Camping has become a significantly popular outdoor activity among families and children over the past decade. many people think this activity is beneficial for kids because it brings them closer to nature and teaches them important skills. on the other hand some people are worried that it may be costly for parents and involve dangerous activities. discuss whether you agree or disagree and whether parents should organize more camping trips for their children.

Camping has become a significantly popular outdoor activity among families and children over the past decade. many people think this activity is beneficial for kids because it brings them closer to nature and teaches them important skills. on the other hand some people are worried that it may be costly for parents and involve dangerous activities. discuss whether you agree or disagree and whether parents should organize more camping trips for their children.

Despite that camping has become prevalent for the past few years, there are deep concerns among some parents about potential drawbacks. I am totally against this idea since I believe that camping trips can offer enormous benefits to children in terms of psychological health and skills development.
Firstly, as far as I know, going camping can enhance children’s mental well-being. The camping sites are usually located in the outskirt areas surrounded by peaceful and awe-inspiring landscapes, which allows children to immerse themselves in nature and relieve stress. Moreover, the presence of other children at these sites facilitates social interaction, as like-minded individuals can easily understand and relate to one another. This probably helps boost children's happiness and sense of belonging.
Secondly, camping trips can contribute to the development of various skills in children. Engaging in team-building activities during camping, such as organizing a campfire, participating in scavenger games, and exploring nature, offers practical experiences for children to collaborate. This may help them develop soft skills namely communication, leadership, and problem-solving skills. Furthermore, exploring the wilderness under the supervision of the instructor is an exciting activity that can bring substantial benefits to children. Specifically, not only does it improve fitness since it involves extensive physical activities, but it also helps children develop survival skills, fostering independence and self-discipline.
In conclusion, camping offers numerous advantages; therefore, it is worth investing. Soon, I hope this kind of outdoor activity may be officially included in the curriculum program.

Gợi ý nâng cấp từ vựng

1. "Despite that camping has become prevalent for the past few years" -> "Despite the prevalence of camping in recent years"
   Explanation: The original phrase is less formal. By rephrasing to "Despite the prevalence of camping in recent years," the sentence becomes more concise and aligns better with academic style.

2. "I am totally against this idea" -> "I strongly oppose this notion"
   Explanation: "Totally against" is more colloquial, and replacing it with "strongly oppose" maintains a formal tone and adds emphasis without relying on informal language.

3. "Firstly, as far as I know" -> "Firstly, it is noteworthy that"
   Explanation: "As far as I know" is too casual. "It is noteworthy that" introduces the point more formally, aligning with academic writing standards.

4. "outskirt areas" -> "outskirts"
   Explanation: "Outskirt areas" is redundant. Using "outskirts" is more concise and maintains a formal tone.

5. "relieve stress" -> "alleviate stress"
   Explanation: "Relieve" is more casual; "alleviate" is a more formal synonym, enhancing the academic style.

6. "as like-minded individuals can easily understand and relate to one another" -> "as individuals with similar interests can easily understand and relate to one another"
   Explanation: "Like-minded" is somewhat informal. Using "individuals with similar interests" is more formal and precise.

7. "This probably helps boost children’s happiness and sense of belonging." -> "This likely enhances children’s happiness and sense of belonging."
   Explanation: "Probably" is less formal. "Likely" is a more appropriate term for academic writing.

8. "contribute to the development of various skills" -> "contribute to the cultivation of diverse skills"
   Explanation: "Development of various skills" is somewhat generic. "Cultivation of diverse skills" adds specificity and formality to the statement.

9. "Engaging in team-building activities during camping" -> "Participating in team-building activities while camping"
   Explanation: Restructuring the sentence for clarity and formality.

10. "soft skills namely communication" -> "soft skills, namely communication"
    Explanation: Adding a comma after "soft skills" enhances punctuation consistency.

11. "Moreover, exploring the wilderness under the supervision of the instructor is an exciting activity" -> "Furthermore, exploring the wilderness under the instructor’s guidance is an engaging pursuit"
    Explanation: "Moreover" is replaced with "Furthermore" for variety. The revised sentence maintains formality while using a more varied vocabulary.

12. "it involves extensive physical activities" -> "involving rigorous physical activities"
    Explanation: Enhancing the precision of the statement by specifying "rigorous" physical activities.

13. "may be officially included in the curriculum program" -> "could be formally incorporated into the curriculum"
    Explanation: "May be" is replaced with "could be" for a more formal tone, and "curriculum program" is simplified to "curriculum."

Band điểm Task Response ước lượng: 8

Band Score for Task Response: 8 – UNDER WORD

• Answer All Parts of the Question:

  • Detailed explanation: The essay adequately addresses both sides of the prompt. It discusses the potential drawbacks of camping trips and presents a strong argument in favor of their benefits for children’s psychological health and skills development. Relevant examples and explanations are provided.
  • How to improve: While the essay does address both sides, providing a more balanced discussion by acknowledging the concerns of parents who are against camping could strengthen the response. Encourage the inclusion of a brief counterargument to demonstrate a nuanced understanding of the issue.

• Present a Clear Position Throughout:

  • Detailed explanation: The essay maintains a clear and consistent stance throughout, expressing strong support for the benefits of camping trips for children.
  • How to improve: To enhance clarity, explicitly state the author’s position in the introduction and reiterate it in the conclusion. This will leave no room for ambiguity regarding the author’s standpoint.

• Present, Extend, and Support Ideas:

  • Detailed explanation: The essay effectively presents ideas with clear examples, such as the impact of nature on mental well-being and the development of skills through camping activities. Examples are well-elaborated and directly support the author’s argument.
  • How to improve: To further enhance the depth of the essay, consider providing more specific examples or elaborating on existing ones. This will reinforce the points made and add richness to the overall discussion.

• Stay on Topic:

  • Detailed explanation: The essay mostly stays on topic, discussing the benefits of camping trips for children as opposed to the concerns of some parents. However, there is a slight deviation in the conclusion where the author introduces the idea of camping being included in the curriculum.
  • How to improve: Ensure that the conclusion remains focused on the main topic of whether parents should organize more camping trips for their children. If introducing new ideas, connect them explicitly to the central theme to avoid straying too far from the original prompt.

General Comments:

• The essay is well-structured, with a clear introduction, body paragraphs, and conclusion.
• Vocabulary and grammar are generally strong, contributing to the overall coherence of the essay.
• Despite being slightly under the word limit, the essay effectively addresses the prompt and provides a compelling argument.

Overall, this essay demonstrates a strong understanding of the prompt, effectively presenting and supporting ideas. To improve further, consider providing a more balanced discussion, explicitly stating the author’s position, adding depth to examples, and ensuring the conclusion remains closely tied to the main topic.

Band điểm Coherence & Cohesion ước lượng: 7

Band Score for Coherence and Cohesion: 7

• Organize Information Logically:

  • Detailed explanation: The essay demonstrates a moderate level of logical organization. It begins with an introduction stating the writer’s stance, followed by two body paragraphs presenting distinct arguments supporting the benefits of camping for children. Each paragraph focuses on a different aspect: mental well-being in the first paragraph and skill development in the second. However, the transition between these paragraphs could be smoother to enhance the overall coherence.
  • How to improve: Consider using transitional phrases or sentences to link the ideas between paragraphs more explicitly. For instance, phrases like "Building upon this idea," "Moreover," or "In addition" can help create a more seamless flow between the discussion of mental well-being and skill development.

• Use Paragraphs:

  • Detailed explanation: The essay utilizes paragraphs effectively, structuring the content into an introduction, two body paragraphs, and a conclusion. Each paragraph contains a clear main idea and supporting details. However, the second paragraph, focusing on skill development, could benefit from a more structured breakdown of different skills discussed. It tends to cover various skills in one cohesive unit, which might slightly affect readability and coherence.
  • How to improve: Consider subdividing the discussion of skills into smaller paragraphs, each focusing on a specific skill developed during camping. For example, dedicating a paragraph to communication skills, another to leadership, and so forth, with clear topic sentences for each.

• Use a Range of Cohesive Devices:

  • Detailed explanation: The essay employs some cohesive devices to connect ideas within sentences and paragraphs. Examples include phrases like "Firstly," "Moreover," and "Secondly," which aid in structuring the arguments. However, there’s limited diversity in the use of cohesive devices, and their usage could be more extensive to enhance coherence further.
  • How to improve: Introduce a wider range of cohesive devices beyond transitional words. Implement techniques like pronoun references, parallel structures, and repetition of key terms to reinforce connections between ideas. Additionally, consider using linking words specific to cause-and-effect relationships or contrasting ideas, such as "conversely," "therefore," or "as a result."

Overall, while the essay demonstrates a well-structured format and coherent arguments, enhancing the connectivity between paragraphs and diversifying the use of cohesive devices will strengthen the coherence and cohesion, potentially pushing the essay towards a higher band score.

Band điểm Lexical Resource ước lượng: 6

Band Score for Lexical Resource: 6

• Use a Wide Range of Vocabulary:

  • Detailed explanation: The essay exhibits a moderate range of vocabulary. While some varied vocabulary is used, there is room for improvement. For instance, the repetition of phrases such as "camping trips" and "children" could be addressed by introducing synonyms or alternative expressions. Additionally, certain ideas are expressed with limited lexical diversity.
  • How to improve: To enhance the variety of vocabulary, consider incorporating synonyms and exploring different ways to express ideas. For instance, instead of frequently using "children," you could interchange it with "youngsters," "juveniles," or other suitable alternatives. Introduce more nuanced vocabulary to convey ideas more precisely.

• Use Vocabulary Precisely:

  • Detailed explanation: The essay occasionally demonstrates precise vocabulary usage, but there are instances of imprecise language. For example, the phrase "deep concerns among some parents" could be more precisely articulated. Additionally, the use of generic terms like "soft skills" lacks specificity.
  • How to improve: Focus on precision by choosing words that accurately convey the intended meaning. Instead of "deep concerns," consider specifying the nature of concerns, such as "safety concerns" or "financial concerns." For "soft skills," specify the skills explicitly—communication, leadership, and problem-solving.

• Use Correct Spelling:

  • Detailed explanation: The essay has several spelling errors, such as "outskirt" instead of "outskirts," "may be" instead of "maybe," and "like-minded" instead of "like minded." These errors slightly detract from the overall coherence of the essay.
  • How to improve: Pay close attention to spelling accuracy during proofreading. Consider using spelling and grammar check tools to identify and correct errors. Additionally, reviewing the essay after a short break can help spot overlooked mistakes. Developing a habit of proofreading systematically can contribute to improved spelling accuracy.

Overall, while the essay demonstrates competency in lexical resource, refining vocabulary range, precision, and spelling accuracy will further elevate the quality of expression.

Band điểm Grammatical Range & Accuracy ước lượng: 7

Band Score for Grammatical Range and Accuracy: 7

• Use a Wide Range of Structures:

  • Detailed explanation: The essay demonstrates a moderate range of sentence structures. It effectively uses complex sentences, such as "The camping sites are usually located in the outskirt areas surrounded by peaceful and awe-inspiring landscapes, which allows children to immerse themselves in nature and relieve stress." However, there is room for improvement in sentence variety, as a few sentences are straightforward and lack complexity.
  • How to improve: To enhance the variety of sentence structures, consider incorporating more compound and compound-complex sentences. Additionally, explore the use of introductory phrases and clauses to add depth and sophistication to your writing.

• Use Grammar Accurately:

  • Detailed explanation: The essay generally maintains grammatical accuracy, but there are a few instances of minor errors. For example, "many people think this activity is beneficial for kids" could be improved to "Many people think this activity is beneficial for kids." Additionally, there is an error in subject-verb agreement in the sentence "This probably helps boost children’s happiness and sense of belonging."
  • How to improve: Carefully proofread your work to catch such minor errors. Pay close attention to subject-verb agreement and ensure that sentence structures are grammatically sound. Utilize tools like grammar checkers to identify and rectify such issues.

• Use Correct Punctuation:

  • Detailed explanation: Punctuation is generally used correctly; however, there are a few areas where improvement is needed. For instance, "Moreover, the presence of other children at these sites facilitates social interaction, as like-minded individuals can easily understand and relate to one another." The comma after "interaction" is unnecessary.
  • How to improve: Focus on refining punctuation skills, particularly the use of commas. Review the rules for comma usage, paying attention to situations where they are needed for clarity and where they might be superfluous. Practice incorporating commas effectively to enhance the overall flow of your writing.

Overall, the essay demonstrates a strong command of grammatical range and accuracy. To elevate your writing further, aim for increased sentence variety, meticulous proofreading for minor errors, and continued attention to punctuation details.

Bài sửa mẫu

Despite the prevalence of camping in recent years, I strongly oppose the notion that there are deep concerns among some parents about potential drawbacks. I am totally against this idea since I believe that camping trips can offer enormous benefits to children in terms of psychological health and skills development.

Firstly, it is noteworthy that camping can enhance children’s mental well-being. The camping sites are usually located in the outskirts surrounded by peaceful and awe-inspiring landscapes, allowing children to immerse themselves in nature and alleviate stress. Moreover, the presence of other children at these sites facilitates social interaction, as individuals with similar interests can easily understand and relate to one another. This likely enhances children’s happiness and sense of belonging.

Secondly, camping trips can contribute to the cultivation of diverse skills in children. Participating in team-building activities while camping, such as organizing a campfire, participating in scavenger games, and exploring nature, offers practical experiences for children to collaborate. This may help them develop soft skills, namely communication, leadership, and problem-solving skills. Furthermore, exploring the wilderness under the instructor’s guidance is an engaging pursuit involving rigorous physical activities. This not only improves fitness but also helps children develop survival skills, fostering independence and self-discipline.

In conclusion, despite concerns, camping offers numerous advantages, and I believe it is worth investing in. Soon, I hope this kind of outdoor activity could be formally incorporated into the curriculum program.