Average annual distance (in miles) travelled by adults, by mode of travel
Average annual distance (in miles) travelled by adults, by mode of travel
The table shows the difference in the average annual distance (in miles) moved by adults, by mode of travel in 1977 and 2007.
Overall, cars were the most popular means of vehicles over the percific time but bicycles and motorbikes were the least popular means of transport in the table.
In 1977, the distance travelled on foot was 400 miles and in 2007 decreased to 300 miles, a difference of 100 miles. By contrast, for trains this figure was 900 miles and then increased up 1000 miles in 2007, the difference was still 100 miles. Next, the total distance of bicycles and motorbikes in 1977 was 200 miles and 30 years later this number dropped to 170 miles. Compared to other transports, these 2 kinds of vehicles had the shortest distance.
In addition, the range of bus in 1977 fell down from 800 miles to 500 miles in 2007. While taxi went up from 200 miles to 800 miles. In the other hand, car distances reached 3,500 miles in 1977 and this figure nearly doubled in the next 30 years.
Gợi ý nâng cấp từ vựng
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"the percific time" -> "the specified period"
Explanation: The term "percific" is not a recognized word in English. "Specified period" is a precise and academically appropriate term to refer to a defined time frame. -
"cars were the most popular means of vehicles" -> "cars were the most prevalent mode of transportation"
Explanation: "Means of vehicles" is redundant and awkward. "Mode of transportation" is the correct term and is more formal and precise. -
"bicycles and motorbikes were the least popular means of transport" -> "bicycles and motorbikes were the least popular modes of transport"
Explanation: Consistency in terminology is important. Using "modes of transport" aligns with the earlier term "mode of transportation," maintaining a consistent formal tone. -
"the distance travelled on foot was 400 miles and in 2007 decreased to 300 miles" -> "the distance travelled on foot was 400 miles in 1977 and decreased to 300 miles in 2007"
Explanation: Adding "in 1977" clarifies the time frame for the initial distance, improving clarity and precision. -
"By contrast, for trains this figure was 900 miles and then increased up 1000 miles" -> "In contrast, for trains, this figure was 900 miles, increasing to 1000 miles"
Explanation: "Increased up" is grammatically incorrect. "Increasing to" is the correct phrase, and removing the comma after "trains" improves readability. -
"the total distance of bicycles and motorbikes in 1977 was 200 miles and 30 years later this number dropped to 170 miles" -> "the total distance travelled by bicycles and motorbikes in 1977 was 200 miles, which decreased to 170 miles 30 years later"
Explanation: "This number dropped" is informal and vague. "This decreased" is more formal, and specifying "travelled by" clarifies the action. -
"Compared to other transports, these 2 kinds of vehicles had the shortest distance" -> "Compared to other modes of transport, these two types of vehicles had the shortest distance"
Explanation: "Transports" is not the correct term; "modes of transport" is the appropriate expression. Also, "these 2 kinds of vehicles" should be "these two types of vehicles" for grammatical correctness and formality. -
"the range of bus in 1977 fell down from 800 miles to 500 miles" -> "the distance travelled by buses in 1977 decreased from 800 miles to 500 miles"
Explanation: "Fell down" is colloquial and imprecise. "Decreased" is more formal and accurate. -
"In the other hand, car distances reached" -> "On the other hand, car distances reached"
Explanation: "In the other hand" is incorrect. "On the other hand" is the correct phrase for introducing a contrasting idea. -
"this figure nearly doubled in the next 30 years" -> "this figure nearly doubled over the next 30 years"
Explanation: Adding "over" clarifies the scope of the doubling, enhancing the precision of the statement.
Band điểm Task Achivement ước lượng: 6
Band Score: 6.0
Explanation: The essay addresses the requirements of the task and presents an overview with information appropriately selected. The essay presents and adequately highlights key features/bullet points, but some details are irrelevant, inappropriate, or inaccurate. For example, the essay states that "cars were the most popular means of vehicles over the percific time" but does not provide any data to support this claim. The essay also states that "the range of bus in 1977 fell down from 800 miles to 500 miles in 2007" but this is not accurate. The essay should have stated that the average annual distance travelled by bus fell from 800 miles in 1977 to 500 miles in 2007.
How to improve: The essay could be improved by providing more accurate and relevant information. The essay should also be more concise and avoid unnecessary repetition. For example, the essay could be improved by removing the sentence "Compared to other transports, these 2 kinds of vehicles had the shortest distance." This sentence is redundant because the essay already states that bicycles and motorbikes were the least popular means of transport.
Band điểm Coherence & Cohesion ước lượng: 5
Band Score: 5.0
Explanation: The essay presents information with some organization, but there is a noticeable lack of overall progression. While it attempts to compare distances traveled by different modes of transport over the two years, the structure is somewhat disjointed. The use of cohesive devices is inadequate and at times inaccurate, leading to confusion in the flow of ideas. For example, phrases like "In addition" and "By contrast" are used, but they do not effectively link the ideas together. The paragraphing is present but not always logical, as some ideas are not clearly separated or developed within their respective paragraphs.
How to improve: To enhance coherence and cohesion, the writer should focus on logically organizing the information and ensuring a clear progression of ideas. Using a wider range of cohesive devices accurately and appropriately will help in connecting sentences and paragraphs more effectively. Additionally, developing each paragraph around a clear central topic and ensuring that all sentences within a paragraph relate closely to that topic will improve clarity. Finally, revising the structure to ensure that comparisons are made more explicitly and logically will strengthen the overall coherence of the essay.
Band điểm Lexical Resource ước lượng: 5
Band Score: 5.0
Explanation: The essay demonstrates a limited range of vocabulary that is minimally adequate for the task. While it conveys the basic information regarding the distances traveled by different modes of transport, the vocabulary used is often repetitive and lacks sophistication. There are noticeable errors in word choice, such as "means of vehicles" instead of "means of transport," and "fell down" which is not appropriate in this context. Additionally, there are spelling and grammatical inaccuracies that may cause some difficulty for the reader, such as "percific" instead of "specific" and "the range of bus" which should be "the distance traveled by buses." Overall, the lexical resource is insufficient to achieve a higher score.
How to improve: To enhance the lexical resource score, the writer should aim to use a wider range of vocabulary, including more precise and varied terms related to transportation. They should also focus on avoiding repetitive phrases and improving grammatical accuracy. Incorporating less common lexical items and ensuring correct collocations would further strengthen the essay. Additionally, proofreading for spelling and grammatical errors would help to improve clarity and coherence.
Band điểm Grammatical Range & Accuracy ước lượng: 5
Band Score: 5.0
Explanation: The essay demonstrates a limited range of grammatical structures, primarily relying on simple sentence forms. While there are attempts at more complex sentences, they often lack accuracy, leading to frequent grammatical errors. For instance, phrases like "the most popular means of vehicles" and "the range of bus in 1977 fell down" indicate awkward constructions and misuse of vocabulary. Additionally, the essay contains punctuation issues and some sentences are not entirely clear, which can cause difficulty for the reader in understanding the intended meaning.
How to improve: To achieve a higher band score, the writer should focus on expanding their range of grammatical structures by incorporating more complex sentences and ensuring they are used accurately. It would be beneficial to practice using a variety of sentence types, including subordinate clauses, and to proofread for grammatical and punctuation errors. Additionally, enhancing vocabulary usage and ensuring clarity in expression will contribute to better overall communication in the essay.
Bài sửa mẫu
The table shows the difference in the average annual distance (in miles) traveled by adults, by mode of travel in 1977 and 2007. Overall, cars were the most popular means of transport over the specified period, while bicycles and motorbikes were the least popular modes of travel in the table.
In 1977, the distance traveled on foot was 400 miles, which decreased to 300 miles in 2007, a difference of 100 miles. By contrast, for trains, this figure was 900 miles in 1977 and then increased to 1,000 miles in 2007, also showing a difference of 100 miles. Next, the total distance for bicycles and motorbikes in 1977 was 200 miles, and 30 years later, this number dropped to 170 miles. Compared to other modes of transport, these two types of vehicles had the shortest distances.
In addition, the distance traveled by bus in 1977 fell from 800 miles to 500 miles in 2007, while the distance for taxis increased from 200 miles to 800 miles. On the other hand, car distances reached 3,500 miles in 1977, and this figure nearly doubled over the next 30 years.
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