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As we are facing more and more problems that affect the whole planet, good relationships between different countries are becoming more important than ever before. To what extent do you agree or disagree with this statement?

As we are facing more and more problems that affect the whole planet, good relationships between different countries are becoming more important than ever before. To what extent do you agree or disagree with this statement?

Opinions diverge on whether fostering positive international relations is becoming more and more essential to address global issues these days. Although some criticize this sentiment, I starkly advocate it due to some compelling rationales.

The first reason is that establishing good relationships with other countries is vital to assisting poor children who cannot access their education, healthcare, and safety. If governments maintain their international relationships, they will be able to get financial assistance for healthcare and educational resources and enable the training of professionals from other nations to enhance children’s developmental outcomes. Moreover, addressing these issues can also help to reduce poverty and contribute to economic growth and development. For instance, consider the collaborative efforts between Vietnam and Japan, where financial aid for medication and education has significantly improved the quality of children's development.

In addition to the aforementioned concern, I also believe that maintaining international relations is crucial for preventing and managing global crises. This is because collaborative efforts and information sharing between nations enable governments to restrict the consequences of crises more effectively such as droughts, floods, natural disasters, and the recent COVID-19 pandemic. Furthermore, this relationship also facilitates the recovery of governments severely affected by natural disasters or pandemics, allowing them to minimize rapidly the impact of crises from the financial support of other countries.

All in all, it is indispensable to maintaining positive with other countries because of multiple benefits bring to us in terms of improving children quality development and minimizing the effects of natural disasters and global pandemic.


Gợi ý nâng cấp từ vựng

Errors and Improvements:

  1. "Opinions diverge on whether fostering positive international relations is becoming more and more essential to address global issues these days." -> "There is divergence of opinions regarding the increasing importance of fostering positive international relations to address contemporary global issues."
    Explanation: The revised sentence employs a more formal structure and replaces the casual "these days" with "contemporary" for a more academic tone.

  2. "Although some criticize this sentiment, I starkly advocate it due to some compelling rationales." -> "Despite criticisms of this perspective, I staunchly advocate for it due to compelling reasons."
    Explanation: "Starkly" is replaced with "staunchly" for a more formal and precise expression of strong advocacy, and "rationales" is replaced with "reasons" for simplicity without loss of meaning.

  3. "The first reason is that establishing good relationships with other countries is vital to assisting poor children who cannot access their education, healthcare, and safety." -> "Firstly, cultivating positive relationships with other nations is crucial for aiding impoverished children who face barriers in accessing education, healthcare, and safety."
    Explanation: The revision introduces "Firstly" for better structural organization and replaces "establishing good relationships" with "cultivating positive relationships" for a more refined expression. Additionally, "assisting" is used instead of "vital to" for conciseness.

  4. "If governments maintain their international relationships, they will be able to get financial assistance for healthcare and educational resources and enable the training of professionals from other nations to enhance children’s developmental outcomes." -> "Sustaining international relationships enables governments to secure financial assistance for healthcare and educational resources, fostering the training of professionals from other nations to enhance children’s developmental outcomes."
    Explanation: The revision streamlines the sentence for clarity and replaces "get" with "secure" for a more formal tone. "Enable" is used for precision, and "fostering" is added for a more nuanced description of the training process.

  5. "Moreover, addressing these issues can also help to reduce poverty and contribute to economic growth and development." -> "Furthermore, addressing these issues can contribute to poverty reduction and foster economic growth and development."
    Explanation: "Moreover" is replaced with "Furthermore" for better transition, and the sentence is refined for conciseness and formality.

  6. "For instance, consider the collaborative efforts between Vietnam and Japan, where financial aid for medication and education has significantly improved the quality of children’s development." -> "For example, consider the collaborative initiatives between Vietnam and Japan, where financial aid for healthcare and education has markedly enhanced the quality of children’s development."
    Explanation: "For instance" is replaced with "For example" for a more formal expression. "Medication" is specified as "healthcare," and "significantly improved" is replaced with "markedly enhanced" for precision and formality.

  7. "In addition to the aforementioned concern, I also believe that maintaining international relations is crucial for preventing and managing global crises." -> "In addition to the aforementioned consideration, I contend that maintaining international relations is imperative for preventing and managing global crises."
    Explanation: "Concern" is replaced with "consideration" for a more precise term, and "I also believe that" is condensed to "I contend that" for conciseness and formality.

  8. "collaborative efforts and information sharing between nations enable governments to restrict the consequences of crises more effectively such as droughts, floods, natural disasters, and the recent COVID-19 pandemic." -> "Collaborative efforts and information sharing between nations empower governments to mitigate the consequences of crises, including droughts, floods, natural disasters, and the recent COVID-19 pandemic."
    Explanation: "Enable" is replaced with "empower" for a more dynamic expression. "More effectively such as" is streamlined to "including" for clarity and conciseness.

  9. "Furthermore, this relationship also facilitates the recovery of governments severely affected by natural disasters or pandemics, allowing them to minimize rapidly the impact of crises from the financial support of other countries." -> "Furthermore, these relationships facilitate the recovery of governments severely affected by natural disasters or pandemics, enabling them to promptly minimize the impact of crises with financial support from other countries."
    Explanation: The revision enhances clarity by specifying "these relationships" and streamlining the sentence for conciseness. "Allowing them to minimize rapidly" is replaced with "enabling them to promptly minimize" for a more formal and precise expression.

Band điểm Task Response ước lượng: 8

Band Score for Task Response: 8

  • Answer All Parts of the Question:

    • Detailed explanation: The essay acknowledges the importance of good relationships between countries in addressing global issues. It delves into two main reasons supporting this notion: aiding children’s development and managing global crises. Both aspects are well-covered, providing specific examples (Vietnam-Japan collaboration) to illustrate the point of international cooperation in improving children’s welfare and crisis management.
    • How to improve: To enhance comprehensiveness, consider exploring counterarguments briefly. Addressing potential opposing views would demonstrate a deeper engagement with the topic and further strengthen the argument.
  • Present a Clear Position Throughout:

    • Detailed explanation: The essay consistently advocates for the significance of maintaining positive international relations to address global challenges. The stance is clear from the introduction to the conclusion, maintaining a coherent and consistent position.
    • How to improve: While the position is clear, a stronger engagement with opposing viewpoints or potential drawbacks of over-reliance on international relations could add depth to the argument.
  • Present, Extend, and Support Ideas:

    • Detailed explanation: The essay presents two main ideas: assisting children’s development and managing global crises. Both ideas are elaborated upon sufficiently, offering examples (Vietnam-Japan collaboration) to support the points made.
    • How to improve: To enhance the depth of analysis, consider exploring more diverse examples or incorporating additional statistics or expert opinions to further substantiate the arguments.
  • Stay on Topic:

    • Detailed explanation: The essay predominantly remains on topic, discussing the importance of positive international relations in addressing global issues. However, some sentences, especially towards the conclusion, could be more focused on summarizing the arguments presented.
    • How to improve: Ensure that every sentence contributes directly to the overall argument. Refrain from introducing new points or summarizing inadequately in the conclusion.

Overall Feedback:
The essay effectively argues for the necessity of fostering positive international relations in addressing global challenges. It articulates its stance clearly and supports it with relevant examples. To improve, consider exploring counterarguments, adding more depth to the analysis, and refining the conclusion to succinctly summarize the key points without introducing new information.

Band điểm Coherence & Cohesion ước lượng: 7

Band Score for Coherence and Cohesion: 7

  • Organize Information Logically:

    • Detailed explanation: The essay demonstrates a commendable level of logical organization. The introduction introduces the topic, and each body paragraph focuses on a distinct rationale supporting the importance of international relations. The use of examples, such as the collaboration between Vietnam and Japan, enhances the logical flow and coherence of the essay. The conclusion effectively summarizes the main points without introducing new information.
    • How to improve: To further enhance logical organization, consider providing a clearer transition between paragraphs. Use linking words or phrases to guide the reader through the flow of ideas, ensuring a smooth transition from one point to the next.
  • Use Paragraphs:

    • Detailed explanation: The essay utilizes paragraphs effectively, with each paragraph dedicated to a specific aspect of the argument. The introduction and conclusion are appropriately brief, while the body paragraphs delve into supporting details. Each paragraph contains a topic sentence, supporting evidence, and a concluding sentence, contributing to a well-structured essay.
    • How to improve: Ensure consistency in paragraph length and avoid overly long or short paragraphs. Additionally, consider incorporating topic sentences that explicitly convey the main point of each paragraph, providing a clear roadmap for the reader.
  • Use a Range of Cohesive Devices:

    • Detailed explanation: The essay employs a variety of cohesive devices, such as conjunctions ("although," "moreover"), reference words ("this sentiment," "these issues"), and transitional phrases ("in addition," "furthermore"). These devices contribute to the overall coherence and cohesion of the essay by connecting ideas and guiding the reader through the argument.
    • How to improve: While the essay already utilizes cohesive devices effectively, consider expanding the range by incorporating more diverse transition words and phrases. This can add nuance to the connections between ideas and create a more sophisticated flow. Additionally, ensure consistent and accurate use of pronouns and referencing to avoid ambiguity.

Overall, the essay demonstrates a strong grasp of coherence and cohesion, earning a Band Score of 7. To further improve, focus on refining transitions between paragraphs and expanding the repertoire of cohesive devices for a more nuanced and polished essay.

Band điểm Lexical Resource ước lượng: 6

Band Score for Lexical Resource: 6

  • Use a Wide Range of Vocabulary:

    • Detailed explanation: The essay showcases a moderate range of vocabulary. There’s an attempt to use varied terminology, including words like "diverge," "compelling rationales," "collaborative efforts," and "indispensable." However, the vocabulary lacks depth and diversity, limiting the richness of expression.
    • How to improve: To enhance lexical resource, strive for more nuanced vocabulary. Instead of repetitive phrases like "maintaining international relationships," consider alternatives like "nurturing global diplomatic ties," "fostering cross-border collaborations," or "cultivating robust international alliances." Utilize synonyms, idiomatic expressions, or specialized terms to elevate the vocabulary range.
  • Use Vocabulary Precisely:

    • Detailed explanation: The essay demonstrates a mix of precise and imprecise vocabulary usage. For instance, phrases like "collaborative efforts" and "addressing these issues" are relatively precise. However, the phrase "good relationships" lacks specificity and could be enhanced with more descriptive terms.
    • How to improve: Aim for greater precision by replacing generic phrases with specific and descriptive language. Instead of "good relationships," consider using terms like "diplomatic harmony," "mutual understanding," or "intergovernmental rapport" to articulate a clearer and more nuanced stance.
  • Use Correct Spelling:

    • Detailed explanation: The essay exhibits mostly accurate spelling. However, there are a few spelling errors, such as "indispensable to maintaining positive with other countries," which should be corrected to "indispensable for maintaining positive relations with other countries."
    • How to improve: Proofreading attentively can aid in rectifying these minor spelling errors. Additionally, leveraging tools like spell checkers and allocating time for a thorough review before submission can significantly enhance spelling accuracy.

Overall Feedback:

Your essay addresses the prompt competently and articulates a clear perspective on the importance of international relations in addressing global issues. To improve the lexical resource and elevate the vocabulary range, aim for more diverse and nuanced terminology. Precision in vocabulary choice will enhance the essay’s depth and clarity, enabling a more sophisticated expression of ideas. Additionally, meticulous proofreading to correct minor spelling errors will further refine the overall presentation of your arguments.

Band điểm Grammatical Range & Accuracy ước lượng: 7

Band Score for Grammatical Range and Accuracy: 7

  • Use a Wide Range of Structures:

    • Detailed explanation: The essay demonstrates a reasonable variety of sentence structures. It incorporates complex sentences with relative clauses, such as "If governments maintain their international relationships, they will be able to get financial assistance for healthcare and educational resources." However, there is room for improvement in diversifying sentence structures further to enhance overall fluency and coherence. Consider incorporating more compound and compound-complex sentences for a richer expression of ideas.
    • How to improve: To enhance the grammatical range, experiment with combining ideas in a single sentence using coordinating and subordinating conjunctions. Additionally, vary sentence lengths for a more engaging and dynamic writing style.
  • Use Grammar Accurately:

    • Detailed explanation: The essay generally maintains grammatical accuracy, with few noticeable errors. For instance, the phrase "maintaining positive with other countries" should be revised to "maintaining positive relations with other countries." Additionally, there are minor issues with subject-verb agreement, as seen in "multiple benefits bring to us," where it should be "multiple benefits bring to us."
    • How to improve: Review sentences for subject-verb agreement and ensure precision in expressions. Proofread carefully to catch minor grammatical errors and refine sentence structures for clarity.
  • Use Correct Punctuation:

    • Detailed explanation: Punctuation is generally used correctly, with proper placement of commas and periods. However, there is a lack of variety in punctuation, and some sentences could benefit from more sophisticated punctuation, such as semicolons and colons, to enhance clarity and flow.
    • How to improve: Experiment with using a wider range of punctuation marks to create a more nuanced and sophisticated writing style. Practice incorporating semicolons and colons where appropriate to signal relationships between ideas and improve overall punctuation skills.

Bài sửa mẫu

Opinions vary regarding the growing importance of fostering positive international relations to address contemporary global issues. Despite criticisms of this perspective, I staunchly advocate for it due to compelling reasons.

Firstly, cultivating positive relationships with other nations is crucial for assisting impoverished children facing barriers in accessing education, healthcare, and safety. Sustaining international relationships enables governments to secure financial assistance for healthcare and educational resources, fostering the training of professionals from other nations to enhance children’s developmental outcomes. Furthermore, addressing these issues can contribute to poverty reduction and foster economic growth and development. For example, consider the collaborative initiatives between Vietnam and Japan, where financial aid for healthcare and education has markedly enhanced the quality of children’s development.

In addition to the aforementioned consideration, I contend that maintaining international relations is imperative for preventing and managing global crises. Collaborative efforts and information sharing between nations empower governments to mitigate the consequences of crises, including droughts, floods, natural disasters, and the recent COVID-19 pandemic. Furthermore, these relationships facilitate the recovery of governments severely affected by natural disasters or pandemics, enabling them to promptly minimize the impact of crises with financial support from other countries.

In conclusion, it is indispensable to maintain positive relationships with other countries because of the multiple benefits they bring in terms of improving children’s quality development and minimizing the effects of natural disasters and global pandemics.

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