As well as making money, businesses also have social responsibilities. Do you agree or disagree?

When operating a business, each corporation has many responsibilities such as social responsibility or profit making. In my opinion, both of those are extremely important. In this essay, I will explain why.
Firstly, each business is in charge of managing its money stream. They have to keep track of making a profit to grow their business. Because companies have to have money to maintain their operation. Additionally, paying for the labor’s salary is as much as important. Furthermore, they also have to have a budget for managing the risk. Although they can predict many risk nowadays with modern technology, it still has the potential risks that they can even notice. For example, the recession can strongly affect the operation. Because a company need the huge amount of money to maintain and increase from that recession. What is more, they also can survive through the climate change when their customers can pay for their services or products during this period.
Besides making money, a business should concentrate on social responsibility. When focusing on this, they can improve their image and can gain more profit from people who are into them. From there, a company will raise strongly and resistantly because if the image is good, they can attract more customers. Not just that benefit, they will also contribute to the social increase which can increase people’s life quality. All of these results can lead to economic growth. So, a good image of the business can make so many benefits.
To sum up, I agree that a good business should maintain both earning profit and also is responsible for society and many other things.

Gợi ý nâng cấp từ vựng

"When operating a business, each corporation has many responsibilities such as social responsibility or profit making." -> "When operating a business, each corporation has multiple responsibilities, including social responsibility and profit maximization."
Explanation: Replacing "many responsibilities such as" with "multiple responsibilities, including" enhances the formality and specificity of the statement. "Profit making" is vague and informal; "profit maximization" is more precise and appropriate for an academic context.
"both of those are extremely important" -> "both are crucial"
Explanation: "Extremely important" is somewhat informal and redundant. "Crucial" is a more concise and academically suitable term that conveys the same level of importance.
"each business is in charge of managing its money stream" -> "each business is responsible for managing its financial streams"
Explanation: "Money stream" is an informal and imprecise term. "Financial streams" is more formal and accurate, and the plural form acknowledges the complexity of financial management.
"They have to keep track of making a profit" -> "They must monitor their profitability"
Explanation: "Keep track of making a profit" is awkward and informal. "Monitor their profitability" is more direct and formal, fitting the academic style.
"Because companies have to have money to maintain their operation" -> "Because companies require financial resources to maintain their operations"
Explanation: "Have to have money" is redundant and informal. "Require financial resources" is more precise and formal, and "operations" is the correct plural form.
"paying for the labor’s salary is as much as important" -> "paying labor salaries is equally important"
Explanation: "As much as important" is grammatically incorrect and awkward. "Equally important" is grammatically correct and maintains the formal tone.
"they also have to have a budget for managing the risk" -> "they must also allocate a budget for risk management"
Explanation: "Have to have" is redundant and informal. "Allocate a budget for risk management" is more precise and formal, aligning with business terminology.
"Although they can predict many risk nowadays with modern technology" -> "Although they can predict many risks using modern technology"
Explanation: "Risk" should be plural to match "many," and "nowadays" is informal; "using" is more precise and formal.
"a company need the huge amount of money" -> "a company requires a significant amount of money"
Explanation: "Need" is too informal and vague; "requires" is more formal and precise. "Huge amount" is informal; "significant amount" is more measured and appropriate.
"What is more, they also can survive through the climate change" -> "Furthermore, they can also survive the climate change"
Explanation: "What is more" is informal and conversational; "Furthermore" is more formal and suitable for academic writing. Removing "also" after "can" corrects the grammatical structure.
"a business should concentrate on social responsibility" -> "a business should prioritize social responsibility"
Explanation: "Concentrate on" is somewhat informal and vague; "prioritize" is more specific and formal, fitting the context of business strategy.
"they can improve their image and can gain more profit from people who are into them" -> "they can enhance their image and increase profits from customers who appreciate their services"
Explanation: "Are into them" is informal and unclear; "appreciate their services" is more specific and formal. "Gain more profit" is vague; "increase profits" is more precise.
"All of these results can lead to economic growth" -> "These outcomes collectively contribute to economic growth"
Explanation: "All of these results" is informal and vague; "These outcomes collectively" is more precise and formal. "Can lead to" is less definitive; "contribute to" suggests a more direct impact.

Band điểm Task Response ước lượng: 7

Band Score for Task Response: 7

Answer All Parts of the Question:
- Detailed explanation: The essay addresses the prompt by acknowledging both profit-making and social responsibility as important aspects of business operations. The introduction clearly states the writer’s opinion, indicating agreement with the notion that businesses have social responsibilities alongside making money. However, the essaycould benefit from a more explicit exploration of the implications of this dual responsibility. For instance, while the writer mentions the importance of profit for survival, they could further elaborate on how social responsibility can also contribute to long-term profitability.
- How to improve: To enhance the response, the writer should ensure that each part of the question is thoroughly explored. This could involve providing specific examples of businesses that successfully balance profit and social responsibility, as well as discussing potential conflicts between the two and how they can be resolved.
Present a Clear Position Throughout:
- Detailed explanation: The essay maintains a clear position that both profit and social responsibility are essential. However, the clarity of the position could be improved. The phrase "both of those are extremely important" is somewhat vague and could be more assertively stated. Additionally, the conclusion reiterates the agreement but lacks a strong summarization of the key points made in the body paragraphs.
- How to improve: The writer should aim for a more definitive statement of their position in the introduction and conclusion. Using stronger language and summarizing the main arguments in the conclusion would reinforce the clarity of the position throughout the essay.
Present, Extend, and Support Ideas:
- Detailed explanation: The essay presents several ideas, such as the necessity of profit for business survival and the benefits of a good corporate image. However, the development of these ideas is somewhat limited. For example, the discussion on social responsibility could include specific examples of initiatives businesses have taken, such as sustainability efforts or community engagement, to illustrate how these actions can lead to improved public perception and financial success.
- How to improve: To strengthen the essay, the writer should aim to extend and support their ideas with concrete examples and data. This could involve citing case studies or statistics that demonstrate the positive impact of social responsibility on business performance, thereby providing a more robust argument.
Stay on Topic:
- Detailed explanation: The essay generally stays on topic, focusing on the dual responsibilities of businesses. However, some sentences, particularly in the first body paragraph, become convoluted and could lead the reader to lose track of the main argument. For instance, the discussion about managing risks, while relevant, could be more directly tied back to the overarching theme of balancing profit and social responsibility.
- How to improve: To maintain focus, the writer should ensure that each point made directly relates back to the central argument. Using clear topic sentences at the beginning of each paragraph can help guide the reader and keep the discussion aligned with the prompt. Additionally, avoiding overly complex sentences will enhance clarity and coherence.

Band điểm Coherence & Cohesion ước lượng: 7

Band Score for Coherence and Cohesion: 7

Organize Information Logically:
- Detailed explanation: The essay presents a clear argument that both profit-making and social responsibility are important for businesses. The introduction outlines the main points, and the body paragraphs attempt to expand on these ideas. However, the logical flow could be improved. For instance, the transition from discussing profit management to social responsibility feels abrupt. The connection between the two ideas is not sufficiently established, which can confuse readers about how they relate to each other.
- How to improve: To enhance logical organization, consider using clear topic sentences that explicitly link each paragraph back to the main argument. For example, after discussing the importance of profit, a sentence could be added to transition smoothly into social responsibility, such as, "While profit is essential for survival, social responsibility plays a crucial role in a company’s long-term success."
Use Paragraphs:
- Detailed explanation: The essay uses paragraphs, but their structure could be more effective. The first paragraph discusses profit-making, while the second focuses on social responsibility. However, the paragraphs could be more distinct in their focus and development. The first paragraph is somewhat lengthy and covers multiple points without clear separation, which can dilute the main ideas.
- How to improve: Each paragraph should ideally focus on a single main idea. Consider breaking down the first paragraph into two: one focusing solely on profit management and the other on the risks associated with it. This would allow for a clearer exploration of each point. Additionally, ensure that each paragraph begins with a clear topic sentence that summarizes the main idea.
Use a Range of Cohesive Devices:
- Detailed explanation: The essay employs some cohesive devices, such as "Firstly," "Additionally," and "To sum up." However, the use of cohesive devices is somewhat limited and sometimes repetitive. For example, the phrase "what is more" could be replaced with a variety of alternatives to enhance the flow and maintain reader engagement.
- How to improve: To diversify cohesive devices, consider using a wider range of linking words and phrases, such as "Moreover," "In addition," or "Conversely," to create smoother transitions between ideas. Additionally, using pronouns effectively can help maintain coherence; for instance, referring back to "businesses" or "companies" instead of repeating the full term can enhance fluidity.

By addressing these areas, the essay can achieve a higher level of coherence and cohesion, ultimately leading to a stronger overall argument and a potential increase in the band score.

Band điểm Lexical Resource ước lượng: 6

Band Score for Lexical Resource: 6

Use a Wide Range of Vocabulary:
- Detailed explanation: The essay demonstrates a reasonable range of vocabulary, with terms like "social responsibility," "profit making," and "economic growth." However, the vocabulary is somewhat repetitive and lacks variety. For instance, the phrase "maintain their operation" is used in a similar context multiple times, which detracts fromthe overall lexical richness. Additionally, phrases like "can strongly affect" and "can survive through" are somewhat basic and could be replaced with more sophisticated alternatives.
- How to improve: To enhance lexical variety, the writer should explore synonyms and related terms. For example, instead of repeatedly using "maintain," they could use "sustain" or "uphold." Incorporating more advanced vocabulary related to business and social responsibility, such as "corporate governance," "stakeholder engagement," or "sustainability initiatives," would also elevate the essay’s lexical range.
Use Vocabulary Precisely:
- Detailed explanation: While the essay conveys general ideas effectively, some vocabulary choices are imprecise. For example, the phrase "the labor’s salary" could be more accurately expressed as "employee salaries" or "wages." Additionally, the use of "the huge amount of money" lacks specificity; a more precise term like "substantial capital" would enhance clarity. The phrase "social increase" is vague and could be better articulated as "social development" or "community enhancement."
- How to improve: To improve precision, the writer should focus on using vocabulary that accurately reflects the intended meaning. This can be achieved by reviewing terms and ensuring they fit the context. For example, instead of "contribute to the social increase," the writer could specify the type of contribution, such as "enhancing community welfare" or "supporting local initiatives."
Use Correct Spelling:
- Detailed explanation: The essay contains several spelling errors, such as "labor’s" (should be "labor" or "workers’"), "need the huge amount" (should be "needs a huge amount"), and "resistantly" (should be "resiliently"). These errors can distract the reader and undermine the overall professionalism of the writing.
- How to improve: To enhance spelling accuracy, the writer should practice proofreading their work carefully. Utilizing tools like spell checkers or reading the essay aloud can help identify errors. Additionally, maintaining a personal list of commonly misspelled words and reviewing them regularly can aid in improving spelling skills.

By addressing these areas—expanding vocabulary range, enhancing precision in word choice, and improving spelling accuracy—the writer can work towards achieving a higher band score in the Lexical Resource criteria of the IELTS Task 2 essay.

Band điểm Grammatical Range & Accuracy ước lượng: 6

Band Score for Grammatical Range and Accuracy: 6

Use a Wide Range of Structures:
- Detailed explanation: The essay demonstrates some variety in sentence structures, such as simple, compound, and a few complex sentences. For instance, phrases like "When operating a business" and "In my opinion" show an attempt at varied sentence openings. However, the majority of sentences are relatively straightforward and lack complexity. For example, "Because companies have to have money to maintain their operation" is a fragment that could be integrated into a more complex structure.
- How to improve: To enhance the range of structures, the writer should incorporate more complex sentences that combine clauses effectively. For example, instead of using "Because a company need the huge amount of money to maintain and increase from that recession," they could say, "A company needs a substantial amount of money to not only maintain its operations during a recession but also to facilitate recovery." This approach adds depth and variety to the writing.
Use Grammar and Punctuation Accurately:
- Detailed explanation: The essay contains several grammatical errors that detract from clarity and coherence. For instance, "a company need the huge amount of money" should be "a company needs a huge amount of money." Additionally, there are punctuation issues, such as missing commas that could improve readability, particularly in longer sentences. For example, "Although they can predict many risk nowadays with modern technology, it still has the potential risks that they can even notice" could benefit from clearer punctuation to separate clauses.
- How to improve: To improve grammatical accuracy, the writer should focus on subject-verb agreement and the correct use of articles. Practicing sentence combining and restructuring can also help. For punctuation, reviewing rules regarding commas, especially in complex sentences, would be beneficial. A good practice would be to read the essay aloud to catch any awkward phrasing or punctuation errors.

Overall, while the essay presents a clear argument and some attempt at varied structures, enhancing the complexity of sentences and improving grammatical accuracy will help raise the band score in this criterion.

Bài sửa mẫu

When operating a business, each corporation has multiple responsibilities, including social responsibility and profit maximization. In my opinion, both are crucial. In this essay, I will explain why.

Firstly, each business is responsible for managing its financial streams. They must monitor their profitability to ensure growth. Because companies require financial resources to maintain their operations, paying labor salaries is equally important. Furthermore, they must also allocate a budget for risk management. Although they can predict many risks using modern technology, there are still potential risks that they may not notice. For example, a recession can strongly affect operations, as a company requires a significant amount of money to sustain and recover from such downturns. Moreover, they can also survive climate change if their customers continue to pay for their services or products during this period.

Besides making money, a business should prioritize social responsibility. By focusing on this, they can enhance their image and increase profits from customers who appreciate their services. Consequently, a company will grow robustly and resiliently; a positive image attracts more customers. Not only does this benefit the business, but it also contributes to social improvement, which can enhance people’s quality of life. All of these outcomes collectively contribute to economic growth. Thus, a good image of the business can yield numerous benefits.

To sum up, I agree that a successful business should maintain both profit generation and social responsibility.