Children who are brought up in families that do not have large amounts of money are better prepared to deal with the problems of adult life than children brought up by wealthy parents. To what extent do you agree or disagree with this opinion?

Children who are brought up in families that do not have large amounts of money are better prepared to deal with the problems of adult life than children brought up by wealthy parents.

To what extent do you agree or disagree with this opinion?

There is a topic of considerable debate about young people who grew up with limited financial resources tend to cope with hindrances in adult life more easily than others living in affluent backgrounds. From my perspective, I totally believe in this statement due to their unique situation and responsibilities in life.
To begin with, children who have a poverty life are exposed to a huge number of difficult problems. To put it simply, an obstacle childhood enables them to face with several people in various situations. It helps them to develop problem-solving skills at an early age because these experiences contribute to a solid and calm character for almost difficult issues. This is illustrated by Pham Nhat Vuong who is from a lower-income family, having made an effort to work and learn. Therefore, he has become one of the eminent billionaires in Vietnam and the chairman of VinGroup system.
In terms of independence and responsibility, because of their background, they have to learn to do diverse things, starting with housework to take care of themself and their life. Some people say that knowing how to complete a housework task is one of the factors contributing to a successful person. Besides, making decisions based on their lower-income life creates a responsible person. By this I mean that without help from parents or family, they have to decide everything by themselves.
On the contrary, people who have a wealthy background are given a chance to attend healthcare, education and opportunity. With better finances and education from family, they might be easy to access a wide knowledge and help them navigate difficulties efficiently by answers from professionals, but this can lack reality practice.
In conclusion, while upbringing in a wealthy family is a beneficial environment, children from poverty family have overall eyes on real-life. Nonetheless, parents should provide essential resources for children’s development.

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Gợi ý nâng cấp từ vựng

1. "There is a topic of considerable debate about" -> "There is considerable debate about"
   Explanation: Removing "a topic of" simplifies the phrase and makes it more direct and formal, aligning better with academic writing standards.

2. "grew up with limited financial resources" -> "grew up with limited financial means"
   Explanation: "Financial means" is a more precise and formal term than "financial resources," which is commonly used in academic contexts.

3. "tend to cope with hindrances" -> "are more likely to face challenges"
   Explanation: "Face challenges" is a more precise and formal way to describe the difficulties that individuals may encounter, replacing the less specific "cope with hindrances."

4. "I totally believe in this statement" -> "I strongly support this assertion"
   Explanation: "Strongly support" is more academically appropriate than "totally believe," which can sound overly emotional and informal.

5. "poverty life" -> "life of poverty"
   Explanation: "Life of poverty" is grammatically correct and more formal than "poverty life."

6. "exposed to a huge number of difficult problems" -> "confronted with numerous challenging issues"
   Explanation: "Confronted with numerous challenging issues" is more precise and formal, avoiding the colloquial tone of "huge number of difficult problems."

7. "face with several people in various situations" -> "encounter various individuals in diverse situations"
   Explanation: "Encounter various individuals in diverse situations" is more formal and precise, improving the academic tone.

8. "It helps them to develop problem-solving skills at an early age" -> "This fosters the development of problem-solving skills at an early age"
   Explanation: "Fosters the development" is a more formal and precise way to describe the effect of experiences on skill development.

9. "a solid and calm character" -> "a resilient and composed character"
   Explanation: "Resilient and composed" are more precise and academically appropriate terms than "solid and calm," which are somewhat vague and informal.

10. "made an effort to work and learn" -> "strived to work and study"
    Explanation: "Strived to work and study" is more formal and specific, replacing the less formal "made an effort."

11. "chairman of VinGroup system" -> "chairman of the VinGroup system"
    Explanation: Adding "the" before "VinGroup system" corrects the grammatical structure and enhances formality.

12. "take care of themself" -> "take care of themselves"
    Explanation: "Themselves" is the correct form for the plural subject "they."

13. "knowing how to complete a housework task" -> "being able to complete household tasks"
    Explanation: "Being able to complete household tasks" is more formal and precise than "knowing how to complete a housework task."

14. "making decisions based on their lower-income life" -> "making decisions based on their financial circumstances"
    Explanation: "Financial circumstances" is a more formal and precise term than "lower-income life."

15. "have overall eyes on real-life" -> "have a realistic perspective on life"
    Explanation: "Have a realistic perspective on life" is grammatically correct and more formal than "have overall eyes on real-life," which is awkward and incorrect.

16. "parents should provide essential resources" -> "parents should furnish essential resources"
    Explanation: "Furnish" is a more formal synonym for "provide," enhancing the academic tone of the sentence.

Band điểm Task Response ước lượng: 7

Band Score for Task Response: 7

• Answer All Parts of the Question:

  • Detailed explanation: The essay addresses the prompt by discussing both sides of the argument regarding whether children from poorer families are better prepared for adult life than those from wealthy families. The author clearly states their agreement with the statement, providing reasons and examples to support their viewpoint. However, the essay could benefit from a more balanced exploration of both perspectives, as the counterargument regarding the advantages of wealthy upbringing is somewhat underdeveloped and lacks depth.
  • How to improve: To enhance the response, the writer should aim to provide a more thorough examination of the counterargument, perhaps by including specific examples of how wealthy children may also develop resilience or problem-solving skills through different experiences. This would create a more nuanced discussion and demonstrate a comprehensive understanding of the topic.

• Present a Clear Position Throughout:

  • Detailed explanation: The author maintains a clear position in favor of the statement that children from poorer backgrounds are better prepared for adult life. This position is consistently reflected in the opening statement and throughout the essay. However, there are moments where the language could be more assertive, particularly in the counterargument section, which may dilute the overall clarity of the stance.
  • How to improve: To strengthen the clarity of the position, the writer should ensure that each paragraph reinforces their main argument. This can be achieved by explicitly linking back to the thesis statement in each section and using transitional phrases that emphasize the main argument, such as "Despite the advantages of wealth, the skills developed through hardship are invaluable."

• Present, Extend, and Support Ideas:

  • Detailed explanation: The essay presents several ideas related to the benefits of growing up in a low-income family, such as the development of problem-solving skills and independence. The example of Pham Nhat Vuong is a strong supporting detail; however, the essay would benefit from additional examples and more elaboration on how these skills translate into adult life. The counterargument lacks substantial support, which weakens the overall argument.
  • How to improve: To improve the presentation and support of ideas, the writer should aim to include more varied examples that illustrate the skills and attributes developed in both contexts. For instance, discussing specific scenarios where children from wealthy families may face challenges that require resilience could provide a more balanced view. Additionally, elaborating on how the skills learned in poverty directly apply to adult challenges would strengthen the argument.

• Stay on Topic:

  • Detailed explanation: The essay generally stays on topic, focusing on the upbringing of children in different financial situations. However, there are instances where the discussion becomes slightly vague, particularly in the concluding remarks, which could lead to ambiguity regarding the main argument. The phrase "overall eyes on real-life" is unclear and could confuse the reader about the intended message.
  • How to improve: To maintain focus and clarity, the writer should ensure that every point made directly relates back to the main argument. Clear and precise language should be used, especially in the conclusion, to summarize the key points without introducing new or unclear concepts. A more definitive closing statement that reiterates the main argument would enhance the overall coherence of the essay.

Band điểm Coherence & Cohesion ước lượng: 7

Band Score for Coherence and Cohesion: 7

• Organize Information Logically:

  • Detailed explanation: The essay presents a clear argument regarding the advantages of growing up in a financially constrained environment. The introduction effectively sets the stage for the discussion, and the body paragraphs generally follow a logical progression. For instance, the first body paragraph discusses the challenges faced by children from low-income families, while the second contrasts this with the advantages of wealthier backgrounds. However, the transition between ideas could be smoother. For example, the shift from discussing the challenges of poverty to the benefits of wealth feels abrupt and could benefit from a clearer linking sentence.
  • How to improve: To enhance logical flow, consider using transitional phrases that explicitly connect ideas between paragraphs. For example, after discussing the skills developed from overcoming challenges, you could introduce the next paragraph with a sentence like, "In contrast to these challenges, children from affluent families often enjoy certain privileges that can also shape their adult lives." This would help guide the reader more clearly through your argument.

• Use Paragraphs:

  • Detailed explanation: The essay uses paragraphs effectively to separate different ideas, which is a strength. Each paragraph focuses on a specific aspect of the argument, making it easier for the reader to follow. However, the second body paragraph could be further divided to distinguish between the responsibilities learned in poverty and the advantages of wealth. The current structure may lead to confusion as it mixes two distinct ideas in one paragraph.
  • How to improve: Consider breaking the second body paragraph into two separate paragraphs: one focusing on the responsibilities learned by children in poverty and another discussing the advantages of wealth. This will allow for a more detailed exploration of each point and improve clarity.

• Use a Range of Cohesive Devices:

  • Detailed explanation: The essay demonstrates a reasonable use of cohesive devices, such as "to begin with," "besides," and "on the contrary," which help to guide the reader through the argument. However, the range of cohesive devices is somewhat limited, and some phrases are used repetitively, which can detract from the overall fluency of the essay. For instance, the phrase "by this I mean" is used but could be replaced with more varied expressions to enhance sophistication.
  • How to improve: To diversify the use of cohesive devices, incorporate a wider range of linking words and phrases. For example, instead of repeatedly using "besides," you could use alternatives like "in addition," "furthermore," or "moreover." Additionally, consider using conjunctions and adverbial phrases to create more complex sentences that connect ideas more fluidly.

In summary, while the essay demonstrates a good understanding of the topic and presents a coherent argument, improvements in logical transitions, paragraph structure, and the variety of cohesive devices will enhance the overall coherence and cohesion, potentially raising the band score.

Band điểm Lexical Resource ước lượng: 6

Band Score for Lexical Resource: 6

• Use a Wide Range of Vocabulary:

  • Detailed explanation: The essay demonstrates a reasonable range of vocabulary, with terms like "affluent," "obstacle childhood," and "problem-solving skills." However, there are instances of repetition and limited variation in word choice, such as the repeated use of "children" and "wealthy." The phrase "poverty life" is also awkward and not commonly used in English, which detracts from the overall lexical variety.
  • How to improve: To enhance vocabulary range, the writer should aim to incorporate synonyms and related terms. For example, instead of repeatedly using "children," alternatives like "youth," "youngsters," or "individuals" could be employed. Additionally, phrases like "financially disadvantaged" or "low-income families" could replace "poverty life" for clarity and precision.

• Use Vocabulary Precisely:

  • Detailed explanation: While the essay includes some precise vocabulary, there are notable imprecisions. For instance, the phrase "face with several people in various situations" is awkward; it would be clearer to say "interact with various people in different situations." The term "housework task" is also somewhat redundant, as "housework" already implies tasks related to household duties.
  • How to improve: To improve precision, the writer should focus on using phrases that accurately convey their intended meaning. For example, instead of "face with several people," they could say "encounter various individuals." Additionally, simplifying phrases to eliminate redundancy will enhance clarity, such as just using "housework" instead of "housework task."

• Use Correct Spelling:

  • Detailed explanation: The essay contains several spelling errors, such as "hindrances" (which is correctly spelled but may not be the best choice in context), "poverty life" (which is not a standard phrase), and "take care of themself" (should be "themselves"). These errors can distract the reader and affect the overall impression of the writing.
  • How to improve: To enhance spelling accuracy, the writer should engage in regular proofreading practices. Utilizing tools like spell checkers or grammar checkers can help identify errors before submission. Additionally, reading the essay aloud can help catch awkward phrases and spelling mistakes, as it allows the writer to hear how the text flows and identify any inconsistencies.

Overall, while the essay presents a coherent argument and demonstrates some lexical competence, addressing these areas of vocabulary range, precision, and spelling will significantly improve the overall quality and clarity of the writing.

Band điểm Grammatical Range & Accuracy ước lượng: 7

Band Score for Grammatical Range and Accuracy: 7

• Use a Wide Range of Structures:

  • Detailed explanation: The essay demonstrates a good range of sentence structures, including simple, compound, and complex sentences. For instance, the opening sentence effectively uses a complex structure: "There is a topic of considerable debate about young people who grew up with limited financial resources tend to cope with hindrances in adult life more easily than others living in affluent backgrounds." This showcases the writer’s ability to incorporate subordinate clauses. However, there are instances where sentence structures could be more varied. For example, phrases like "to begin with" and "by this I mean" are somewhat formulaic and could be replaced with more varied transitional phrases to enhance the flow of ideas.
  • How to improve: To diversify sentence structures, the writer should practice using a mix of different types of sentences, such as starting sentences with adverbial clauses or using inversion for emphasis. For example, instead of saying "To put it simply," the writer could start with "Simply put," or "In simpler terms," which would add variety. Additionally, incorporating more relative clauses or participial phrases could enhance complexity and interest.

• Use Grammar and Punctuation Accurately:

  • Detailed explanation: The essay contains several grammatical inaccuracies and punctuation errors that detract from its overall clarity. For example, the phrase "children who have a poverty life" is awkward and should be revised to "children who live in poverty." Additionally, the sentence "an obstacle childhood enables them to face with several people in various situations" contains a prepositional error; it should be "face several people" instead of "face with several people." Punctuation errors, such as missing commas in complex sentences, also hinder readability. For instance, "because of their background, they have to learn to do diverse things" could benefit from clearer punctuation to separate clauses effectively.
  • How to improve: To enhance grammatical accuracy, the writer should review common grammatical structures and their proper usage, particularly focusing on prepositions and article usage. Regular practice with grammar exercises, particularly those that focus on sentence structure and punctuation, can also be beneficial. Additionally, proofreading the essay for punctuation errors and ensuring that commas are used appropriately in complex sentences will improve clarity and coherence.

In summary, while the essay demonstrates a commendable range of grammatical structures and generally effective communication, addressing the identified weaknesses in sentence variety and grammatical accuracy will help elevate the writing to a higher band score.

Bài sửa mẫu

There is considerable debate about whether young people who grew up with limited financial resources tend to cope with the hindrances of adult life more easily than those living in affluent backgrounds. From my perspective, I strongly support this assertion due to their unique situations and responsibilities in life.

To begin with, children who experience a life of poverty are exposed to a large number of difficult problems. To put it simply, a challenging childhood enables them to confront various individuals in diverse situations. It helps them to develop problem-solving skills at an early age because these experiences contribute to a resilient and composed character when faced with challenging issues. This is illustrated by Pham Nhat Vuong, who comes from a lower-income family and has strived to work and study. Therefore, he has become one of the eminent billionaires in Vietnam and the chairman of the VinGroup system.

In terms of independence and responsibility, due to their background, they have to learn to do various tasks, starting with household chores to take care of themselves and their lives. Some people say that knowing how to complete household tasks is one of the factors contributing to a successful person. Besides, making decisions based on their financial circumstances creates a responsible individual. By this, I mean that without help from parents or family, they have to decide everything by themselves.

On the contrary, people who come from wealthy backgrounds are given the chance to access healthcare, education, and opportunities. With better finances and education from their families, they might find it easier to acquire a wide range of knowledge and navigate difficulties efficiently with answers from professionals, but this can lack real-life practice.

In conclusion, while growing up in a wealthy family provides a beneficial environment, children from poverty-stricken families have a more realistic perspective on life. Nonetheless, parents should furnish essential resources for their children’s development.