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Being a celebrity, such as a famous film star or sports personality, brings problems as well as benefits. Do the advantages of being a celebrity outweigh its disadvantages?

Being a celebrity, such as a famous film star or sports personality, brings problems as well as benefits.
Do the advantages of being a celebrity outweigh its disadvantages?

It is said that many famous stars worldwide live with fame as well as issues. Although several drawbacks are associated with being a celebrity, the advantages are more significant for it is a chance to earn a lot of money, and they can inspire many others
First of all, famous people have less privacy than others. As celebrities are well-known to the public, they are usually the ones who attract other attention. Therefore, favourite stars' lives might become a spectacle for media attention. For example, Son Tung MTP, a viral singer in Vietnam, changed his life when a video of him arguing with his wife drew attention from social media. This hints everyone knew where he lived, and they started to disrupt Son Tung's life. As a result, he has to hire a guard to protect his privacy.
However, being a celebrity can provide a luxury lifestyle's. Their financial reward after their unseen reward is enormous and can give them a life without thinking. These celebrities also usually participate in advertising to earn money and global recognition. For example, Cristiano Ronaldo is a famous soccer star who owns many exotic cars and expensive real estate while earning a dizzyingly high salary and doing commercial activities. Furthermore, celebrities can have a crucial impact on the society by inspiring others. Not everyone will have the opportunity to become famous, and it is everyone's dream to be recognized. These celebrities can be role models for the next generation to follow their dreams. For instance, many young, talented soccer players were inspired by some of the world's soccer legends.
In conclusion, despite the fact that being a celebrities means that you have to be more careful with your personal life, being a celebrity will have a wealthy life and also encourage many others.


Gợi ý nâng cấp từ vựng

  1. "famous stars worldwide" -> "renowned global celebrities"
    Explanation: Replacing "famous stars worldwide" with "renowned global celebrities" adds a touch of formality and sophistication to the sentence while maintaining clarity.

  2. "live with fame as well as issues" -> "experience both fame and challenges"
    Explanation: The phrase "live with fame as well as issues" is somewhat informal. The suggested alternative, "experience both fame and challenges," conveys the same meaning in a more formal manner.

  3. "several drawbacks" -> "numerous disadvantages"
    Explanation: "Several drawbacks" is relatively casual; replacing it with "numerous disadvantages" enhances the formality of the sentence.

  4. "advantages are more significant for it is a chance" -> "advantages outweigh the disadvantages as it provides an opportunity"
    Explanation: The original sentence is somewhat convoluted and lacks clarity. The suggested alternative simplifies and clarifies the statement while maintaining a formal tone.

  5. "First of all" -> "To begin with"
    Explanation: "First of all" is an informal transition. "To begin with" is a more appropriate choice for academic writing.

  6. "celebrities are well-known to the public" -> "celebrities are widely recognized by the public"
    Explanation: "Well-known to the public" can be made more formal by using "widely recognized by the public."

  7. "a spectacle for media attention" -> "a subject of intense media scrutiny"
    Explanation: "A spectacle for media attention" is somewhat informal. The suggested alternative, "a subject of intense media scrutiny," is more academically suitable.

  8. "favourite stars’ lives" -> "the lives of beloved celebrities"
    Explanation: "Favourite stars’ lives" can be replaced with "the lives of beloved celebrities" for a more formal tone.

  9. "This hints everyone knew where he lived" -> "This implied that everyone knew his whereabouts"
    Explanation: "This hints everyone knew where he lived" can be refined to "This implied that everyone knew his whereabouts" to maintain a formal style.

  10. "he has to hire a guard" -> "he had to employ a security personnel"
    Explanation: Replacing "he has to hire a guard" with "he had to employ a security personnel" uses more formal language while conveying the same idea.

  11. "provide a luxury lifestyle’s" -> "offer a luxurious lifestyle"
    Explanation: "Provide a luxury lifestyle’s" is not grammatically correct. The suggested alternative, "offer a luxurious lifestyle," is both grammatically correct and more formal.

  12. "their unseen reward" -> "their hidden rewards"
    Explanation: "Unseen reward" can be replaced with "hidden rewards" for improved vocabulary usage.

  13. "dizzyingly high salary" -> "exceptionally high salary"
    Explanation: "Dizzyingly high salary" can be replaced with "exceptionally high salary" to maintain a formal tone.

  14. "doing commercial activities" -> "engaging in commercial ventures"
    Explanation: "Doing commercial activities" can be substituted with "engaging in commercial ventures" for a more formal expression.

  15. "these celebrities can be role models" -> "these celebrities can serve as role models"
    Explanation: Adding "serve as" makes the statement more formal and clear.

  16. "In conclusion, despite the fact that" -> "In conclusion, although"
    Explanation: "Despite the fact that" is slightly informal. "Although" is a more formal alternative for transitioning to the conclusion in academic writing.

  17. "being a celebrities" -> "being celebrities"
    Explanation: "Being a celebrities" should be corrected to "being celebrities" to use the correct plural form.

Band điểm Task Response ước lượng: 6

Band Score: 6.0

  1. Quoted text: "It is said that many famous stars worldwide live with fame as well as issues. Although several drawbacks are associated with being a celebrity, the advantages are more significant for it is a chance to earn a lot of money, and they can inspire many others."

    • Explanation and Suggestions for Improvement: The introduction lacks clarity in presenting your position on the topic. While you mention that there are both advantages and disadvantages, it’s not clear which side you lean toward. It’s essential to make your stance clear from the beginning. Additionally, the introduction could benefit from a more detailed preview of the main points you will discuss in the essay to provide a clear roadmap for the reader.
    • Improved example: "In this essay, I will argue that despite the challenges associated with fame, the advantages of being a celebrity, such as financial rewards and the ability to inspire others, outweigh the disadvantages."
  2. Quoted text: "First of all, famous people have less privacy than others. As celebrities are well-known to the public, they are usually the ones who attract other attention. Therefore, favourite stars’ lives might become a spectacle for media attention. For example, Son Tung MTP, a viral singer in Vietnam, changed his life when a video of him arguing with his wife drew attention from social media. This hints everyone knew where he lived, and they started to disrupt Son Tung’s life. As a result, he has to hire a guard to protect his privacy."

    • Explanation and Suggestions for Improvement: This paragraph discusses the issue of privacy for celebrities, which is relevant. However, it lacks depth and focus. Instead of discussing a specific example (Son Tung MTP), it would be more effective to provide a broader perspective on privacy issues faced by celebrities and perhaps offer a personal example or anecdote. Additionally, the connection between privacy and the advantages of being a celebrity is not explicitly made here.
    • Improved example: "One significant disadvantage of celebrity status is the invasion of privacy. Celebrities, being in the public eye, often find themselves subjected to constant scrutiny from the media and the public. For instance, I recall reading about a well-known actor who had to contend with paparazzi invading his personal space even outside his home. Such incidents not only disrupt the lives of celebrities but also raise questions about the ethical boundaries of fame."
  3. Quoted text: "However, being a celebrity can provide a luxury lifestyle’s. Their financial reward after their unseen reward is enormous and can give them a life without thinking. These celebrities also usually participate in advertising to earn money and global recognition. For example, Cristiano Ronaldo is a famous soccer star who owns many exotic cars and expensive real estate while earning a dizzyingly high salary and doing commercial activities."

    • Explanation and Suggestions for Improvement: While you provide an example of a celebrity (Cristiano Ronaldo) who enjoys a luxurious lifestyle due to their fame, the paragraph lacks depth in discussing the advantages. It would be more effective to elaborate on how fame translates into financial rewards and how these rewards positively impact celebrities’ lives. Additionally, you mention global recognition but do not provide any further context or explanation.
    • Improved example: "On the other hand, the advantages of celebrity status cannot be overstated. Celebrities often enjoy immense financial rewards through endorsement deals, sponsorships, and high-paying projects. Take Cristiano Ronaldo, for instance, who not only earns a substantial salary as a soccer star but also accumulates wealth through lucrative advertising campaigns. His opulent lifestyle, characterized by a fleet of exotic cars and lavish real estate, serves as a testament to the financial benefits of fame."
  4. Quoted text: "Furthermore, celebrities can have a crucial impact on the society by inspiring others. Not everyone will have the opportunity to become famous, and it is everyone’s dream to be recognized. These celebrities can be role models for the next generation to follow their dreams. For instance, many young, talented soccer players were inspired by some of the world’s soccer legends."

    • Explanation and Suggestions for Improvement: This paragraph discusses the positive aspect of celebrities inspiring others, which is a valid point. However, it lacks specific examples and depth. To improve this section, provide concrete instances of celebrities who have made a positive impact on society through their actions or words. Additionally, the connection between celebrity influence and the overall question of whether advantages outweigh disadvantages could be made more explicit.
    • Improved example: "Moreover, celebrities often serve as powerful role models, motivating individuals to pursue their dreams. Consider the influence of soccer legends like Pelé and Lionel Messi, whose dedication to their craft and success stories have inspired countless aspiring young players worldwide. This ability of celebrities to inspire the next generation is undeniably a significant advantage of their fame."

Overall, the essay presents a balanced view of the advantages and disadvantages of being a celebrity. However, it could benefit from more in-depth analysis and specific examples to support the points made. Additionally, ensure that your introduction clearly states your position on the topic to improve overall coherence.

Band điểm Coherence & Cohesion ước lượng: 7

Band Score: 7.0

Explanation:
The essay demonstrates a good level of coherence and cohesion, earning a Band 7 score. It logically organizes information and ideas with clear progression throughout the essay. The introduction effectively sets the stage by presenting the topic. Each paragraph contains a clear central topic, contributing to the overall coherence of the essay.

Cohesion is maintained well, with the use of cohesive devices to connect ideas and paragraphs. The essay employs cohesive devices such as transition words ("First of all," "However," "Furthermore," "In conclusion") effectively, contributing to the logical flow of the essay. There is a range of cohesive devices used appropriately, although some minor overuse or underuse may be present, as seen in the paragraph transition "However." However, these do not significantly impede understanding.

Paragraphing is used sufficiently and appropriately, aiding in the organization of the essay. Each paragraph addresses a specific point, which enhances the clarity and coherence of the text.

How to improve:
To further improve coherence and cohesion and potentially reach a higher band score, the essay could benefit from a slightly more varied range of cohesive devices and the elimination of minor overuse or underuse. Additionally, while the essay is well-structured, there could be more complex sentence structures used to enhance cohesion between and within sentences.

Band điểm Lexical Resource ước lượng: 6

Band Score: 6.0

Explanation:
The essay demonstrates an adequate range of vocabulary for the task, with some attempts to use less common vocabulary, although with occasional inaccuracies. The essay generally communicates its ideas effectively, and there are relatively few errors in spelling and word formation, but some minor errors do occur.

The essay uses vocabulary related to the topic of celebrity and its advantages and disadvantages, such as "luxury lifestyle," "financial reward," "global recognition," and "role models." These terms demonstrate an attempt to incorporate less common vocabulary items.

However, there are occasional inaccuracies in word choice and collocation. For example, in the sentence "These celebrities can be role models for the next generation to follow their dreams," the phrase "follow their dreams" is somewhat overused and lacks variety. Additionally, there is a minor error in the use of articles in the sentence "being a celebrities means," where it should be "being celebrities means."

Spelling and word formation are generally accurate, with only a few minor errors like "lives" instead of "life" in "changed his life," and "lifestyles’" instead of "lifestyle’s." These errors, while noticeable, do not impede communication significantly.

How to improve:
To achieve a higher band score, the writer should aim to use a wider range of vocabulary and employ less common lexical items with greater accuracy. Additionally, varying sentence structures and word choice more effectively would enhance the lexical resource of the essay. Proofreading for minor spelling and word formation errors can further improve the overall lexical quality.

Band điểm Grammatical Range & Accuracy ước lượng: 7

Band Score: 7.0

Explanation:
The essay demonstrates a good level of grammatical range and accuracy overall, placing it in Band 7. The writer employs a variety of complex sentence structures, such as the use of conditional sentences and complex sentence constructions. They also effectively use linking words to connect ideas, enhancing the essay’s coherence. The majority of sentences are error-free, contributing to the overall clarity of the essay. However, there are some minor grammatical errors and awkward phrasings that prevent it from reaching the higher bands. For instance, "These celebrities can be role models for the next generation to follow their dreams" could be improved by replacing "to follow their dreams" with "in pursuing their aspirations." Additionally, there are a few punctuation errors, like missing commas in some places.

How to improve:

  1. Pay closer attention to punctuation to ensure correct comma usage and sentence structure.
  2. Consider using more varied vocabulary to further enhance the essay’s quality.
  3. Aim for greater precision in phrasing to eliminate awkward expressions.
  4. Carefully proofread the essay to catch and correct minor errors, ensuring that the majority of sentences remain error-free.

Bài sửa mẫu

It is often claimed that renowned global celebrities experience both fame and challenges. Although numerous disadvantages are associated with being a celebrity, the advantages outweigh the disadvantages as it provides an opportunity to earn a lot of money and serve as role models for others.

To begin with, celebrities are widely recognized by the public, which means they have less privacy compared to regular individuals. As celebrities are the subject of intense media scrutiny, their lives can become a spectacle for media attention. For instance, Son Tung MTP, a famous singer in Vietnam, had his life disrupted when a video of him arguing with his wife drew attention from social media. This implied that everyone knew his whereabouts, and he had to employ security personnel to protect his privacy.

However, being a celebrity can offer a luxurious lifestyle. Their exceptionally high salary and engagement in commercial ventures provide them with substantial financial rewards, allowing them to lead a life without financial worries. For example, Cristiano Ronaldo, a famous soccer star, owns many exotic cars and expensive real estate, all while earning a dizzyingly high salary and engaging in commercial activities.

Moreover, these celebrities can serve as role models for others, inspiring them to pursue their dreams. Not everyone will have the opportunity to become famous, but everyone dreams of recognition. Celebrities can play a crucial role in society by motivating the next generation to follow their aspirations. Many young and talented soccer players, for instance, draw inspiration from some of the world’s soccer legends.

In conclusion, although being celebrities means having to be more careful with their personal lives, the advantages of wealth and the ability to inspire others outweigh the disadvantages.

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