Children’s exposure to digital materials, e.g., e-books, audio books, interactive books, website, blogs, video games, etc., has increased. What effects could this exposure have on children’s learning? Write an effect essay of around 450 words. Use supporting details and examples to support your essay.
Children’s exposure to digital materials, e.g., e-books, audio books, interactive books, website, blogs, video games, etc., has increased. What effects could this exposure have on children’s learning?
Write an effect essay of around 450 words. Use supporting details and examples to support your essay.
In this day and age, adolescents more and more have access to digital materials such as e-books, interactive books, websites, blogs, video games, etc… Because of technological development, education has a lot of study opportunities. This increasing can bring a lot of benefits but it also give some drawbacks . Thus, this essay will look at clearly effects of digital materials for children.
On the one hand, the major advantage of digital materials is finding and accessing knowledges or information easily. In the 4.0 era, children use technical devices to access media platform which find materials or study online. With various materials of subjects, adolescents can yield many new knowledge that they want to study. Another benefit is convenience that digital materials bring. Althought undeniable benefits of traditional materials such as books, digital materials still more convenience than paper materials. Student do not need go to the library or read a lot of books to find knowledge that they want, digital materials can help them to tackle it. Using internet can fastly search information through e-books, websites, blogs, etc. For example, students use Google Scholar tool to read many research sciences and it help them have a range of information very quality. In addition, adolescents can use digital materials everywhere that they need an information imediately just by laptop, smartphone, ipad. Many childern, for instance, using morden devices study on the bus when they go to school since they are very convenience. Therefore, nowadays digital materials are very useful for adolescents in education.
On the other hand, despite digital materials bring for children positive aspects but it still has negative aspects if do not know how use them correctly. Many adolescents can use morden devices to play games, watch films instead to learn or resesrch. Their parents bought them for children to study but adolescent just use these devices with other purposes. Besides, if childen play games or watch film too much, they could become addicting and not be released. For instance, having a child addict to video game, he play it all day and do not study so this affect a lot of with his outcome study. This is the bigest negative effect that parents should concentrate on your children.
In conclusion, digital materials have many positive and negative effects for children increasingly when nowadays they can access to internet, e-book, website,etc. Undeniable that their’s benefits bring for adolescent is so big about convenience but it still has negative aspects needing improve. Parents should have responsibility forwards their children, they need control their’s time using morden devices and concentrate on their education.
Gợi ý nâng cấp từ vựng
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"In this day and age" -> "In this day and age"
Explanation: Removing the extra space before "this" corrects a typographical error, ensuring the phrase is grammatically correct and visually appealing in an academic context. -
"more and more" -> "increasingly"
Explanation: "Increasingly" is a more formal and concise alternative to "more and more," which is somewhat colloquial and repetitive. -
"Because of technological development, education has a lot of study opportunities." -> "Due to technological advancements, education offers numerous study opportunities."
Explanation: "Due to technological advancements" is more precise and formal than "Because of technological development," and "offers numerous study opportunities" is more specific and academically appropriate than "has a lot of study opportunities." -
"This increasing can bring a lot of benefits but it also give some drawbacks" -> "This increasing can bring numerous benefits, but it also presents some drawbacks"
Explanation: "Numerous benefits" and "presents some drawbacks" are more precise and formal than "a lot of benefits" and "give some drawbacks," respectively, aligning better with academic style. -
"look at clearly effects" -> "examine the effects"
Explanation: "Examine the effects" is a more precise and formal expression than "look at clearly effects," which is grammatically incorrect and informal. -
"finding and accessing knowledges or information easily" -> "accessing knowledge and information easily"
Explanation: "Accessing knowledge and information" is grammatically correct and more formal than "finding and accessing knowledges or information," which is awkward and incorrect. -
"Althought" -> "Although"
Explanation: "Although" is the correct spelling of the word, correcting a typographical error. -
"Student do not need go to the library or read a lot of books" -> "Students do not need to visit the library or read numerous books"
Explanation: "Students" should be plural, and "visit the library" and "read numerous books" are more formal and precise than "go to the library" and "read a lot of books." -
"Using internet can fastly search information" -> "Using the internet enables fast searching of information"
Explanation: "Enables fast searching of information" is more formal and grammatically correct than "Using internet can fastly search information," which is awkward and incorrect. -
"imediately" -> "immediately"
Explanation: Corrects a typographical error. -
"childern" -> "children"
Explanation: Corrects a typographical error. -
"morden devices" -> "modern devices"
Explanation: Corrects a typographical error and uses the correct adjective "modern" to describe devices. -
"resesrch" -> "research"
Explanation: Corrects a typographical error. -
"addicting" -> "addictive"
Explanation: "Addictive" is the correct adjective form needed here, not "addicting." -
"affect a lot of with his outcome study" -> "affect his academic outcomes"
Explanation: "Affect his academic outcomes" is grammatically correct and more precise than "affect a lot of with his outcome study," which is awkward and unclear. -
"the bigest negative effect" -> "the greatest negative effect"
Explanation: "Greatest" is the correct comparative form of "great," correcting a typographical error. -
"responsibility forwards their children" -> "responsibility towards their children"
Explanation: "Responsibility towards their children" is grammatically correct and more formal than "responsibility forwards their children." -
"they need control their’s time" -> "they need to control their time"
Explanation: "Need to control their time" is grammatically correct and more formal than "need control their’s time," which is incorrect and informal.
Band điểm Task Response ước lượng: 7
Band Score for Task Response: 7
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Answer All Parts of the Question:
- Detailed explanation: The essay addresses the prompt by discussing both the positive and negative effects of children’s exposure to digital materials. The introduction outlines the benefits and drawbacks, and the body paragraphs provide examples of each. However, the essay could have been more explicit in detailing the specific effects on children’s learning, particularly in terms of cognitive development or academic performance. For instance, while it mentions convenience and access to information, it could elaborate on how these factors directly influence learning outcomes.
- How to improve: To comprehensively address all elements of the question, the writer should explicitly link the effects discussed to children’s learning. This could involve providing specific examples of how digital materials enhance learning processes or hinder them, such as improved engagement or potential distractions.
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Present a Clear Position Throughout:
- Detailed explanation: The essay presents a clear position that digital materials have both benefits and drawbacks. However, the transition between the positive and negative aspects could be smoother. The phrase "despite digital materials bring for children positive aspects" is somewhat awkward and detracts from the clarity of the position. The conclusion reiterates the dual nature of digital materials but lacks a strong, definitive stance on whether the benefits outweigh the drawbacks.
- How to improve: To maintain a clear and consistent position, the writer should use transitional phrases that clearly delineate between the positive and negative effects. Additionally, the conclusion could benefit from a more decisive statement regarding the overall impact of digital materials on learning.
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Present, Extend, and Support Ideas:
- Detailed explanation: The essay presents several ideas regarding the benefits and drawbacks of digital materials. For example, it discusses how digital materials provide easy access to information and the convenience of studying anywhere. However, some points are not fully developed. For instance, the mention of using Google Scholar is a good example, but it could be expanded to explain how this access enhances research skills or critical thinking.
- How to improve: To effectively present, extend, and support ideas, the writer should aim to elaborate on each point with more detailed examples and explanations. This could include discussing specific studies or statistics that illustrate the impact of digital materials on learning or providing more in-depth analysis of the potential negative effects, such as addiction to gaming.
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Stay on Topic:
- Detailed explanation: The essay generally stays on topic, focusing on the effects of digital materials on children’s learning. However, there are moments where the focus shifts slightly, particularly in the discussion of addiction to video games, which could be more closely tied back to learning outcomes. The phrase "this affect a lot of with his outcome study" is vague and could be clarified to better connect the idea to the main topic.
- How to improve: To maintain focus and relevance to the topic, the writer should ensure that all examples and discussions directly relate back to the effects on learning. Clarifying statements and ensuring that each point ties back to the main argument will help keep the essay on track.
Overall, while the essay demonstrates a good understanding of the topic and presents a balanced view, improvements in clarity, depth of analysis, and explicit connections to learning outcomes could elevate the score further.
Band điểm Coherence & Cohesion ước lượng: 7
Band Score for Coherence and Cohesion: 7
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Organize Information Logically:
- Detailed explanation: The essay presents a clear structure with an introduction, two main body paragraphs, and a conclusion. The introduction effectively sets the stage for the discussion by stating the topic and the intention to explore both positive and negative effects of digital materials on children. Each body paragraph focuses on a distinct aspect: the first discusses the advantages, while the second addresses the disadvantages. However, the logical flow within paragraphs could be improved. For instance, the transition from discussing the benefits of digital materials to the drawbacks feels abrupt, lacking a clear linking sentence that would guide the reader through the shift in focus.
- How to improve: To enhance logical organization, consider using transitional phrases or sentences at the beginning or end of paragraphs to connect ideas more fluidly. For example, after discussing the benefits, a sentence like "Despite these advantages, there are significant drawbacks that must be considered" could better prepare the reader for the subsequent discussion on negative effects.
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Use Paragraphs:
- Detailed explanation: The essay uses paragraphs effectively, with each one focusing on a specific point. However, the paragraphs could be further refined to enhance clarity. For instance, the first body paragraph contains several ideas that could be broken down into smaller, more focused paragraphs. The discussion about convenience and the ability to access information could each be a separate paragraph, allowing for a more in-depth exploration of each point.
- How to improve: Consider dividing longer paragraphs into smaller ones to maintain focus and clarity. Each paragraph should ideally contain a single main idea supported by examples. This will not only improve readability but also help in emphasizing each point more effectively.
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Use a Range of Cohesive Devices:
- Detailed explanation: The essay employs some cohesive devices, such as "On the one hand" and "On the other hand," which help to structure the argument. However, the range of cohesive devices used is somewhat limited, and there are instances where the connections between sentences could be clearer. For example, phrases like "this increasing can bring a lot of benefits" could be more explicitly linked to the subsequent discussion on convenience, which currently feels somewhat disjointed.
- How to improve: To diversify the use of cohesive devices, incorporate a wider variety of linking words and phrases. For instance, use "Furthermore," "In addition," or "Conversely" to connect ideas within and between paragraphs. Additionally, ensure that pronouns and demonstrative adjectives clearly refer back to the nouns they replace to avoid ambiguity. For example, instead of saying "this affect a lot of with his outcome study," clarify what "this" refers to for better coherence.
Overall, while the essay demonstrates a good understanding of the topic and presents a coherent argument, enhancing the logical flow, refining paragraph structure, and diversifying cohesive devices will contribute to a higher band score in Coherence and Cohesion.
Band điểm Lexical Resource ước lượng: 6
Band Score for Lexical Resource: 6
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Use a Wide Range of Vocabulary:
- Detailed explanation: The essay demonstrates a reasonable range of vocabulary related to the topic of digital materials and their effects on children. Terms such as "digital materials," "interactive books," and "accessing knowledge" are relevant and appropriate. However, the vocabulary is somewhat repetitive, particularly with phrases like "digital materials" and "adolescents," which could be varied to enhance the essay’s richness. For example, instead of repeatedly using "digital materials," the writer could incorporate synonyms such as "electronic resources" or "online content."
- How to improve: To improve vocabulary range, the writer should aim to incorporate synonyms and varied expressions. For instance, instead of saying "access to digital materials," alternatives like "utilization of online resources" or "engagement with electronic content" could be used. Additionally, exploring more advanced vocabulary related to education and technology would enhance the essay’s sophistication.
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Use Vocabulary Precisely:
- Detailed explanation: While the essay contains some precise vocabulary, there are instances of imprecise usage that detract from clarity. For example, the phrase "finding and accessing knowledges" is awkward; "knowledge" is an uncountable noun and should not be pluralized. The term "addicting" is also incorrectly used; the correct term would be "addictive." Furthermore, phrases like "the bigest negative effect" contain spelling errors and lack specificity.
- How to improve: To enhance precision, the writer should focus on using vocabulary correctly and ensuring that terms are used in their appropriate forms. For instance, changing "knowledges" to "knowledge" and "addicting" to "addictive" would improve clarity. It is also advisable to proofread for spelling errors and to ensure that vocabulary accurately conveys the intended meaning.
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Use Correct Spelling:
- Detailed explanation: The essay contains several spelling errors that affect the overall impression. Words such as "imediately" (immediately), "childern" (children), "bigest" (biggest), and "morden" (modern) are misspelled, which can distract the reader and undermine the writer’s credibility. Additionally, the use of "resesrch" instead of "research" further illustrates the need for attention to detail in spelling.
- How to improve: To improve spelling accuracy, the writer should engage in regular practice, such as using spelling apps or tools that highlight errors. Reading extensively can also help reinforce correct spelling through exposure. Before submitting any written work, a thorough proofreading process should be implemented to catch and correct spelling mistakes.
In summary, while the essay demonstrates a foundational understanding of the topic and employs relevant vocabulary, there are notable areas for improvement in vocabulary range, precision, and spelling. By diversifying vocabulary, ensuring precise usage, and enhancing spelling accuracy, the writer can work towards achieving a higher band score in the Lexical Resource criteria.
Band điểm Grammatical Range & Accuracy ước lượng: 5
Band Score for Grammatical Range and Accuracy: 5
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Use a Wide Range of Structures:
- Detailed explanation: The essay demonstrates some attempt to use a variety of sentence structures, but it largely relies on simple and compound sentences. For example, sentences like "This increasing can bring a lot of benefits but it also give some drawbacks" show a basic structure but lack complexity. There are also instances of awkward phrasing, such as "the major advantage of digital materials is finding and accessing knowledges or information easily," where the structure could be improved for clarity and sophistication.
- How to improve: To enhance the range of structures, the writer should incorporate more complex sentences, such as those using subordinate clauses (e.g., "Although digital materials offer many advantages, they can also lead to distractions if not used properly"). Additionally, varying sentence beginnings and using a mix of declarative, interrogative, and conditional sentences can add depth to the writing.
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Use Grammar and Punctuation Accurately:
- Detailed explanation: The essay contains several grammatical errors and punctuation issues that hinder clarity. For instance, phrases like "this increasing can bring a lot of benefits" should be corrected to "this increase can bring many benefits." There are also issues with subject-verb agreement, such as "it also give some drawbacks" (should be "it also gives some drawbacks"). Punctuation errors, such as the misuse of ellipses and commas, are present throughout the essay, which disrupts the flow of reading. For example, "digital materials can help them to tackle it" lacks clarity and could be better punctuated for emphasis.
- How to improve: To improve grammatical accuracy, the writer should focus on subject-verb agreement and the correct use of tenses. Regular practice with grammar exercises and seeking feedback on written work can help identify and correct these errors. Additionally, reviewing punctuation rules, especially for commas and periods, will enhance the overall readability of the essay. Reading well-structured essays can also provide models for correct grammar and punctuation usage.
In summary, while the essay presents some relevant ideas and attempts to address the prompt, the lack of varied sentence structures and frequent grammatical and punctuation errors limit its effectiveness. Focusing on these areas will help elevate the essay to a higher band score.
Bài sửa mẫu
In this day and age, adolescents increasingly have access to digital materials such as e-books, interactive books, websites, blogs, video games, etc. Due to technological advancements, education offers numerous study opportunities. This increasing access can bring numerous benefits, but it also presents some drawbacks. Thus, this essay will examine the effects of digital materials on children’s learning.
On the one hand, the major advantage of digital materials is finding and accessing knowledge or information easily. In the 4.0 era, children use modern devices to access media platforms where they can find materials or study online. With various subjects available, adolescents can gain a lot of new knowledge that they want to study. Another benefit is the convenience that digital materials bring. Although there are undeniable benefits of traditional materials such as books, digital materials are still more convenient than paper materials. Students do not need to visit the library or read numerous books to find the knowledge they want; digital materials can help them tackle this. Using the internet enables fast searching of information through e-books, websites, blogs, etc. For example, students can use Google Scholar to read many scientific research papers, which helps them access a wide range of high-quality information. In addition, adolescents can use digital materials everywhere they need information immediately, just by using a laptop, smartphone, or iPad. Many children, for instance, use modern devices to study on the bus when they go to school since they are very convenient. Therefore, nowadays, digital materials are very useful for adolescents in education.
On the other hand, despite the positive aspects that digital materials bring for children, they also have negative aspects if not used correctly. Many adolescents can use modern devices to play games or watch films instead of learning or researching. Their parents buy these devices for educational purposes, but adolescents often use them for other purposes. Besides, if children play games or watch films too much, they could become addicted and unable to stop. For instance, if a child becomes addicted to video games, he may play all day and neglect his studies, which significantly affects his academic outcomes. This is the greatest negative effect that parents should concentrate on regarding their children.
In conclusion, digital materials have many positive and negative effects on children, especially as they can increasingly access the internet, e-books, websites, etc. Undeniably, the benefits they bring to adolescents are significant in terms of convenience, but there are still negative aspects that need improvement. Parents should have responsibility towards their children; they need to control their time using modern devices and concentrate on their education.
