Children in rural areas are being left behind in their academic development. Why is this the case? What solutions can you suggest?

In remote areas, numerous children have no chances of accessing high-quality education and counter substandard academic systems. This essay will discuss the possible causes of this development and suggest certain feasible solutions to mitigate the problem.

There are two primary reasons for this issue. Firstly, one typical reason is the shortage of amenities and fundamental requirements. Due to hazardous terrains and lack of electrical supply, constructing infrastructure including schools may face several challenges resulting in insufficient educational systems. Another factor resulting in this problem is prejudices held by local residents. People in these places struggle to make ends meet which generates a bias that education is time-wasting and unnecessary. Thus, they prioritize financial assistance by obligating their children to enroll in the workforce to support the family. Numerous families living in mountainous areas in Vietnam force their offsprings to work rather than go to school with the aim of addressing financial constraints.

The first solution is to advocate for the construction of facilities. The authority allocates funds towards building amenities such as electricity and schools to meet the basic needs of residents. This investment will enable educational systems in these regions to align with standard norms, thereby enhancing literacy rate. Furthermore, government campaigns can be implemented to educate residents about the importance of education which eliminates their conservative stereotypes. As a result, children are motivated to attend school and access their right to education. Observing the case of many projects organised by some rural areas in Vietnam, teachers even make home visits to convince their parents’ to allow them to go to school.

In conclusion, these issues are attributed to inadequate infrastructures and misconception of people in remote areas. In order to improve the quality of education, the government needs to facilitate more schools and undertake some initiatives.

Gợi ý nâng cấp từ vựng

Errors and Improvements:

"numerous children have no chances" -> "many children lack opportunities"
Explanation: "Numerous" is less formal than "many," and "have no chances" can be replaced with "lack opportunities" for a more precise and formal expression.
"counter substandard academic systems" -> "address inadequate educational systems"
Explanation: "Counter" is less specific and formal than "address," and "substandard" can be replaced with "inadequate" for clarity and formality.
"This essay will discuss" -> "This essay aims to explore"
Explanation: "This essay will discuss" is a common phrase but can be replaced with "This essay aims to explore" for a more formal and precise introduction.
"one typical reason is" -> "One prevalent reason is"
Explanation: "Typical" is less precise than "prevalent," and "one typical reason is" can be refined to "One prevalent reason is" for clarity and formality.
"hazardous terrains" -> "challenging terrains"
Explanation: "Hazardous" carries connotations of danger, while "challenging" is more neutral and suitable for formal writing.
"prejudices held by local residents" -> "biases among local residents"
Explanation: "Prejudices" is slightly less formal than "biases," and "held by" can be replaced with "among" for clarity and formality.
"struggle to make ends meet" -> "face financial hardship"
Explanation: "Struggle to make ends meet" is idiomatic and less formal, while "face financial hardship" is a more formal and precise expression.
"generates a bias" -> "creates a bias"
Explanation: "Generates" is less formal than "creates," and "a bias" is more precise than "prejudice" in this context.
"obligating their children to enroll" -> "compelling their children to enroll"
Explanation: "Obligating" is less formal than "compelling," and "enroll" can be omitted for conciseness without altering the meaning.
"offsprings" -> "offspring"
Explanation: "Offsprings" is grammatically incorrect; the correct term is "offspring."
"advocate for the construction of facilities" -> "advocate for infrastructure development"
Explanation: "Construction of facilities" is more colloquial than "infrastructure development," which is a more formal and precise term.
"align with standard norms" -> "meet standard requirements"
Explanation: "Align with standard norms" is redundant; "meet standard requirements" is a more concise and appropriate phrase.
"eliminates their conservative stereotypes" -> "dispels their conservative beliefs"
Explanation: "Eliminates" is less formal than "dispels," and "stereotypes" can be replaced with "beliefs" for clarity and formality.
"Observing the case of many projects organised by some rural areas" -> "Examining numerous projects initiated in rural areas"
Explanation: "Observing the case of" is informal; "Examining numerous projects initiated in rural areas" is more formal and precise.
"facilitate more schools" -> "establish additional educational facilities"
Explanation: "Facilitate more schools" is less formal than "establish additional educational facilities," which is more precise and appropriate for formal writing.

Band điểm Task Response ước lượng: 8

Band Score for Task Response: 8

Answer All Parts of the Question:
- Detailed explanation: The essay adequately addresses all parts of the question. It identifies the reasons why children in rural areas lag behind in academic development and suggests potential solutions. The reasons provided include the lack of amenities and infrastructure, as well as cultural biases against education. Solutions proposed include advocating for infrastructure development and conducting educational campaigns.
- How to improve: To further enhance the comprehensiveness of the response, consider providing more specific examples or data to support the identified reasons and solutions. Additionally, a deeper analysis of the cultural biases and their implications on educational access could enrich the discussion.
Present a Clear Position Throughout:
- Detailed explanation: The essay maintains a clear position throughout, asserting that inadequate infrastructure and cultural biases are the primary reasons for the educational gap in rural areas. This stance is consistently supported by examples and suggestions for improvement.
- How to improve: To strengthen clarity, ensure that each paragraph reinforces the central argument and avoids contradictory statements or ambiguous language. Additionally, explicitly stating the thesis in the introduction and restating it in the conclusion can reinforce the coherence of the position.
Present, Extend, and Support Ideas:
- Detailed explanation: The essay presents ideas effectively, with each paragraph focused on either identifying reasons or proposing solutions. However, some ideas could be further extended or elaborated upon to provide more depth and insight. For instance, discussing the specific challenges faced in infrastructure development or providing real-world examples of successful educational campaigns would enhance the argument.
- How to improve: To extend ideas, consider exploring the implications of the proposed solutions or discussing potential challenges in their implementation. Additionally, integrating relevant statistics or research findings can strengthen the support for the ideas presented.
Stay on Topic:
- Detailed explanation: The essay largely stays on topic, focusing on the reasons for the educational gap in rural areas and potential solutions. However, there are instances where the discussion could be more tightly focused, such as avoiding tangential points about specific regions like Vietnam unless directly relevant to the broader argument.
- How to improve: To maintain focus, ensure that each paragraph directly contributes to addressing the prompt without veering off into unrelated topics. This can be achieved through careful planning and structuring of the essay to prioritize relevant content.

Overall, while the essay effectively addresses the prompt and presents coherent arguments, there is room for improvement in providing more detailed explanations, extending ideas, and maintaining focused discussion. By refining these aspects, the essay can further enhance its clarity, depth, and relevance to the topic, potentially leading to an even higher band score.

Band điểm Coherence & Cohesion ước lượng: 7

Band Score for Coherence and Cohesion: 7

Organize Information Logically:
- Detailed explanation: The essay demonstrates a generally logical organization of ideas. It begins with a clear introduction that outlines the discussion points (causes and solutions). Each body paragraph focuses on one aspect (causes and solutions) as indicated by the essay prompt. However, the flow between ideas could be smoother. For instance, transitions between paragraphs could be more explicit to guide the reader through the logical progression of arguments.
- How to improve: To enhance logical organization, consider using transition phrases or sentences between paragraphs to establish clear connections between ideas. Additionally, ensure each paragraph is focused on a single main point to avoid confusion and maintain coherence.
Use Paragraphs:
- Detailed explanation: The essay employs paragraphs effectively to structure its content. Each paragraph addresses a distinct aspect of the topic, with clear topic sentences introducing the main idea of each paragraph. However, there is room for improvement in paragraph coherence, particularly in maintaining focus within paragraphs. Some paragraphs contain tangential information that could be better integrated or omitted.
- How to improve: Focus on maintaining coherence within paragraphs by ensuring all sentences contribute directly to the main point. Avoid introducing unrelated information that may distract from the paragraph’s purpose. Additionally, consider using more varied sentence structures to maintain reader engagement and clarity.
Use a Range of Cohesive Devices:
- Detailed explanation: The essay employs a moderate range of cohesive devices to connect ideas and enhance coherence. Examples include transitional phrases like "firstly," "another factor," and "in conclusion," which help to signal shifts between ideas. However, the essay could benefit from a greater variety of cohesive devices, such as pronouns, conjunctions, and parallel structures, to strengthen the connections between sentences and paragraphs.
- How to improve: Expand the use of cohesive devices beyond transitional phrases to include pronouns (e.g., "this," "these"), conjunctions (e.g., "however," "furthermore"), and parallel structures (e.g., "not only… but also"). This will help to create a more cohesive and unified essay structure, enhancing readability and clarity for the reader.

Band điểm Lexical Resource ước lượng: 6

Band Score for Lexical Resource: 6

Use a Wide Range of Vocabulary:
- Detailed explanation: The essay demonstrates a satisfactory range of vocabulary, incorporating terms such as "amenities," "prejudices," "conservative stereotypes," and "literacy rate." However, the vocabulary usage lacks depth and variety. For instance, the essay could benefit from more diverse and sophisticated vocabulary choices to convey ideas more effectively and engage the reader further.
- How to improve: To enhance the lexical resource score, the writer should aim to incorporate a broader array of vocabulary, including synonyms, idiomatic expressions, and domain-specific terminology. For example, instead of repeatedly using "education," consider alternatives like "scholarship," "learning," or "academic pursuit." Additionally, employing figurative language or nuanced vocabulary can enrich the essay’s tone and depth.
Use Vocabulary Precisely:
- Detailed explanation: The essay occasionally employs vocabulary precisely, such as using "conservative stereotypes" to describe the mindset of local residents. However, there are instances of imprecise vocabulary usage, such as the phrase "fundamental requirements," which could be clarified to enhance precision.
- How to improve: To improve precision in vocabulary usage, strive for clarity and specificity in word choice. Avoid ambiguous terms or vague expressions that could lead to misunderstanding. For instance, instead of "fundamental requirements," specify the necessities required for education, such as "adequate infrastructure" or "essential resources." Additionally, consider the context of each word choice to ensure it accurately conveys the intended meaning.
Use Correct Spelling:
- Detailed explanation: The essay demonstrates generally correct spelling throughout. However, there are a few minor errors, such as "offsprings" instead of "offspring," and "authority" instead of "authorities." These errors do not significantly detract from readability but indicate room for improvement.
- How to improve: To enhance spelling accuracy, consider employing proofreading techniques such as spell-checking tools and reviewing written work carefully before submission. Additionally, familiarize yourself with common spelling rules and patterns to avoid recurring errors. Developing a habit of revising written content systematically can help identify and correct spelling mistakes effectively.

Band điểm Grammatical Range & Accuracy ước lượng: 7

Band Score for Grammatical Range and Accuracy: 7

Use a Wide Range of Structures:
- Detailed explanation: The essay demonstrates a commendable variety of sentence structures, including simple, compound, and complex sentences. For instance, it effectively utilizes compound sentences such as "Due to hazardous terrains and lack of electrical supply, constructing infrastructure including schools may face several challenges resulting in insufficient educational systems." Additionally, complex sentences like "Observing the case of many projects organised by some rural areas in Vietnam, teachers even make home visits to convince their parents to allow them to go to school" showcase sophistication in structure.
- How to improve: To further enhance variety, consider incorporating more complex sentence structures, such as sentences with relative clauses or conditional sentences. This can elevate the coherence and depth of your arguments. Additionally, be cautious of overusing certain sentence structures, ensuring a balanced mix throughout the essay.
Use Grammar and Punctuation Accurately:
- Detailed explanation: Overall, the essay maintains a strong level of grammatical accuracy with few noticeable errors. For instance, the essay effectively employs subject-verb agreement, tense consistency, and appropriate word choice. However, there are some instances where minor grammatical errors are present, such as the phrase "counter substandard academic systems" which could be improved to "counteract substandard academic systems." Additionally, there are a few punctuation errors, like missing commas in compound sentences, such as "Due to hazardous terrains and lack of electrical supply constructing infrastructure including schools may face several challenges resulting in insufficient educational systems."
- How to improve: To enhance grammatical accuracy, consider reviewing sentence structures carefully, paying attention to subject-verb agreement, verb tense consistency, and correct word usage. Proofreading for punctuation errors, particularly in compound sentences, can further refine the clarity and coherence of your writing. Additionally, utilizing complex punctuation marks like semicolons and colons can add sophistication to your writing when used appropriately.

Bài sửa mẫu

In remote regions, many children lack opportunities to access quality education due to inadequate educational systems. This essay aims to explore the reasons behind this trend and suggest possible solutions.

One prevalent reason is the challenging terrains and limited access to basic amenities. Due to rugged landscapes and unreliable electricity supply, establishing schools becomes a daunting task, resulting in substandard educational facilities. Additionally, biases among local residents contribute to this issue. Facing financial hardship, parents often believe that education is futile and prioritize immediate financial support, compelling their children to forgo schooling and join the workforce. For instance, in mountainous regions of Vietnam, families often prioritize work over education to alleviate financial constraints.

To address these challenges, advocating for infrastructure development is crucial. Governments should allocate resources to establish additional educational facilities and improve basic amenities like electricity in remote areas. By doing so, educational systems can meet standard requirements, thereby enhancing literacy rates. Moreover, government campaigns should be launched to dispel conservative beliefs about education. Through educational initiatives, parents can understand the long-term benefits of schooling, motivating them to prioritize their children’s education. Examining numerous projects initiated in rural areas, it’s evident that efforts like teacher home visits effectively convince parents to prioritize education over work for their children.

In conclusion, inadequate infrastructures and misconceptions among residents contribute to the educational disparity in rural areas. To improve educational quality, governments must invest in infrastructure and implement educational campaigns to change attitudes toward schooling.