Children should always follow their parents’ advice. To what extent do you agree or disagree with this statement?

Children should always follow their parents' advice. To what extent do you agree or disagree with this statement?

Advice from parents is useful but sometimes children shouldn't always follow it. Firstly, parents have more experience than their children so they usually tend to advise them but it isn't always suitable for their children to follow it because this advice based on "their experience". For example, parents always advised women to stay at home to take care of their family but nowadays women are encouraged to go to work like men. Secondly, children should use advice from their parents like an opinion and they should have their opinion. Because everyone has the right to make all decisions, parents should give advice like a guide to help their children so children don't always need to always follow advice from their parents. Children need to experience life to become better if they fail it is the chance for them to learn. Lastly,
children should respect and love their parents but they shouldn't always follow them because you are the one who decides your life, not any person, appreciate failure and learn from it.

Gợi ý nâng cấp từ vựng

Errors and Improvements:

1. "but sometimes children shouldn’t always follow it" -> "but occasionally children should exercise independent judgment"
   Explanation: The original phrase is redundant and lacks precision. "Sometimes children shouldn’t always follow it" can be refined for clarity and formality by stating "occasionally children should exercise independent judgment," emphasizing the importance of critical thinking.

2. "Firstly, parents have more experience than their children so they usually tend to advise them" -> "Primarily, parents possess greater life experience and thus typically offer guidance"
   Explanation: The original sentence lacks sophistication and uses informal language. By replacing "have more experience than their children" with "possess greater life experience" and restructuring the sentence for clarity, the formality and precision of the statement are enhanced.

3. "but it isn’t always suitable for their children to follow it because this advice based on ‘their experience’" -> "However, it may not always be appropriate for children to adhere to parental advice solely based on the parents’ experiences"
   Explanation: The original sentence is verbose and unclear. Simplify by stating "it may not always be appropriate for children to adhere to parental advice solely based on the parents’ experiences," which maintains clarity and formality.

4. "For example, parents always advised women to stay at home to take care of their family but nowadays women are encouraged to go to work like men." -> "For instance, historically parents often advised women to prioritize domestic roles, whereas contemporary society encourages women to pursue careers akin to men."
   Explanation: The original sentence lacks precision and uses colloquial language. By rephrasing and replacing "stay at home to take care of their family" with "prioritize domestic roles," and "encouraged to go to work like men" with "encouraged to pursue careers akin to men," the statement becomes more formal and precise.

5. "Secondly, children should use advice from their parents like an opinion and they should have their opinion." -> "Secondly, children should regard parental advice as one perspective while also cultivating their own opinions."
   Explanation: The original sentence lacks clarity and uses repetitive language. By simplifying and stating "children should regard parental advice as one perspective while also cultivating their own opinions," the statement becomes more concise and formal.

6. "Because everyone has the right to make all decisions" -> "Since individuals possess autonomy in decision-making"
   Explanation: The original phrase lacks precision and formality. By replacing "Because everyone has the right to make all decisions" with "Since individuals possess autonomy in decision-making," the statement becomes more formal and specific.

7. "Children need to experience life to become better if they fail it is the chance for them to learn." -> "Children require life experiences for personal growth; failure presents valuable learning opportunities."
   Explanation: The original sentence lacks clarity and uses informal language. By restructuring and stating "Children require life experiences for personal growth; failure presents valuable learning opportunities," the statement becomes more formal and concise.

8. "Lastly, children should respect and love their parents but they shouldn’t always follow them because you are the one who decides your life, not any person, appreciate failure and learn from it." -> "Finally, while children should respect and love their parents, they should also recognize their autonomy in decision-making and embrace failure as a means of learning."
   Explanation: The original sentence is convoluted and lacks clarity. By simplifying and stating "Finally, while children should respect and love their parents, they should also recognize their autonomy in decision-making and embrace failure as a means of learning," the statement becomes more formal and concise.

Band điểm Task Response ước lượng: 6

Band Score for Task Response: 6 – UNDER WORD

• Answer All Parts of the Question:

  • Detailed explanation: The essay attempts to address all parts of the question by discussing both sides of the argument. It acknowledges the usefulness of parental advice but also argues that children should not always follow it blindly.
  • How to improve: The essay could benefit from a more thorough exploration of both perspectives. While it briefly mentions the importance of parental advice and the need for children to have their own opinions, it could delve deeper into the nuances of when it is appropriate for children to follow parental advice and when it is not.

• Present a Clear Position Throughout:

  • Detailed explanation: The essay maintains a somewhat clear position by asserting that children should not always follow their parents’ advice. However, the position could be more explicitly stated and consistently reinforced throughout the essay.
  • How to improve: To enhance clarity, the essay could begin with a clear thesis statement outlining the stance taken and then ensure that each paragraph reinforces this position with supporting arguments and examples.

• Present, Extend, and Support Ideas:

  • Detailed explanation: The essay presents ideas but lacks depth and development. It briefly mentions examples such as the changing role of women in society but does not expand on them or provide additional evidence to support the arguments.
  • How to improve: To strengthen the essay, it should provide more detailed examples and elaborate on how they relate to the central argument. Additionally, incorporating relevant statistics or studies could bolster the credibility of the points made.

• Stay on Topic:

  • Detailed explanation: The essay mostly stays on topic by discussing the extent to which children should follow their parents’ advice. However, there are some tangential points, such as the importance of experiencing failure, which are not directly related to the prompt.
  • How to improve: To stay more focused, the essay should avoid introducing unrelated ideas and instead concentrate on thoroughly addressing the prompt. This can be achieved by carefully planning the structure of the essay to ensure that each paragraph contributes directly to the central argument.

Overall, while the essay presents some valid points and demonstrates adequate language proficiency, there is room for improvement in terms of depth of analysis, clarity of position, development of ideas, and staying closely aligned with the topic. By addressing these areas, the essay could achieve a higher band score in future assessments.

Band điểm Coherence & Cohesion ước lượng: 6

Band Score for Coherence and Cohesion: 6

• Organize Information Logically:

  • Detailed explanation: The essay demonstrates a clear attempt to organize information logically, with a discernible introduction, body paragraphs, and a conclusion. The introduction sets up the argument, stating the topic and the writer’s position. Each body paragraph presents a distinct point of view, discussing reasons why children shouldn’t always follow their parents’ advice. However, the logical progression between paragraphs could be smoother. For instance, the transition between the first and second body paragraphs feels somewhat abrupt.
  • How to improve: To enhance logical organization, the writer could focus on improving transitions between paragraphs. This could involve using transitional phrases or sentences to guide the reader smoothly from one idea to the next. Additionally, ensuring that each paragraph flows logically from the preceding one can strengthen the overall coherence of the essay.

• Use Paragraphs:

  • Detailed explanation: The essay effectively employs paragraphs to separate different ideas and arguments. Each paragraph focuses on a single point, such as the role of parental advice, the importance of children forming their own opinions, and the necessity of learning from failure. However, there is room for improvement in the structure and coherence within paragraphs. Some paragraphs, particularly the second and third, could be more tightly structured to develop and support their respective arguments.
  • How to improve: To enhance paragraphing, the writer should ensure that each paragraph has a clear topic sentence that introduces the main idea. Supporting sentences should then provide evidence, examples, or further explanation to strengthen the argument. Additionally, revising paragraphs for coherence and unity can help maintain the reader’s understanding and engagement.

• Use a Range of Cohesive Devices:

  • Detailed explanation: The essay makes moderate use of cohesive devices to connect ideas and create coherence. Examples include transitional phrases like "firstly," "secondly," and "lastly," which help signal the organization of the essay. However, there is limited variety in cohesive devices, with a reliance on basic transitional words and phrases. Additionally, some transitions between ideas feel somewhat abrupt, impacting the overall cohesion of the essay.
  • How to improve: To diversify and improve the use of cohesive devices, the writer should consider incorporating a wider range of transition words and phrases. This could include synonyms for commonly used transitions, as well as more sophisticated cohesive devices such as pronouns, conjunctions, and parallel structure. Furthermore, paying attention to the logical flow between ideas can help ensure smoother transitions and enhance overall coherence.

Band điểm Lexical Resource ước lượng: 6

Band Score for Lexical Resource: 6

• Use a Wide Range of Vocabulary:

  • Detailed explanation: The essay demonstrates a satisfactory range of vocabulary. There’s an attempt to use varied vocabulary throughout the essay, with words like "useful," "encouraged," "appreciate," and "experience." However, there’s room for improvement in the diversity and sophistication of vocabulary usage. For instance, instead of repeatedly using "advice," consider using synonyms like counsel, guidance, or suggestion to enrich lexical variety.
  • How to improve: To enhance your score in this criterion, strive for more lexical diversity by incorporating a wider range of synonyms and idiomatic expressions. Utilize a thesaurus to explore alternative words with similar meanings, and practice integrating them naturally into your writing. Additionally, pay attention to collocations and phrasal verbs to further enrich your vocabulary arsenal.

• Use Vocabulary Precisely:

  • Detailed explanation: The essay demonstrates a generally precise use of vocabulary, but there are instances where vocabulary could be more accurate or nuanced. For example, the phrase "because everyone has the right to make all decisions" could be refined to "because everyone has the autonomy to make their own decisions," which conveys a clearer and more sophisticated meaning.
  • How to improve: Aim for greater precision in your word choice to convey your ideas more effectively. Pay attention to nuances in meaning and context, and consider how alternative words or phrases might better capture your intended message. Utilize dictionaries and language resources to deepen your understanding of vocabulary nuances and improve your ability to select the most fitting words for your writing.

• Use Correct Spelling:

  • Detailed explanation: The essay demonstrates generally correct spelling, with only minor errors observed. For instance, "suitable" is spelled correctly, but there are occasional mistakes, such as missing punctuation marks ("women are encouraged to go to work like men"). Overall, spelling accuracy is adequate, but there’s room for improvement in consistency and attention to detail.
  • How to improve: To enhance spelling accuracy, consider implementing strategies such as proofreading your work carefully before submission, utilizing spell-check tools, and actively learning commonly misspelled words. Additionally, familiarize yourself with spelling patterns and rules to develop a stronger foundation in spelling conventions. Practice writing regularly to reinforce correct spelling habits and improve overall accuracy.

Overall, while your essay demonstrates competence in lexical resource, there are opportunities for refinement to elevate the sophistication and precision of your vocabulary usage. By expanding your vocabulary repertoire, refining your word choice, and enhancing spelling accuracy, you can further enhance the clarity and effectiveness of your writing.

Band điểm Grammatical Range & Accuracy ước lượng: 7

Band Score for Grammatical Range and Accuracy: 7

• Use a Wide Range of Structures:

  • Detailed explanation: The essay demonstrates a moderate variety of sentence structures, incorporating simple, compound, and complex sentences. For instance, simple sentences are used for straightforward statements ("Advice from parents is useful"), while compound sentences connect ideas ("Firstly, parents have more experience…"). Additionally, there are instances of complex sentences, although they could be more prevalent for greater sophistication ("Because everyone has the right to make all decisions, parents should give advice like a guide to help their children"). However, more intricate structures such as conditional sentences or participial phrases are notably absent.
  • How to improve: To enhance the variety of sentence structures, consider incorporating more complex constructions like conditional sentences (e.g., "If children heed only their parents’ advice without question, they may limit their potential for growth") or participial phrases (e.g., "Advising children without considering their individual aspirations and abilities could hinder their personal development"). Introducing a wider array of sentence types can elevate the essay’s sophistication and coherence.

• Use Grammar and Punctuation Accurately:

  • Detailed explanation: Overall, the essay demonstrates a commendable level of grammatical accuracy, with few errors that impede comprehension. However, there are instances of faulty subject-verb agreement ("but it isn’t always suitable for their children to follow it because this advice based on ‘their experience’") and minor punctuation inconsistencies (e.g., missing commas in complex sentences). Despite these errors, the essay’s grammatical structure remains largely coherent and understandable.
  • How to improve: To further enhance grammatical accuracy, pay closer attention to subject-verb agreement to ensure consistency throughout the essay. For instance, in the cited sentence, "because this advice based on ‘their experience’," should be revised to "because this advice is based on ‘their experience’." Additionally, review the usage of commas in complex sentences to ensure clarity and coherence. Utilizing tools like grammar checkers or seeking feedback from peers can aid in identifying and rectifying grammatical errors effectively.

Bài sửa mẫu

While parental advice holds value, it’s not always imperative for children to unquestioningly adhere to it. Initially, parents often offer guidance based on their extensive life experiences. However, blindly following such advice may not always align with the child’s best interests, especially considering societal changes. Historically, parents frequently directed women towards domestic roles, but contemporary norms advocate for gender equality in the workforce, indicating the need for children to exercise independent judgment.

Moreover, children should perceive parental advice as one viewpoint among many and develop their own perspectives. Every individual possesses the autonomy to make decisions, thus parental guidance should be seen as supportive rather than authoritative. Consequently, children are not obliged to strictly adhere to parental advice; instead, they should consider it as a reference point while navigating their own paths.

Furthermore, life experiences are vital for personal growth, with failure often serving as a valuable learning tool. Therefore, children should embrace failure as an opportunity for growth rather than fearing it. This mindset fosters resilience and adaptability, essential traits for navigating life’s challenges.

In conclusion, while children should undoubtedly respect and cherish their parents, they should also recognize their autonomy in decision-making. Parental advice should be regarded as one aspect of guidance in a child’s journey towards independence and self-discovery, with the acknowledgment that ultimately, the child holds the reins to their own life.