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Choose one of the topics below and write a complete essay. Give reasons for your answer and include any relevant examples from your own knowledge or experience. Write at least 250 words. 1. A lot of companies and organizations require employees to wear. Which kind of jobs are uniforms suitable for? Are there any disadvantages to wearing a uniform to work?

Choose one of the topics below and write a complete essay. Give reasons for your answer and include any relevant examples from your own knowledge or experience. Write at least 250 words.
1. A lot of companies and organizations require employees to wear.
Which kind of jobs are uniforms suitable for? Are there any disadvantages to wearing a uniform to work?

Uniforms have been a requirement in many jobs both today and in years past. Its greatest disadvantage is resentment, and this is so with jobs that should be easily identifiable.

The professions that use uniforms the most are those of authority. These figures must be identifiable by the public and fellow staff members. The first example of this is armies which, to be able effectively to fight an enemy, had to be identifiable to their citizens as well as to each other. The same reasoning still applies to those in authority today, such as police and firemen. There are also civilian professions in which authority is clearly appropriate, for instance, doctors, judges, and chefs. Uniforms are even needed for simplest jobs, such as working in a grocery or fast food restaurant, so that customers can more easily recognize them.

A drawback of wearing a uniform to work is its consequence on morale. In certain cases, where there is some kind of personal stake for an individual worker in the service or product that the firm sells, then his uniform can motivate him. However, for most workers, uniforms co-commercialize and suppress uniqueness.

An employee may begin to feel like a product of the corporation much like soup cans are labeled. Lower level jobs like a factory worker, cashier, or cleaner will be more prone to this than higher ranking ones like doctor, where wearing a uniform is a source of pride. Uniforms will only likely increase their already existing hatred towards their role in society. Conclusion: While uniforms may be a necessity in operations, some vocations could prove to be detrimental to mental health. Although there isn't much that can be done to stop the need for uniforms, corporate practices that are humane can lessen their impact.


Gợi ý nâng cấp từ vựng

  1. "Uniforms have been a requirement in many jobs both today and in years past." -> "Uniforms have been a requirement in various occupations both currently and historically."
    Explanation: The phrase "in many jobs" is vague and informal. "In various occupations" is more precise and formal, and "currently and historically" provides a clearer temporal context.

  2. "Its greatest disadvantage is resentment" -> "The primary disadvantage is the fostering of resentment"
    Explanation: "Its" is incorrect as "uniforms" is a plural noun. "The primary disadvantage" is more formal and precise than "its greatest disadvantage," and "fostering of resentment" clarifies the nature of the disadvantage.

  3. "and this is so with jobs that should be easily identifiable." -> "and this is particularly true for roles that require clear identification."
    Explanation: "This is so with jobs that should be easily identifiable" is awkward and unclear. "This is particularly true for roles that require clear identification" is more formal and provides a clearer connection to the context.

  4. "The professions that use uniforms the most are those of authority." -> "Professions that heavily utilize uniforms are those of authority."
    Explanation: "The professions that use uniforms the most" is redundant and informal. "Professions that heavily utilize uniforms" is more concise and formal.

  5. "The first example of this is armies which, to be able effectively to fight an enemy, had to be identifiable to their citizens as well as to each other." -> "A prime example is the military, which, to effectively engage in combat, must be recognizable to both citizens and fellow soldiers."
    Explanation: "The first example of this is armies" is informal and lacks precision. "A prime example is the military" is more specific and formal. The revised sentence also clarifies the purpose of recognizability.

  6. "The same reasoning still applies to those in authority today, such as police and firemen." -> "This principle also applies to contemporary authorities, including law enforcement and firefighters."
    Explanation: "The same reasoning" is vague and informal. "This principle" is more precise and formal, and "contemporary authorities" is a more academic term than "those in authority today."

  7. "There are also civilian professions in which authority is clearly appropriate, for instance, doctors, judges, and chefs." -> "Additionally, certain civilian professions, such as medicine, law, and culinary arts, require authority figures."
    Explanation: "There are also civilian professions in which authority is clearly appropriate" is verbose and informal. "Additionally, certain civilian professions, such as medicine, law, and culinary arts, require authority figures" is more concise and formal.

  8. "uniforms co-commercialize and suppress uniqueness." -> "uniforms commercialize and suppress individuality."
    Explanation: "Co-commercialize" is not a standard term and may be confusing. "Commercialize" is more straightforward and appropriate, and "individuality" is a more precise term than "uniqueness" in this context.

  9. "An employee may begin to feel like a product of the corporation much like soup cans are labeled." -> "An employee may perceive themselves as a corporate commodity, analogous to products bearing labels."
    Explanation: "Feel like a product of the corporation much like soup cans are labeled" is informal and metaphorical. "Perceive themselves as a corporate commodity, analogous to products bearing labels" is more formal and precise.

  10. "Lower level jobs like a factory worker, cashier, or cleaner will be more prone to this than higher ranking ones like doctor, where wearing a uniform is a source of pride." -> "Lower-level positions, such as factory workers, cashiers, or cleaners, are more susceptible to this than higher-ranking roles, such as physicians, where uniforms are a source of pride."
    Explanation: "Lower level jobs like a factory worker, cashier, or cleaner" is informal and lacks precision. "Lower-level positions, such as factory workers, cashiers, or cleaners" is more formal and specific. "Higher ranking ones like doctor" is also informal; "higher-ranking roles, such as physicians" is more precise and formal.

  11. "Uniforms will only likely increase their already existing hatred towards their role in society." -> "Uniforms are likely to exacerbate their existing disdain for their societal roles."
    Explanation: "Will only likely increase" is awkward and unclear. "Are likely to exacerbate" is more direct and formal, and "disdain for their societal roles" is a more precise and formal expression than "hatred towards their role in society."

Band điểm Task Response ước lượng: 7

Band Score for Task Response: 7

  • Answer All Parts of the Question:

    • Detailed explanation: The essay addresses both parts of the prompt by discussing which jobs are suitable for uniforms and the disadvantages of wearing them. The author mentions various professions, such as the military, police, and doctors, effectively illustrating the types of jobs that require uniforms. However, the discussion of disadvantages is somewhat limited and could be expanded. The mention of morale and the comparison to soup cans provides a unique perspective, but it lacks depth and specific examples to fully explore the implications of wearing uniforms.
    • How to improve: To enhance the response, the author should provide more detailed examples of how uniforms impact different professions and include specific instances or studies that illustrate the negative effects on morale. Additionally, addressing potential advantages of uniforms in more detail could create a more balanced view.
  • Present a Clear Position Throughout:

    • Detailed explanation: The essay presents a clear position regarding the disadvantages of uniforms, particularly in terms of morale and individuality. However, the transition between discussing suitable jobs and the disadvantages could be smoother. The conclusion reiterates the main point but could benefit from a more definitive statement regarding the author’s stance on uniforms in the workplace.
    • How to improve: To maintain a clear and consistent position, the author should ensure that each paragraph logically flows into the next. Using transitional phrases can help guide the reader through the argument. Additionally, a stronger thesis statement in the introduction and a more conclusive summary in the conclusion would reinforce the essay’s overall position.
  • Present, Extend, and Support Ideas:

    • Detailed explanation: The essay presents several ideas regarding the suitability of uniforms and their disadvantages. However, the support for these ideas is somewhat limited. For instance, while the author mentions that uniforms can suppress uniqueness, there is little elaboration on how this affects employee performance or satisfaction. The examples provided are relevant but could be more thoroughly developed to strengthen the argument.
    • How to improve: To improve the presentation and support of ideas, the author should aim to elaborate on each point made. This could involve providing statistics, studies, or anecdotal evidence that illustrate the effects of uniforms on employee morale and performance. Additionally, developing counterarguments could enrich the discussion and demonstrate a deeper understanding of the topic.
  • Stay on Topic:

    • Detailed explanation: The essay generally stays on topic, focusing on uniforms in the workplace. However, some sentences, particularly towards the end, introduce ideas that feel slightly tangential, such as the comparison to soup cans. While this metaphor is creative, it may distract from the main argument about uniforms and their impact on workers.
    • How to improve: To maintain focus, the author should ensure that all examples and metaphors directly relate to the main argument. It may be helpful to outline the main points before writing to ensure that each paragraph contributes to the overall thesis. Additionally, revising sentences that stray from the main topic can help keep the essay cohesive.

Overall, the essay demonstrates a solid understanding of the task and presents relevant ideas, but it would benefit from deeper exploration of the disadvantages of uniforms, clearer transitions, and more robust support for the arguments made.

Band điểm Coherence & Cohesion ước lượng: 7

Band Score for Coherence and Cohesion: 7

  • Organize Information Logically:

    • Detailed explanation: The essay presents a clear structure with an introduction, body paragraphs, and a conclusion. The discussion begins with a general statement about uniforms, followed by examples of professions that require them, and concludes with a discussion of the disadvantages. However, the logical flow could be improved. For instance, the transition from discussing authority figures to civilian professions is somewhat abrupt. The argument about morale and the effects of uniforms on workers could benefit from clearer connections to the preceding examples.
    • How to improve: To enhance logical organization, consider using transitional phrases to guide the reader through the argument. For example, when moving from authority figures to civilian professions, a phrase like "In addition to authority figures, uniforms are also common in civilian roles…" could help create a smoother transition. Furthermore, ensure that each paragraph begins with a clear topic sentence that encapsulates the main idea of that section.
  • Use Paragraphs:

    • Detailed explanation: The essay utilizes paragraphs effectively, with each paragraph focusing on a specific aspect of the topic. However, the paragraph discussing the drawbacks of uniforms could be more clearly delineated. The conclusion is somewhat abrupt and does not fully encapsulate the arguments made in the body paragraphs.
    • How to improve: To improve paragraph structure, ensure that each paragraph has a clear main idea and supporting details. The paragraph discussing the drawbacks could be split into two: one focusing on the impact on morale and another discussing the implications for different job levels. Additionally, the conclusion could be expanded to summarize the key points made in the essay, reinforcing the main argument and providing a more cohesive ending.
  • Use a Range of Cohesive Devices:

    • Detailed explanation: The essay employs some cohesive devices, such as "however" and "for instance," which help to connect ideas. However, the range of cohesive devices is somewhat limited, and there are instances where the connections between sentences and ideas could be strengthened. For example, the phrase "in certain cases" is vague and could be more specific to clarify the context.
    • How to improve: To diversify the use of cohesive devices, consider incorporating a wider variety of linking words and phrases, such as "furthermore," "consequently," and "on the other hand." This will enhance the flow of the essay and make the relationships between ideas clearer. Additionally, using pronouns or synonyms to refer back to previously mentioned concepts can help to avoid repetition and create a more cohesive narrative.

Overall, while the essay demonstrates a good understanding of the topic and presents relevant arguments, there are areas for improvement in organization, paragraph structure, and the use of cohesive devices. By focusing on these aspects, the coherence and cohesion of the essay can be significantly enhanced, potentially leading to a higher band score.

Band điểm Lexical Resource ước lượng: 6

Band Score for Lexical Resource: 6

  • Use a Wide Range of Vocabulary:

    • Detailed explanation: The essay demonstrates a reasonable range of vocabulary related to the topic of uniforms in the workplace. Terms like "authority," "morale," "co-commercialize," and "uniqueness" show an attempt to use varied language. However, the vocabulary choices are somewhat limited and repetitive, particularly in discussing the concept of authority and the drawbacks of uniforms. For instance, the phrase "jobs that should be easily identifiable" could have been expressed with more variety, such as "roles that require clear identification."
    • How to improve: To enhance lexical range, the writer should incorporate synonyms and related terms. For example, instead of repeating "authority," they could use "leadership roles," "supervisory positions," or "commanding figures." Additionally, exploring more nuanced vocabulary to describe feelings or consequences, such as "detrimental" instead of "bad," would elevate the essay’s language.
  • Use Vocabulary Precisely:

    • Detailed explanation: The essay contains instances of imprecise vocabulary usage. For example, the phrase "co-commercialize" is not commonly used in this context and may confuse readers. The term "resentment" is also vague; it would be clearer to specify what kind of resentment is being referred to (e.g., resentment towards authority or the uniform itself). The phrase "soup cans are labeled" is an unusual metaphor that may not effectively convey the intended meaning.
    • How to improve: The writer should focus on using vocabulary that accurately conveys their intended meaning. Instead of "co-commercialize," they might consider "conformity" or "standardization." Clarifying the type of resentment and providing a more relatable metaphor would improve precision. For example, they could say, "employees may feel dehumanized, akin to products on an assembly line," which would be clearer and more impactful.
  • Use Correct Spelling:

    • Detailed explanation: The essay generally displays good spelling, with no glaring errors. However, there are minor issues, such as the inconsistent use of "firemen" (which is somewhat outdated) and the phrase "lower level jobs," which should be hyphenated as "lower-level jobs." These small errors can detract from the overall professionalism of the writing.
    • How to improve: To enhance spelling accuracy, the writer should proofread their work carefully. Utilizing spell-check tools and reading the essay aloud can help catch minor errors. Additionally, familiarizing themselves with common compound adjectives (like "lower-level") will improve their writing quality.

In summary, while the essay demonstrates a solid understanding of the topic and employs some relevant vocabulary, there is room for improvement in terms of lexical range, precision, and spelling. By diversifying vocabulary, ensuring precise word choice, and carefully proofreading for minor errors, the writer can enhance their lexical resource score in future essays.

Band điểm Grammatical Range & Accuracy ước lượng: 7

Band Score for Grammatical Range and Accuracy: 7

  • Use a Wide Range of Structures:

    • Detailed explanation: The essay demonstrates a reasonable range of sentence structures, including simple, compound, and complex sentences. For example, the use of introductory phrases such as "In certain cases" and "However, for most workers" showcases an ability to vary sentence beginnings. However, there are instances of repetitive sentence patterns, particularly in the way ideas are introduced and developed. For instance, "The professions that use uniforms the most are those of authority" could be rephrased to enhance variety.
    • How to improve: To diversify sentence structures, the writer could incorporate more complex sentences that combine multiple clauses. For example, instead of saying "Uniforms are even needed for simplest jobs," the writer could say, "Uniforms are not only essential for authority figures but also for those in simpler roles, as they help customers easily recognize employees." Additionally, using a wider range of conjunctions and transitional phrases can help improve the flow and coherence of the essay.
  • Use Grammar and Punctuation Accurately:

    • Detailed explanation: The essay displays a generally good command of grammar and punctuation, with most sentences being grammatically correct. However, there are notable errors that affect clarity and coherence. For instance, the phrase "its greatest disadvantage is resentment" lacks clarity, as it does not specify what "its" refers to. Additionally, the sentence "Uniforms co-commercialize and suppress uniqueness" contains awkward phrasing that could confuse readers. Punctuation is mostly accurate, but there are instances where commas could enhance readability, such as before "which" in "the first example of this is armies which."
    • How to improve: To improve grammatical accuracy, the writer should focus on clarity and specificity in their statements. For example, revising "its greatest disadvantage is resentment" to "One of the greatest disadvantages of uniforms is the resentment they can create among employees" would clarify the subject. Furthermore, reviewing punctuation rules, especially regarding the use of commas in complex sentences, will enhance the overall readability of the essay. Regular practice with grammar exercises and seeking feedback on sentence structure can also be beneficial.

Overall, while the essay demonstrates a solid understanding of grammatical range and accuracy, focusing on diversifying sentence structures and enhancing clarity through precise grammar and punctuation will help elevate the writing to a higher band score.

Bài sửa mẫu

Uniforms have been a requirement in various occupations both currently and historically. The primary disadvantage is the fostering of resentment, and this is particularly true for roles that require clear identification.

Professions that heavily utilize uniforms are those of authority. These figures must be easily recognizable by the public and fellow staff members. A prime example is the military, which, to effectively engage in combat, must be identifiable to both citizens and fellow soldiers. This principle also applies to contemporary authorities, including law enforcement and firefighters. Additionally, certain civilian professions, such as medicine, law, and culinary arts, require authority figures to wear uniforms. Even in simpler jobs, such as working in a grocery store or fast food restaurant, uniforms help customers easily recognize employees.

A drawback of wearing a uniform to work is its impact on morale. In some cases, where there is a personal stake for an individual worker in the service or product that the company offers, a uniform can serve as motivation. However, for most workers, uniforms commercialize and suppress individuality. An employee may perceive themselves as a corporate commodity, analogous to products bearing labels. Lower-level positions, such as factory workers, cashiers, or cleaners, are more susceptible to this feeling than higher-ranking roles, such as physicians, where uniforms can be a source of pride. For many, uniforms are likely to exacerbate their existing disdain for their societal roles.

In conclusion, while uniforms may be a necessity in various professions, they can prove to be detrimental to mental health in some vocations. Although there may not be much that can be done to eliminate the need for uniforms, humane corporate practices can help lessen their negative impact.

Bài viết liên quan

Around the world, many adults are working from home, and more children are beginning to study from home because technology has become cheaper and more accessible. Do you think this is a positive or negative development? Give reasons for your answer and include any relevant examples from your own knowledge or experience. You should spend about 40 minutes on this task.

Around the world, many adults are working from home, and more children are beginning to study from home because technology has become cheaper and more…

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