Both men and women care more about their appearance today than they did in the past. To what extent do you agree or disagree?

In recent years, people has become more concern with their appearance compared to the past. This shift is drive by high beauty standards and the impact of looks on both career and personal life.

One major reason for this increased focus on looks is the influence of beauty standards set by social media and other media outlets. Platforms like Instagram and TikTok often show idealized images of beauty, which many people feel pressured to copy. For example, influencers present a polished image that make others want to follow them in order to gain social approval.

Additionally, media such as reality TV and fashion magazines reinforce these standards, making people believe that meeting them is crucial for social acceptance. This constant exposure to perfect beauty images leads individuals to invest more in their appearance to fit in and avoid being judge.

Another reason is the big role appearance plays in career and personal life. In professional realm, a good appearance can greatly influence job chances. Studies show that individuals who dress formally are often seen as more competent and are more likely to get job offers. For instance, research published in "Social Psychological and Personality Science" found that well-dressed job applicants had a higher chance of getting hired.

In personal life, people who maintain a good looks often enjoy better social interactions. Well-groomed individuals are more likely to make positive impression at social events, leading to stronger social connections and respect from peers. For example, people who dress neatly may be invited to more social gatherings and form better relationships due to their favorable appearance.

In conclusion, the increased focus on appearance today is largely due to the influence of high beauty standards and the significant impact of a good appearance on career and social life. These factors drive people to invest more in their looks to fit with societal expectations and enhance their opportunities in different aspects of life.

Gợi ý nâng cấp từ vựng

"people has become more concern with their appearance" -> "people have become more concerned with their appearance"
Explanation: Correcting "has" to "have" fixes the grammatical error, and replacing "more concern" with "more concerned" corrects the verb form to match the subject-verb agreement and enhances the formal tone.
"This shift is drive by" -> "This shift is driven by"
Explanation: Correcting "drive" to "driven" fixes the verb form to the correct past participle, which is necessary for the passive construction used here.
"the impact of looks on both career and personal life" -> "the impact of appearance on both career and personal life"
Explanation: Replacing "looks" with "appearance" provides a more formal and precise term, aligning better with academic language.
"Platforms like Instagram and TikTok often show idealized images of beauty" -> "Platforms such as Instagram and TikTok frequently display idealized images of beauty"
Explanation: Replacing "often show" with "frequently display" uses more formal vocabulary and corrects the preposition "like" to "such as," which is more appropriate in formal writing.
"which many people feel pressured to copy" -> "which many individuals feel compelled to emulate"
Explanation: Replacing "people" with "individuals" and "copy" with "emulate" refines the language to be more formal and precise, suitable for an academic context.
"make others want to follow them" -> "encourage others to follow them"
Explanation: Replacing "make others want to" with "encourage others to" uses a more formal verb and structure, enhancing the academic tone.
"This constant exposure to perfect beauty images leads individuals to invest more in their appearance" -> "This constant exposure to idealized beauty images prompts individuals to invest more in their appearance"
Explanation: Replacing "perfect" with "idealized" and "leads" with "prompts" refines the language to be more precise and formal, suitable for academic writing.
"to fit in and avoid being judge" -> "to conform and avoid being judged"
Explanation: Correcting "judge" to "judged" fixes the verb form, and replacing "fit in" with "conform" uses a more formal term.
"a good appearance can greatly influence job chances" -> "a good appearance can significantly influence job opportunities"
Explanation: Replacing "chances" with "opportunities" and "greatly" with "significantly" uses more precise and formal language.
"individuals who dress formally are often seen as more competent" -> "individuals who dress formally are frequently perceived as more competent"
Explanation: Replacing "often seen as" with "frequently perceived as" uses more formal vocabulary and corrects the phrase structure for academic style.
"people who maintain a good looks" -> "individuals who maintain a good appearance"
Explanation: Replacing "people" with "individuals" and "looks" with "appearance" refines the language to be more formal and precise.
"Well-groomed individuals are more likely to make positive impression" -> "Well-groomed individuals are more likely to make a positive impression"
Explanation: Adding "a" before "positive impression" corrects the grammatical structure, making the sentence grammatically correct and more formal.
"leading to stronger social connections and respect from peers" -> "resulting in stronger social connections and greater respect from peers"
Explanation: Replacing "leading to" with "resulting in" and "respect" with "greater respect" uses more formal language and enhances the academic tone.
"people who dress neatly may be invited to more social gatherings" -> "individuals who dress neatly may be invited to more social events"
Explanation: Replacing "people" with "individuals" and "gatherings" with "events" uses more formal vocabulary and corrects the term to match the context.

Band điểm Task Response ước lượng: 8

Band Score for Task Response: 8

Answer All Parts of the Question:
- Detailed explanation: The essay effectively addresses the prompt by discussing the extent to which people today care more about their appearance compared to the past. It presents a clear argument that supports the idea of increased concern for appearance, citing specific influences such as social media and the impact on career and personal life. The introduction clearly states the topic, and the body paragraphs provide relevant examples that align with the prompt.
- How to improve: To enhance the response, the essay could include a counterargument or acknowledgment of differing perspectives. For instance, it could mention that some individuals may prioritize other values over appearance, providing a more balanced view. This would demonstrate a deeper engagement with the prompt and showcase critical thinking.
Present a Clear Position Throughout:
- Detailed explanation: The essay maintains a clear position that supports the notion that people care more about their appearance today. The argument is consistent throughout, with each paragraph reinforcing the main idea. Phrases like "this increased focus on looks" and "the influence of high beauty standards" help to maintain clarity and coherence.
- How to improve: To further solidify the position, the essay could use more explicit language to reiterate the stance in the conclusion. For example, restating the thesis in a more assertive manner could enhance the overall impact. Additionally, transitional phrases could be employed to guide the reader through the argument more smoothly.
Present, Extend, and Support Ideas:
- Detailed explanation: The essay presents several well-developed ideas, such as the influence of social media and the importance of appearance in professional settings. Each point is supported with relevant examples, such as the reference to studies on job applicants and the social dynamics of well-groomed individuals. This demonstrates a strong ability to extend and support ideas effectively.
- How to improve: To improve, the essay could include more diverse examples or statistics to further substantiate claims. For instance, incorporating data on how beauty standards have evolved over time or citing specific studies regarding societal perceptions of appearance could add depth to the argument. Additionally, exploring the psychological implications of these pressures could provide a more comprehensive analysis.
Stay on Topic:
- Detailed explanation: The essay remains focused on the topic throughout, discussing the reasons behind the increased concern for appearance without deviating into unrelated areas. Each paragraph contributes to the central argument, ensuring that the discussion is relevant and coherent.
- How to improve: While the essay stays on topic, it could benefit from a more explicit connection back to the prompt in each paragraph. For example, at the end of each body paragraph, a sentence summarizing how the discussed point relates back to the overall argument about increased concern for appearance would reinforce the focus and enhance clarity.

Overall, the essay demonstrates a strong understanding of the task and presents a well-structured argument. By incorporating counterarguments, enhancing the clarity of the position, providing more diverse examples, and reinforcing connections to the prompt, the essay could achieve an even higher level of sophistication in its response.

Band điểm Coherence & Cohesion ước lượng: 8

Band Score for Coherence and Cohesion: 8

Organize Information Logically:
- Detailed explanation: The essay presents a clear and logical organization of ideas. Each paragraph addresses a specific reason for the increased focus on appearance, starting with the influence of beauty standards and followed by the impact on career and personal life. The progression from one idea to the next is smooth, allowing the reader to follow the argument easily. For example, the transition from discussing social media’s influence to the role of appearance in professional settings is well-executed, maintaining a coherent flow throughout the essay.
- How to improve: To enhance logical flow, consider incorporating more explicit linking phrases between paragraphs. For instance, at the end of the first paragraph, a sentence that explicitly states how beauty standards lead to career implications could strengthen the connection between the two ideas. Additionally, a brief summary or transition sentence at the beginning of each paragraph could help reinforce the overall argument.
Use Paragraphs:
- Detailed explanation: The essay effectively uses paragraphs to separate different ideas, with each paragraph focusing on a distinct aspect of the argument. The introduction clearly sets the stage for the discussion, and the conclusion succinctly summarizes the main points. However, the paragraphs could be more distinct in their structure, particularly in the use of topic sentences that clearly outline the main idea of each paragraph.
- How to improve: Ensure that each paragraph begins with a strong topic sentence that encapsulates the main point. For example, the second paragraph could start with a sentence like, "One of the primary factors driving this trend is the pervasive influence of beauty standards propagated by social media." This would provide a clearer roadmap for the reader and enhance the overall clarity of the argument.
Use a Range of Cohesive Devices:
- Detailed explanation: The essay demonstrates a good use of cohesive devices, such as "for example," "additionally," and "in conclusion," which help to connect ideas and maintain the flow of the essay. However, the range of cohesive devices could be expanded to include more varied transitions and connectors that enhance the sophistication of the writing. For instance, phrases like "Moreover," "Furthermore," or "On the other hand" could be used to introduce new ideas or counterarguments.
- How to improve: To diversify the use of cohesive devices, consider incorporating a wider range of linking phrases that indicate relationships between ideas, such as cause and effect, contrast, or addition. For example, when discussing the impact of appearance on social life, you might use "In contrast to this,…" to introduce a counterpoint or alternative perspective. This would not only improve cohesion but also demonstrate a higher level of language proficiency.

Overall, the essay is well-structured and coherent, effectively addressing the prompt with relevant examples and clear arguments. By refining the use of topic sentences, enhancing transitions between paragraphs, and diversifying cohesive devices, the essay could reach an even higher level of coherence and cohesion.

Band điểm Lexical Resource ước lượng: 6

Band Score for Lexical Resource: 6

Use a Wide Range of Vocabulary:
- Detailed explanation: The essay demonstrates a reasonable range of vocabulary, particularly in discussing concepts related to beauty standards and their impact on social and professional life. Phrases such as "idealized images of beauty," "social approval," and "positive impression" indicate an attempt to use varied language. However, there are instances of repetition and a lack of more sophisticated vocabulary. For example, the term "appearance" is used multiple times without synonyms or varied expressions.
- How to improve: To enhance lexical range, the writer should incorporate synonyms and related terms. For instance, instead of repeatedly using "appearance," alternatives like "physical appearance," "looks," or "aesthetic" could be employed. Additionally, exploring more advanced vocabulary related to the topic, such as "aesthetic ideals," "self-presentation," or "socio-cultural pressures," would enrich the essay.
Use Vocabulary Precisely:
- Detailed explanation: While the essay generally conveys its ideas clearly, there are some instances of imprecise vocabulary usage. For example, "people has become more concern" should be "people have become more concerned." This grammatical error affects the clarity of the message. Additionally, phrases like "the big role" could be more effectively expressed as "the significant role" or "the crucial role."
- How to improve: To improve precision, the writer should focus on subject-verb agreement and the correct forms of words. Regular practice with grammar exercises and proofreading can help identify such errors. Furthermore, using more precise adjectives and adverbs can enhance clarity; for example, replacing "big role" with "significant role" would convey a stronger meaning.
Use Correct Spelling:
- Detailed explanation: The essay contains several spelling errors that detract from its overall quality. For instance, "concern" should be "concerned," "drive" should be "driven," and "judge" should be "judged." These errors indicate a lack of attention to detail and can confuse the reader.
- How to improve: To enhance spelling accuracy, the writer should engage in regular spelling practice and utilize tools such as spell checkers. Additionally, reading more extensively can help familiarize the writer with correct spelling patterns. It is also beneficial to proofread the essay multiple times, ideally after a break, to catch any overlooked mistakes.

In summary, while the essay demonstrates a solid understanding of the topic and attempts to use varied vocabulary, there are notable areas for improvement in lexical resource. Focusing on expanding vocabulary range, ensuring precise usage, and correcting spelling errors will help elevate the essay to a higher band score.

Band điểm Grammatical Range & Accuracy ước lượng: 7

Band Score for Grammatical Range and Accuracy: 7

Use a Wide Range of Structures:
- Detailed explanation: The essay demonstrates a good variety of sentence structures, including simple, compound, and complex sentences. For instance, the use of complex sentences such as "This constant exposure to perfect beauty images leads individuals to invest more in their appearance to fit in and avoid being judge" showcases the writer’s ability to convey nuanced ideas. However, there are instances where sentence structures could be more varied. For example, the phrase "Another reason is the big role appearance plays in career and personal life" could be rephrased to enhance complexity, such as "Another significant factor is the substantial role that appearance plays in both career and personal life."
- How to improve: To diversify sentence structures further, consider incorporating more varied introductory phrases, conditional clauses, and participial phrases. For example, starting sentences with adverbial clauses (e.g., "Given the societal pressures…") or using inversion for emphasis can add depth to the writing. Additionally, integrating more relative clauses can enhance the complexity of ideas presented.
Use Grammar and Punctuation Accurately:
- Detailed explanation: The essay contains several grammatical errors that detract from its overall quality. For instance, "people has become more concern" should be "people have become more concerned," indicating a subject-verb agreement error and incorrect word form. Additionally, "This shift is drive by high beauty standards" should be corrected to "This shift is driven by high beauty standards," highlighting a tense error. Punctuation is generally accurate, but there are minor issues, such as missing commas in complex sentences that could improve clarity.
- How to improve: To enhance grammatical accuracy, it is essential to review subject-verb agreement rules and ensure that verbs are in the correct tense. Additionally, practicing the use of participles and gerunds can help avoid errors like "concern" instead of "concerned." For punctuation, pay attention to sentence structure; using commas to separate clauses can help clarify meaning and improve readability. Regular practice with grammar exercises and seeking feedback on writing can also aid in identifying and correcting these common errors.

Overall, while the essay demonstrates a solid command of grammatical range and accuracy, addressing the identified weaknesses will help elevate the writing to a higher band score.

Bài sửa mẫu

In recent years, people have become more concerned with their appearance compared to the past. This shift is driven by high beauty standards and the impact of appearance on both career and personal life.

One major reason for this increased focus on looks is the influence of beauty standards set by social media and other media outlets. Platforms such as Instagram and TikTok frequently display idealized images of beauty, which many individuals feel compelled to emulate. For example, influencers present a polished image that encourages others to follow them in order to gain social approval.

Additionally, media such as reality TV and fashion magazines reinforce these standards, making people believe that meeting them is crucial for social acceptance. This constant exposure to idealized beauty images prompts individuals to invest more in their appearance to conform and avoid being judged.

Another reason is the significant role appearance plays in both career and personal life. In the professional realm, a good appearance can greatly influence job opportunities. Studies show that individuals who dress formally are frequently perceived as more competent and are more likely to receive job offers. For instance, research published in “Social Psychological and Personality Science” found that well-dressed job applicants had a higher chance of being hired.

In personal life, individuals who maintain a good appearance often enjoy better social interactions. Well-groomed individuals are more likely to make a positive impression at social events, resulting in stronger social connections and greater respect from peers. For example, individuals who dress neatly may be invited to more social gatherings and form better relationships due to their favorable appearance.