of repeatedly using "the entrepreneurs," the writer could vary it with phrases like "business owners" or "company leaders." Additionally, integrating more compound-complex sentences can add depth and complexity to the writing.
Use Grammar and Punctuation Accurately:
- Detailed explanation: The essay generally maintains a good level of grammatical accuracy, but there are notable errors that detract from clarity. For instance, the phrase "applying high qualified staff can pose problems for businesses" should be "applying highly qualified staff." Additionally, the sentence "Because rural areas are considered having low development in both educational and financial conditions" is awkwardly constructed and could be rephrased for clarity, such as "Because rural areas are considered to have low development in both educational and financial sectors." Punctuation is mostly correct, but there are instances where commas could improve readability, such as before "which can improve their lives" in the sentence discussing job opportunities.
- How to improve: To improve grammatical accuracy, the writer should focus on subject-verb agreement and the correct use of adjectives and adverbs. Reviewing the rules for adjective placement and ensuring that modifiers are used correctly will help. Furthermore, practicing punctuation rules, particularly with complex sentences, can enhance clarity. Reading the essay aloud may help identify awkward phrasing and punctuation errors, allowing for smoother revisions.

Overall, while the essay demonstrates a solid command of grammatical range and accuracy, focusing on diversifying sentence structures and refining grammatical precision will help elevate the writing to a higher band score.

Bài sửa mẫu

While some proponents think that entrepreneurs should not be pushed to move to the countryside since issues with transportation systems and housing conditions are increasing in many municipalities, I strongly believe that the disadvantages are outweighed by the advantages regarding tackling transport and accommodation problems and creating more jobs for rural people.

On the one hand, the relocation of enterprises to the suburbs requires more effort. Before erecting a working building, business owners have to conduct market research to find a suitable location and potential clientele for their products. Additionally, businesses have to carefully consider their move to new locations to avoid financial losses. For example, it is hard for high-end clothing stores to open in the countryside because suburban residents’ needs are not luxury items; they just need durable and affordable clothing that they can wear many times. Besides, hiring highly qualified staff can pose problems for businesses. Because rural areas are considered to have low development in both educational and financial conditions, children commonly do not have opportunities to pursue higher academic levels. Furthermore, locating in the suburbs, enterprises have less appeal for applicants to join. Therefore, entrepreneurs are forced to recruit candidates who do not have enough qualifications, which can negatively impact the productivity of the companies.

On the other hand, the relocation of enterprises can be groundbreaking in reducing the burden on the government in dealing with transport and housing problems. Indeed, people usually tend to move to the city center to get more career opportunities, so as the population rapidly increases, there is less space for urban people to live, which also leads to congestion and accidents. These problems can be solved when companies decide to move to the suburbs. Simultaneously, these entrepreneurs have more chances to expand and open their branches in unutilized areas that have never been exploited before. Moreover, this change can supply employment opportunities for indigenous inhabitants. Thanks to the presence of companies in rural areas, indigenous inhabitants can be encouraged to secure jobs that match their skills, which can improve their lives and income. As a result, this can contribute to decreasing the unemployment rate in the countryside.

In conclusion, even though there are many reasons for the disadvantages of relocating businesses to the suburbs, I firmly believe that the merits outweigh the drawbacks as this can help cope with issues related to transportation and accommodation, as well as unemployment.