Children should be required to help with household tasks as soon as they are able to do so. What is your opinion? Use specific reasons and examples to support your answer.
Children should be required to help with household tasks as soon as they are able to do so. What is your opinion? Use specific reasons and examples to support your answer.
In the contemporary era, the issue of whether children should be asked to assist their parents in household chores as soon as they are capable of doing so has gained significant attention from the public sphere. From my perspectives, I wholeheartedly agree with this idea that parents should guide their children to do houseworks from an early age in order to foster overall personal development.
In the first place, performing chores could help children to reinforce their independence and confidence. Implementing chores independently allows them to feel more confident in their abilities. For instance, when a child learns to prepare a simple meal, such as salad, they will feel proud that they can make food for themselves or even their families. This confidence can extend to other areas of their lives, like completing homework on their own or engaging in many social activities. One another positive influence of requiring children to do housework is to improve their physical health. To be more specific, doing chores demands children to expend a considerable amount of energy, preventing them from becoming obese and avoiding some chronic disease related to a sedentary lifestyle . A research in Japan conducted by Osaka University proved that children who frequently engage in household tasks have a higher degree of physical exertion compared to those who don’t. For example, each time of sweeping and mopping within 15-30 minutes can burn 150-200 calories equivalent to walking, which assists people to maintain a stable weight without high intensity of exercise.
Gợi ý nâng cấp từ vựng
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"In the contemporary era" -> "In the current era"
Explanation: "Contemporary" can sometimes imply a slightly more complex or advanced time period, which may not be necessary here. "Current" is straightforward and maintains an academic tone without being overly formal or complex. -
"From my perspectives" -> "From my perspective"
Explanation: "Perspectives" is plural, suggesting multiple viewpoints, which is incorrect in this context where only one perspective is being expressed. "Perspective" is the singular form needed here. -
"wholeheartedly agree" -> "strongly agree"
Explanation: "Wholeheartedly" is an emotional expression that may not be suitable for academic writing. "Strongly" is a more neutral and academically appropriate term. -
"do houseworks" -> "perform household tasks"
Explanation: "Houseworks" is not a standard term and sounds informal. "Household tasks" is the correct and formal term. -
"Implementing chores independently" -> "Performing chores independently"
Explanation: "Implementing" is typically used in a more formal context to describe the introduction or execution of a plan or policy, not the act of doing chores. "Performing" is more direct and appropriate for this context. -
"such as salad" -> "such as preparing a simple salad"
Explanation: Adding "preparing a simple" clarifies the action and provides a more specific example, enhancing the precision of the statement. -
"One another" -> "Another"
Explanation: "One another" is grammatically incorrect in this context. "Another" is the correct form to indicate a second point in a list. -
"doing chores demands" -> "performing chores requires"
Explanation: "Demands" can imply a sense of necessity or obligation that might be too strong for this context. "Requires" is more neutral and appropriate for describing the necessity of chores. -
"preventing them from becoming obese" -> "helping to prevent obesity"
Explanation: "Helping to prevent" is a more formal and precise way to express the beneficial effect of doing chores on health. -
"avoiding some chronic disease related to a sedentary lifestyle" -> "preventing certain chronic diseases associated with a sedentary lifestyle"
Explanation: "Preventing certain chronic diseases" is more specific and formal, and "associated with" is a more precise term than "related to" in this context. -
"A research in Japan" -> "A study in Japan"
Explanation: "Research" is a broad term that encompasses various types of studies. "Study" is more specific and appropriate for referring to a particular investigation. -
"each time of sweeping and mopping within 15-30 minutes" -> "each instance of sweeping and mopping within 15-30 minutes"
Explanation: "Each time" is vague and informal; "each instance" is more precise and formal, suitable for academic writing. -
"burn 150-200 calories equivalent to walking" -> "burn 150-200 calories equivalent to a 30-minute walk"
Explanation: Adding "a 30-minute walk" clarifies the comparison and provides a more specific reference point, enhancing the explanation.
Band điểm Task Response ước lượng: 7
Band Score for Task Response: 7
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Answer All Parts of the Question:
- Detailed explanation: The essay addresses the prompt by stating a clear opinion that children should help with household tasks. The author identifies personal development as a key benefit, which is relevant to the question. However, the essay could improve by explicitly acknowledging the potential counterarguments or alternative perspectives on this issue, such as the need for children to have time for play and education. This would provide a more balanced view and demonstrate a comprehensive understanding of the topic.
- How to improve: To enhance the response, the author should consider briefly mentioning opposing viewpoints and providing a rebuttal. For example, they could discuss the importance of balancing chores with educational and recreational activities, then argue why chores still hold significant value.
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Present a Clear Position Throughout:
- Detailed explanation: The essay maintains a clear position that children should help with household tasks, as evidenced by phrases like "I wholeheartedly agree." However, the position could be reinforced throughout the essay by consistently linking back to this main idea in each paragraph. The transition between ideas could be smoother to ensure that the reader understands how each point supports the overall argument.
- How to improve: To strengthen clarity, the author should use topic sentences that directly reflect the main argument of the essay. Additionally, employing transitional phrases can help connect ideas more cohesively, ensuring that the reader can follow the argument’s progression.
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Present, Extend, and Support Ideas:
- Detailed explanation: The essay presents two main ideas: fostering independence and improving physical health. Each idea is supported with examples, such as the child preparing a meal and the reference to research from Osaka University. However, the examples could be further developed to provide more depth. For instance, the discussion on physical health could include more detailed statistics or a broader range of activities that contribute to fitness.
- How to improve: The author should aim to elaborate on each point by providing additional examples or explanations. For instance, they could discuss how chores teach responsibility and time management, offering specific examples of tasks that illustrate these skills.
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Stay on Topic:
- Detailed explanation: The essay generally stays on topic, focusing on the benefits of children helping with household tasks. However, there are moments where the focus could be sharpened. For example, the mention of physical health could be more directly tied back to the main argument about personal development, rather than standing alone as a separate point.
- How to improve: To maintain focus, the author should ensure that each paragraph clearly relates back to the central thesis. They might consider using a concluding sentence in each paragraph that ties the discussion back to the main argument, reinforcing the relevance of each point to the overall topic.
Overall, while the essay demonstrates a solid understanding of the task and presents relevant ideas, addressing the suggestions above could elevate the response to a higher band score.
Band điểm Coherence & Cohesion ước lượng: 7
Band Score for Coherence and Cohesion: 7
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Organize Information Logically:
- Detailed explanation: The essay presents a clear argument in favor of children helping with household tasks, but the organization could be improved. The introduction effectively sets the stage for the discussion, but the body paragraphs could benefit from clearer topic sentences that directly relate back to the main argument. For instance, while the first body paragraph discusses the development of independence and confidence, it could be more explicitly linked to the overall thesis of personal development. Additionally, the transition between the two main points (confidence and physical health) could be smoother to enhance the logical flow.
- How to improve: To enhance logical organization, consider using clear topic sentences at the beginning of each paragraph that directly relate to the thesis. Additionally, use transitional phrases to connect ideas between paragraphs, such as "Furthermore," or "In addition to confidence, another benefit is…"
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Use Paragraphs:
- Detailed explanation: The essay uses paragraphs effectively, with each paragraph focusing on a distinct point. However, the first body paragraph could be split into two separate paragraphs: one focusing on confidence and independence, and the other on physical health. This would allow for a more in-depth exploration of each point and improve readability.
- How to improve: Consider breaking down longer paragraphs into smaller ones to enhance clarity and focus. Each paragraph should ideally contain one main idea, supported by examples and explanations. For example, after discussing confidence, a new paragraph could begin with a topic sentence about physical health, allowing for a more structured argument.
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Use a Range of Cohesive Devices:
- Detailed explanation: The essay demonstrates a reasonable use of cohesive devices, such as "In the first place," and "For instance." However, there is a limited range of cohesive devices, which can make the writing feel somewhat repetitive. The use of cohesive devices is present but could be more varied to enhance the flow of ideas.
- How to improve: To diversify cohesive devices, incorporate a wider range of linking words and phrases. For example, use "Moreover," "Additionally," or "On the other hand" to introduce new points or counterarguments. Additionally, consider using pronouns to refer back to previously mentioned ideas, which can help with cohesion. For instance, instead of repeating "children," you could use "they" or "these children" to maintain flow.
Overall, while the essay demonstrates a solid understanding of the topic and presents relevant arguments, enhancing the logical organization, refining paragraph structure, and diversifying cohesive devices will contribute to achieving a higher band score in Coherence and Cohesion.
Band điểm Lexical Resource ước lượng: 7
Band Score for Lexical Resource: 7
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Use a Wide Range of Vocabulary:
- Detailed explanation: The essay demonstrates a commendable range of vocabulary, with phrases such as "significant attention," "personal development," and "physical health." These expressions effectively convey the writer’s arguments. However, there are instances where the vocabulary could be more varied. For example, the repeated use of "children" could be substituted with synonyms like "youth" or "youngsters" to enhance lexical diversity.
- How to improve: To elevate the range of vocabulary, consider incorporating more synonyms and varied expressions. For instance, instead of repeatedly using "housework," you might use "domestic tasks" or "household responsibilities." Additionally, integrating idiomatic expressions or advanced vocabulary related to child development could further enrich the essay.
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Use Vocabulary Precisely:
- Detailed explanation: The essay generally uses vocabulary accurately, but there are moments of imprecision. For instance, the phrase "houseworks" is incorrect; the correct term is "housework," which is uncountable. Additionally, the term "one another" is awkward in the context used; "another" would suffice. The phrase "chronic disease related to a sedentary lifestyle" could be more precise by specifying types of diseases, such as "obesity-related diseases."
- How to improve: To enhance precision, review vocabulary choices and ensure they fit the context. Utilize a thesaurus to find more accurate terms and consider the grammatical rules surrounding the words you choose. For example, replace "houseworks" with "housework" and refine phrases to eliminate ambiguity.
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Use Correct Spelling:
- Detailed explanation: The essay contains a few spelling errors, such as "houseworks" and "a research," which should be "research" without the article. These errors can detract from the overall professionalism of the writing.
- How to improve: To improve spelling accuracy, practice writing and proofreading strategies. Consider using spell-check tools and reading the essay aloud to catch errors. Additionally, maintaining a list of commonly misspelled words and reviewing them regularly can be beneficial.
Overall, while the essay demonstrates a solid command of vocabulary, there is room for improvement in range, precision, and spelling accuracy. By focusing on these areas, the writer can enhance their Lexical Resource score in future IELTS writing tasks.
Band điểm Grammatical Range & Accuracy ước lượng: 7
Band Score for Grammatical Range and Accuracy: 7
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Use a Wide Range of Structures:
- Detailed explanation: The essay demonstrates a reasonable variety of sentence structures. For instance, the use of complex sentences is evident in phrases like "In the contemporary era, the issue of whether children should be asked to assist their parents in household chores as soon as they are capable of doing so has gained significant attention from the public sphere." This showcases the writer’s ability to convey complex ideas effectively. However, there are instances of repetitive structure, such as the consistent use of "children should" and "doing chores," which can limit the overall range.
- How to improve: To diversify sentence structures, the writer could incorporate more compound sentences and varied introductory phrases. For example, instead of repeatedly starting sentences with "children," the writer could use phrases like "By engaging in household tasks, children…" or "One significant benefit of involving children in chores is…". Additionally, varying the placement of clauses can enhance the flow and complexity of the writing.
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Use Grammar and Punctuation Accurately:
- Detailed explanation: The essay generally maintains a good level of grammatical accuracy, but there are notable errors that detract from clarity. For example, the phrase "houseworks" should be corrected to "housework," as it is an uncountable noun. Additionally, the sentence "One another positive influence of requiring children to do housework is to improve their physical health" is awkwardly phrased; "Another positive influence…" would be more appropriate. Punctuation is mostly correct, but there are instances where commas could enhance readability, such as before "like" in "like completing homework on their own."
- How to improve: To improve grammatical accuracy, the writer should review common noun forms and ensure correct usage. Practicing sentence restructuring can also help avoid awkward phrasing. For punctuation, the writer should focus on the rules surrounding conjunctions and lists, ensuring that commas are used to clarify meaning. Reading the essay aloud can also help identify areas where punctuation may be lacking or where sentence clarity can be improved.
In summary, while the essay demonstrates a solid command of grammatical range and accuracy, focusing on diversifying sentence structures and refining grammatical and punctuation skills will enhance the overall quality of the writing.
Bài sửa mẫu
In the current era, the issue of whether children should be required to assist their parents with household chores as soon as they are capable of doing so has gained significant attention in public discourse. From my perspective, I strongly agree that parents should guide their children to perform household tasks from an early age to foster overall personal development.
In the first place, performing chores can help children reinforce their independence and confidence. Performing chores independently allows them to feel more assured in their abilities. For instance, when a child learns to prepare a simple meal, such as a salad, they will feel proud that they can make food for themselves or even their families. This confidence can extend to other areas of their lives, such as completing homework on their own or engaging in various social activities. Another positive influence of requiring children to do housework is the improvement of their physical health. Specifically, performing chores requires children to expend a considerable amount of energy, helping to prevent obesity and reducing the risk of certain chronic diseases associated with a sedentary lifestyle. A study in Japan conducted by Osaka University proved that children who frequently engage in household tasks have a higher degree of physical exertion compared to those who do not. For example, each instance of sweeping and mopping for 15-30 minutes can burn 150-200 calories, which is equivalent to a 30-minute walk, assisting individuals in maintaining a stable weight without the need for high-intensity exercise.
In conclusion, I believe that requiring children to help with household tasks from an early age is beneficial for their independence, confidence, and physical health. By encouraging children to perform chores, parents can play a crucial role in their development and well-being.