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Cars damage the environment and their use is increasing. Why? How can this be controlled?

Cars damage the environment and their use is increasing. Why? How can this be controlled?

Opinions are divided on whether the increase of the car industry may exacerbate some current environmental issues. This state of affairs can be attributed to a number of factors and some viable solutions that can be adopted to alleviate the situation may be outlined in this essay.
There can be two key drivers to blame for the increasing popularity of car use. Perhaps, the key reason is because of their convenience for daily purposes such as personal commuting or time-saving benefits. It is true to say that the lack of public transportation services in some areas have become a real problem for workers that live far away from their workplace. In other words, they have no choice but to rely on their private vehicles, namely cars and motorbikes, to commute. This begs for the question why car use is bound to increase, along with the exacerbation of some existing environmental problems.
To address such a problem, it should be, first and foremost, brought to the fore and then it can be tackled by education. With regards to making the problem known to the public, this can be done by mounting the international awareness of the potential dangers posed by car use to the environment, before redirecting citizens towards using other sustainable means of transportation such as buses or electric motobikes. As for education, school children should be educated of a sustainable lifestyle during their early stage of life and this might include recycling, walking, or using bikes. In other words, these children would grow up and act as a role model for their later generation, thus the impacts of such an initiative will reverberate through generations to come.
In conclusion, the impacts on the environment posed by the increasing car use is undeniable and the solutions would lie in public awareness and education.


Gợi ý nâng cấp từ vựng

Errors and Improvements:

  1. "Opinions are divided on whether the increase of the car industry may exacerbate some current environmental issues." -> "Opinions vary on whether the growth of the automotive industry might worsen existing environmental issues."
    Explanation: The revised sentence uses more precise and formal language, replacing "divided" with "vary" and "increase" with "growth of the automotive industry."

  2. "This state of affairs can be attributed to a number of factors and some viable solutions that can be adopted to alleviate the situation may be outlined in this essay." -> "This situation can be attributed to several factors, and viable solutions to alleviate it will be outlined in this essay."
    Explanation: The revised sentence removes redundancy and simplifies the expression, maintaining formality and clarity.

  3. "There can be two key drivers to blame for the increasing popularity of car use." -> "Two key factors can be attributed to the rising popularity of car usage."
    Explanation: The revision eliminates the informal phrase "to blame" and replaces it with a more neutral and formal expression.

  4. "Perhaps, the key reason is because of their convenience for daily purposes such as personal commuting or time-saving benefits." -> "Perhaps the primary reason is their convenience for daily purposes, such as personal commuting or time-saving benefits."
    Explanation: The revised sentence removes unnecessary commas and streamlines the expression for a more formal tone.

  5. "It is true to say that the lack of public transportation services in some areas have become a real problem for workers that live far away from their workplace." -> "It is accurate to state that the absence of public transportation services in certain areas has become a significant issue for workers residing far from their workplaces."
    Explanation: The revision corrects subject-verb agreement and replaces informal phrases with more formal alternatives.

  6. "This begs for the question why car use is bound to increase, along with the exacerbation of some existing environmental problems." -> "This raises the question of why car usage is destined to increase, contributing to the exacerbation of certain existing environmental problems."
    Explanation: The revised sentence uses more formal language and avoids the informal expression "begs the question."

  7. "To address such a problem, it should be, first and foremost, brought to the fore and then it can be tackled by education." -> "To address this issue, it should be highlighted as a priority and then addressed through educational initiatives."
    Explanation: The revision replaces colloquial expressions with more formal alternatives while maintaining clarity.

  8. "With regards to making the problem known to the public, this can be done by mounting the international awareness of the potential dangers posed by car use to the environment, before redirecting citizens towards using other sustainable means of transportation such as buses or electric motobikes." -> "Regarding raising public awareness of the issue, this can be achieved by increasing international awareness of the potential environmental hazards associated with car use, followed by encouraging citizens to use alternative sustainable transportation modes like buses or electric motorcycles."
    Explanation: The revision enhances formality, removes redundancy, and specifies alternative transportation modes more precisely.

  9. "In other words, they have no choice but to rely on their private vehicles, namely cars and motorbikes, to commute." -> "In other words, they are compelled to depend on their private vehicles, specifically cars and motorcycles, for commuting."
    Explanation: The revision maintains clarity while using more formal language and providing specific terms for vehicles.

  10. "As for education, school children should be educated of a sustainable lifestyle during their early stage of life and this might include recycling, walking, or using bikes." -> "Concerning education, school children should be instructed on adopting a sustainable lifestyle from an early age, encompassing practices such as recycling, walking, or using bicycles."
    Explanation: The revision improves the formality and precision of the sentence by using "instructed on" instead of "educated of" and specifying the means of transportation as "bicycles."

  11. "In conclusion, the impacts on the environment posed by the increasing car use is undeniable and the solutions would lie in public awareness and education." -> "In conclusion, the environmental impacts resulting from the escalating use of cars are undeniable, and the solutions lie in enhancing public awareness and education."
    Explanation: The revision corrects subject-verb agreement and uses more formal language for a polished conclusion.

Band điểm Task Response ước lượng: 6

Band Score: 6.0

  1. Quoted text: "Perhaps, the key reason is because of their convenience for daily purposes such as personal commuting or time-saving benefits."

    • Explanation and Suggestions for Improvement: The essay acknowledges the convenience of cars but lacks depth in explaining how this convenience directly leads to an increase in their usage. Providing specific examples or scenarios where car convenience overrides other transportation options could bolster this point. For instance, discussing situations where public transport isn’t available or is inefficient compared to cars could enhance the argument.
    • Improved example: "One pivotal reason for the surge in car usage is their unparalleled convenience for daily commuting. In areas where public transport infrastructure is inadequate or absent, individuals heavily rely on cars for their daily commute, as waiting for sporadic or unreliable buses might lead to tardiness at work or other essential engagements."
  2. Quoted text: "This begs for the question why car use is bound to increase, along with the exacerbation of some existing environmental problems."

    • Explanation and Suggestions for Improvement: The essay touches upon the impact of increased car usage on the environment but doesn’t delve into why this increase is bound to happen. Adding explanations regarding population growth, urbanization, or lack of feasible alternatives could further elucidate this point. For instance, discussing the increase in urban population leading to higher demands for personal transportation might strengthen the argument.
    • Improved example: "Urbanization trends witness a surge in the population density of cities, naturally escalating the demand for personal transportation. With limited alternatives and expanding urban areas, reliance on cars becomes almost inevitable for daily commuting, directly contributing to environmental degradation."

Overall, while the essay addresses the prompt by discussing reasons for the increase in car usage and proposing solutions related to public awareness and education, it could substantially benefit from more detailed and specific examples that support and strengthen the arguments presented. Expanding on the causes behind increased car usage and exploring more diverse solutions would elevate the overall response.

Band điểm Coherence & Cohesion ước lượng: 6

Band Score: 6.0

Explanation:
The essay demonstrates a reasonable level of coherence and cohesion. There is a clear overall progression, with the introduction, body paragraphs, and conclusion following a logical sequence. The writer attempts to organize information and ideas coherently, addressing the reasons behind the increase in car use and proposing solutions. Cohesive devices are used effectively, although there are instances where the connection between sentences may be somewhat faulty or mechanical.

The paragraphing is generally logical, with distinct central topics in each paragraph. However, there are instances where the connection between ideas within and between sentences could be smoother. Additionally, some improvement is needed in the clarity and appropriateness of referencing.

How to improve:

  1. Refine Cohesion: Ensure a smoother flow between sentences. Use a variety of cohesive devices more judiciously to strengthen the connections between ideas.
  2. Enhance Referencing: Make sure references within the essay are clear and appropriate. The relationships between ideas should be explicitly stated to improve overall coherence.
  3. Logical Paragraphing: While there is a logical flow, pay attention to the logical progression within each paragraph. Ensure that ideas within paragraphs are closely related and contribute to the central topic.

By addressing these points, the essay can achieve a higher band score by enhancing the coherence and cohesion in both micro and macro aspects of the text.

Band điểm Lexical Resource ước lượng: 7

Band Score: 7.0
Explanation: The essay demonstrates a sufficient range of vocabulary with some flexibility and precision. There is an attempt to use less common lexical items, and the writer shows awareness of style and collocation. Occasional errors in word choice, spelling, and word formation do occur but do not significantly impede communication.
How to improve: To enhance the Lexical Resource score, strive for more variety in vocabulary, ensuring precise word choices. Pay careful attention to spelling and word formation to reduce occasional errors. Additionally, continue incorporating less common lexical items with increased accuracy to further elevate the lexical sophistication.

Band điểm Grammatical Range & Accuracy ước lượng: 7

Band Score: 7.0

Explanation: The essay demonstrates a variety of complex sentence structures, contributing to a good level of grammatical range. There is a noticeable control of grammar and punctuation, with most sentences being error-free. The writer effectively conveys ideas with clarity, and the use of vocabulary is appropriate. However, there are a few instances of awkward phrasing and minor errors, such as the phrase "it should be, first and foremost, brought to the fore," which could be expressed more succinctly. Additionally, there are a few instances of articles missing, as seen in "mounting the international awareness" and "using other sustainable means of transportation."

How to improve: To enhance the grammatical range and accuracy, the writer should focus on simplifying overly complex expressions and paying attention to articles. Specifically, rephrasing sentences for clarity and ensuring the correct use of articles will contribute to a more polished and error-free essay. Additionally, proofreading the text for minor errors will further elevate the overall grammatical accuracy.

Bài sửa mẫu

The discussion regarding the potential exacerbation of environmental issues due to the burgeoning car industry is a topic with varying opinions. Several reasons contribute to this situation, and feasible solutions can help mitigate these concerns.

Two primary factors contribute significantly to the rising reliance on cars. Foremost, their convenience for daily activities, such as commuting or time efficiency, stands as a key driver. Particularly, in areas lacking sufficient public transportation, workers residing far from their workplaces face a genuine predicament, compelling them to resort to private vehicles—namely cars and motorbikes—for commuting. This necessitates an understanding of why car usage escalates, consequently worsening existing environmental issues.

Addressing this problem primarily demands raising awareness and subsequent education. To begin, there needs to be a widespread dissemination of information regarding the environmental hazards associated with excessive car usage. Redirecting individuals toward sustainable transportation alternatives, like buses or electric bikes, becomes essential. Moreover, instilling the principles of sustainability early in children’s education—emphasizing aspects like recycling, walking, or bike usage—can significantly shape their behaviors. These children, in turn, serve as role models for future generations, ensuring the lasting impact of such initiatives.

In summary, the undeniable impact of increased car usage on the environment necessitates a focus on public awareness and education as pivotal solutions.

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