Bullying is an ever – increasing problem in many schools in Vietnam. Some people think that bullying should be the responsibility of teachers, while others think that this is the role of parents. Discuss both sides and give your own opinion.

Bullying is an ever – increasing problem in many schools in Vietnam. Some people think that bullying should be the responsibility of teachers, while others think that this is the role of parents.
Discuss both sides and give your own opinion.

With the ubiquity of school violence in Vietnam, many people argue that teachers should take responsibility for this kind of malady. Meanwhile, others hold the belief that parents play the most integral part in educating their children. This essay will discuss both view and present my perspective about them.

On the one hand, it is incontestable that educators should be responsible for bullying at school. I personally believe that teachers – who obviously take the main responsibility for educating students’ personality at study environment. Evidently, teachers spend most of their time guiding learners to broaden their horizons and teach them how to have good manners. However, they do not manage their students well, which may affect adversely on the learners’ personality formulation. Hence, pupils have the tendency toward bullying is inevitable. For example, there are several cases of school violence over years. These cases may emerged due to some reasons like conflicts or even envy among students. As a result, students have to suffer from a range of unpredictable consequences like psychological pains or even suicide.

On the other hand, it is transparent that parents also have to take charge to bring up their kids at home. Apparently, how parents nurture their off springs somewhat decides whether they are predisposed towards bullying or not. Kids are influenced massively by their parents’ education methods. They tend to learn how to deal with people around them by looking at what their parents do. For instance, if kids inhabit in families full of domestic violence, they may have violent behaviors with their peers.
Conversely, other children who are taught appropriately about how to have good manners by their parents, they tend to be more sociable with their friends.

In conclusion, both teachers and parents take vital responsibility in forming children’s personalities. I strongly believe that they should to educate kids effectively to take them stay away from bullying at schools.

Gợi ý nâng cấp từ vựng

1. "With the ubiquity of school violence in Vietnam" -> "Given the prevalence of school violence in Vietnam"
   Explanation: "Given the prevalence of" is a more formal and precise phrase than "With the ubiquity of," which is somewhat redundant and less commonly used in academic writing.

2. "many people argue" -> "many individuals contend"
   Explanation: "Contend" is a more formal synonym for "argue," fitting better in an academic context.

3. "take responsibility for this kind of malady" -> "bear responsibility for this phenomenon"
   Explanation: "Malady" is typically used to describe illnesses, not social issues like school violence. "Phenomenon" is a more appropriate term for describing a widespread occurrence.

4. "others hold the belief that" -> "others maintain that"
   Explanation: "Maintain" is a more formal and academically appropriate verb than "hold the belief that," which is somewhat colloquial.

5. "This essay will discuss both view and present my perspective about them" -> "This essay will discuss both perspectives and present my views on them"
   Explanation: "Perspectives" is the correct plural form, and "views" is more appropriate than "view" in this context. Also, "on them" is more grammatically correct than "about them."

6. "it is incontestable that" -> "it is undeniable that"
   Explanation: "Undeniable" is a stronger, more formal term than "incontestable," which is less commonly used in academic writing.

7. "who obviously take the main responsibility" -> "who clearly bear the primary responsibility"
   Explanation: "Bear the primary responsibility" is more precise and formal than "take the main responsibility."

8. "at study environment" -> "in the educational environment"
   Explanation: "Educational environment" is a more specific and formal term than "study environment."

9. "may affect adversely on the learners’ personality formulation" -> "may negatively impact the learners’ personality development"
   Explanation: "Negatively impact" is more precise and formal than "affect adversely," and "personality development" is a more accurate term than "personality formulation."

10. "have the tendency toward bullying is inevitable" -> "are inclined to bullying is inevitable"
    Explanation: "Are inclined to" is grammatically correct and more formal than "have the tendency toward."

11. "over years" -> "over the years"
    Explanation: "Over the years" is the correct idiomatic expression.

12. "These cases may emerged" -> "These cases may have emerged"
    Explanation: "Have emerged" is the correct form of the verb in this context.

13. "kids inhabit in families" -> "children live in families"
    Explanation: "Live" is the correct verb for describing residence, and "children" is more formal than "kids."

14. "they tend to be more sociable with their friends" -> "they tend to be more sociable among their peers"
    Explanation: "Among their peers" is a more formal and precise phrase than "with their friends."

15. "they should to educate kids effectively to take them stay away from bullying at schools" -> "they should effectively educate children to prevent bullying in schools"
    Explanation: "Effectively educate children to prevent bullying in schools" is grammatically correct and more formal. The original sentence is awkward and unclear.

Band điểm Task Response ước lượng: 6

Band Score for Task Response: 6

• Answer All Parts of the Question:

  • Detailed explanation: The essay adequately discusses both perspectives on who should be responsible for addressing bullying in schools: teachers and parents. It examines the roles of each and presents a clear opinion in the conclusion.
  • How to improve: To enhance this criterion, the essay could further elaborate on specific responsibilities of teachers and parents, providing more detailed examples or hypothetical scenarios that illustrate their roles more vividly.

• Present a Clear Position Throughout:

  • Detailed explanation: The essay maintains a consistent stance throughout, expressing that both teachers and parents share responsibility, but ultimately leaning towards the opinion that effective education from both parties can prevent bullying.
  • How to improve: To strengthen this aspect, the essay could explicitly state its position earlier in the introduction and ensure that each paragraph reinforces this viewpoint without ambiguity.

• Present, Extend, and Support Ideas:

  • Detailed explanation: The essay presents ideas clearly but lacks depth in elaborating on how teachers and parents can effectively prevent bullying. Examples are provided, such as cases of school violence and the influence of parental behavior, but they could be further developed.
  • How to improve: To improve, the essay could delve deeper into each argument, providing statistics or studies that support the impact of teacher and parental involvement on reducing bullying incidents.

• Stay on Topic:

  • Detailed explanation: The essay mostly stays on topic by discussing the roles of teachers and parents in addressing bullying. However, there are moments where the connection to the main argument could be more direct, especially in ensuring that every example ties back to the central theme.
  • How to improve: To maintain focus, the essay should ensure that every paragraph and example directly contributes to the discussion of whether responsibility for bullying lies with teachers, parents, or both.

Overall, while the essay effectively addresses the prompt and presents a coherent argument, there is room for improvement in providing more detailed examples, reinforcing its position throughout the essay, and ensuring every point made directly supports the central theme of responsibility for addressing bullying in schools.

Band điểm Coherence & Cohesion ước lượng: 6

Band Score for Coherence and Cohesion: 6

• Organize Information Logically:

  • Detailed explanation: The essay generally organizes information logically, with a clear introduction, two body paragraphs discussing each viewpoint, and a conclusion summarizing the writer’s opinion. Each paragraph stays focused on its main point, which aids coherence.
  • How to improve: To enhance logical flow, ensure that each paragraph begins with a clear topic sentence that previews the main idea. Additionally, transitions between paragraphs could be strengthened to improve the overall coherence.

• Use Paragraphs:

  • Detailed explanation: The essay effectively uses paragraphs to separate different ideas. Each paragraph contains a main idea, supporting details, and a concluding sentence, contributing to clarity and structure.
  • How to improve: Consider varying the length of paragraphs for better rhythm and emphasis. Also, ensure that each paragraph directly relates to the essay prompt and thesis statement, maintaining relevance throughout.

• Use a Range of Cohesive Devices:

  • Detailed explanation: The essay employs a variety of cohesive devices such as linking words ("On the one hand," "Meanwhile," "For example," "In conclusion") and pronouns ("they," "their") to connect ideas and maintain coherence.
  • How to improve: Expand the use of cohesive devices beyond basic connectors. Incorporate cohesive devices like synonyms, referencing (reiterating key terms or ideas), and parallel structures to further enhance coherence and cohesion.

Overall, the essay demonstrates a solid organizational structure and uses paragraphs effectively to present ideas. However, to achieve a higher band score, focus on strengthening the logical flow between paragraphs and diversifying the range of cohesive devices used. These improvements will help to create a more cohesive and coherent essay that effectively addresses the IELTS Task 2 prompt.

Band điểm Lexical Resource ước lượng: 6

Band Score for Lexical Resource: 6

• Use a Wide Range of Vocabulary:

  • Detailed explanation: The essay demonstrates a moderate range of vocabulary relevant to the topic. There is an attempt to use varied vocabulary such as "ubiquity," "malady," "incontestable," "formulation," and "predisposed," which adds some depth to the discussion. However, some expressions lack precision or clarity in context, impacting the overall effectiveness of the vocabulary use.
  • How to improve: To enhance the lexical range, consider incorporating more specific and nuanced vocabulary that directly relates to the arguments presented. For instance, instead of "incontestable," use "undeniable," and instead of "malady," consider "issue" or "challenge." Be mindful of using words precisely in the context they are intended to avoid ambiguity.

• Use Vocabulary Precisely:

  • Detailed explanation: The essay occasionally uses vocabulary precisely, such as in the phrase "educators should be responsible for bullying at school." However, there are instances where vocabulary choices could be more precise or where meanings may not align perfectly with the intended context. For example, "malady" suggests illness rather than a societal issue like bullying.
  • How to improve: Aim for greater precision by choosing words that accurately convey the intended meaning within the specific context of each argument. Review each vocabulary choice to ensure it aligns clearly with the topic and enhances the overall coherence of the essay.

• Use Correct Spelling:

  • Detailed explanation: Spelling accuracy is generally maintained throughout the essay. However, there are a few errors such as "off springs" (offspring) and "take them stay away" (help them stay away).
  • How to improve: To improve spelling accuracy, consider using spell-check tools and proofreading carefully. Pay close attention to commonly misspelled words and practice writing under time constraints to build confidence in spelling under exam conditions.

Overall, the essay demonstrates a solid effort in using vocabulary to address the topic of bullying in schools. By focusing on precision and expanding the range of vocabulary with a clear understanding of context, the essay could achieve a higher band score in Lexical Resource. Continued practice in using varied vocabulary accurately and ensuring spelling correctness will contribute to stronger essay performance in the IELTS exam.

Band điểm Grammatical Range & Accuracy ước lượng: 6

Band Score for Grammatical Range and Accuracy: 6

• Use a Wide Range of Structures:

  • Detailed explanation: The essay demonstrates a moderate range of sentence structures. It includes simple sentences, compound sentences, and occasional complex sentences. However, there is a tendency towards repetitive structures, particularly in the introductory and concluding paragraphs where sentence patterns are quite similar.
  • How to improve: To enhance variety, consider incorporating more complex sentence structures such as conditional sentences, passive voice constructions, and relative clauses. This can add sophistication and clarity to your ideas. For example, instead of always starting with "On the one hand" or "On the other hand," try varying your introductory phrases to maintain reader interest and improve coherence.

• Use Grammar and Punctuation Accurately:

  • Detailed explanation: The essay displays generally accurate grammar and punctuation with minor errors. For instance, there are occasional issues with subject-verb agreement ("teachers… is" should be "teachers… are") and inconsistent use of articles ("the teachers" vs. "teachers"). Punctuation marks such as commas are sometimes missing before coordinating conjunctions in compound sentences.
  • How to improve: Focus on improving consistency in subject-verb agreement and article usage. Review the rules for comma placement in compound sentences to ensure clarity and coherence. For instance, revisiting how commas are used in lists and to separate clauses within sentences can help in enhancing readability and grammatical accuracy.

In summary, while your essay demonstrates a solid command of grammar and sentence structure, there are opportunities for improvement in diversifying sentence structures and refining grammatical accuracy. These enhancements can elevate your writing to a higher band score by adding complexity and precision to your arguments.

Bài sửa mẫu

Bullying has become a prevalent issue in many schools across Vietnam. Some argue that teachers should bear responsibility for addressing this problem, while others believe it is primarily the role of parents. This essay will discuss both perspectives and present my own views on the matter.

On one hand, it is undeniable that educators should play a crucial role in tackling bullying within the school environment. Teachers, who clearly bear the primary responsibility for shaping students’ personalities in the educational setting, spend significant time guiding them to expand their knowledge and develop good manners. However, inadequate management of student behavior by teachers may negatively impact the personality development of learners, making tendencies towards bullying more likely. Over the years, there have been numerous instances of school violence stemming from conflicts and jealousy among students, resulting in unpredictable consequences such as psychological distress or even suicide.

On the other hand, it is evident that parents also hold a pivotal role in raising their children at home. The upbringing provided by parents greatly influences whether children are prone to bullying. Children observe and learn from their parents’ behaviors and interactions, shaping their own social conduct. For example, children who grow up in households marked by domestic violence may exhibit aggressive behavior towards their peers. Conversely, children raised in environments where they are taught good manners and respectful behavior tend to be more sociable and well-adjusted among their friends.

In conclusion, both teachers and parents share essential responsibilities in molding children’s characters and behaviors. I strongly believe that effective education by both parties is crucial in preventing bullying in schools. By working together to instill positive values and behaviors in children, educators and parents can create safer and more nurturing environments for students to thrive in.