“Children now are happier than their parents were in the past”. Agree or disagree? Write a paragraph of about 120-150 words to express your opinion.

“Children now are happier than their parents were in the past”.
Agree or disagree?
Write a paragraph of about 120-150 words to express your opinion.

In today's modern life, there are many opinions said that”“Children now are happier than their parents in the past”Through the above point of view, I agree with this idea because children can now eat and sleep independently. Studying is a bit stressful but it is a way for us to change ourselves every day. If we want to catch up with our friends, studying is very important. But in our era, our parents had to work in the fields from a young age and were not allowed to stay at home to study like we did. From an early age, our parents had to It's very difficult to work hard and make money. Our lucky lives now are partly thanks to our parents, so we shouldn't blame or complain, but live a meaningful life to do for our parents. happy and satisfied. That is also one of the ways to make up for the hard times to make your parents happy. You may be tired but look at your parents and then complain. We should be grateful or thanks to the pressure and shortcomings caused by your parents, you can progress and develop more .

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Gợi ý nâng cấp từ vựng

1. "In today’s modern life" -> "In contemporary society"
   Explanation: "In today’s modern life" is redundant and informal. "In contemporary society" is more precise and formal, suitable for academic writing.

2. "there are many opinions said that”“Children now are happier than their parents in the past” -> "there is a prevailing opinion that children today are happier than their parents in the past"
   Explanation: The original phrase is grammatically incorrect and informal. The revised version corrects the grammar and removes the casual tone, making it more suitable for academic writing.

3. "Studying is a bit stressful" -> "Studying can be stressful"
   Explanation: "is a bit stressful" is too informal and vague. "can be stressful" is more precise and acknowledges the variability of the experience, which is more appropriate in academic discourse.

4. "If we want to catch up with our friends" -> "to keep pace with our peers"
   Explanation: "catch up with our friends" is informal and colloquial. "keep pace with our peers" is more formal and academically appropriate.

5. "our parents had to work in the fields from a young age" -> "our parents had to labor in the fields from an early age"
   Explanation: "work in the fields" is somewhat informal and vague. "labor in the fields" is more specific and formal, enhancing the academic tone.

6. "were not allowed to stay at home to study" -> "were not permitted to remain at home to study"
   Explanation: "were not allowed" is somewhat informal and direct. "were not permitted" is more formal and precise, fitting the academic style.

7. "It’s very difficult to work hard and make money" -> "It is extremely challenging to work diligently and earn a living"
   Explanation: "It’s very difficult" is informal and conversational. "It is extremely challenging" is more formal and precise, and "work diligently and earn a living" is more formal than "work hard and make money."

8. "Our lucky lives now are partly thanks to our parents" -> "Our fortunate lives today are partly due to our parents"
   Explanation: "Our lucky lives now" is informal and colloquial. "Our fortunate lives today" is more formal and precise, and "due to" is more academically appropriate than "thanks to."

9. "but live a meaningful life to do for our parents" -> "but strive to lead a meaningful life in gratitude to our parents"
   Explanation: "live a meaningful life to do for our parents" is awkward and unclear. "strive to lead a meaningful life in gratitude to our parents" is clearer and more formal, aligning better with academic standards.

10. "happy and satisfied" -> "content and fulfilled"
    Explanation: "happy and satisfied" is redundant and informal. "content and fulfilled" is more precise and formal, suitable for academic writing.

11. "You may be tired but look at your parents and then complain" -> "You may be exhausted, but consider your parents’ sacrifices before complaining"
    Explanation: "You may be tired but look at your parents and then complain" is informal and conversational. "You may be exhausted, but consider your parents’ sacrifices before complaining" is more formal and emphasizes the importance of reflection before action.

12. "We should be grateful or thanks to the pressure and shortcomings caused by your parents" -> "We should be grateful for the challenges and difficulties imposed by our parents"
    Explanation: "or thanks to" is grammatically incorrect and informal. "for the challenges and difficulties imposed by our parents" corrects the grammar and enhances the formality of the statement.

Band điểm Task Response ước lượng: 5

Band Score for Task Response: 5 – UNDER WORD

• Answer All Parts of the Question:

  • Detailed explanation: The essay attempts to address the prompt by expressing agreement with the statement that children today are happier than their parents were in the past. However, it fails to provide a clear and direct comparison of happiness levels between the two generations. The argument is somewhat vague and lacks specific evidence or examples that would convincingly support the claim. The mention of children being able to "eat and sleep independently" and the stress of studying does not adequately illustrate the overall happiness of children compared to their parents.
  • How to improve: To better address all parts of the question, the writer should include specific examples or statistics that highlight differences in happiness between generations. Additionally, discussing factors such as technological advancements, social freedoms, and mental health awareness could provide a more comprehensive view of the topic.

• Present a Clear Position Throughout:

  • Detailed explanation: While the writer states agreement with the prompt, the position is not consistently maintained throughout the essay. The argument shifts between discussing children’s independence and the hardships faced by parents, which can confuse the reader about the main point. Phrases like "we shouldn’t blame or complain" and "look at your parents and then complain" introduce a moralistic tone that detracts from the central argument about happiness.
  • How to improve: To maintain a clear position, the writer should focus on directly supporting the claim of children’s happiness without introducing unrelated moral lessons. A clear thesis statement at the beginning and a summary of the main argument at the end would help reinforce the position throughout the essay.

• Present, Extend, and Support Ideas:

  • Detailed explanation: The essay presents some ideas, such as the independence of children and the hard work of parents, but these ideas are not fully developed or supported. The argument lacks depth, as it does not explore the implications of these points on children’s happiness. The essay also fails to provide any counterarguments or alternative perspectives, which would enrich the discussion.
  • How to improve: To enhance the presentation and support of ideas, the writer should elaborate on each point made. For instance, discussing how independence contributes to happiness or providing examples of how modern conveniences improve children’s lives would strengthen the argument. Additionally, addressing potential counterarguments would demonstrate critical thinking and lead to a more balanced essay.

• Stay on Topic:

  • Detailed explanation: The essay occasionally deviates from the main topic of happiness, particularly when discussing parental hardships and moral obligations. While these points are relevant to the broader context of generational differences, they distract from the central argument about children’s happiness.
  • How to improve: To stay on topic, the writer should consistently relate all points back to the question of happiness. Each paragraph or idea should clearly connect to how it supports or challenges the notion that children today are happier than their parents were. Using clear topic sentences that align with the main argument can help maintain focus throughout the essay.

Band điểm Coherence & Cohesion ước lượng: 5

Band Score for Coherence and Cohesion: 5

• Organize Information Logically:

  • Detailed explanation: The essay attempts to present a logical argument in favor of the statement that children today are happier than their parents. However, the organization of ideas is somewhat disjointed. For example, the transition from discussing children’s independence to the hardships faced by parents lacks clarity. The essay jumps between ideas without clear connections, making it hard for the reader to follow the line of reasoning.
  • How to improve: To enhance logical flow, the writer should create a clear outline before writing. Each paragraph should start with a topic sentence that introduces the main idea, followed by supporting sentences that elaborate on that idea. For instance, a paragraph could focus solely on the advantages of modern childhood, while another could discuss the challenges faced by parents in the past, with clear transitions between these sections.

• Use Paragraphs:

  • Detailed explanation: The essay is presented as a single block of text, which makes it difficult to identify distinct points. Effective paragraphing is crucial for clarity and helps the reader understand the structure of the argument. The absence of paragraphs leads to a lack of visual breaks and can overwhelm the reader with information.
  • How to improve: The writer should break the essay into at least two or three paragraphs. The first paragraph could introduce the topic and state the writer’s opinion. The second paragraph could provide reasons supporting this opinion, and a third could address the contrasting view or summarize the argument. Each paragraph should focus on a single idea to improve readability.

• Use a Range of Cohesive Devices:

  • Detailed explanation: The essay shows limited use of cohesive devices, which are essential for linking ideas and ensuring smooth transitions between sentences and paragraphs. Phrases like "but," "because," and "so" are used, but they do not sufficiently connect the ideas or indicate the relationship between them. For instance, the transition from discussing children’s current happiness to the historical context of parents’ lives is abrupt and lacks cohesive linking.
  • How to improve: To improve cohesion, the writer should incorporate a wider range of cohesive devices, such as "in addition," "on the other hand," "for example," and "therefore." These phrases can help clarify relationships between ideas and guide the reader through the argument. Additionally, using pronouns and synonyms can help avoid repetition and create smoother connections between sentences.

Overall, while the essay presents a relevant opinion, improving the organization, paragraphing, and use of cohesive devices will significantly enhance coherence and cohesion, potentially raising the band score.

Band điểm Lexical Resource ước lượng: 6

Band Score for Lexical Resource: 6

• Use a Wide Range of Vocabulary:

  • Detailed explanation: The essay demonstrates a reasonable range of vocabulary, with terms like "independently," "stressful," and "meaningful." However, the vocabulary is somewhat repetitive and lacks variety in expression. For instance, the phrase "work hard and make money" could be enhanced with synonyms or more sophisticated expressions such as "labor diligently" or "generate income." Additionally, the phrase "lucky lives" is vague and could benefit from more specific language to convey the intended meaning clearly.
  • How to improve: To enhance vocabulary range, the writer should explore synonyms and related terms. For example, instead of repeatedly using "work," they could incorporate "labor," "toil," or "strive." Engaging with a thesaurus or vocabulary-building exercises can help diversify word choice in future essays.

• Use Vocabulary Precisely:

  • Detailed explanation: The essay contains instances of imprecise vocabulary usage. For example, the phrase "there are many opinions said that" is awkward and could be more clearly expressed as "many people believe that." Additionally, the phrase "thanks to the pressure and shortcomings caused by your parents" is confusing and could mislead readers about the intended meaning. The use of "you" in this context is inconsistent with the overall tone of the essay, which is meant to be more general.
  • How to improve: To improve precision, the writer should focus on clarity and appropriateness of word choice. They should aim to use terms that accurately reflect their intended meaning and maintain a consistent tone. Practicing paraphrasing and summarizing ideas can help in selecting the most appropriate vocabulary.

• Use Correct Spelling:

  • Detailed explanation: The essay contains several spelling errors, such as "it’s" instead of "its" when referring to parents’ hard work, and "thanks to" should be "thank" in the context used. These errors can detract from the overall quality of the writing and may confuse readers.
  • How to improve: To enhance spelling accuracy, the writer should engage in regular spelling practice and utilize tools such as spell checkers. Additionally, proofreading the essay aloud can help catch errors that may be overlooked when reading silently. Keeping a personal list of commonly misspelled words and reviewing them can also be beneficial.

Overall, while the essay meets some criteria for lexical resource, there is significant room for improvement in vocabulary range, precision, and spelling accuracy. By focusing on these areas, the writer can enhance their lexical resource and potentially achieve a higher band score in future writing tasks.

Band điểm Grammatical Range & Accuracy ước lượng: 5

Band Score for Grammatical Range and Accuracy: 5

• Use a Wide Range of Structures:

  • Detailed explanation: The essay demonstrates a limited range of sentence structures. Most sentences are simple or compound, lacking complexity. For instance, the sentence "Studying is a bit stressful but it is a way for us to change ourselves every day" uses a compound structure but does not incorporate any subordinate clauses that could add depth. Additionally, the repetitive use of "our parents" and "children" creates a monotonous rhythm, which detracts from the overall engagement of the writing.
  • How to improve: To enhance the variety of sentence structures, the writer should incorporate more complex sentences that include subordinate clauses. For example, instead of saying "If we want to catch up with our friends, studying is very important," the writer could elaborate by saying, "Although studying can be stressful, it is essential for us to catch up with our friends and succeed in our future endeavors." This not only adds complexity but also improves the flow of ideas.

• Use Grammar and Punctuation Accurately:

  • Detailed explanation: The essay contains several grammatical errors and punctuation issues that hinder clarity. For example, the phrase "there are many opinions said that" is awkward and incorrect; it should be "there are many opinions that say." Additionally, the sentence "From an early age, our parents had to It’s very difficult to work hard and make money" is fragmented and lacks coherence. Punctuation errors, such as missing commas and incorrect quotation marks, also contribute to the overall lack of clarity.
  • How to improve: To improve grammatical accuracy, the writer should focus on proofreading their work for common errors, such as subject-verb agreement and sentence fragments. For punctuation, practicing the correct use of commas, especially in complex sentences, will enhance readability. For instance, revising "happy and satisfied. That is also one of the ways to make up for the hard times to make your parents happy" to "happy and satisfied; this is also one way to compensate for the hardships our parents endured" would clarify the connection between ideas and improve the overall flow of the essay.

In summary, to achieve a higher band score, the writer should focus on diversifying sentence structures and enhancing grammatical and punctuation accuracy through careful revision and practice.

Bài sửa mẫu

In today’s modern life, there are many opinions that say, “Children now are happier than their parents were in the past.” Through this point of view, I agree with this idea because children can now eat and sleep independently. Studying can be stressful, but it is a way for us to change ourselves every day. If we want to keep pace with our peers, studying is very important. In our era, our parents had to labor in the fields from a young age and were not permitted to remain at home to study like we do. From an early age, our parents had to work hard to earn a living. Our fortunate lives today are partly due to our parents, so we shouldn’t blame or complain, but strive to lead a meaningful life in gratitude to our parents. That is also one of the ways to make up for the hard times and make our parents happy. You may be exhausted, but consider your parents’ sacrifices before complaining. We should be grateful for the challenges and difficulties imposed by our parents, as they help us progress and develop more.