fbpx

As well as making money, businesses also have social responsibilities. Do you agree or disagree?

As well as making money, businesses also have social responsibilities. Do you agree or disagree?

Enterprises also should be responsible for social benefits in addition to making profits. From my perspective, I strongly agree this view and I will offer and explain why in this essay.
There are some reasons why I go along with this point of view. Firstly, the realization of benefits for the community could reduce unemployment rate. It means that these company create a lot of job’s opportunities for people for both white collars and blue collars. For instance, some software interprices recruit a lot of employees for different posstion such as software engineer, software developer, and so on. Secondly these businesses possibly help a lot of people in difficult circumstances. It menas that they migh launch the charity campaigns for different individuals such as orphans and people in areas with difficult, remote and dangerous circumstances. Moreover, this situation may lead to a sustainable workforce for the company, thus they become more developed.

Other reason for my opinion that these businesses might be responsible for environmental protection. To be more specific, they will probably minimize harmful materials to the inviroment. To illustrate, they try to use sustainable materials or some countries effort for recycling plastic waste. In addition, some enterprices can apply modern technology to reduce negative impact on human’s environment. For example, the application of exhust gas treatment and control technology is realized ruing discharge process into environment in some industries. Furthermore, having social responsibilities also improve the quality and brand value for that company. Following from this, their enterprice is more attractive as weel as the increase in profits.

In conclusion, I completely agree that enterprices should realize social valuable responsibilities.


 

Gợi ý nâng cấp từ vựng

Errors and Improvements:

  1. “Enterprises also should be responsible for social benefits” -> “Enterprises should also be accountable for social benefits”
    Explanation: Replacing “also should be” with “should also be” and changing “responsible” to “accountable” enhances formality and clarity in expressing the obligation of enterprises for social benefits.
  2. “From my perspective, I strongly agree this view” -> “From my standpoint, I strongly support this perspective”
    Explanation: Replacing “agree this view” with “support this perspective” improves the precision of the statement, and using “standpoint” instead of “perspective” adds a touch of formality.
  3. “There are some reasons why I go along with this point of view.” -> “Several reasons support my endorsement of this viewpoint.”
    Explanation: Substituting “There are some reasons why I go along with” with “Several reasons support my endorsement of” adds sophistication and conciseness to the sentence.
  4. “It means that these company create a lot of job’s opportunities” -> “This implies that these companies create numerous job opportunities”
    Explanation: Correcting the subject-verb agreement by changing “company” to “companies” and rephrasing “create a lot of job’s opportunities” to “create numerous job opportunities” enhances grammatical accuracy and formality.
  5. “different posstion such as software engineer, software developer, and so on.” -> “various positions, such as software engineer and software developer.”
    Explanation: Correcting the misspelling of “posstion” to “positions” and reordering the list of positions with proper punctuation improves clarity and maintains formality.
  6. “these businesses possibly help a lot of people” -> “these businesses may potentially aid numerous individuals”
    Explanation: Replacing “possibly help” with “may potentially aid” elevates the language and introduces a more nuanced expression of assistance.
  7. “It menas that they migh launch the charity campaigns” -> “It means that they might initiate charity campaigns”
    Explanation: Correcting the spelling errors in “menas” to “means” and “migh” to “might” ensures accuracy, and changing “launch the charity campaigns” to “initiate charity campaigns” improves the formality of the sentence.
  8. “difficult, remote and dangerous circumstances.” -> “challenging, remote, and hazardous conditions.”
    Explanation: Substituting “difficult” with “challenging” and reordering the adjectives in a parallel structure enhances the overall academic style and clarity of the sentence.
  9. “To be more specific, they will probably minimize harmful materials to the inviroment.” -> “To be more specific, they will likely reduce the use of harmful materials in the environment.”
    Explanation: Replacing “minimize” with “reduce” and correcting the spelling of “inviroment” to “environment” improves precision and maintains formal language.
  10. “some countries effort for recycling plastic waste.” -> “some countries make efforts to recycle plastic waste.”
    Explanation: Correcting the grammar by changing “effort” to “efforts” and rephrasing “effort for recycling plastic waste” to “make efforts to recycle plastic waste” enhances clarity and formality.
  11. “having social responsibilities also improve the quality and brand value for that company.” -> “Shouldering social responsibilities also enhances the quality and brand value of the company.”
    Explanation: Changing “improve” to “enhance” and rephrasing the sentence for better structure and clarity contributes to a more formal and precise expression.
  12. “Following from this, their enterprice is more attractive as weel as the increase in profits.” -> “As a result, their enterprise becomes more appealing, leading to an increase in profits.”
    Explanation: Correcting the spelling error in “weel” to “well” and rephrasing for better structure and clarity improves the overall academic tone of the sentence.
  13. “In conclusion, I completely agree that enterprices should realize social valuable responsibilities.” -> “In conclusion, I wholeheartedly agree that enterprises should fulfill valuable social responsibilities.”
    Explanation: Enhancing the strength of agreement by changing “completely agree” to “wholeheartedly agree” and rephrasing “realize social valuable responsibilities” to “fulfill valuable social responsibilities” contributes to a more formal and precise conclusion.

 

Band điểm Task Response ước lượng: 7

Band Score: 7.0

  1. Quoted text: “Enterprises also should be responsible for social benefits in addition to making profits. From my perspective, I strongly agree this view and I will offer and explain why in this essay.”
    • Explanation and Improvement Suggestions: While your introduction clearly states your agreement with the idea that businesses should have social responsibilities, it lacks a brief overview of the main points you will discuss. Adding a preview of your supporting arguments would enhance the clarity and structure of your essay.
    • Improved example: “Enterprises play a crucial role not only in generating profits but also in contributing to social benefits. In this essay, I will argue in favor of this perspective by examining how businesses create employment opportunities and engage in charitable activities.”
  2. Quoted text: “There are some reasons why I go along with this point of view. Firstly, the realization of benefits for the community could reduce unemployment rate. It means that these company create a lot of job’s opportunities for people for both white collars and blue collars. For instance, some software interprices recruit a lot of employees for different posstion such as software engineer, software developer, and so on.”
    • Explanation and Improvement Suggestions: Your point about job creation is valid, but the expression and examples need refinement. Specify the benefits to the community more explicitly, and provide a clear example that directly supports your argument. Also, be cautious about grammar and spelling errors.
    • Improved example: “Firstly, contributing to community welfare by reducing the unemployment rate is a significant advantage. For instance, when software enterprises expand, they create numerous job opportunities, ranging from white-collar positions like software engineers to blue-collar roles. This not only boosts economic stability but also enhances social well-being.”
  3. Quoted text: “Secondly these businesses possibly help a lot of people in difficult circumstances. It menas that they migh launch the charity campaigns for different individuals such as orphans and people in areas with difficult, remote and dangerous circumstances. Moreover, this situation may lead to a sustainable workforce for the company, thus they become more developed.”
    • Explanation and Improvement Suggestions: While your argument about businesses helping people in need is strong, the examples are somewhat vague. Provide more specific instances of charitable campaigns and their impact. Additionally, ensure clarity in your expressions to avoid confusion.
    • Improved example: “Secondly, businesses contribute to social welfare by extending assistance to those in challenging circumstances. For instance, launching targeted charity campaigns for orphans and individuals in remote and perilous areas demonstrates a commitment to societal well-being. This not only fulfills a moral responsibility but also establishes a positive image for the company, fostering a sustainable and more developed workforce.”
  4. Quoted text: “Other reason for my opinion that these businesses might be responsible for environmental protection.”
    • Explanation and Improvement Suggestions: This transition lacks clarity, and the phrase “Other reason for my opinion” could be better articulated. Begin a new paragraph for this point and explicitly state that businesses should also take responsibility for environmental protection. Additionally, provide more specific examples related to environmental initiatives.
    • Improved example: “Furthermore, businesses should shoulder the responsibility of environmental protection. An illustrative example is the adoption of sustainable practices, such as using eco-friendly materials and actively engaging in plastic waste recycling initiatives.”
  5. Quoted text: “In addition, some enterprices can apply modern technology to reduce negative impact on human’s environment.”
    • Explanation and Improvement Suggestions: While your point on utilizing modern technology for environmental conservation is valid, the sentence structure needs improvement for clarity. Specify the types of modern technology and provide a concise example to strengthen your argument.
    • Improved example: “Moreover, businesses can leverage modern technologies, such as advanced exhaust gas treatment and control systems in industries, to significantly reduce their negative impact on the human environment.”
  6. Quoted text: “In conclusion, I completely agree that enterprices should realize social valuable responsibilities.”
    • Explanation and Improvement Suggestions: Your conclusion restates your agreement, but it could be strengthened by summarizing your main points briefly. Also, consider using a more formal term than “completely agree” for a nuanced tone.
    • Improved example: “In conclusion, businesses should indeed embrace social responsibilities, as demonstrated by their role in job creation, charitable initiatives, and environmental protection. This not only enhances societal well-being but also contributes to the sustained growth and positive image of the enterprise.”

Overall, your essay addresses the task, presents clear positions, and supports ideas, but some improvements in clarity, specificity, and formality would enhance the overall quality of your response.

 

Band điểm Coherence & Cohesion ước lượng: 5

Band Score: 5.0

Explanation:
The essay demonstrates some organization of ideas, and there is a basic attempt at coherence and cohesion. However, there are significant issues that affect the overall flow and clarity of the essay. The use of cohesive devices is inadequate, and there is a lack of overall progression in presenting ideas. Paragraphing is present, but it is not consistently logical.

How to improve:

  1. Organization and Progression: Ensure a clear and logical progression of ideas throughout the essay. Start with a well-structured introduction, followed by body paragraphs that each focus on a specific point and a conclusion that summarizes the main ideas.
  2. Cohesive Devices: Increase the use of cohesive devices to improve the flow and coherence of the essay. Connect sentences and ideas using appropriate transitional words and phrases.
  3. Paragraphing: Review and improve paragraphing. Each paragraph should have a clear central topic, and the overall structure should contribute to the logical flow of the essay.
  4. Avoid Repetition and Improve Referencing: Eliminate repetitive language and improve referencing to enhance clarity. Ensure that pronouns and cohesive devices are used appropriately to avoid confusion.
  5. Grammar and Sentence Structure: Pay attention to grammar and sentence structure to enhance overall clarity. Correct errors in sentence construction and ensure proper use of punctuation.

By addressing these areas, the essay can achieve better coherence and cohesion, leading to an improved band score.

 

Band điểm Lexical Resource ước lượng: 6

Band Score: 6.0

Explanation: The essay demonstrates an adequate range of vocabulary, with attempts to use less common vocabulary. There is a reasonable level of coherence and cohesion in presenting ideas. The essay addresses the prompt and provides some examples to support the argument. However, there are notable errors in word choice, spelling, and word formation that impact the overall quality. For instance, there are multiple spelling errors (interprices, posstion, orphans, inviroment) and inaccuracies in word usage (realization instead of realization, exhust instead of exhaust). Despite these errors, the essay still communicates the intended message.

How to improve: To enhance the Lexical Resource, the writer should focus on improving spelling and word formation accuracy. Additionally, incorporating a wider range of vocabulary, especially in terms of less common lexical items, would contribute to a more sophisticated use of language. Careful proofreading to eliminate spelling errors and selecting words with more precision will elevate the overall lexical quality of the essay.

 

Band điểm Grammatical Range & Accuracy ước lượng: 6

Band Score: 6.0

Explanation:
The essay demonstrates a mix of simple and complex sentence forms. There is an attempt to use a variety of structures, but some errors in grammar and punctuation are present. While the essay maintains overall coherence, several sentences lack clarity due to language issues. The use of vocabulary is generally adequate, though there are instances of imprecise word choices. The essay does address the prompt and provides reasons to support the opinion.

How to improve:

  1. Grammar and Punctuation: Carefully proofread the essay to identify and correct grammatical errors and punctuation mistakes. Ensure that sentence

 

Bài sửa mẫu

Businesses, in addition to pursuing profits, should also shoulder social responsibilities. I wholeheartedly agree with this perspective, and in this essay, I will provide and explain my reasons for supporting it.

There are several reasons behind my agreement with this point of view. Firstly, contributing to the community’s well-being can play a crucial role in reducing the unemployment rate. This means that companies create numerous job opportunities for individuals, spanning both white-collar and blue-collar positions. For example, software enterprises hire a significant number of employees for various roles such as software engineers and developers. Secondly, these businesses can assist people facing challenging circumstances by launching charity campaigns for groups like orphans and those residing in difficult, remote, and hazardous areas. Moreover, such initiatives can lead to a sustainable workforce, fostering the company’s development.

Another justification for my stance is that businesses should assume responsibility for environmental protection. Specifically, they could work towards minimizing the use of harmful materials that adversely affect the environment. For instance, they might opt for sustainable materials or contribute to plastic waste recycling efforts. Additionally, some enterprises can leverage modern technology to mitigate their negative impact on the human environment. For example, certain industries implement exhaust gas treatment and control technology during the discharge process, reducing their environmental footprint. Furthermore, embracing social responsibilities enhances the company’s quality and brand value. Consequently, the enterprise becomes more appealing, leading to increased profits.

In conclusion, I am in complete agreement that businesses should recognize and fulfill their social responsibilities, which contribute to the overall well-being of society.

Learner

  • 10 bài chấm/ ngày

  • Tốc độ trả bài chậm

  • Có thể không truy cập được ở giờ cao điểm

Plus

199K

119K/th

  • Không giới hạn bài chấm

  • Tốc độ trả bài nhanh hơn

  • Truy cập 24/7

  • Hoàn tiền 30 ngày

    Bạn được đảm bảo trong 30 ngày đầu tiên được phép hoàn tiền bất kỳ lúc nào với bất kỳ lý do nào.

Best for Teacher

Premium

249K

149K/th

  • Gói Plus

  • Hỗ trợ kĩ thuật

  • Xuất file Word/Google Docs kèm comments: Link Demo

    - Bài chấm sẽ dc xuất kèm comments gợi ý vocab
    - File Word có thể dc up lên Google Docs và các comments sẽ dc giữ nguyên
    - Các comments có thể dc chỉnh sửa theo ý muốn của gv
    - File Word cá nhân hóa & White label

  • Hoàn tiền 30 ngày

    Bạn được đảm bảo trong 30 ngày đầu tiên được phép hoàn tiền bất kỳ lúc nào với bất kỳ lý do nào.

VIP

499K

299K/th

Learner

  • 10 bài chấm/ ngày

  • Tốc độ trả bài chậm

  • Có thể không truy cập được ở giờ cao điểm

Plus

199K

159K/th

  • Không giới hạn bài chấm

  • Tốc độ trả bài nhanh hơn

  • Truy cập 24/7

  • Hoàn tiền 30 ngày

    Bạn được đảm bảo trong 30 ngày đầu tiên được phép hoàn tiền bất kỳ lúc nào với bất kỳ lý do nào.

Best for Teacher

Premium

249K

199K/th

  • Gói Plus

  • Hỗ trợ kĩ thuật

  • Xuất file Word/Google Docs kèm comments: Link Demo

    - Bài chấm sẽ dc xuất kèm comments gợi ý vocab
    - File Word có thể dc up lên Google Docs và các comments sẽ dc giữ nguyên
    - Các comments có thể dc chỉnh sửa theo ý muốn của gv
    - File Word cá nhân hóa & White label

  • Hoàn tiền 30 ngày

    Bạn được đảm bảo trong 30 ngày đầu tiên được phép hoàn tiền bất kỳ lúc nào với bất kỳ lý do nào.

VIP

499K

399K/th

Learner

  • 10 bài chấm/ ngày

  • Tốc độ trả bài chậm

  • Có thể không truy cập được ở giờ cao điểm

Plus

199K/th

  • Không giới hạn bài chấm

  • Tốc độ trả bài nhanh hơn

  • Truy cập 24/7

Best for Teacher

Premium

249K/th

  • Gói Plus

  • Hỗ trợ kĩ thuật

  • Xuất file Word/Google Docs kèm comments: Link Demo

    - Bài chấm sẽ dc xuất kèm comments gợi ý vocab
    - File Word có thể dc up lên Google Docs và các comments sẽ dc giữ nguyên
    - Các comments có thể dc chỉnh sửa theo ý muốn của gv
    - File Word cá nhân hóa & White label

VIP

499K/th

  • Everthing in Premium

  • Hand Writing Image Recognition

  • Better Accuracy with GPT-4

  • Early Access to New features

    - Speaking Feedback

  • Customization

    We help with minor customizations to get it working just right.

  • Support Development of New Features

    • Speaking Practice
    • Classroom Management (e.g., Google Class Room)
    • Reading Practice
    • Listening Practice