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as well as making money, businessses also have social responsibilities. To what extent do you agree or disagree.

as well as making money, businessses also have social responsibilities. To what extent do you agree or disagree.

Some people claim that besides making money, enterprises also have to do their duty to society. To a certain extent, i partly agree that it maybe true in the case of some societies. However, i think it is not obligatory for businesses to do that and in this following essay, i will demonstrate why.
On the one hand, people often have a common thinking that businesses are wealthy, so they must use their money to do charity or invest for public services. And as they are entrepreneurs, their priority is making money. Nowadays, in order to survive in this competitive world, it requires businesses have to always stay up to date, invest in improvements and innovations. Unless, they will become making-loss businesses. If companies are unable to pay their bills or can not meeting the changing needs of customers, anything about social duties are irrelevant and can not be conducted. In other words, the enterprises only need to contribute to society if they have a good finance and they do it with their enthusiasm.
On the other hand, companies do not have to dedicate to society much more than their abilities. The most practical thing is that they need to pay well and take care of their employee' lives, rather than exploiting them. They can also concern about their employees ' families, aid their relatives who are in difficult or disability. If companies' finance is good, they can also do some local charity to strengthen communal bonds, and also have to make a good image with local people as a kind of marketing. But with some businesses which is in hard time, they do not have ability to conduct with their social responsibilities, that is no problem. Remember that their priority is making money, they are not volunteer groups, so they do not have a duty to do that. It is just an ethical and humane issue. But sometimes, i think some brands and companies choose contribute to society as a way to expand and promote their image.
In conclusion, while there are some benefits for enterprises to have social responsibilities, but they have to focus much on markets to gain their finace' goals.


Gợi ý nâng cấp từ vựng

Errors and Improvements:

  1. "it maybe true" -> "it may be true"
    Explanation: Correcting the spelling and grammar by changing "maybe" to "may be" enhances the formality and accuracy of the statement.

  2. "i partly agree" -> "I partially agree"
    Explanation: Replacing "i" with "I" and changing "partly" to "partially" adheres to proper capitalization and formal language conventions.

  3. "not obligatory" -> "not obligated"
    Explanation: Substituting "obligatory" with "obligated" maintains formality and better reflects the sense of moral or legal duty.

  4. "And as they are entrepreneurs" -> "As entrepreneurs"
    Explanation: Removing the redundant "And" at the beginning of the sentence streamlines the expression while maintaining clarity.

  5. "requires businesses have to" -> "requires businesses to"
    Explanation: Eliminating redundancy and simplifying the phrase by changing "requires businesses have to" to "requires businesses to" improves readability without altering the meaning.

  6. "Unless, they will become making-loss businesses." -> "Otherwise, they will incur losses."
    Explanation: Restructuring the sentence for clarity and formal tone by replacing "Unless, they will become making-loss businesses" with "Otherwise, they will incur losses."

  7. "can not meeting" -> "cannot meet"
    Explanation: Correcting the verb form by changing "can not meeting" to "cannot meet" ensures grammatical accuracy.

  8. "about social duties are irrelevant" -> "about social duties become irrelevant"
    Explanation: Enhancing the clarity and flow of the sentence by changing "about social duties are irrelevant" to "about social duties become irrelevant."

  9. "do it with their enthusiasm" -> "do so willingly"
    Explanation: Substituting "with their enthusiasm" with "so willingly" provides a more formal and concise expression.

  10. "do not have to dedicate" -> "are not obligated to dedicate"
    Explanation: Choosing a more formal alternative by replacing "do not have to dedicate" with "are not obligated to dedicate" maintains a formal tone.

  11. "the most practical thing is that" -> "most importantly,"
    Explanation: Replacing "the most practical thing is that" with "most importantly," improves the coherence and formality of the sentence.

  12. "pay well and take care of their employee’ lives" -> "compensate employees well and prioritize their well-being"
    Explanation: Enhancing clarity and formality by changing "pay well and take care of their employee’ lives" to "compensate employees well and prioritize their well-being."

  13. "aid their relatives who are in difficult or disability" -> "support relatives facing difficulties or disabilities"
    Explanation: Using more precise and formal language by replacing "aid their relatives who are in difficult or disability" with "support relatives facing difficulties or disabilities."

  14. "do some local charity" -> "engage in local charitable activities"
    Explanation: Improving formality and precision by changing "do some local charity" to "engage in local charitable activities."

  15. "they have to focus much on markets" -> "they must prioritize market strategies"
    Explanation: Enhancing the formality and clarity of the statement by changing "they have to focus much on markets" to "they must prioritize market strategies."

Band điểm Task Response ước lượng: 6

Band Score: 6.0

  1. Quoted text: "To a certain extent, i partly agree that it maybe true in the case of some societies."

    • Explanation and Improvement Suggestions: The introduction is somewhat unclear and lacks a strong statement of the writer’s position on the topic. It’s crucial to have a clear stance in the introduction to guide the reader. You may consider rephrasing it to something like, "While I acknowledge the social responsibilities of businesses in certain contexts, I believe it is not obligatory for all enterprises, and in this essay, I will outline my reasons."
    • Improved example: "While I acknowledge the social responsibilities of businesses in certain contexts, I believe it is not obligatory for all enterprises. In this essay, I will outline my reasons."
  2. Quoted text: "Unless, they will become making-loss businesses."

    • Explanation and Improvement Suggestions: The argument here lacks clarity and precision. It seems to suggest that only financially stable businesses should engage in social responsibilities. To enhance clarity, you can rephrase it to emphasize that businesses need to prioritize financial stability but should also consider social responsibilities as part of their ethical obligations.
    • Improved example: "While financial stability is crucial for businesses to thrive, it is imperative to recognize that social responsibilities are integral to ethical business practices."
  3. Quoted text: "But with some businesses which is in hard time, they do not have ability to conduct with their social responsibilities, that is no problem."

    • Explanation and Improvement Suggestions: The statement could be refined to better emphasize that businesses facing challenges may prioritize financial recovery, but it’s not an excuse to entirely neglect social responsibilities. Consider rephrasing for clarity and coherence.
    • Improved example: "While businesses in challenging situations may prioritize financial recovery, it is essential to acknowledge that maintaining a balance with social responsibilities remains crucial, albeit challenging."

Overall, the essay is adequately developed and addresses the task to some extent. However, refining the introduction and enhancing the clarity of certain arguments can contribute to a more cohesive and persuasive essay.

Band điểm Coherence & Cohesion ước lượng: 6

Band Score: 6.0

Explanation:
The essay demonstrates some coherence and cohesion in organizing ideas, but there are areas that could be improved. The introduction lacks clarity, and the thesis statement is vague. The body paragraphs present arguments in a somewhat logical sequence, although there is room for improvement in connecting ideas more smoothly. The use of cohesive devices is evident, but there are instances of faulty or mechanical cohesion. The essay’s conclusion is weak and lacks a clear summary of key points.

How to improve:

  1. Introduction: Provide a clearer and more concise thesis statement that directly addresses the essay prompt.
  2. Logical Progression: Ensure a smoother flow between sentences and paragraphs by using transition words and phrases more effectively.
  3. Cohesive Devices: Be cautious of using cohesive devices more precisely to avoid mechanical or faulty connections between ideas.
  4. Conclusion: Summarize key points and restate the thesis to create a more impactful conclusion. Consider providing a balanced perspective on the topic.

Remember to pay attention to paragraphing logic and focus on enhancing the overall coherence and cohesion of your essay.

Band điểm Lexical Resource ước lượng: 6

Band Score: 6.0

Explanation:
The essay demonstrates an adequate range of vocabulary, with attempts to use less common words. There is a reasonable variety of vocabulary related to the topic, and the writer shows some awareness of style and collocation. However, there are noticeable errors in word choice and occasional inaccuracies in word formation, which impact precision. For instance, "make-loss businesses" could be better phrased as "loss-making businesses." Additionally, there are instances of awkward phrasing and imprecise language use, such as "their priority is making money," which could be more nuanced.

How to improve:
To enhance the lexical resource and move towards a higher band score, the writer should focus on refining word choice and using more sophisticated language. Paying attention to precision in expression and avoiding awkward phrasing will contribute to a more polished and effective essay. Additionally, further incorporation of uncommon lexical items with accuracy will help elevate the vocabulary to a more advanced level. Regular proofreading for word choice, spelling, and word formation errors will significantly enhance the overall lexical quality.

Band điểm Grammatical Range & Accuracy ước lượng: 6

Band Score: 6.0

Explanation:
The essay demonstrates a mix of simple and complex sentence forms, with a range of structures used throughout. While there are some errors in grammar and punctuation, they rarely reduce communication. The essay maintains a reasonable level of control over grammar and punctuation, but occasional errors exist. The vocabulary is varied, contributing to the overall flexibility of the language. However, there are instances of imprecise language use, such as "i partly agree" and "it maybe true." The overall clarity and coherence of the essay contribute to its effectiveness.

How to improve:

  1. Work on eliminating minor errors in grammar and punctuation. Proofread the essay carefully to catch and correct these slips.
  2. Use more precise language to enhance clarity. For example, replace phrases like "i partly agree" with a more definitive stance, such as "I agree to some extent."
  3. Pay attention to sentence structure variety. While there is a mix of simple and complex sentences, strive for greater diversity to showcase a higher level of proficiency.
  4. Ensure that all sentences are well-constructed to avoid ambiguity and enhance overall coherence.

Remember, achieving a higher band score involves refining language use for greater accuracy and clarity while maintaining a consistently high level of complexity and variety in sentence structures.

Bài sửa mẫu

Some argue that businesses should not only focus on making profits but also fulfill their obligations to society. I partially agree with this perspective, particularly in certain societies. However, I believe it is not mandatory for businesses to do so. In this essay, I will explain why.

On one hand, there’s a prevalent belief that because businesses are financially sound, they should engage in charitable activities or invest in public services. Their primary objective, however, is profit-making. Today, in order to thrive in a competitive landscape, businesses must continuously innovate and improve. Failing to do so could lead to financial losses. When companies struggle to pay their bills or adapt to changing customer demands, considerations about social responsibilities become less relevant. Essentially, enterprises should only contribute to society if they are financially capable and willingly do so.

Conversely, businesses are not obligated to dedicate more than they are capable of toward societal causes. It’s more practical for them to ensure fair wages and prioritize the well-being of their employees instead of exploiting them. They can extend their concern to employees’ families and support relatives facing difficulties or disabilities. If a company’s financial status allows, they can engage in local charitable initiatives to strengthen community ties, which also serves as a form of marketing. Yet, during challenging times, some businesses may lack the capacity to fulfill their social responsibilities, and that’s acceptable. Their primary focus remains on profit generation; they are not voluntary organizations obliged to engage in such activities. It’s primarily an ethical consideration. However, some brands and companies view contributing to society as a means to expand and enhance their reputation.

In conclusion, while there are advantages to businesses adopting social responsibilities, their primary focus should be on the market to achieve their financial objectives.

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