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Bullying is an ever-increasing problem in many schools in Vietnam. Some people think that bullying should be the responsibility of teachers, while others think that this is the role of parents.

Bullying is an ever-increasing problem in many schools in Vietnam. Some people think that bullying should be the responsibility of teachers, while others think that this is the role of parents.

Opinions are divided on whether such school violence should be managed by the members in students' family or tutors. I believe that both of them play an essential role in controlling their children's emotions.
Of course, by actively involving parents in the fight against bullying in schools, families who demonstrate respectful and inclusive behavior can instill these values in young minds. For example, when a child sees how father and mother treating each other with kindness and empathy, he is more likely to adopt similar behaviors and reject bullying. In contrast, if children witness or experience aggression, violence at home, they may be more likely to engage in bullying behaviors. By fostering open lines of communication, they can create a safe space for children to discuss their experiences, including and bullying they may be facing.
Additionally, teachers who serve as role models for students teach them conflict resolution skills. In schools, students may be raised awareness about the negative consequences of bullying, both for the victim and the perpetrator. I believe that teachers and school councils have the power to create safe and supportive learning environments where violence is not tolerated. They send a strong message that bullying is unacceptable which helps build a culture of respect and cooperation in schools.
On the top of that, parents and teachers working together can effectively address hullying incidents. They can share information, identify patterns and intervene promptly This joint effort shows to children that they are cared for and reduce the feeling of loneliness which leads to
in young minds. For example, when a child sees how father and mother treating each other with kindness and empathy, he is more likely to adopt similar behaviors and reject bullying. In contrast, if children witness or experience aggression, violence at home, they may be more likely to engage in bullying behaviors. By fostering open lines of communication, they can create a safe space for children to discuss their experiences, including and bullying they may be facing.
Additionally, teachers who serve as role models for students teach them conflict resolution skills. In schools, students may be raised awareness about the negative consequences of bullying, both for the victim and the perpetrator. I believe that teachers and school councils have the power to create safe and supportive learning environments where violence is not tolerated. They send a strong message that bullying is unacceptable which helps build a culture of respect and cooperation in schools.
On the top of that, parents and teachers working together can effectively address hullying incidents. They can share information, identify patterns and intervene promptly. This joint effort shows to children that they are cared for and reduce the feeling of loneliness which leads to unthinkable repercussions.
In conclusion, teenagers are increasingly gravitating forward bullying of schooling ages. There are many solutions, which is considered tackling these problems with appearance of people around them. Parents and teachers are the most one of important sectors in the process.


Gợi ý nâng cấp từ vựng

Errors and Improvements:

  1. "Opinions are divided on whether such school violence should be managed by the members in students’ family or tutors." -> "Opinions are divided on whether the management of school violence should be handled by family members or tutors."
    Explanation: The original phrase "members in students’ family" is awkward and not in line with formal language. The improved version rephrases it to a more concise and clear expression.

  2. "I believe that both of them play an essential role in controlling their children’s emotions." -> "I believe that both parties play an essential role in regulating their children’s emotions."
    Explanation: Replacing "both of them" with "both parties" maintains formality and eliminates unnecessary informality in the original phrasing.

  3. "Of course, by actively involving parents in the fight against bullying in schools, families who demonstrate respectful and inclusive behavior can instill these values in young minds." -> "Certainly, actively engaging parents in combating bullying in schools allows families that exemplify respectful and inclusive behavior to instill these values in young minds."
    Explanation: The revised sentence provides a more formal tone by replacing "Of course" with "Certainly" and by using more sophisticated language.

  4. "For example, when a child sees how father and mother treating each other with kindness and empathy, he is more likely to adopt similar behaviors and reject bullying." -> "For instance, when a child observes how a father and mother treat each other with kindness and empathy, they are more likely to adopt similar behaviors and reject bullying."
    Explanation: The improvement addresses gender neutrality by replacing "he" with "they" and enhances clarity by using more precise language.

  5. "On the top of that, parents and teachers working together can effectively address hullying incidents." -> "Furthermore, parents and teachers collaborating can effectively address bullying incidents."
    Explanation: The phrase "On the top of that" is colloquial, so it is replaced with "Furthermore" for a more formal tone. Additionally, "hullying" is corrected to "bullying."

  6. "This joint effort shows to children that they are cared for and reduce the feeling of loneliness which leads to unthinkable repercussions." -> "This collaborative effort demonstrates to children that they are cared for, reducing feelings of loneliness that may lead to unforeseeable repercussions."
    Explanation: The improved version enhances formality and clarity by rephrasing the sentence for better structure and precision.

  7. "In conclusion, teenagers are increasingly gravitating forward bullying of schooling ages." -> "In conclusion, teenagers are increasingly drawn towards engaging in bullying during their school years."
    Explanation: The original phrasing is awkward and unclear. The improved version provides a smoother and clearer expression of the idea.

  8. "There are many solutions, which is considered tackling these problems with appearance of people around them." -> "Various solutions are considered to address these issues, involving the presence of individuals around them."
    Explanation: The original sentence lacks clarity and uses informal language. The revised version clarifies the meaning and maintains a formal tone.

Band điểm Task Response ước lượng: 7

Band Score: 7.0

  1. Quoted text: "Of course, by actively involving parents in the fight against bullying in schools, families who demonstrate respectful and inclusive behavior can instill these values in young minds."

    • Explanation and Improvement Suggestion: This statement emphasizes the importance of parental involvement in instilling values to counter bullying. However, it could be further strengthened by providing an example or anecdote showcasing how parental influence directly impacts a child’s behavior towards bullying. For instance, detailing a scenario where parental guidance helped a child navigate a bullying situation or how parental behavior at home positively influenced a child’s response to bullying could enhance the argument’s persuasiveness.
    • Improved example: "By actively engaging parents in addressing school bullying, families exemplifying respect and inclusivity can profoundly influence young minds. For instance, a child observing their parents intervene and resolve conflicts peacefully or standing up against bullying behaviors at home may mirror similar respectful conduct in their interactions at school."
  2. Quoted text: "Additionally, teachers who serve as role models for students teach them conflict resolution skills."

    • Explanation and Improvement Suggestion: While acknowledging the role of teachers as role models imparting conflict resolution skills is pertinent, it would be advantageous to illustrate this point with a specific example or anecdote. Consider incorporating a story or experience where a teacher’s guidance effectively resolved a conflict or prevented bullying within a classroom setting. This will provide a concrete demonstration of how teachers can influence positive behavior and prevent bullying incidents.
    • Improved example: "Moreover, teachers acting as role models are pivotal in teaching conflict resolution to students. For instance, a teacher mediating a disagreement between peers or organizing activities promoting empathy and understanding in the classroom can significantly reduce instances of bullying, fostering a harmonious learning environment."
  3. Quoted text: "On the top of that, parents and teachers working together can effectively address bullying incidents."

    • Explanation and Improvement Suggestion: The notion of collaboration between parents and teachers to address bullying is a strong argument. However, this point lacks depth in explaining how this collaboration specifically benefits in combating bullying. Elaborating on strategies or joint initiatives between parents and teachers, perhaps citing a successful intervention or joint program implemented in a school, could make this argument more compelling.
    • Improved example: "Furthermore, the collaborative efforts of parents and teachers hold immense potential in addressing bullying effectively. For instance, implementing joint workshops or seminars aimed at fostering understanding between home and school, or establishing a reporting mechanism allowing seamless communication between teachers and parents, can notably mitigate bullying instances by creating a cohesive support system around students."

Overall, the essay presents a clear position and recognizes the importance of both parental and teacher involvement in addressing bullying. However, enhancing the arguments with specific, vivid examples or personal experiences related to parental influence, teacher roles, and collaborative strategies can further strengthen the response, providing a more comprehensive and persuasive discussion.

Band điểm Coherence & Cohesion ước lượng: 6

Band Score: 6.0

Explanation:
The essay demonstrates some coherence and cohesion by presenting ideas in an organized manner. It attempts to maintain a logical progression throughout the essay, addressing both the roles of parents and teachers in combating bullying. The essay uses cohesive devices effectively in some instances, allowing for a degree of clarity in presenting ideas. However, there are several issues with cohesion within and between sentences, leading to repetition and lack of variety in language usage. Paragraphing is attempted but lacks consistency and logical structuring. There is an evident attempt to present an introduction, body, and conclusion, but the execution lacks finesse and coherence.

How to improve:

  1. Focus on Cohesive Devices: Ensure consistent and appropriate use of cohesive devices (transition words, pronouns, etc.) to connect ideas logically within and between sentences.
  2. Paragraph Structure: Work on organizing content into well-structured paragraphs with clear topic sentences and supporting details for coherence.
  3. Avoid Repetition: Avoid repeating ideas and phrases, which diminishes the essay’s coherence and can lead to redundancy.
  4. Grammar and Clarity: Review sentence structures to ensure clarity and coherence within each sentence, avoiding repeated content.
  5. Essay Organization: Develop a more structured essay with a clear introduction, body paragraphs, and a concluding statement to enhance coherence and cohesion.

Improving these areas will elevate the overall coherence and cohesion of your essay.

Band điểm Lexical Resource ước lượng: 7

Band Score: 7.0

Explanation:
The essay demonstrates a sufficient range of vocabulary, allowing for some flexibility and precision in expressing ideas. The writer employs less common lexical items with awareness of style and collocation. However, occasional errors in word choice and spelling are present. The essay effectively discusses the roles of both parents and teachers in addressing bullying, showcasing a level of complexity and coherence in the argument.

How to improve:
To enhance the lexical resource and move towards a higher band score:

  1. Work on minimizing errors in word choice and spelling.
  2. Consider incorporating more sophisticated vocabulary and idiomatic expressions where appropriate.
  3. Ensure consistent use of less common lexical items and refine awareness of style and collocation.
  4. Aim for a more nuanced exploration of the topic, providing a deeper analysis and varied examples.

Overall, a commendable effort, but refinements in vocabulary usage and accuracy would contribute to a higher band score.

Band điểm Grammatical Range & Accuracy ước lượng: 6

Band Score: 6.0

Explanation:
The essay demonstrates a mix of simple and complex sentence structures, showcasing an attempt at variety. There are instances of effective complex sentences, but there’s also a reliance on simpler structures throughout the essay. Grammar and punctuation issues, although present, don’t significantly hinder communication. However, there are noticeable errors that occasionally affect clarity and precision. These errors include repetitive sentences, missing or incorrect punctuation, and occasional issues with sentence structure.

How to improve:

  1. Sentence Variety: Work on expanding the range of sentence structures further by incorporating more complex structures consistently.
  2. Grammar and Punctuation: Focus on refining grammar skills, particularly regarding subject-verb agreement and sentence construction. Ensure proper punctuation, avoiding repetitive phrases and fragmented sentences.
  3. Clarity and Precision: Review the content to eliminate redundancy and enhance coherence. Clarify ideas to ensure a more cohesive and clear argument.

Enhancing sentence variety, refining grammar skills, and improving overall coherence will help elevate the essay’s score towards a higher band.

Bài sửa mẫu

Opinions differ on whether addressing school violence should primarily involve family members or educators. I firmly believe that both parents and teachers play vital roles in managing their children’s emotions.

Engaging parents actively in the battle against bullying can have a profound impact. Families that exemplify respectful and inclusive behavior can instill these values in young minds. For instance, witnessing parents treating each other with kindness and empathy can influence a child to adopt similar behaviors and reject bullying. Conversely, exposure to aggression or violence at home may increase the likelihood of a child engaging in bullying. Establishing open lines of communication creates a safe space for children to discuss their experiences, including any bullying they may face.

Furthermore, teachers, serving as role models, impart conflict resolution skills to students. Schools can raise awareness about the negative consequences of bullying, educating students on its impact on both victims and perpetrators. Teachers and school councils have the power to foster safe and supportive learning environments where violence is not tolerated. This sends a strong message that bullying is unacceptable, contributing to a culture of respect and cooperation in schools.

Collaboration between parents and teachers is crucial in effectively addressing bullying incidents. By sharing information, identifying patterns, and intervening promptly, they demonstrate to children that they are cared for and reduce feelings of loneliness, preventing potential repercussions.

In conclusion, the prevalence of bullying among teenagers is a growing concern. To tackle this issue effectively, it is imperative to involve both parents and teachers, as they are key contributors to the solution.

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